How to make the most of being single?

I'm pretty happy with my life right now, but I'm so busy with revision/hobbies/sorting out a job that I barely have enough time for myself and to relax, let alone for a boyfriend. My social life is buzzing but I only know a few guys who've actually asked me out and I don't find them particularly attractive, and boys in clubs are generally obviously only after one thing. I don't want to start a relationship just for the sake of it. I also feel like I want a committed, adult, mature relationship which most guys at uni don't seem interested in.

Thing is, I've been single all my life and it's starting to get me down. I get my fair share of male attention and take care of my appearance, so I'm not worried about that, but sometimes I just wish I had someone to cuddle with at night/be really close to/sleep with (obvs close male friends can never be the same thing). I'm probably going to have to stick it out at least for the next couple of months, too, as I used to fall for guys really easily and it's such a distraction, but my upcoming exams are really important.

So how do I make the most of being single, at least for now? My life is really busy (I'm happy with my course, my travel plans for this summer, everything) but I'm beginning to feel like I've seen everything there is to see about being single, and a bit lonely, though I'm not even 21 yet! Advice?

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Anyone?

Original post by Anonymous

Anyone?

Seems like we're on the same page. Apparently, u can find guys who won't be after one thing. But you most probably wont find them in clubs. I play sports. That's how i get male friends. Join a community or sth. Pretty sure you'll find a guy. :smile:

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Reply 3

Platinum Mech

Hmm... maybe join some local society/group(s), get fitter and healthier, travel more? I'm single and those are the things that I'm considering doing. Basically, anything that you think you'd enjoy but might have less time and opportunity to do if you had a partner.

Reply 4

Platinum Mech

Also, I forgot to add: think about what your ambitions are and then work towards achieving them, whether that involves taking a course, looking for work experience, etc.

Reply 5

superduper9

Original post by Anonymous

Hey, I'm in a similar position to you. I have a lot of things going on at the moment; my pg course at uni, planning to find a job once I finish, sports and other activities. However, I'm trying hard not to make the same mistake I made when I was doing my undergrad. During the last 2 years of my undergrad, I completely neglected trying to find a girlfriend because I convinced myself that I had to finish my degree and get a first. In hindsight, I needn't have taken such a drastic action and could have found a better balance.

I agree its a difficult balancing act, but we have to try. So, at the moment, I'm trying to balance career stuff along with finding a partner and forming a relationship. If you're exams are short term goals, then there's no harm in focusing just on that. However, if like me, this is a long term goal, then I suggest you try to balance your career and personal life. I know what you mean; you can't just have quiet, cosy nights in cuddling with just anyone, you want it to be someone close and special! Best look for that whilst doing other things in my view!

Reply 6

thunder_chunky

When I got out of a long relationship I suddenly had all this time. I spend the the first three or four weekends going to museums and to the theatre and things like that. Then slowly but surely any free time that was made free from being since was sucked into a vacuum and it disappeared as my day to day life too over. Granted it was in the summer and once summer is over and autumn begins my weekends are taken over predominantly by rugby, but even so time often flies by without you knowing it and without you being able to have done half the things you want to do. Furthermore the train works on the Underground means some weekends you can't go anywhere.
So how to make the most of being single? Do the things you want to do. If you hear about a film or a play you want to see then go and see it, a concert or gig? Go there. You get the idea.

Reply 7

CodeJack

Original post by Anonymous

Anyone?

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 8

Forget that

Original post by Anonymous

Wow- it's me. Haha :biggrin:

that was scary to read
dont worry op, someone wil come along eventually. At least, thats what's ive been telling myself...

Reply 9

Forget that

Original post by CodeJack

You can't find an adult relationship because you have turned down the less attractive guys who were trying to give you one and opted for dicks.

Going out with someone you don't initially have a connection with (looks included) will not work out in the long run. You can't go out with everyone who wants to go out with you.

Reply 10

CherryCherryBoomBoom

Ooh, I see you mentioned travelling :smile:

. One of the reasons I've gone travelling this year was as a way of making the most of being single, because for ages I spent too much time feeling down about it and jealous of all my peers who were ahead in their love lives and settled down. I have been having a lot of fun experiencing new things, meeting lots of new people and feeling so free. And now ironically I've suddenly found myself in a relationship with another backpacker! Go figure! :p:

I probably would have been OK tbh if I had a good travel experience without finding someone, but magically I did and it's a nice bonus :smile:

. So yeah, there's a decent idea to follow through with :yep:

Reply 11

study beats

just enjoy ur lonely life?

Reply 12

JagSan

Don't go for guys in clubs for a start if you want a serious relationship.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by thunder_chunky

When I got out of a long relationship I suddenly had all this time. I spend the the first three or four weekends going to museums and to the theatre and things like that. Then slowly but surely any free time that was made free from being since was sucked into a vacuum and it disappeared as my day to day life too over. Granted it was in the summer and once summer is over and autumn begins my weekends are taken over predominantly by rugby, but even so time often flies by without you knowing it and without you being able to have done half the things you want to do. Furthermore the train works on the Underground means some weekends you can't go anywhere.

So how to make the most of being single? Do the things you want to do. If you hear about a film or a play you want to see then go and see it, a concert or gig? Go there. You get the idea.

Great advice, thanks :smile:

CherryCherryBoomBoom

Ooh, I see you mentioned travelling . One of the reasons I've gone travelling this year was as a way of making the most of being single, because for ages I spent too much time feeling down about it and jealous of all my peers who were ahead in their love lives and settled down. I have been having a lot of fun experiencing new things, meeting lots of new people and feeling so free. And now ironically I've suddenly found myself in a relationship with another backpacker! Go figure! I probably would have been OK tbh if I had a good travel experience without finding someone, but magically I did and it's a nice bonus . So yeah, there's a decent idea to follow through with

I'm really looking forward to it, yeah :smile:

Does one ever get lonely travelling, though? I'm going round America solo (then on a separate trip to Ireland with some friends with home) but I'm worried that the former will be fun but I'll also end up really homesick and such as I've never travelled on my own before. I'm the type of person who ends up lonely on long train journeys on my own lol!

Reply 14

sikhtank27

work hard now life will become easier

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Original post by JagSan

Don't go for guys in clubs for a start if you want a serious relationship.

I don't, but I scrub up quite well on a night out so I tend to get quite a bit of attention even if I just look at a guy :dontknow:

I dance with guys sometimes but never go to theirs and grab their numbers instead if possible - am still texting a few of them but, yeah, it doesn't really tend to lead anywhere serious.

Reply 16

Quiet _One86

Enjoying time for you again, learn to love your own company..Be able to do the things you felt limited to do alone when you were a couple because you want to share it with them. Make new friends, join new clubs and social gatherings to encourage yourself to do things that you've never done before. With new found lease of life. Granted it takes a while to get totally used to it but you will get there. Think of all that spare cash you might also have not having to spend it on the other person, their families/friends when its birthdays or Christmas. Flippant there, sorry :frown:

But you get the idea. Who knows if you wanted. You can go back to dating again. But enjoy your own company again is key here.

Reply 17

Quiet _One86

Original post by Anonymous

Great advice, thanks :smile:

I'm really looking forward to it, yeah :smile:

I did Australia, it was the most liberating experience I did, and its so rewarding too. Maybe think about Couch surfing or maybe join a travel group, and maybe meet before you plan to go and get to know them, won't feel so daunting then, because you would of made friends before you go. Stay strong and know you can do anything, and not feel held back or anything as you may of felt being in a couple

Reply 18

NessEB

You sound like 90% of teenagers (myself included). Make the most of being single and all the free time which you will have - once your exams finish.

Like one of the guys above said, just spend time doing things you enjoy. Like for me, my favourite past time and hobby is exercising which is what I spend the majority of my free time doing. All your worries and concerns just seem to vanish as if they were never there and you get a rejuvenated feeling.

That's just me though, you'll find something you enjoy doing and don't fret over being single either, someone will come into your life - unexpectedly no doubt! :-)

Reply 19

CherryCherryBoomBoom

Original post by Anonymous

I'm really looking forward to it, yeah :smile:

I'm quite an introverted person so I can often generally be quite content on my own, although I have definitely also had many moments where I've felt lonely. But I've found that it can be quite easy to make friends in hostels because many backpackers tend to be very friendly and open to talking to new people, especially the ones who are themselves also travelling alone. Also, it's good to try and get involved in events held by hostels, such as city walks, BBQs, football games, and bar crawls (one of which is where I met my boyfriend :biggrin:

). Just don't worry too much about it and give it a go. I'm crazily shy so if I can manage meeting new people and getting social during travelling, then probably anyone than! Good luck :smile: