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Asking a guy out & sex on a first date?

On Monday I went out on a first date with this guy that I'd been talking to for about a month. We were getting along really well before the date, but also on it we had a good time and making each other laugh etc.
However, as much as I didn't originally intend to, we ended up having sex.

The next day we spoke as usual after he got off from work, he was the one that started the conversation. So I'm pretty content that the sex-on-the-first-date thing didn't ruin it completely... However he's not mentioned a second date yet.

How long should I leave it before I bring it up myself (if I even do?)

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Reply 1

DH-Biker

Just casually bring it up, no need to barrage the subject. :redface:

Just say you were planning on going out some night this week, does he want to come along? Or just simply ask away, he may well be thinking the same thing about you. :dontknow:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by DH-Biker

Just casually bring it up, no need to barrage the subject. :redface:

Just say you were planning on going out some night this week, does he want to come along? Or just simply ask away, he may well be thinking the same thing about you. :dontknow:

I could, but I always wonder what the line is between hanging out and being on a date? How do I make it clear I'm interested without being overbearing?

He said I could hang around at his tonight, but I told him I had other plans. I figured if I went around there he'd expect sex again and I don't want to give the wrong impression. :redface:

Reply 3

DH-Biker

Original post by Anonymous

Replace a few words in the aforementioned with 'hanging out'. :colondollar:

Again, if it were me I'd just ask if she fancied hanging out sometime soon? You don't know till you ask, personally I wouldn't find it overbearing, but then I'm not him so I couldn't say. :dontknow:

If he asked you to hang out, at least he's wanting to keep seeing you. :colondollar:

Though, to be fair, I would agree he was probably hoping for a repeat. However, saying that, again I don't know him so really its unfair for me to say.

Reply 4

Yawn11

If he's white, he might not see it as a big deal.

If he's of an ethnic minority (e.g. black or asian) very unlikely you'll be more than a booty call, soz

Reply 5

This Excellency

Original post by Yawn11

If he's white, he
might not see it as a big deal.

If he's of an ethnic minority (e.g. black or asian)
very unlikely you'll be more than a booty call, soz

You view the world in a very black and white way.

Reply 6

Yawn11

Original post by This Excellency

You view the world in a very black and white way.

I keep it real baby

Reply 7

Truflais

I would bring it up casually, just ask if he's free to meet up at all this week. If he keeps making excuses then it's clear he isn't interested in anything more. Hopefully he's keen for a second date! :h:

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Reply 8

swapnilramani

I think you should ask out for a "Hangout" again and see whether he agrees or not on it or make excuses to it, if he comes than it is ok but if he seems to give you reasoning and excuses for not able to come once try next time too for the same if similar thing is repeated, then mate its time to move on as I think he might be their with you for a sex and nothing more. Sorry for being rude but I will love to be frank and to the point rather than getting round and round on the topic.

Reply 9

username447608

i would just make it clear what you want whether its sex or a relationship and sex, as you dont want him to come round to 'hang out' and assume sex is on the menu again you want him to also take you on dates etc etc, however if you just want sex go for it!

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by SillyMilly

If we've only been on the one date isn't it a little forward to bring up a relationship? I'm not sure I know him enough yet, but I'd like to get to and have the possibility open...

Reply 11

username447608

Original post by Anonymous

If we've only been on the one date isn't it a little forward to bring up a relationship? I'm not sure I know him enough yet, but I'd like to get to and have the possibility open...

well make it clear that you just dont want sex, i,e maybe do something like go out for dinner and go home dont sleep with him or whatnot let him know he actually has to chase you your not just offering it to him on a plate

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Slight update:

He asked me if I was doing anything tonight and I said no, but if my flat mate came home I was gonna see if she wanted to go to the cinema.
He said "Oh, I was gonna say you could come over if you want."

I said "No I rather go out instead of staying in."
"Fair."

I asked him if he was working tomorrow and if not did he want to come out tonight, "I'm working tomorrow yeah. You can come over but I have the feeling you want to go out which I can't do tonight."

The conversation then moved on and eventually stopped.

I'm scared that he just wants one thing. How can I let him know I'm not down for that? I can't just bring it back up again now after we've stopped the conversation.

Reply 13

GottaLovePhysics! :)

He is pushing pretty hard for you to come over to his. Try a few more times to go out and if he keeps saying no, you have your answer.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by GottaLovePhysics! :)

He is pushing pretty hard for you to come over to his. Try a few more times to go out and if he keeps saying no, you have your answer.

I get the feeling he wouldn't come out tonight at all, so pointless me asking again. Maybe on the weekend I'll try and suggest something, since he won't be working.

Our conversation has stopped now though. Unsure of if I should just leave it or not. :s-smilie:

Reply 15

nicatre

Be direct and honest with your thoughts, feelings, and intentions on the matter :smile:

that's the best way forward always.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Original post by nicatre

Be direct and honest with your thoughts, feelings, and intentions on the matter :smile:

that's the best way forward always.

I would if the moment presented its self but our conversation has died (he didn't reply to my last message.) and I don't feel like I should be the one to restart it.

Reply 17

nicatre

Original post by Anonymous

I would if the moment presented its self but our conversation has died (he didn't reply to my last message.) and I don't feel like I should be the one to restart it.

Your feelings and worries are important. If there's not a suitable moment then either make one or forget about it until there is one. Either way, you need to be honest about how you feel such that everyone knows their place.

Reply 18

GottaLovePhysics! :)

Original post by Anonymous

I get the feeling he wouldn't come out tonight at all, so pointless me asking again.

Yea I mean for another time but I have to be honest it isnt sounding great is it :frown:

Reply 19

Twixiebix

If you actually want a relationship like you want, play hard to get. Don't just get naked and let him jump into you secret parts just like that

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