Why do I always attract douchebags?
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Original post by Anonymous
I'm not blaming them, I was asking why. Like I said, I am a nice person (to the point of being seen as a goody two-shoes to a lot of my friends).
That's the thing, though - I don't have a reputation for sleeping around (or act sluttily) in the slightest. I've never actually taken a guy back to mine in my life. I do dress nicely/wear make-up on nights out but every girl does. People say I come across as innocent though so not sure if that means they think I might be an easy catch.
That's the thing, though - I don't have a reputation for sleeping around (or act sluttily) in the slightest. I've never actually taken a guy back to mine in my life. I do dress nicely/wear make-up on nights out but every girl does. People say I come across as innocent though so not sure if that means they think I might be an easy catch.
You don't need to have gone all the way to demonstrate the sort of person you are. The fact that you go out on the pull at all can be a massive turn-off to a lot of guys, and "party girls" usually do.
Original post by Anonymous
I don't think so - how many guys do you know who behave like that?
Quite a lot - including me. I tend to destroy girls who turn me down. Luckily that doesn't happen too often.
Original post by Anonymous
And even if it's most of them no-one wants to date a guy with a sour-grapes attitude.
Good thing the other 500 million single girls in the world in my age bracket don't hear about it when I do that...
Its kinda obvious the guys you claim to like aren't really compatible with your lifestyle - not many guys are gonna have a long term relationship with a girl who is so radically different to them i.e goes out partying loads with lots of guy friends.
Instead of waiting for these guys to come to you (they won't because you are too much of a party goer) perhaps you should ask one of them out instead
Instead of waiting for these guys to come to you (they won't because you are too much of a party goer) perhaps you should ask one of them out instead
Original post by Anonymous
I assume you're male - would you say it's OK to ask a guy out? How do I do this without seeming desperate/needy? Because I seem like such a "party girl" and maybe a bit fickle/girly, I gave up on chasing guys before as they seemed to assume I only wanted sex, though that was definitely not the case.
(I'm not the same person, but...) I don't think there's a problem with a girl asking a guy out.
CJKay
You don't need to have gone all the way to demonstrate the sort of person you are. The fact that you go out on the pull at all can be a massive turn-off to a lot of guys, and "party girls" usually do.
I don't go out on the pull. I love to go clubbing (my FB is full of photos from nights out) but don't even flirt with male friends when I'm drunk, and I barely drink at all too (a couple of VKs if that). I mostly just go for the dancing/music/socialising TBH.
Original post by TitanicTeutonicPhil
Good thing the other 500 million single girls in the world in my age bracket don't hear about it when I do that...
Good thing the other 500 million single girls in the world in my age bracket don't hear about it when I do that...
You know 500 million single girls?
Original post by Anonymous
I don't go out on the pull. I love to go clubbing (my FB is full of photos from nights out) but don't even flirt with male friends when I'm drunk, and I barely drink at all too (a couple of VKs if that). I mostly just go for the dancing/music/socialising TBH.
See this thread for why no guy actually believes that.
Basically, clubbing, pulling, etc. are on the "pls no" list of a significant portion of guys looking for a long-term relationship and the "pls yes" list of a significant portion of guys looking for a cheap shag.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I don't go out on the pull. I love to go clubbing (my FB is full of photos from nights out) but don't even flirt with male friends when I'm drunk, and I barely drink at all too (a couple of VKs if that). I mostly just go for the dancing/music/socialising TBH.
You know 500 million single girls?
You know 500 million single girls?
Someone above said it lol. You're looking for people in an environment where they don't exist.
Original post by CJKay
See this thread for why no guy actually believes that.
Basically, clubbing, pulling, etc. are on the "pls no" list of a significant portion of guys looking for a long-term relationship and the "pls yes" list of a significant portion of guys looking for a cheap shag.
Basically, clubbing, pulling, etc. are on the "pls no" list of a significant portion of guys looking for a long-term relationship and the "pls yes" list of a significant portion of guys looking for a cheap shag.
ANARCHY__
Someone above said it lol. You're looking for people in an environment where they don't exist.
Thanks. Just to clarify, though, my OP was referring to guys who try to pull me/ask me out in day-to-day life, and why these are nearly always the wrong type (I don't know anyone who's met a "nice guy" in a club!) I mentioned being a party girl just to see if that was a general factor.
Original post by Anonymous
You know 500 million single girls?
No. And exactly that is what I tried to say.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks. Just to clarify, though, my OP was referring to guys who try to pull me/ask me out in day-to-day life, and why these are nearly always the wrong type (I don't know anyone who's met a "nice guy" in a club!) I mentioned being a party girl just to see if that was a general factor.
I'd guess it would be a general factor. It influences who your friends are, people's perceptions of you, perhaps even your likes and dislikes. I know people who go out a lot but I don't necessarily go out with them. In addition, I'm guessing guys will know this too and will make whatever perception they make.
Original post by TheBigGeek
Instead of blaming the nice, smart, committed and mature guys for not being interested in you, why you don't think about whether you are someone a person like that would complement.
I didn't blame them. What kind of girl do you think would complement a guy like that?
You don't 'always' attract douchebags - you have said so yourself that you have attracted men who appear to be, in your opinion, eligible.
I think a lot of people just expect Mr or Miss Right to fall in their lap instantaneously. A boyfriend is special, and if we met 'special' people all the time they'd not actually be that special, would they? The fact is, we generally find a lot of people physically attractive, but only a small percentage of that pool of people will we deem relationship material. You can't expect every guy you meet to want to be in a relationship with you. If there have been several guys since the start of university who you have seen as relationship material then perhaps you need to be more discerning and learn not to get your hopes up so easily. Is it that you're so intent on finding a boyfriend that you're pinning your hopes on guys you're actually not that interested in, and when they reject you you're more hurt about the rejection itself than the guy in question?
Also, why is it that you're calling these guys 'douchebags'? What have they done to you? Even if these guys have behaved badly, don't think you're alone in being on the receiving end of it. Everyone has bad experiences. Most people date and sleep around a fair bit before they settle into a relationship. When things don't work out with a guy, some people are very quick to throw insults. If you give us some examples of things that have happened then maybe we can help and see your situation more clearly.
Please don't fall into the trap of thinking that men fall into two camps: those who want relationships, and those who don't. When a 'player' meets the right woman he will drop his rakish ways and commit to her. If a guy won't commit it's because he's just not that into you.
I think a lot of people just expect Mr or Miss Right to fall in their lap instantaneously. A boyfriend is special, and if we met 'special' people all the time they'd not actually be that special, would they? The fact is, we generally find a lot of people physically attractive, but only a small percentage of that pool of people will we deem relationship material. You can't expect every guy you meet to want to be in a relationship with you. If there have been several guys since the start of university who you have seen as relationship material then perhaps you need to be more discerning and learn not to get your hopes up so easily. Is it that you're so intent on finding a boyfriend that you're pinning your hopes on guys you're actually not that interested in, and when they reject you you're more hurt about the rejection itself than the guy in question?
Also, why is it that you're calling these guys 'douchebags'? What have they done to you? Even if these guys have behaved badly, don't think you're alone in being on the receiving end of it. Everyone has bad experiences. Most people date and sleep around a fair bit before they settle into a relationship. When things don't work out with a guy, some people are very quick to throw insults. If you give us some examples of things that have happened then maybe we can help and see your situation more clearly.
Please don't fall into the trap of thinking that men fall into two camps: those who want relationships, and those who don't. When a 'player' meets the right woman he will drop his rakish ways and commit to her. If a guy won't commit it's because he's just not that into you.
Are you putting too much effort into your appearance? As in going over the top with makeup? Wearing slightly slutty stuff when you go out?
Maybe that's whats attracting the current people? I met my girlfriend in a nightclub and the reason why she stood out to me was because she didn't have much make up on whatsoever and she looked absolutely stunning for it. Natural is definitely better.
And the same when she goes out, she doesn't get too dolled up as it just screams trying too hard to get the "Lads" if you get me?
Maybe that's whats attracting the current people? I met my girlfriend in a nightclub and the reason why she stood out to me was because she didn't have much make up on whatsoever and she looked absolutely stunning for it. Natural is definitely better.
And the same when she goes out, she doesn't get too dolled up as it just screams trying too hard to get the "Lads" if you get me?
Original post by dann2707
Are you putting too much effort into your appearance? As in going over the top with makeup? Wearing slightly slutty stuff when you go out?
Maybe that's whats attracting the current people? I met my girlfriend in a nightclub and the reason why she stood out to me was because she didn't have much make up on whatsoever and she looked absolutely stunning for it. Natural is definitely better.
And the same when she goes out, she doesn't get too dolled up as it just screams trying too hard to get the "Lads" if you get me?
Maybe that's whats attracting the current people? I met my girlfriend in a nightclub and the reason why she stood out to me was because she didn't have much make up on whatsoever and she looked absolutely stunning for it. Natural is definitely better.
And the same when she goes out, she doesn't get too dolled up as it just screams trying too hard to get the "Lads" if you get me?
Hmm good point
though my OP was mainly about the guys who were attracted to me in day-to-day life, not on nights outYou attract a lot of douchebags for the simple fact you are attractive and attract a lot of guys (I'm assuming around your age) most of which will be immature - not because they are guys but because majority of people this age are. It's not reflective of the kind of person you are because they don't look that deep at all. It's pure physical attraction and lust.
My advice is go for someone who has a bit of life experience and responsibility (evident in job, living situation etc.). Someone who lacks commitment, organisation etc in other aspects of their lives is not going to be great in a relationship and then you have to be compatible as well...like someone else said, looking for the right person isn't going to be easy because they wouldn't be that special if you came across them all the time.
My advice is go for someone who has a bit of life experience and responsibility (evident in job, living situation etc.). Someone who lacks commitment, organisation etc in other aspects of their lives is not going to be great in a relationship and then you have to be compatible as well...like someone else said, looking for the right person isn't going to be easy because they wouldn't be that special if you came across them all the time.
I'm gonna suggest something that I'm fairly sure nobody has considered yet.
I think your problem is that you're pre-judging like a madwoman.
Type? Douches? Players? Hello! There isn't a red-blooded straight single man on Earth who would arbitrarily turn down the prospect of a relationship with a truly show-stopping woman. Yes, guys are often out for what they can get (which, by the way, does NOT make them douches by itself), but that's only because you haven't shown that you have anything more to offer. Come on, it's easy: players only play when there's a game to BE played. Show them that you ain't no hussy yo' - in a witty, bantery way (not with bitterness) - and watch as even the biggest 'player' turns into a sappy romantic. Guys just want a challenge, not just sexually. They're looking for their equal - isn't everyone?
Water seek its own level. So if all you can attract are the bottom of the pile, then what does that say about you?
Don't take it all so seriously. Assess your boundaries for sure, but after that... play 'em right back! With banter I mean, not insincerity.
I think your problem is that you're pre-judging like a madwoman.
Type? Douches? Players? Hello! There isn't a red-blooded straight single man on Earth who would arbitrarily turn down the prospect of a relationship with a truly show-stopping woman. Yes, guys are often out for what they can get (which, by the way, does NOT make them douches by itself), but that's only because you haven't shown that you have anything more to offer. Come on, it's easy: players only play when there's a game to BE played. Show them that you ain't no hussy yo' - in a witty, bantery way (not with bitterness) - and watch as even the biggest 'player' turns into a sappy romantic. Guys just want a challenge, not just sexually. They're looking for their equal - isn't everyone?
Water seek its own level. So if all you can attract are the bottom of the pile, then what does that say about you?
Don't take it all so seriously. Assess your boundaries for sure, but after that... play 'em right back! With banter I mean, not insincerity.
Original post by Yidette
I'm gonna suggest something that I'm fairly sure nobody has considered yet.
I think your problem is that you're pre-judging like a madwoman.
Type? Douches? Players? Hello! There isn't a red-blooded straight single man on Earth who would arbitrarily turn down the prospect of a relationship with a truly show-stopping woman. Yes, guys are often out for what they can get (which, by the way, does NOT make them douches by itself), but that's only because you haven't shown that you have anything more to offer. Come on, it's easy: players only play when there's a game to BE played. Show them that you ain't no hussy yo' - in a witty, bantery way (not with bitterness) - and watch as even the biggest 'player' turns into a sappy romantic. Guys just want a challenge, not just sexually. They're looking for their equal - isn't everyone?
Water seek its own level. So if all you can attract are the bottom of the pile, then what does that say about you?
Don't take it all so seriously. Assess your boundaries for sure, but after that... play 'em right back! With banter I mean, not insincerity.
I think your problem is that you're pre-judging like a madwoman.
Type? Douches? Players? Hello! There isn't a red-blooded straight single man on Earth who would arbitrarily turn down the prospect of a relationship with a truly show-stopping woman. Yes, guys are often out for what they can get (which, by the way, does NOT make them douches by itself), but that's only because you haven't shown that you have anything more to offer. Come on, it's easy: players only play when there's a game to BE played. Show them that you ain't no hussy yo' - in a witty, bantery way (not with bitterness) - and watch as even the biggest 'player' turns into a sappy romantic. Guys just want a challenge, not just sexually. They're looking for their equal - isn't everyone?
Water seek its own level. So if all you can attract are the bottom of the pile, then what does that say about you?
Don't take it all so seriously. Assess your boundaries for sure, but after that... play 'em right back! With banter I mean, not insincerity.
But what you're saying no matter how much you stress to 'play' them back with banter not bitterness will lead to more women thinking they're god's gift to humanity, and will end up bantering with the other sex to such an extent that any guy who approaches them is just sick and disgusted at their contempt and disdain to anyone. Guys aren't toys you know, you don't just 'play 'em right back'. Why not be human and look for other humans who are decent and good people you get along with on a real satisfying level.
Original post by Anonymous
As I said I have no objection to you doing or saying what you think is right or wrong provided you do it in a respectful way. Obviously I can't force you to be polite the same way you can't force me to ask guys out - we all have the freedom of choice to adopt and share our own views - but you'd be wise to learn some manners whilst doing so. Yes, we all have the power to act freely, but expect consequences if you try to force your views on others by putting them down. If you don't want people to call you out on rude behaviour, then don't adopt rude behaviour, because very few people (on the Internet or in real life) are going to take that crap. End of.
Just to answer the question you originally asked that guy but he failed to respond to, I don't think there is a technique to asking someone out, so far as I know. I'm not sure if there's an expectation of what guys should be doing in a nightclub and what would happen if you break that convention. Maybe you should just try it wherever these guys try asking you out and see what happens.
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