Always fighting over my insecurities

But what practical things can I do to be happy and secure again, and be attractive to him as well? I ask him all the time, what do you want me to be and what do you want me to look like, and he never gives me an answer. So what do I do?

But how can I practically get over being so insecure? Even if I leave him they will still stay

Been with my boyfriend for 3 years. Some background to my insecurities - for the first year of our relationship, he constantly talked about his ex and flirted with other girls, he didn't make me feel attractive, there's even a post on TSR he wrote 6 months into our relationship talking about the type of girl he was looking for. I told him about everything after that year, and he's apologised (I know he thinks he's done nothing wrong with the flirting) but I don't believe him, I'm scared to believe he's actually sorry.

Everytime he says he loves me it feels like I lie. It feels like he isn't attracted to me or that he favours me amongst all other girls. I feel so stupid and beneath him and I feel horrible. He has really been trying to be better but it doesn't ever seem enough for me, because I'm too scared to accept he loves me. He doesn't really call me pretty or anything like that unless I compliment him first, but mostly he doesn't even do that anymore.

We keep fighting about this, because I feel so insecure 3 years on. I've been asking him all week what I need to do to change so he'll love me and want me again, and so I can compete against all these other girls I feel like he wants. He says he wants me but I can't believe him. He always shows different. He never tells me why he loves me or compliments me about anything, for the past year I've been trying to show as much affection as possible to him and I tell him all the time how good looking and lovely I think he is but nothing for me. He assumes I should take "I love you" and "I want you" as a given, but he said those things in the first year of our relationship when he was talking about his ex and flirting/touching other girls.

We have an age gap, I'm 19 and he is 25. He is very experienced and he used to rub it in my face. He is my first proper boyfriend and he took my virginity (he even took the piss out of me after he did). He knows how insecure he's made me but does nothing to help. I know it's all my fault and I'm a stupid, ugly mess who doesn't deserve anyone but I'm trying so hard to be what he wants and it's not enough.

I am so insecure, please someone help me, I can't stop crying about this all the time. How am I supposed to believe he loves me? I don't know how to do this

You seriously need to work on yourself above anything else right now - learn to like yourself, and give yourself the self respect that you deserve. What do *you* want to be? What do you want to do with your life, who do you want to become? Focus on those things, not what some guy wants from you. Begging him to tell you how you can be better for him? That's not good, for either of you.

I think the relationship sounds pretty toxic and you'd both be better off out of it. He sounds like a bit of a ****, as well.

I am surprised you got with him in the first place, he sounds pretty mean and hasn't help you to feel better at all with some of the things he says.

But it's all my fault though. Because I'm a joke. He wouldn't have done this if I was prettier.