People always tease me because I'm shy and don't talk much:(

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You are doing almost everything right! The first thing is self-evident: you are wonderful. Don't question that; don't change that. You do require a few adjustments. You're lacking courage, and you need to get it. Unfortunately, they don't sell it at Tesco so you must develop it. I think you have low self-esteem issues that you are masking as "shyness". It can be changed - take up a sport or martial art or as somebody else said, a drama class. You'll develop the social skills to give these losers you are kind to short shrift.

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

I do believe I have self-esteem issues.Like I said I don't talk much because I think my voice is horrible and I sound awful.I get especially shy around guys - one guy I liked said to a friend about me "she's goodloooking but talks like she's retarded" This knocked my confidence further.My voice isn't actually that bad but when I talk to guys I start to stutter and my words just don't come out.

I always hope the teacher doesn't pick on me to answer questions .

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 21

Morzor

Original post by UndercoverLover

Didn't we all feel like that in school?

If you've got something to say, say it. You're being quiet and shy for the wrong reasons by the sound of it. It'll take some *******s, but you've just got to go for it. It sounds harsh but honestly, I doubt anyone will care about how you sound. Just go for it.

Reply 22

UndercoverLover

Original post by CodeJack

Come talk to me then

Are you a shy guy? :colondollar:

Original post by Cakefan

Hey,

I am a pretty chatty extroverted person who likes to joke with my friends. I know that sometimes I get carried away and take things to far. I honestly never indeed to make anyone feel small or silly and I wonder if some of your friends are the same. It is possible that they don't realise that what they see as friendly teasing is in fact making you feel bad. I'm not saying this is definitely the case but it's possible. I know that because I don't mind being the centre of attention I sometimes forget other people do and genuinely I am grateful when poeple let me know I am upsetting them. I would never want to make anyone feel bad and letting me know when I do something wrong helps me to stop it. Would it be possible for you to quietly chat to one of these people and let them know how you feel? Maybe they're just oblivious?

Finally, I would like to say I am really sorry that you are feeling so lonely right now. I hope you find a way of resolving this. Maybe you could try and find a few friends who are quieter as well? I hope things pick up for you

Well,I find extroverts intimidating.I always try to avoid extremely chatty people because I don't want to come across as 'boring'.

Original post by Morzor

I'm at sixth form now and the strange thing is instead of becoming more confident I have become even more shy.Perhaps I only have myself to blame for this.

I literally shake like a scared chihuahua while reading out or presenting things.I get sick to my stomach.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 23

CodeJack

Original post by UndercoverLover

Are you a shy guy? :colondollar:

Not majorly shy but I like talking to shy people and can sympathises for them and try and make them feel less shy and more comfortable :smile:

Reply 24

Morzor

Original post by UndercoverLover

Yeah, I was the same. Part of my job now involves listening to my voice back too and it is the WORST. Its just one of those things. Honestly just go for it a little more.

Reply 25

upthegunners

I am a pretty loud person, but I am not out spoken. I listen when people deserve to be listened to; but if something needs to be said in a social situation- I will say it.

Reply 26

sund1ata

Original post by UndercoverLover

Come on! I believe you can do this. The way you hear yourself is always different to reality - didn't you ever play a recording of your voice or a video and think it sounded like somebody else? Really, I would encourage you to sing or take a drama class - anything that will allow you to hear yourself anew. Stop holding yourself back! You can do it.

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Reply 27

Ross Geller

Members on this forum do the same thing tbh, even if they've been teased in real life.

Reply 28

hollywoodbudgie

Shyness is cute. They just want your attention.

Reply 29

username853479

Some people on this thread are being really patronising..

Reply 30

pandabird

Original post by UndercoverLover

One of the reasons I don't talk much is because I think I have a off putting voice, when I do speak I get so nervous I start to stutter and you can see me shaking at times.

Ooohh

Reply 31

username533239

Easy target.

And BECAUSE you were nice. Don't be, toughen the f-up

inb4 reported.

Reply 32

ForgetMe

They pick on shy people because as you've said, you have no voice against that. Just stand up for yourself and end all that teasing as no one is going to end but only you :wink:

Reply 33

Iron Lady

Original post by UndercoverLover

One of the reasons I don't talk much is because I think I have a off putting voice, when I do speak I get so nervous I start to stutter and you can see me shaking at times.

You have anxiety and/or social anxiety.

It's more common than you think.

Reply 34

Iron Lady

Original post by RemiMarcelle

They want to make you feel even smaller than you already are, because they can't understand why you are quiet, as they are always confident and loud.

You are an easy 'target' just try to gain more confidence.

Posted from TSR Mobile

I doubt you know anything more about the OP, so you can't say "smaller than you already are" (implying she's already small which I doubt).

Reply 35

Olie

Original post by chocolate buttons

Some people on this thread are being really patronising..

People in general are patronising to shy people, just the way of the world, I've spent all of uni being ridiculed and patronised because I'm too nice, shy, socially anxious, my housemate in a slightly sinister way seemed to really enjoy ridiculing me. She does seem to have some narcissistic/superiority complex issues though, needless to say I don't speak to her at all now.

I know I have to be more assertive of myself and so does the OP, otherwise it'll be exactly the same when I go into the workplace and its what I've been working on with the counselor as well, though its not easy at all. You can't just let them roll over you, you have to stand up for yourself and not just react blankly, though I certainly don't blame you OP for having things like that said to you, some idiots just don't think about what they're saying.

Reply 36

UndercoverLover

Original post by Iron Lady

You have anxiety and/or social anxiety.

It's more common than you think.

The thing is I've made a new friend who is quite popular and when I'm with her I'm confident,charming and funny,she loves my sense of humour.

However, she also likes to hang out with her old group of friends.I just hate it when I'm with a group of people, and I never join in with the conversations ,no matter how badly I want to.I feel so uncomfortable. My mate always tries to help me get into the conversation but I just remain quiet with a blank expression, I can't even say "hi" to her when she's with them,sometimes I even ignore her.

One of her friend randomly asked me "why are you so quiet?" Another time, one asked her in front of me "have you brought a ghost with you?" and they look at me like I'm dead weird.

I get so nervous in big crowds.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 37

Iron Lady

Original post by UndercoverLover

Yeah, I know how you feel. :frown:

It's really crippling at times. It may seem difficult but say to one of them, "hi, my name is.....". If you're at university, perhaps ask how their course is going. Small talk like that for me is OK, but when it's things about nights out, celebrities, TV shows, etc. I panic and don't know how to respond. I'm better in smaller groups or fewer people in conversations. I speak quietly and softly too so sometimes people struggle to hear me.

If people are rude to you, they're not worth speaking to. But sometimes people who aren't as quiet may question why you are, it's annoying, I just say something vague like "it's the way I am" or "I'm quiet at first", and they may not mean offence by it.

Just take it step-by-step and be around people who you get on with.

Reply 38

UndercoverLover

Original post by Iron Lady

Yeah, I know how you feel. :frown:

Same here

Did you begin to become more confident during uni?

Btw,you seem like a nice person what's with the red bar? Is it to do with your love for the "iron lady"?

Reply 39

Iron Lady

Original post by UndercoverLover

Same here

Did you begin to become more confident during uni?

Btw,you seem like a nice person what's with the red bar? Is it to do with your love for the "iron lady"?

I had CBT for a few weeks and addressed the root problem, whilst learning coping techniques. I occasionally have anxiety attacks when stressed, though. I feel more confident when I'm around people I have a 'connection' with (e.g. similar interests or they help me to open up). It's a learning curve, but I'm definitely more confident than I used to be.

Thank you! :smile:

You sound like a nice person too and I can really relate to what you've said. Haha, my reputation on this site is low, I'm guessing due to my political views (libertarian leaning) and my love for the Iron Lady, LOL.