Relationship 'dip' or ending?

In your experience how can you tell when your relationship is in a dip/really prickly phase vs coming to an end?

I think my relationship's in a dip. But it's my first long-term relationship (2yrs, living together) and I'm never sure what the tell-tale signs are either way. So I get worried and I make it worse because I feel paranoid and insecure which she can probably sense.

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Reply 1

ziggy320

With my ex, I just knew. The bad stuff just built up and up and I felt worse and worse. I only realized it was the totally right thing to do after , I broke up with him and didn't want to get back together. Compared to the bad patch I think I'm having with my boyfriend right now, that was much worse. I know it's difficult to talk about it, but I suppose you have to put everything else aside, like how stressed or tired you might be feeling and think "if I was totally happy right now with everything, would I want this person around" tricky though, I hope you sort everything out :smile:

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Reply 2

Eljamaispa

Original post by ziggy320

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Thanks, that's a good way of looking at it. I definitely would want to be with her. Guess I need to sort my own **** out so we can be happier.

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Reply 3

ziggy320

Original post by Eljamaispa

Thanks, that's a good way of looking at it. I definitely would want to be with her. Guess I need to sort my own **** out so we can be happier.

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Yeah, don't confuse relationship issues with personal ones in your head. I'm really bad with doing that and I find myself sometimes blaming stuff on him when he's got nothing to do with it I'm just feeling bad. Again, best of luck, it's not a nice situation to be in and hopefully you manage to sort everything out.

Reply 4

Midlander

Original post by ziggy320

I'd agree with this-if you're going through a stressful time in general (exams, job hunting etc), wait for it to pass before doing anything rash.

Reply 5

Eljamaispa

Update: she's being unaffectionate. Told me she 'gave up' inside and feels like it's changed. It was just a couple of weeks! But it seems to have done a lot of damage I can't believe it. She still kisses me goodbye and I'm making the effort to hold hands, hug her etc but I can't tell if she's being stubborn or just feels nothing.

I don't know if I'm blowing it up in my head. She could be blowing it up. I'm trying to be warm and not angry or upset. At the moment in not sure if I'm achieving much.

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Reply 6

GenialGermanGent

Original post by ziggy320

The bad stuff just built up and up ... bad patch I think I'm having with my boyfriend right now...

Or maybe you're just a terrible girlfriend that no guy gets along with :wink:

Reply 7

riotgrrl

I think it's a thing that only time tells, tbh. With my first boyfriend we kept hoping it was a dip in the end, and trying to make it work, and after a few months it was clear that it was really just the end. My current boyfriend and I had a bit of a dip recently and I started panicking thinking it WAS the end, but after about a month it was like the clouds cleared and everything was all lovey dovey and sickening again :smile:

So basically, if it doesn't go away, it's the end.

Reply 8

ziggy320

Original post by TitanicTeutonicPhil

Or maybe you're just a terrible girlfriend that no guy gets along with :wink:

Read this just after I tidied the entire flat and my boyfriend refused to lift a finger: :unimpressed:

Reply 9

ziggy320

Original post by Eljamaispa

Oh my ex did that for ages. I had to end it eventually because I couldn't go on making all the effort to be cheerful and not put a foot wrong for fear of triggering a bad mood. It's stressful and not nice for either person, I hope you've reached some sort of conclusion :smile:

Reply 10

Future African game vet

Original post by Eljamaispa

Ending = they just shut down completely, and no matter what you try (being more affectionate, giving them space, treating them to things, trying to make them smile) NOTHING works, you just lose the ability to reach them and you become more and more sad inside as you feel everything you put effort and care into fall away from you and crumble in front of your very eyes. They have gone from you emotionally, and no longer care... you can just feel it when it's happening and it breaks your heart.

Bad patch= things aren't quite right but you are both trying in your own little ways to make things work but being misunderstood, eventually you come together and talk/ something little happens and everything just slots back into place again. Rather than the desperate broken heart feeling of deep sadness, you just get very very angry and frustrated; eventually things work again.