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Boyfriend doesn't like me talking to guys
So my boyfriend is quite possessive and gets jealous very easily - if I look at another boy on a night out he gets angry and says that I'm staring at other guys. I might look which is only natural but I don't look at anyone else 'like that' if you get me - I only have eyes for my boyfriend...
Anyway, I have a guy friend who I used to speak to a lot but now I hardly speak to and never see as my boyfriend doesn't like it - this guy has tried it on in the past although I was single and I never got with him and we've just been friends since - although my boyfriend still thinks he would try and get with me although as a friend, I don't think he would if he valued our friendship...or am I just being a naive girl? He doesn't even like me messaging him and he thinks I'm being unreasonable for wanting to be his friend? He is just a friend to me and now I'm in a relationship he has never made any flirty comments or made any advances but my boyfriend still thinks he would throw that out the window if I was alone with him....
I can kind of see where he's coming from but doesn't it come down to trusting me at the end of the day too?
Opinions would be appreciated
Posted from TSR Mobile
Anyway, I have a guy friend who I used to speak to a lot but now I hardly speak to and never see as my boyfriend doesn't like it - this guy has tried it on in the past although I was single and I never got with him and we've just been friends since - although my boyfriend still thinks he would try and get with me although as a friend, I don't think he would if he valued our friendship...or am I just being a naive girl? He doesn't even like me messaging him and he thinks I'm being unreasonable for wanting to be his friend? He is just a friend to me and now I'm in a relationship he has never made any flirty comments or made any advances but my boyfriend still thinks he would throw that out the window if I was alone with him....
I can kind of see where he's coming from but doesn't it come down to trusting me at the end of the day too?
Opinions would be appreciated
Posted from TSR Mobile
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To be frank your boyfriend has no right to decide who you are with or who you are maintaining your friendship with and i guess your right in the sense that he should trust you even more...only then would he stop doubting you!!!! i think your boyfriend should give you more space and should allow you to be with anyone as at the end of the you are his girlfriend after all...
To be frank your boyfriend has no right to decide who you are with or who you are maintaining your friendship with and i guess your right in the sense that he should trust you even more...only then would he stop doubting you!!!! i think your boyfriend should give you more space and should allow you to be with anyone as at the end of the you are his girlfriend after all...
In the most polite manner: your boyfriend needs to stop being a flouting Jack. I'd have assumed he's mature enough to understand that you value him as your boyfriend and he shouldn't be feeling so insecure about you talking to other males. You're in a relationship - not an institution where he can direct who you can have contact with. Enjoy your time together and don't let such things bother you.
Your boyfriend shouldn't be dictating which friends you can and cannot see. Just tell him outright to stop with the controlling behaviour and get over it, or you'll have to put forward an ultimatum.
My boyfriend gets jealous when I speak to or text/Facebook Message my friends who are boys, but he doesn't say anything - he just gets that look on his face and I instantly know this is what's going through his head.
To be honest, jealousy is natural, but I think he's taking it a step or two too far. Talk to him about it? Don't beat around the bush, tell him straight that you feel he is too controlling or whatever. If he cannot trust you then how is your relationship meant to work?
To be honest, jealousy is natural, but I think he's taking it a step or two too far. Talk to him about it? Don't beat around the bush, tell him straight that you feel he is too controlling or whatever. If he cannot trust you then how is your relationship meant to work?
I know this is an extreme example, but I had two boyfriends that didn't like me having any contact with other boys (not even with my GAY best friend). They were so possessive and in the end became total psychos destroying my self confidence, cheating and dictating what I wore/where I went/who I spoke to, removed me entirely from friends and family and even tried to dictate what uni I could and couldn't go to.
Not saying this is going to happen to you at all, but this kinda behaviour isn't healthy in a relationship. I think you either need to have a serious talk about it and he needs to chill out or you need to get rid.
Does he talk to/look at other girls? Probably. So he has no right to be so jealous.
Not saying this is going to happen to you at all, but this kinda behaviour isn't healthy in a relationship. I think you either need to have a serious talk about it and he needs to chill out or you need to get rid.
Does he talk to/look at other girls? Probably. So he has no right to be so jealous.
I'm a guy and I will happily stick my hand up in the air and say that I've been in this situation before, with me as the protective boyfriend, and am ashamed of myself.
I know it's not right and I have absolutely no right to do it, yet there's that innate feeling inside of me that just can't help myself feel that way.
Anyway OP, if you want my honest opinion do what these other posters above me have said and don't let him dictate who you can and can't speak to, and stand your ground if he protests. I'm sure he'll soon get the message like I did. Relationships work on trust and if he can't trust you then that's not really a good thing. My relationships in the past have broken down for that exact reason.
So really, don't let him take over your life and control what you can/can't do. Otherwise, if it goes on over time, offer him the unfortunate ultimatum - because if he had any common sense, he should get the message.
I know it's not right and I have absolutely no right to do it, yet there's that innate feeling inside of me that just can't help myself feel that way.
Anyway OP, if you want my honest opinion do what these other posters above me have said and don't let him dictate who you can and can't speak to, and stand your ground if he protests. I'm sure he'll soon get the message like I did. Relationships work on trust and if he can't trust you then that's not really a good thing. My relationships in the past have broken down for that exact reason.
So really, don't let him take over your life and control what you can/can't do. Otherwise, if it goes on over time, offer him the unfortunate ultimatum - because if he had any common sense, he should get the message.
Original post by Phelps
So my boyfriend is quite possessive and gets jealous very easily - if I look at another boy on a night out he gets angry and says that I'm staring at other guys. I might look which is only natural but I don't look at anyone else 'like that' if you get me - I only have eyes for my boyfriend...
Anyway, I have a guy friend who I used to speak to a lot but now I hardly speak to and never see as my boyfriend doesn't like it - this guy has tried it on in the past although I was single and I never got with him and we've just been friends since - although my boyfriend still thinks he would try and get with me although as a friend, I don't think he would if he valued our friendship...or am I just being a naive girl? He doesn't even like me messaging him and he thinks I'm being unreasonable for wanting to be his friend? He is just a friend to me and now I'm in a relationship he has never made any flirty comments or made any advances but my boyfriend still thinks he would throw that out the window if I was alone with him....
I can kind of see where he's coming from but doesn't it come down to trusting me at the end of the day too?
Opinions would be appreciated
Posted from TSR Mobile
Anyway, I have a guy friend who I used to speak to a lot but now I hardly speak to and never see as my boyfriend doesn't like it - this guy has tried it on in the past although I was single and I never got with him and we've just been friends since - although my boyfriend still thinks he would try and get with me although as a friend, I don't think he would if he valued our friendship...or am I just being a naive girl? He doesn't even like me messaging him and he thinks I'm being unreasonable for wanting to be his friend? He is just a friend to me and now I'm in a relationship he has never made any flirty comments or made any advances but my boyfriend still thinks he would throw that out the window if I was alone with him....
I can kind of see where he's coming from but doesn't it come down to trusting me at the end of the day too?
Opinions would be appreciated
Posted from TSR Mobile
Don't let him stop you living your life, you are perfectly allowed to have other male friends, if he can't handle that then he does not deserve you. Have a talk with him about this, if he still doesn't like it after then you may have to get rid of him. Possessiveness is a bad sign and can be the sign of something worse in the future, you don't need someone controlling your life, my ex was exactly like this and she got worse over time and I ended up losing all my friends.
My boyfriend has been rather jealous of me talking to my ex and another guy recently. I just got my boyfriend and ex to be in a Skype conversation together and sorted it. I hope that's the end of it.
Your boyfriend is sure taking it too far. Tell him to back off and stop controlling you.
Your boyfriend is sure taking it too far. Tell him to back off and stop controlling you.
The bits about him getting jealous on nights out are a bit silly, he needs to learn to let go a bit.
On the other hand, I can totally understand where he is coming from with the friend that's tried it on with you in the past. Believe me when I say, that friend would still like to be with you. And if you ever feel like testing it, try kissing that friend, £10 says he goes with it, even though he knows you're in a relationship. If you talk to that guy a lot or see him 1-on-1 much then I can see why your BF would have an issue. In his head there's this guy that wants you, and as a girl you're good friends with him, maybe you're going to talk about your relationship, the problems in it etc, and that guy is going to be giving you advice. He's going to be one of the people you go to if you have a fight or something. And all the time at the back of your BF's mind is 'This guy has form, he likes my GF, he could try it on any time.'
It's a bit petty I know, and it may seem like he doesn't trust you, but switch the roles and I think you'll understand his jealousy. Imagine if he was still often talking to a girl that had put the moves on him, meeting up with her sometimes etc.
On the other hand, I can totally understand where he is coming from with the friend that's tried it on with you in the past. Believe me when I say, that friend would still like to be with you. And if you ever feel like testing it, try kissing that friend, £10 says he goes with it, even though he knows you're in a relationship. If you talk to that guy a lot or see him 1-on-1 much then I can see why your BF would have an issue. In his head there's this guy that wants you, and as a girl you're good friends with him, maybe you're going to talk about your relationship, the problems in it etc, and that guy is going to be giving you advice. He's going to be one of the people you go to if you have a fight or something. And all the time at the back of your BF's mind is 'This guy has form, he likes my GF, he could try it on any time.'
It's a bit petty I know, and it may seem like he doesn't trust you, but switch the roles and I think you'll understand his jealousy. Imagine if he was still often talking to a girl that had put the moves on him, meeting up with her sometimes etc.
I can understand where he's coming from as roles reversed, I wouldn't like it either... But then again, I would trust him I just wouldn't trust her although i still wouldn't be entirely comfortable with it even if I knew he wouldn't cheat on me as I could imagine her hypothetically letching on him...
We fell out the whole day today as he thought I was trying to defend him as I was saying that he used to want to get with me when I was single... I can't imagine trying to get with someone who was in a relationship who I used to like 8 months ago - you move on, it's called being mature right?
Posted from TSR Mobile
We fell out the whole day today as he thought I was trying to defend him as I was saying that he used to want to get with me when I was single... I can't imagine trying to get with someone who was in a relationship who I used to like 8 months ago - you move on, it's called being mature right?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Frankly he suonds a nihtmare and he will make your life a living hell if you dont stop this
Original post by Phelps
I can understand where he's coming from as roles reversed, I wouldn't like it either... But then again, I would trust him I just wouldn't trust her although i still wouldn't be entirely comfortable with it even if I knew he wouldn't cheat on me as I could imagine her hypothetically letching on him...
We fell out the whole day today as he thought I was trying to defend him as I was saying that he used to want to get with me when I was single... I can't imagine trying to get with someone who was in a relationship who I used to like 8 months ago - you move on, it's called being mature right?
We fell out the whole day today as he thought I was trying to defend him as I was saying that he used to want to get with me when I was single... I can't imagine trying to get with someone who was in a relationship who I used to like 8 months ago - you move on, it's called being mature right?
That i trust you but not them is a load of crap. It takes two to tango - highly unlikely that someone is going to put a gun to his head and say - you will get cheat on your missus with me.
Original post by Phelps
I can understand where he's coming from as roles reversed, I wouldn't like it either... But then again, I would trust him I just wouldn't trust her although i still wouldn't be entirely comfortable with it even if I knew he wouldn't cheat on me as I could imagine her hypothetically letching on him...
We fell out the whole day today as he thought I was trying to defend him as I was saying that he used to want to get with me when I was single... I can't imagine trying to get with someone who was in a relationship who I used to like 8 months ago - you move on, it's called being mature right?
Posted from TSR Mobile
We fell out the whole day today as he thought I was trying to defend him as I was saying that he used to want to get with me when I was single... I can't imagine trying to get with someone who was in a relationship who I used to like 8 months ago - you move on, it's called being mature right?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Well he is not being mature at all, seriously talk to him about these issues and as I said if he still continues to be possessive and not letting you see your friends, then is the time to get out while you still can, he is going to ruin your self-esteem and it is not good for your health either.
Original post by Phelps
I can understand where he's coming from as roles reversed, I wouldn't like it either... But then again, I would trust him I just wouldn't trust her although i still wouldn't be entirely comfortable with it even if I knew he wouldn't cheat on me as I could imagine her hypothetically letching on him...
We fell out the whole day today as he thought I was trying to defend him as I was saying that he used to want to get with me when I was single... I can't imagine trying to get with someone who was in a relationship who I used to like 8 months ago - you move on, it's called being mature right?
Posted from TSR Mobile
We fell out the whole day today as he thought I was trying to defend him as I was saying that he used to want to get with me when I was single... I can't imagine trying to get with someone who was in a relationship who I used to like 8 months ago - you move on, it's called being mature right?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Sorry sweetie, just because you respect that you are in a relationship does not mean others will automatically respect you are in a relationship, it's not THEIR relationship ( people can be pretty selfish). Yes it would be the mature, decent thing for your guyfriend to be respectful... but come not everyone is otherwise not as much cheating would happen (but yes it takes two to tango otherwise the cheating also wouldn't happen). I mean some lads even go as far as saying, 'just because the goal's got a goalkeeper doesn't mean you can't score'.
I agree that the comments your guy makes on nights out are out of order, but in the situation with your friend, I would be worrying if I were him, especially because you do come across as pretty naive. Can you you meet up with this friend in a group situation? Also, why do you want this guy friend in your life so much?
(edited 10 years ago)
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