Mental Health Support Society Mk X

I can definitely see why that'd make you feel better. I did it, I talked to an exam access coordinator about it, she's going to see what she can do

Feeling awful in every way possible right now. Uhhhgbgfsvv. I just want to go to sleep


Posted from TSR Mobile

Still anon. no. 1 - 3rd thread in a row! I think that just says I spend too much time online though... Meh, not doing very well. Things are fluctuating a lot and feeling pretty shaky and unsettled and unsupported/lonely for various reasons. Very confused as to what path to take at the moment!

I've missed your mega quotes!
I have chrome, I now copy and paste everything

****ing sick of all the stupid ****ing triggers everyday

Lots of loud music to try to block the bad stuff out


Posted from TSR Mobile

Yeah it was pretty bad of me. Still, if people ask in future why I'm not cooking I can just say I'm scared of starting fires.

I put oil in, was like "oh it's all bubbly and too hot so I'd better take it off the heat", picked up the pan, THEN it caught fire. Glad I'm not one of those people who screams and drops things otherwise might have genuinely set kitchen on fire. Whoooooops.

The really stupid thing is how long I stood in a very smokey kitchen before thinking "hmm this might not be safe/ good for my lungs".

Struggling, exam soon and everything is awful. I just can't
What do I do, I seriously have no idea. Does anyone know what to do
Posted from TSR Mobile

My uni finally got back to me about my gerbil! If I provide medical evidence they'll apparently consider it. I know my CPN has written specifically about the importance of my gerbil on the letter she's done for them, so fingers crossed they might let me keep her in halls! Best news I've had all week.

I feel that my exam went all right and so I was content when I finished. Now I just got to do coursework(s) that's due in tomorrow and see the dentist of Friday and stress week should be over Full steam ahead!!

New drug for TLG, after nearly 2 years



Also, my psychiatrist remembered that he's supposed to be kicking me out of the EIS, so next month is last appointment He threatened to just leave me with my GP again but I was like, "hell no!" so hopefully will get a new psychiatrist (forget the name but sounded potentially like a lady doc ) with the CMHT

What is so wrong with me? Good happens to other people close to me, so I should feel happy right?

But no, I still feel weirdly empty, depressed, out of it and paranoid. Actually I feel really paranoid and ****. Why can't I just be happy?! Urgh


Posted from TSR Mobile

Nope, nothing. Only difference was I waited up to see what the drugs would do rather than go to sleep right after taking them. I hate anything having this much of an effect on me.

How're you mood wise?

Money problems.

Trying to work is just draining me so much. Feel like maybe I'm not well enough to be here doing my degree atm, but I'm also SO close to the end of the year and I don't want to have to do it all again. So I'm trying. It's just like as I'm writing the essay all the energy from my brain is seeping out all over the paper and I'm all wobbly and barely standing up as it is so by the end I might just be all collapsed from the effort. It shouldn't take so much effort to do this and it's worrying me cos I thought I was doing better and now I'm wondering if I'm slipping back deeper into the depressive episode. Been at moderate for a couple of weeks and I don't wanna get all severe again but my voice is slowing down and my appetite has gone which are bad signs. It doesn't make sense though. I swear when you get better you're meant to travel up in a vaguely straight line not all oscillate and wobble all over the place and keep slipping back down again (even though my therapist did say that's how she expected it to go. So I guess I should have listened to the voice of experience). Bleh.

no, i'm not haven't managed to build up the courage to go/whenever i'm on the brink of going, something clicks in my head which makes me believe i'm not worth helping. either that or a friend ends up going to the doctors for MH problems, which then makes me not really want to go and ask for help for fear of being branded a copy cat or an attention seeker, which has actually happened the last couple of times! i personally think i have more problems with anxiety and food but then depression kinda follows it as a result, so i've been working on distraction techniques and stuff myself.

Oh, certainly - it's unbearable sometimes! I find myself doing the daftest things just to pass the time.

****ing parents...

my mum is like really struggling with arthritis but rather than applying for DLA and stuff like she should she is overworking herself and comes home most nights looking like she's about to keel over I help out when I can but it's hard enough to deal with my own crap, the problem is though if something happens to her I don't know what me and my sister are gonna do

on top of that I just know if something does happen that all the family and her friends will blame me for being so **** and not being able to help out more or work or whatever

urgh. I hate my life. I just want to be well and my mum to be well but that CAN'T happen can it, too much to ask for clearly.

sometimes I just want to find somewhere to run away to and hide from life...

I feel alone

So got some really really bad news tonight and now I am so trapped. I had finally made the right decision, and had everything figured out, had only a few more things to sort out and then would be ok. and now everything is ruined. Tried to pretend for a little bit that actually it changed nothing, but it does and that is ****. am so so angry at myself for waiting. and so scared and tired and really dont want to do this anymore. ****.

actually just to clarify i think most people think bad news is really good news so dont worry about that. just isnt to me anymore.

Got somewhere with my dissertation at last and all it took was a whole coffee machine's worth of coffee, 3 days of crying in frustration, a graphics engine change and a whole load of depersonalisation and wrist pain to get there.

I feel like hypomanic death.

Feeling really paranoid about everything :/
just want to sleep and not wake up sometimes

That's what I was going to start doing - I'm 30 weeks tomorrow and I'm sick of answering all the midwife's questions with "I don't know," so I thought it would be a good idea to get an idea of my options. Instead it made me panic because everything, the pain especially, is just too much. I was looking at pain relief options and it was listing all these side effects of each one like making it harder to get the baby out... It is all too real and too much.

great, in the day my body just wanted to sleep, at night it's restless and awake though, sigh.

oh well at least I am up in plenty of time for my appointment with the CMHT person, hopefully can start figuring out what the heck to do about Uni

other than that today I just want to crash in bed, only thing I have motivation for is using my PC right now.

hope people are doing okay? - for all that need em!

Ah funny, as I was writing this reply, I got a phone call to start a sales and marketing job next week. It's one of those crappy jobs where you knock on lots of people's doors and try to sell them things - great for people like me who are so awesome at handling rejections (not!) . I might have to give it a go at least, as its better than nothing for now. But i do have a few more interviews for other jobs this week so just gonna see how I go with those too.

After that lil crying fit on Sunday, I've now been going through this weird thing where I feel constantly hungry but whenever I try to eat I feel sick . I googled it and apparently it might be stress related, which isn't surprising as I've definitely been stressed this past week! What with being fired and struggling to find work and being skint, and on top of that my new relationship about to turn long distant in a couple of weeks is upsetting me a little too. But oh well, I guess this is what being an adult is all about and just gotta somehow suck it up.

I really hate how I'm so afraid of change, especially if I've got something important coming up or I'm going through my exams or something. I just want everything to go routinely and not even in the normal sense of 'routinely', I really overdo it with wanting everything to stay exactly the way it is, be that the way my papers are arranged on my desk, the pattern I follow throughout the day, or even my post count on tsr I have this constant stupid feeling that any slight change anywhere would just mess everything up it's just tiring...it honestly is...

I don't know what to say. Had some bad news this morning and now feel more trapped than ever. I won't ever be able to get out All I can think about is hurting myself

Heyyyy

Im new here i thought id introduce myself.
Ok so im very complicated person, so here goes...


My names Eddie, im 20, im ftm, which means biologically im a girl but i feel like i should be a boy. Im only out to my bestfriend, who i love so much she saved my life. Anyway i dress like a guy, i always have done, but i still have long hair like a girl, i actually kind of like it long anyway, but i have really homophobic parents so i arent coming out to them any time soon...


Yeah and i have depression but my antidepressants are starting to work now so thats cool I also may have schizoid personality disorder I havent told my doctor about my gender issues yet, im kind of scared he'll judge me. I dont really know what to do


Im going back to uni soon, in september, i dont really like the course but i have nothing else to do, i left in november cos of depression, so im staring my 2nd year again.


Yeah so thats me

Interview went well. The lady I met was really nice, chatted a bit about books and things, she seemed quite impressed with me so all good. Also she owns this really cool 50s style tea room in town which is pretty sweet. I'm thinking if I get this then I might take on a second volunteer thing, like with the Citizens Advice Bureau or something (used to work for them).

Had a fairly bad flashback last night and it's really triggered a lot of thoughts of self hatred. Feeling vulnerable right now


Posted from TSR Mobile

Hi everyone,

I feel so hopeless right now and I really don't know what to do. My whole family is so upset right now.
Could someone, anyone, please explain to me what it feels like to be depressed? My older brother had been suffering from depression for about 7 years now. I was pretty young when it first started so I just thought that this was a phase which he would eventually grow out of. I didn't really take it very serious because I had no idea what depression actually was and my parents used to pretty much hid their feelings and emotions from me to make it seem like everything was ok.

Now that I have grown up a bit and read up on depression I am just curious what is going through his mind. Him and my dad just had a pretty massive argument and he said "If only you could live my life for a day and see how I feel". That had always been his argument, but he never tells us how he feels. He has told us many times he thought about suicide but thankfully he hasn't commited it and I really hope to God that he will never commit it. He said the main reason he never did it was because he knew that it would have destroyed my mum.

What I do know is that the depression has been build up over a number of tragedies during his youth. He has been through a lot even as a child; I guess he never really had a proper childhood, he was always kinda like a miniature adult.

He used to be pretty health conscious and go to the gym and eat healthy, but over the past couple of months he stopped doing so. He also drinks alcohol from time to time and doesn't believe in God which is a pretty big deal since we are a muslim family.

So what I am saying is that i know different people obviously react differently but what should I do as a little sister. I tried talking to him but he keeps the conversation fairly short and I tried buying him stiff to try and cheer him up. But I honestly don't know what else to do to try and lift up his spirits and to show him that I actually care.

How would you want your siblings to be like around you. Would you rather they left you alone or for them to show you that they care?

Thanks for anyone who has read this.

Brother just sent me pictures of my dog (and also randomly of some of the presents I knitted them, think was trying for more)... now I sad. I miss my dog. and wish people wouldnt keep popping up randomly. so much guilt.

might keep a record of how many different types of tears. desperate and no reason and sad so far today.

Just had a call from my mum, my nan's taken a turn for the worse (she's in the hospital with pneumonia and her heart's giving out) and they don't think she'll last the week. I'm going up there on Friday if she hasn't passed on with my dad to see her. I feel like ****, she's the last grandparent I have left and I love her to bits.

An exam and the two big bad courseworks are now officially done!!! (unless I have to upgrade in which case, one of them i'll upgrade next week) I feel a weight has lifted of my shoulders for the first time in fudging ages

Wooooooooo haha, i'm relaxing for the night now!!! I look into the mirror and I see a smile that is like the Cheshire cat I've gotten through 3 weeks of the toughest academic part of my life so far, i'm actually proud of myself. Even if I have to upgrade, at least I know I can finish something that was deemed as overwhelming and for that my confidence in my ability seems to be improving

This is too hard, anxiety is stupidly bad, heart racing lots, feeling like such a freak

Posted from TSR Mobile

Felt really bad about 4 hours ago for no particular reason, was just thinking how **** everything is at the minute. Feeling came and went pretty quickly though and I went back to my Buffy marathon. i'm probably going to go to bed soon but I thought I'd post since I have done something productive today, I applied for a job.
It's a part time thing and I'm probably not going to get it since I have absolutely no retail experience but that's the first time I've applied for a job so I'm quite happy with myself.
I'm debating whether to register with a GP tonight (the surgery I want to go to let you register online) or wait and do it tomorrow. I should probably register so I can see if they will give me some different meds and get on the waiting list for whatever therapy-type stuff they want to send me for.

finished my essay

now time to take a big fat zopi as im wide awake and get some sleep!

I used to post here.. but then stopped, due to a situation with another member..

- but I thought the video in my sig, may be of interest to some of you

Its a short video, made by university students with mental health conditions, about their experiances.

x

I didn't realise I had magic powers!! The way I get ignored and people not realising that I exist has led me to believe I can be invisible.

Been a little while since I've been on here, stuffs been kinda tricky. Anyhow, gonna try and catch up on the thread a bit but, hope you lovely people are all doing ok

Had a pretty awesome day today Parents came to pick me up at 9, then went into town for a bit cause I needed to get a few things. I got a wee dongle thingy, so now I have proper internet at the hospital and can now use my laptop, instead of using my phone ! Then went down to the beach (I have a thing for beaches I looooove them!) and had lunch there... I ate a bit of the lunch, and my parents were saying how proud there were of me for eating... It's been so long since I've seen them this happy before, and I hate breaking their hearts I really do :/. It was nice though I loved it! No arguing, or fighting just peace. Then went down to the beach and I just sat there staring out into the sea.. it was so calming and peaceful one of the reasons why I love going there. I just sat and thought about stuff.

And now I'm back home for a few hours... finally I can use my laptop! Absolutely shattered though, kept getting so dizzy and breathless.. but hey ho I enjoyed today It's been a while since I've enjoyed a day out with my parents like this!

Hope everyone else is alright!

Feeling awful in every way possible right now. Uhhhgbgfsvv. I just want to go to sleep


Posted from TSR Mobile

I don't know about that, but thank you anyway


Posted from TSR Mobile

Good good, tell me how it goes and if you met anyone there . I know right! I was sitting there damn.. how I wish I had someone to just hold me and keep me safe and be all lovey dovey aaaaaaaaaand now I'll shut up . Haha I dunno tbh, sometimes I wish I really did have someone cause I get soooo lonely then other times I'm like "nah I'm better off on my own " haha. Hahaha, I'm absolutely shattered though now.. like I could fall asleep right here on my laptop haha

That's good to hear that your feeling a bit better You can get through this week Best of luck at the dentist . Nice one! Have fun, and just empty your bank balance

#TeamIBelieve

DSA have said they can't continue with my application till I submit my student finance application, my student finance application is royally ****ed it seems and the deadline is 2 weeks tomorrow :') Stress, la, la, la.

I finally got an appointment card through the post too. Therapy isn't for another two weeks which means it'll have been 6 weeks since I last saw her Lots and lots and lots of sighing at the moment.

Still number 1!

Hope you feel less lonely soon, and I'm here to offer my crappy advice whenever I can.

Thanks, lovely.

x

This all sounds a bit rubbish, tbh Really hope it can get sorted. Try not to let it stress you out

Not much I can do about my student finance till tomorrow. Apparently I don't want to claim a maintenance loan or tuition loan which is nonsense. Exam on Tuesday too I love stress...Naht.

I know about and i'm singing it from the digilitised rooftops You are awesome, more than you realise and we all fudging adore your for that





I will Careful, some film director might steal that plot line for their next rom-com Yeah i'm like that too haha so i'm a tad hypocritical when saying that I'm shattered too, so i'm gonna chill out for the night Yeah i'd advice not sleeping on your laptop

I'm getting through this noooooo question about it The hardest part is over and done with so it should be all right bar the dentist Haha maybe not that much but still a little at least

#TeamIBelieve

Far too long, you've managed to get through pretty much a whole thread since I was last around! How are things with you, uni going ok?

Whaaaat?!?!? These people are some incompetent sometimes. Well, most of the time, in fact! Grrr

I just finished watching the whole of Buffy - now onto Firefly, and Dollhouse is next.

Don't worry, words are hard Yeah I guess. I'm just relying on Sparknotes to get me through the next 15 hours! That's about all I can manage haha

Time to go back to the hospital I really really don't ****ing want to ... do you think if I beg my parents that I can discharge myself and promise to eat, then they'll let me?

I've done the same myself at uni. Try not to feel too bad, it happens to the best of us that things just get too much to hide.