Mental Health Support Society Mk X

Even diazepam doesn't make me sleep It does stop the worrying though, so it's good. Would like to sleep sometime soon though

Good morning! Exam ahoy, and I'm terrified... How is everyone today?





Good luck sleeping... Insomnia is a horrible thing. Could I have some of that diazepam pre-exam if it's not working for you?

Haha I don't even know where it is, the doctor didn't trust me with it and gave it to my mum Patronosing or what.

Yeah I haven't slept for almost two weeks, I've only slept on and off. Hope your exam isn't too bad!

I've been having nightmares and really intermittent sleep lately. All that they'll give me in this hospital is melatonin, haha. Thank you!

So today I met my care coordinator. I wish I hadn't. Nothing at all good came out of it, just reinforced how absurdly **** I am at talking. Couldnt say anything. Then got kinda irritated and all hostile and nasty for 2 mins and completely not like me. Then she said that I was obviously really suspicious of her, and that annoyed me more cos my not talking is nothing at all to do with her. Then lost all energy cos sudden irritation is exhausting and she drove me home and I cried lots and we agreed to not see each other again. So that was fun.

Have lost myself yet another avenue of support. feel bad. im ****. so hopeless. want it to end



Did you make it? How'd it go?




Yum. Making honeycomb is the tastiest science experiment ever!


I do keep on putting off the inevitable though. so bad for so many reasons.

A springy springer. He awesome. But he's getting all poorly again; lots of arthritis and falling over.

I've been thinking a lot about my dad today

Even this long after to just think that i'm never going to see him again, never going to be able to talk to him, never give him a hug... is something that is so hard to comprehend. He was my safety net and anchor, it is very rare you find a person that no matter what you did, no matter what you said.. would still love you, and always have your back. He was that person to me. When he caught me self-harming he threw his arms around me to stop me and I threw him to the ground, I swore at him, I said things i'd give an arm to be able to take back. But he still loved me, he sat in the car outside A&E for 4 hours while I was being seen with no complaints... What a father.

He stared death in the face for 12 months and kept a smile on his face even until his last day, even when his body gave out on him. He has inspired me to try become a better person, and to try live my life, if I get down I contemplate the hell he went through, and how he stayed strong... Because if he coped with that I can cope with this.

I miss him, people say it gets easier with time, people lie.

This was going to be a 1 line post, I rambled, sorry.

I've been thinking a lot about my dad today

I've never had that. Does it work? I don't seem to get sedative effects from stuff, even tramadol, which knocks everyone I know out, I can take maximum dose of and be fine.

Nope. I suspect that it's a placebo, to be frank.

The only sedatives that seem to work on me are olanzapine and zopiclone; I don't get sedating effects from the benzos, and I've never taken opiates.

Damnit. I really need something that will actually work

You'll never be deliberately ignored on here.

You're too nice to me. Thanks lovely



Posted from TSR Mobile

Damnit. I really need something that will actually work

So do I... I'm considering asking to go back on olanzapine. They've already told me that they won't give me zopiclone here, but I was on olanzapine and sleeping quite well until they took me off it because I fell asleep during the day. Have you tried zopiclone or its cousins?

Diazepam isn't really that great for sleep. When I was in hospital and I asked for something to sleep they gave me lorazepam, which is a better benzo for sleep.
GPs are less likely to give it out though because it's stronger. One of my friends is on it but he has very severe anxiety.

When I couldn't sleep earlier in the year my doctor gave me a low dose (1.5mg) of haloperidol, so that might be something worth asking about.

Feeling bit warm and mushy. Had a supervision this morning, on some exam practice essays I wrote. At the end I was like "going to be blunt, you know this hasn't been the best year for me personally. To be honest, I'll still be disappointed if I get below a 2.i but I just wanted to know how you think it's going."

Director of Studies was like "You're going to get a 2.i. Working more at this point is to get a 1st and I know you want to do the best you can, but if you'll be happy with a 2.i then you need to prioritise your health, and you will get a 2.i."

Is lovely cos she could have been all "work work work, that's the most important, you need to get a 1st!" or even told me that I need to work harder if I want to get a 2.i to add more pressure. Makes me feel much more relaxed, which is also conducive to getting more work done. It's good to have some supportive people.