How many sexual partners

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I read a survey once that said lifetime average is ~10. So. Um. Make of that what you will.

Mine is 38. I wonder if anyone will neg me for enjoying sex? :P
Although I haven't had sex in about a month now. Been off it because of exams.

(Quick FAQ: Yes, I am capable of being in loving relationships. No, I don't have any STDs. No, I've never been pregnant. No, I don't have trust/commitment/daddy issues. Yes, I do have self respect.)

People who neg you, aren't negging you for 'enjoy sex', they're negging you because they personally feel you're number is too many. Not sure why people try to act as if 'enjoying sex' and having loads of sexual partners are exactly the same thing. As if you need to have loads of sexual partners to enjoy sex (or enjoy sex to have loads of sexual partners for that matter). Many people enjoy sex and don't have many partners (and people also have many partners and don't enjoy sex that much). They're two separate things.

Just so there's no confusion I should also add that I personally couldn't possibly bring myself to care how many sexual partners you or anyone else on this forum has. Just pointing out that weird, manipulative phrase that people seem to use far too much. Also, I didn't neg you. Not that it would matter if I did as I have no rep power, and even if I did have rep power it still wouldn't matter as it's just forum rep.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 21

fat_hobbit

Original post by Converse

This man speaks the truth.

Also, as I wote previously, its like having a bad credit rating. In the sense that it tells people she can't hold down a stable rship and may cheat when the going gets tough. What high value man wants a woman like that?

Than there are issues surrounding stds etc

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 22

HopefulMidwife

Original post by tjsmith94

I don't see why people are saying "it depends how old you are". If you enjoy having sex with multiple partners you can go ahead and do that. Quite frankly it's nobody else's business but your own. This 'slut' shaming culture that we have is really unhealthy.

+1. A number says nothing of context.

Reply 23

HopefulMidwife

Original post by fat_hobbit

STDs can happen to anyone, just like getting the flu can happen to anyone.

People should be taking reponsibility for their sexual health, regardless of how sexually active they are. You should be getting a full check up at least once a year, including a blood test for herpes (which they don't routinely test for unless they/you are worried that you've been exposed to it).

So, don't assume that a girl who has had sex with one person doesn't have an STD and a girl who's had sex with 40 people has. It doesn't work like that.

In terms of the credit rating thing, **** happens. I have an awful credit rating, and I'm building it back up with a credit card. When my credit rating is good again, I can get credit. The past will not matter.

Reply 24

Isambard Kingdom Brunel

The OP sounds the like the Tweeter @6THGRADER.

:biggrin:

Reply 25

fat_hobbit

Original post by HopefulMidwife

Yeah but people judge. I'm not saying it's right, but it's the reality of ****. It's bad enough knowing your partner has had other sexual partners, but ****ing 35 come on

And sure STDs can happen to anyone, but it's safe to assume that the more sexually active you are the more likely you are going to catch one, especially if they are randomers.

Ultimately for a woman it's about having self dignity and respect. Having so many sexual partners is no different to a porn star or a hoe.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 26

HopefulMidwife

Original post by fat_hobbit

Yeah, people judge. That's their problem, not the problem of the person being judged. Just know that your opinion is just that - your opinion, not the objective truth.

#social decay.

Original post by HopefulMidwife

Yeah, people judge. That's their problem, not the problem of the person being judged. Just know that your opinion is just that - your opinion, not the objective truth.

tbh even other women dont find it right, but are tolerating it; look at this thread.

Reply 29

Classical Liberal

Original post by HopefulMidwife

Yeah, people judge. That's their problem, not the problem of the person being judged.

Statements like that are very immature.

I judge people for doing things. Some of them are their own business and cause no harm but I will judge none the less. For example I will judge people on what they wear. I think hipsters look like idiots and I tend to judge them as idiots.

Where has this idea that it is wrong to judge people come from?

It is also a great disservice to girl if you tell them "It does not matter what men think about your sexual practices, it is their problem not yours". That kind of advice will not help girls achieve good relationships. In addition it is something self proclaimed feminists often say. Notice that it is consistent with the idea that it does not matter what men want.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 30

Redolent

I'm fully prepared to admit the reason I would prefer my future partner not to have a huge history of sexual partners is simply because the thought of the woman I love being pleasured by other men is unpleasant to me, regardless of whether it was in the past or before we met.

If that makes me some nasty jealous insecure scumbag then so be it. I don't think sleeping around is an inherently bad thing to do or anything, it just dampens that idealistic impression you get of someone you're in love with. Besides, women are just as entitled to be put off me for silly reasons too if they so choose.

Reply 31

Mockery

Original post by Classical Liberal

Because judging people in such a malicious manner as yourself is something that twelve year old girls do to be callous and bitchy.

If you was to judge them in the sense that they had slept with a lot of people therefore the chance of them having an STI could arguably be higher than usual, then due to the risk to yourself it isn't wise to sleep with them, then that is perfectly reasonable.

You're just a tool.

Reply 32

Plantagenet Crown

I think 23 is a lot, but there's nothing wrong with that, if someone enjoys that then go ahead!

My number's 2 and I'm perfectly content for the time being.

Reply 33

wildbluesun

Ah I knew this would happen. Every time I'm open about my sex life on TSR I get a bunch of people slut shaming.

This idea that people become less valuable if they've had more sexual partners is very worrying. It implies that someone's worth rests in their genitals and not in their heart or mind; also that everyone has a set amount of sexual partners they're allowed to have, and once they've run out that person should never sleep with anyone else ever.

In reality, there is no upper (or indeed lower) limit on the number of partners you're allowed to have. How much sex someone has does not determine how intelligent or compassionate or humorous or interesting or honest or generous someone is; why should someone's sexual history influence your judgement of them more than these personality traits? Conversely, how much sex someone has can't tell you how selfish or cruel or stupid they are; if you knew the circumstances of those sexual encounters it might tell you something, but an out of context number...no.

I have a steady partner who I've been with since I was 15, though we didn't open up our relationship until I was 18. I have a whole bunch of friends who I adore, and some of them (not all, I do have some purely platonic friends) I sometimes sleep with. They are all people who share my view of sex: that it's something fun and social that doesn't imply deep commitment, so none of us get into awkward "ooo I think I'm falling for you" situations. The boyfriend has his own partners, though he tends to not become close friends with them like I do. He and I have put the legwork into working out how to take care of our sexual health; we talk about it openly and get tested every few months. So far the worst thing testing revealed was bacterial vaginosis, which you get from soap: it isn't an STD.

So that's my life. As far as I'm aware everyone involved in it is pretty happy. I'm not sure why some people feel the need to stomp around passing judgement when it doesn't affect them either way.

Also, Converse, that's a good point, I hadn't thought of it like that. Probably a better phrase would be enjoying sexual NOVELTY. (More accurately, I enjoy novelty in all parts of my life - I like watching new films, eating new food, going new places, meeting new people, etc. It extends to sex.)

PS: there are some very intelligent, thoughtful prostitutes and porn stars out there who have my deepest respect. You can't shame me by comparing me to them.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 34

xDave-

I don't see why 23 is a problem. As long as you're being safe about it, what's the big deal?

Granted if someone I was interested in said that to me, I might have concerns about the chances of them staying interested in me.

Reply 35

Tyrion_Lannister

Original post by fat_hobbit

"self respect" aka, I want you to act in a way that I deem good enough for me to respect you. There's nothing not self respecting about it. If someone wants to have sex, let them.

Also it doesn't tell you anything about them other than they have had casual sex. You don't know they're bad at relationships, they might not have wanted one at the time. I think it's horrible to assume that because someone has a lot of sexual partners you can judge them.

Reply 36

deedee123

IMO it's quite a lot for a young girl (I'm assuming you're fairly young as you're posting on this forum). I'd feel quite intimidated if a guy i was with has slept with loads of girls. It's not a massive deal but i personally don't think i could have sex on a one night stand.

I'm 18 and slept with 1 person, my boyfriend of 2 years.

Reply 37

HopefulMidwife

Original post by Classical Liberal

It's immature because you don't agree with it?

Yes, you can judge hipsters. That, however, is not their problem. It is not the objective truth that hipsters are idiots. It is YOUR opinion. I happen to think they look like idiots too but, again, my opinion and they can do what they hell they like.

I never said it was wrong to judge people, hell, I judge a lot. So don't put words into my mouth. My point was, nobody has to change their behaviour because of somebody else's opinion, ESPECIALLY if said person's behaviour was;

A. In the past.
B. Not hurting anyone.

Lastly, I am not giving relationship advice to anyone. However, the opinion of some men on your sexual past/current life is not your problem, unless it's a man you're interested in. If it is, and he judges you on it, nothing can be done. Just gotta move on. If he judges you on something you can't change, you probably don't wanna be with him anyway.

Don't try and link me to feminists, btw. I am anything but. Thanks.

You're not all men, so your opinions don't reflect every man.

Reply 38

HopefulMidwife

Original post by fat_hobbit

tbh even other women dont find it right, but are tolerating it; look at this thread.

And that is their opinion, not the objective truth. Comprende?

Reply 39

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

My total is more than 23 and Ive never thought that was a particularly big number. Im questioning that after today so would appreciate some views from here.