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How many sexual partners

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Reply 60
Original post by Classical Liberal
Statements like that are very immature.

I judge people for doing things. Some of them are their own business and cause no harm but I will judge none the less. For example I will judge people on what they wear. I think hipsters look like idiots and I tend to judge them as idiots.

Where has this idea that it is wrong to judge people come from?

It is also a great disservice to girl if you tell them "It does not matter what men think about your sexual practices, it is their problem not yours". That kind of advice will not help girls achieve good relationships. In addition it is something self proclaimed feminists often say. Notice that it is consistent with the idea that it does not matter what men want.


Amen. The human race would have gotten absolutely nowhere if nobody was allowed to judge anybody.

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister
Thanks for not wording it like a dick, but I still find that incredibly childish. What is it about it that puts you off?


Nobody actually knows why they find people with more partners unattractive in the same way nobody knows why some people find larger girls more attractive than smaller girls, or girls with smaller boobs more attractive than girls with larger boobs. The only way to actually convince somebody that it is not an unattractive trait is to actually make them experience it themselves, but then again, a lot of us don't want to do that either.
Basically, it is unattractive for many people and trying to convince said people otherwise is futile because it is instinctive, like wanting sex in the first place.
(edited 10 years ago)
Reply 61
Original post by wildbluesun
So if you're 20 and since you've been 16 you've had 4 relationships lasting 3 - 9 months each, and you slept with all of the people you were in relationships with, you're a bad person? Seeing as the number of people you'd have slept with is twice the upper limit you state.

Bizarre reasoning. How old do you have to be before you're allowed to sleep with a third person?


One would have to question why you've had 4 relationships in 4 years. Something isn't right. Seems like you have daddy issues.

And no, I didn't say there bad people. But anyway, to have slept with, say, 5 people, is an hell of a lot different to 38.
Reply 62
Are you the Hugh Hefner of women?
Reply 63
Original post by Tyrion_Lannister
Thanks for not wording it like a dick, but I still find that incredibly childish. What is it about it that puts you off?


I already said it isn't rational so I'm not sure what you're expecting me to say :confused: I don't like the thought of the person I'm in love pleasuring other men, simple as that. It just puts me off a bit, especially when it's random guys from a nightclub who don't respect her and just see her as a means to pleasure themselves (honestly, a lot of them do see it that way and some of them are very good at hiding it). The fact it is irrational means I may have a completely different opinion a year or two from now, but as long as it continues to produce that reaction in me it will continue to be offputting.

Can you explain rationally why you might find someone with a massive scar across their face a bit offputting? Or a huge swollen face? The truth is you don't pick your preferences, if something doesn't sit right with you in that deep irrational part of your mind there is not an awful lot you can do about it. I'm not saying it's a total dealbreaker or that I wouldn't try to be understanding about it, and I'm certainly not saying it makes her less of a good person, but it is still something I would prefer not to have in a romantic partner. If I had been sleeping around myself maybe I would see the whole thing differently, but I can't say for sure because I already realise it's a bit silly and it still puts me off.
Original post by Redolent
I already said it isn't rational so I'm not sure what you're expecting me to say :confused: I don't like the thought of the person I'm in love pleasuring other men, simple as that. It just puts me off a bit, especially when it's random guys from a nightclub who don't respect her and just see her as a means to pleasure themselves (honestly, a lot of them do see it that way and some of them are very good at hiding it). The fact it is irrational means I may have a completely different opinion a year or two from now, but as long as it continues to produce that reaction in me it will continue to be offputting.

Can you explain rationally why you might find someone with a massive scar across their face a bit offputting? Or a huge swollen face? The truth is you don't pick your preferences, if something doesn't sit right with you in that deep irrational part of your mind there is not an awful lot you can do about it. I'm not saying it's a total dealbreaker or that I wouldn't try to be understanding about it, and I'm certainly not saying it makes her less of a good person, but it is still something I would prefer not to have in a romantic partner. If I had been sleeping around myself maybe I would see the whole thing differently, but I can't say for sure because I already realise it's a bit silly and it still puts me off.


Fair enough, I just wondered if it were some kind of posession thing, because that's what I don't like. If it's just a preference then that's fine
Original post by Tyrion_Lannister
"self respect" aka, I want you to act in a way that I deem good enough for me to respect you. There's nothing not self respecting about it. If someone wants to have sex, let them.

Also it doesn't tell you anything about them other than they have had casual sex. You don't know they're bad at relationships, they might not have wanted one at the time. I think it's horrible to assume that because someone has a lot of sexual partners you can judge them.


Dress it however you want.

Even some girls think it's too large a number. As shown on this thread.

But hey - if you want to be a skank, and be known as the girl who gets around, more power to you.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by fat_hobbit
Dress it however you want.

Even some girls think it's too large a number.

But hey - if you want to be a skank, and be known as the girl who gets around, more power to you.


I haven't actually said I sleep around or anything about the number of people I've slept with, but because I've said there's nothing wrong with casual sex, I'm a skank? Okay then.
Reply 67
Original post by wildbluesun
I understand that. Sometimes people have irrational reasons for not being attracted to people and that's cool, so long as they recognise it's irrational.

What's not cool is saying someone is worth less as a person just because they've slept with x amount of people, which is what's going on here. "I'd prefer a less experience partner" and "people who have lots of sexual partners have no self-respect" are worlds away from each other.

Also, on a roughly related note, WTF are "daddy issues"? People like to throw the term around but I'm not really sure what it's meant to mean. Is it some Freudian, Electra complex thing? Which particular neurosis is "daddy issues" meant to refer to?


Yeah I completely agree with that. I know some really great people who have a very liberal attitude towards sex, but if I'm facing the possibility of being in a serious relationship with them, the thought that I'm the next guy in a very long line is just going to dampen that whole idealistic thing you get with people you fall for.

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister
Fair enough, I just wondered if it were some kind of posession thing, because that's what I don't like. If it's just a preference then that's fine


Well jealousy probably does play into it, but jealousy isn't really something you choose to have (or else nobody would choose to have it)
Original post by CJKay



Nobody actually knows why they find people with more partners unattractive in the same way nobody knows why some people find larger girls more attractive than smaller girls, or girls with smaller boobs more attractive than girls with larger boobs. The only way to actually convince somebody that it is not an unattractive trait is to actually make them experience it themselves, but then again, a lot of us don't want to do that either.
Basically, it is unattractive for many people and trying to convince said people otherwise is futile because it is instinctive, like wanting sex in the first place.


Some guys don't like it because they're insecure and possessive, which is what I was getting at. A preference is fine, but if it's rooted in some traditional idea of women and the idea that your girlfriend is an object, then that's not cool. At all.
Reply 69
23 is a lot. There's no debate; it's a fact. The average number of sexual partners for a woman in her lifetime is about 7 (studies tend to give something near this number, anyway). Regardless of what you think of it, it is a lot.

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/sex/story/0,12550,818356,00.html

As for me, just the one. (Not by choice :tongue:)
Original post by Redolent




Well jealousy probably does play into it, but jealousy isn't really something you choose to have (or else nobody would choose to have it)


I've never really understood jealousy, less so in this sense. Why does it matter who they've smashed in the past? Because they're not sleeping with them now. It's like asking what I wore when I was 14 and then expressing disgust at how ugly it was. Is it relevant? Nope.
Reply 71
Wow so many hoes.
Reply 72
One!!!

This is my subjective view on sex !
i personally think that sex is more than a physical act and i find it almost repulsive to think that some people can just happily jump into bed with someone else without knowing anything about them! However what constitutes as the 'right figure' would be a subjective view point and would depend solely on the individual i think 23 is WAY TOO MUCH and the person up there that slept with 38! I think that ridiculous and would never ever imagine or aim to sleep with 38 people in my life time because as i said its come back to your view on sex i think its an emotional bond aswell as physical and i cannot bring myself to be intimate with someone i do not truly and deeply love! whereas some people see sex as purely physical and would think there is nothing wrong with opening their legs to any Tom Dick and Harry! but the bottom line is
your views on sex and how you see it will determine whether you think your numbers are alot. but by reading most of these post i think majority of people would think 23 38 etc is alot and brand those people a whore! even for a male if a guy has slept with 38 women i would see that as red flag to stay well clear. so it is applicable to both males and females its just a put off really for both sexes
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by wildbluesun
I read a survey once that said lifetime average is ~10. So. Um. Make of that what you will.

Mine is 38. I wonder if anyone will neg me for enjoying sex? :P
Although I haven't had sex in about a month now. Been off it because of exams.

(Quick FAQ: Yes, I am capable of being in loving relationships. No, I don't have any STDs. No, I've never been pregnant. No, I don't have trust/commitment/daddy issues. Yes, I do have self respect.)


I read this and think, why the **** is it negged so many times...
Reply 74
I've had one and that was only recently. Still a virgin though. :colondollar:
Reply 75
Original post by Tyrion_Lannister
I've never really understood jealousy, less so in this sense. Why does it matter who they've smashed in the past? Because they're not sleeping with them now. It's like asking what I wore when I was 14 and then expressing disgust at how ugly it was. Is it relevant? Nope.


Yeah but they're going to remember all the people they've slept with in the past, and I don't think it can be denied exclusivity and intimacy tend to go well together.

I read this story about some guy who married a woman with a large history of sexual partners, and when they went out in town together he would occasionally see men smirking at her as they walked past, clearly thinking about how they've "conquered" his life partner in the past. You know what? That's just not a nice thing to deal with.
Reply 76
Original post by Tyrion_Lannister
Some guys don't like it because they're insecure and possessive, which is what I was getting at. A preference is fine, but if it's rooted in some traditional idea of women and the idea that your girlfriend is an object, then that's not cool. At all.


Not sure how that's relevant. I know nobody that genuinely thinks women are "objects" and most of us have had a long-term girlfriend at at least one point in time.
Original post by Redolent
Yeah but they're going to remember all the people they've slept with in the past, and I don't think it can be denied exclusivity and intimacy tend to go well together.

I read this story about some guy who married a woman with a large history of sexual partners, and when they went out in town together he would occasionally see men smirking at her as they walked past, clearly thinking about how they've "conquered" his life partner in the past. You know what? That's just not a nice thing to deal with.


Not necessarily, not eveyrone puts such a big thing on sex.

So? Unless you're insecure, why would that bother you? Women aren't objects to be 'conquered', if she chose to consensually have sex with them she wasn't 'conquered'. The men smirking are being dicks, but I'd just smirk back thinking "yeah I'm tapping that ass". Really don't see a problem
Original post by CJKay
Not sure how that's relevant. I know nobody that genuinely thinks women are "objects" and most of us have had a long-term girlfriend at at least one point in time.


Some of it seems possessive, like someone above mentioned about men thinking they've 'conquered' a woman. I don't like that
I'd say it's a lot, and personally would probably make me have slight trust issues for a while.

Personally, 22 year old guy, only slept with 3 people. Ex-girlfriend (long term), 1 one night stand, and current girlfriend.

Why so few? The idea of casual sex just doesn't appeal to me, plain and simple.

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