Friends with benefits and jealousy

Hi,

I'm in year 11 and about a year ago, I started doing "sexual things" with this black boy in my year group. He is quite popular amongst our year. We were not dating and we done quite a lot: (kissing, naked, fingering, oral, anal etc...) We haven't had sex though! The last time we'd done anything was only last Thursday, and since then, he's been treating me like **** and embarrassing me in front of the class.

Basically, him and one of my friends REALLY REALLY like each other and they're always flirting with each other. Obviously, he does it infront of me on purpose, but my friend really flirts back with him. I mean, they're ALWAYS all over each other!!! It actually really annoys me. At first, I never really used to mind, but now bc they like eachother, its making my jealous and I feel like crying. My friend doesn't know what happened between us though, but I've tried dropping hints at her to tell her what he's like.

Lately, she's been leaving me and going off with him and they're always hugging infront of me!! I'm actually jealous.

Even though me and him have had a "friends with benefits" I still have developed feelings for him. :frown:

He doesn't like me back and he's really embarrassing me in front of everyone. She just laughs at me when they're together!

I really don't know what to do? Should I tell her what happened between me and him (she wouldn't believe me and he would kill me)?? or should I just tell her how I feel about her always going off with him??

I would really appreciate some advice please and thank you !

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Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Does your friend know your friends with benefits with him?
Tell her if she doesn't and see how much she wants him then. But most importantly please find some self respect! He is obviously an absolute idiot, why are you allowing him to treat you like something he found on the bottom of his shoe.

I suggest you cut your losses now, you'll be upset for a while but it won't last forever.

Reply 2

lanki_bones

i think you should stop altogether with this guy- he obviously just used you and has taken advantage of you -does your friend know what you've done with him?

best you dont tell her if she doesn't and just let them get on with it and tell him to his face that you dont want this 'thing' that you have with him anymore

he obviously is a player and i would just end it with him

Reply 3

RHCPfan

Why is it relevant to post that he's black? And if you've done all that with him, why not sex?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by lanki_bones

I know I should stop it. I'm starting to really really regret it now. My friend doesn't know that we're friends with benefits and even if I did tell her, she wouldn't believe me. I'm really stuck and confused and I'm not even concentrating in my GCSE's enough. I just want to cry all the time! 😔

Reply 5

username47781

Original post by Anonymous

As someone said further up, stop seeing him, he obviously had what he wanted so now he is trying to get rid of you.

Reply 6

Yawn11

Accept you're the side chick and move on.

It's unfortunate, but at that age girls like you are only required for practice. He's being a dick to you because he believes you've served your purpose, and your friend, the wifey potential, will be able to experience the confident and sexually-experienced version of him.

Move on. Be better, not bitter.

Reply 7

Steevee

I love how people say he used her. They did sexual things together with no promise of a relationship, and yet she developed feelings. He's been a dick, but in no way has he 'used' her, she knew full well what she was getting into and he gave no pretense.

Also, who does anal but not normal sex? :lolwut:

Reply 8

chronic_fatigue

You were FwB so why are you jealous? He isn't your bf and never was. I guess he wanted to hone his skills so that he would be ready for his gf. Just leave them to be happy, even if you break them up he wont want you. You did all that stuff but not vaginal sex? LOL!

Reply 9

boba

I think you should tell your friend, she should probably know what you have done and decide if she is ok with it before her feelings deepen and it gets harder for her to forget him. Plus if hes deliberately embaressing and making fun of you he doesn't sound nice so you should warn her.

As for you and him you should stop immediately, you have developed feelings he hasn't carry on will only cause you hurt

Reply 10

Truflais

Original post by RHCPfan

Why is it relevant to post that he's black? And if you've done all that with him, why not sex?

These were my first thoughts :lol:

**** doing anal before vaginal sex.

But OP, I would just leave it. She'll realise what he's like soon enough and she'll be sorry for laughing at you etc. Just move on, he's not worth a second thought.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 11

Epiksha

Truth is you're being too focused on what's happened between you two rather than what's going through his head. He completely understands he's pushing you away and getting closer to your friend. Your friend doesn't seem much like a friend either tbh, she could be picking up on the cues you're dropping and ignoring them completely regardless (that's my initial reaction anyway). Back to the guy though, like everyone says cut your losses. It's never gonna be anything special if he just completely discarded you like he has. It may seem monumentally large now but it won't be so bad once you've got a definitive label on your relationship with the guy as 'Did things once'.

Sorry if all that seems a bit harsh as well by the way, the guy just annoys me and I don't even know him.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by Epiksha

Thank you, that's the best advice so far! You've actually made me feel a lot better!

"this black boy" ay?

Original post by Anonymous

I have been through a similar situations to you, although I was older. What occurred to me which may not have done to you at the moment is that he could have been doing what he was doing with me with my friend as well. This may be your situations which is why they may seem so "friendly" with each other. If this is your situation then you need to confront your friend and tell her that he is also being friends with benefits with you as well and this may change her mind about the boy. If it isn't then you need to confront the boy and tell him how you feel about it all :smile:

Hope this helps!

Reply 15

RightSaidJames

Please try to keep comments constructive and on-topic.

Reply 16

Classical Liberal

Original post by Steevee

Also, who does anal but not normal sex? :lolwut:

It is pretty common in cultures where virginity is highly valued such as in Islamic nations.

Reply 17

Steevee

Original post by Classical Liberal

It is pretty common in cultures where virginity is highly valued such as in Islamic nations.

Religious people can be so odd :tongue:

Reply 18

MsFahima

Original post by Classical Liberal

It is pretty common in cultures where virginity is highly valued such as in Islamic nations.

But Islamic nations forbid any kind of sexual activity with someone who you are not married to.

Reply 19

shannahb

I don't understand the OP's need to specify that the boy involved is in fact "this black boy" in her year... White, black or any other colour that boy is using you and you need to get out of that situation as soon as you can! Warn your friend and if she ignores you, on her own head be it.