Mental Health Support Society Mk X

Yeah I suppose, but the GP has referred me onto other people to deal with those issues alone, and if they didn't feel able to treat either thing alone I'm not really sure how well they'd be able to manage the conjunction. I don't really have a trusted GP either, like they normally seem quite judgmental about me not looking after myself properly and they ask me questions but when I answer honestly they just do shocked and I don't really like it. Makes me feel kind of broken.

----

Really not feeling that good. Don't know what to do really. Bleh.

Hun, I'm not. I'm saying it because it's true. we first 'met' on the Healthy New You thread and you were lovely then. You've been there and I can tell it's genuine. And the thing I remember most is you PMd me on my 18th birthday (definitely in the top 10 for the worst days of my life) and you were fantastic. You were lovely, understanding, you listened to all the crap. I absolutely 100% PROMISE you, you are wonderful, hun. I'm not lying, I mean it.

Having an awful day. Just angry and upset. My so called friends in real life are awful and this day has just been horrendous. Feel utterly ****. No one in real life even close to understands how I feel or what I've been through, and none of them could care less. They're just absorbed in their own selfish lives and I've so had enough. Just don't need it after the day I've had

As I think avvhs said, if people are really treating you like you're a freak, then the problem is with them. You are NOT a freak at all hun - please don't think that. Do feel free to poke me on Facebook btw if you wanna chat. I'm hopeless at spotting you on Chat but will try and look more carefully/search for your name in future, so that we can have West London banter

You're very kind. I really do appreciate that.

Oh no, that sounds horrible What has happened to make you think that? It's frustrating when other people around you don't seem to understand what's going on or the severity of it, it feels quite isolating and horrible Have you told them about everything that's going on? Remember you've always got lots of people on here for support so you aren't alone or anything like that What's made your day so horrid?



I don't know if they are or it's in my head, but either way I'm just too scared to talk to or be around people at the moment and it feels pathetic that I can't even go to the kitchen to get some water or something It's just retrospectively looking at how my life has gone, it's like I have no chance for "normal" ever again, and I don't know what the point is, if that makes sense. I have counselling tomorrow morning though which is something to focus on at least. Gah, sorry I'm whinging so much! You all must be sick of me.

How are you doing TLG? How's the job and everything else going? I will have a look for you too, would be nice to catch up I hope you're doing well and everything's going alright.

well my boyfriend has officially seen how patetic i am. apparently hiding and wimpering behind him because of a tiny moth wasnt my best idea for the night

been feeling pretty rubbish all day, just need a new body really

That's not pathetic at all! You're allowed to be scared of things, I would have probably reacted the same. That one tiny thing does not make you pathetic, in fact from seeing some of your posts on here you are mostly definitely the opposite, a lovely strong person.

We are all here for you, lovely
It's all quite complicated and I won't bore you too much but basically, one friend knows nearly everything (apart from general 'unsafeness') and has been no help and has made things worse due to using my situation to get lots of attention. She's never there. The others sort of know I'm depressed and was abused and when I tell them I'm not going out they make the most horrendous fuss and are basically really selfish and don't consider my feelings in any of it. They keep kicking up a massive fuss cause they want to go clubbing but I tell them that I find it awfully triggering and just can't deal with anyone touching me - last time I went out some guy kept throwing himself at me and it ended SO badly. They're just SO selfish about it - I keep telling them they don't need me there. Its ridiculous and I sort of feel like I dont have real friends as a result.
Thanks hun, I do appreciate the support but IRL I still feel incredibly isolated and lonely. I just woke up feeling really low and my mood got progressively worse. I kept thinking over the past and I'm all mopey. Also have an exam tomorrow and I'm unprepared and have done no revision today. I'm just tired of everything, basically.
Sorry that was such an essay

Also I know the second part isn't aimed at me, but I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling like this, it's awful to feel so trapped. I'm glad you have counselling tomorrow though as hopefully it will give you a good opportunity to talk about these feelings. I hope it goes okay. And you're not whinging at all! This is what this thread is here for - to vent. Don't feel bad about it at all


Posted from TSR Mobile

i was quite literally cowering behind him, already made him kill one. at home i sleep with fly killer next to my bed in case of a moth attack, and usually have to get my mum to sort it out one of my worse phobias, urghhh
i am pathetic, i really am, no idea how im gonna cope over the next 2 weeks, im just gonna fall apart and become a big bawl of patheticness

Haven't felt this low since I did something 'bad' months ago. I don't know what's gotten into me. I just can't ****ing do this. I can't do this exam and I just fail at life. I'm done with all of this **** all of the time. Arghhhhhhhhhhh

Sorry am basically spamming this thread tonight but I feel so alone and horrendously low and somehow writing this sort of helps me keep connected.


Posted from TSR Mobile

Everyone has a phobia hun, it's completely normal no matter how strange you see yourself to be. Your boyfriend wouldn't be your boyfriend if he didn't care about you, right? If you were as pathetic as you say, then you wouldn't have so many people caring about you here and IRL! What's happening over the next two weeks? You are always very welcome to PM me at any point if you need to talk about things. But you can cope and will cope and are strong enough to do it, I promise.

That's awful! That first friend using your situation for attention, how would someone even think to do that, to a friend?! Or to anyone full stop, I don't understand, that's so horrid. It's a huge step to trust someone and they should have recognised that rather than doing things to make things worse I'm sorry to hear the others don't take account of things either, a clubbing environment is just horrendous and they should understand that. I'm really sorry things are like this IRL. I can sympathise with the isolation and things, is there anyone outside your group of friends you feel you can talk to and trust? You're not being mopey at all, but maybe there are things that might help you to handle your mood at the beginning of the day, possibly doing something active and distracting or something like that? It's difficult to do but might help to get some control over your mood and give you some power back.

About your exam, I don't know if I've asked you this before but have you told anyone at your sixth form about this? And I don't know if I've asked if you've seen a doctor or anything? It's really helpful to let them know about things if you can. You're a smart girl and you shouldn't be disadvantaged. Just take some deep breaths before you go in and try your best, that's all you can do, I think you might surprise yourself. Best of luck with it all.

Thank you, that's really kind. I'm quite lucky in that I got an appt quite quickly and with the same awesome counsellor I had beforehand so it'll make it easier. I need to learn to talk more during the sessions is the only thing, I can sit there for an hour and cry but it never helps. Have you considered counselling or CBT or anything like that? It seems like it might really help you too, though I think I remember you possibly telling me that you've had a bad experience with counselling before? Maybe you could try have it somewhere else or try someone else even? It's really important you get some support IRL and don't have to rely on friends that do the above

Surely there's no such thing as a boring day this close to exams? I'd recommend showering and maybe a cup of tea for some energy, clearing yourself a revision space and giving that a go. Not long until exams are over and you'll be glad of any work you did once they are over.

That's really kind, thank you. It's not Bristol that's the problem, I just feel so alone is all. I don't know

How are you doing? How is home?

As I think avvhs said, if people are really treating you like you're a freak, then the problem is with them. You are NOT a freak at all hun - please don't think that. Do feel free to poke me on Facebook btw if you wanna chat. I'm hopeless at spotting you on Chat but will try and look more carefully/search for your name in future, so that we can have West London banter

You CAN do this and are most certainly NOT a failure, not at all, and never will be. Failing would mean you've done something wrong and you've done nothing wrong at all, and nothing to deserve this. You don't fail at life, and exams can be retaken or fixed and you can apply for extenuating circumstances, there are ways around this. You sound like you need some IRL support, is there anyone at all you can talk to?

Therapist is ill, so I could really just stay in bed all day. I'm not that sure what to do because she's offered me an appointment on Friday but I'm not sure if it's sensible to have CBT the day before an exam (or maybe it could even be helpful, I suppose?). If I don't do Friday I'll end up with three weeks or more between appts which isn't ideal. Bit worried about what I will do with today as well. I wasn't really wanting therapy but at least it would have forced me away from revision and my bedroom.