What should I do with my step-mother

They are a parent, biology really makes no matter with it.

You've left marks on your three-year-old stepbrother three times in a week. All Sarah sees is you behaving like a little child. If Sarah is around in the house, it is her responsibility to make sure that your niece is looked after properly. If something happened to your niece and Sarah had been in the house, she would be the one getting in trouble (not just with your brother) for not supervising you and the baby, not you. And I can pretty much guarantee that your brother would not be putting you in charge of babysitting a four-month-old baby if your stepmother wasn't also going to be around to step in where necessary.


You need to stop trying to score points over your stepmother. You're just making the whole situation harder for yourself.


Well if actually putting you in the corner every time you misbehave isn't working because you just enjoy the attention like a toddler, what else do you expect her to do, other than try to embarrass you out of it by telling your friends what an idiot you're being?

I understand that being put in the corner à la Supernanny seems unreasonable for a 13-year-old, but it is the easiest thing for her to do, especially when your three-year-old stepbrother gets the same punishment and will learn by example if you're being punished the same way when you misbehave. As a 13-year-old you should be able to grasp far better than a three-year-old that you can simply stop the undesired behaviours and therefore avoid punishment altogether.

You should ask to speak to your school's counsellor due to your problems at home. They will have one, and I think it will be very helpful.

I LOVE looking after kids and have been told by loads of people that I am good with them. Sarah doesn't let me do anything because I can't be trusted, I love going round to my brothers so I can help out with my niece with out sarah.
I don't think I need to speak to a councellor. What I really want is more attention. If she would just give me some then I wouldn't have to act out for it. My step brother gets on my nerves if I am ever in the corner he will come over and tease me so he MAKES me angry. ITs not all MY FAULT.

I am looking after my niece next saturday, I will ask him to tell sarah that he wants ME to look after her. It is going to be so funny

Sarah is the person that sees you around kids most, not all these other people (who may or may not have actually meant it on a level that meant they thought you could be entrusted with a baby - I certainly don't know anyone who in their right mind would let a 13-year-old take care of a child under the age of one year) and your poor behaviour has made her worry about your capacity for that kind of responsibility.

I understand that deep down you want her to like you and you want her approval, this is normal, and lots of attention from her would confirm that she does in fact like you (I can guarantee that she does like you and care for you or she wouldn't bother with the discipline or the vegetarian food). But how much attention do you think she can realistically give you with a three-year-old to look after and when all you seem to do is misbehave? She probably tries not to 'set you off' as much as possible because she doesn't want the hassle, and therefore doesn't involve you as much as she would otherwise. If you want her to engage with you more then be nice and behave, for ****'s sake.

Your stepbrother is three. Of course he'll be a brat sometimes. You pretty much deserve to be laughed at if you can't behave at 13, though. Sure, teenagers have their own brand of tantrums, and no-one's going to think you're weird if you get in a mood sometimes - but you can just confine yourself to your room or go hang out with/talk to friends to deal with that, instead of taking it all out on your stepmother, if you do end up having one of those days. From the sounds of it you're deliberately causing trouble and challenging Sarah's authority though - she's an adult, your parent, and has authority over you. It doesn't matter how long it takes you to accept that, it's not going to change.

I DON'T act like a 3 year old. My step brother acts like a 3 year old because he is 3. I don't throw tantrums like he does, It isn't so bad being put in the corner for him because he is little and deserves it when he acts up. I am older and don't deserve it. I am treated like a young child. It bugs me so much

You seem to be acting like a bit of a child.

Don't swear in front of her child that's just rude.

I agree that being put in the naughty corner is a bit special, but if she watches Supernanny, that's where she will have gotten the idea from.

Grow a pair and talk to her.

I have tried to be good, Today I did chores with out being asked and she didn't even notice. She just ignored it I am trying to be good. I tried to help with my step brother and the potty training but she was just like "You are not helping go away" I just wish I had more attention. I feel ignored and left out.
I know this may sound babyish but I wish she would maybe just tuck me in at nights, my dad used to but now he is away a lot.
I overheard her say about getting me to start boarding at school but I don't want to. It would be nice if she could just spend time witht me. When I act out and have to get put in the corner I do it most of the time to get attention and it works. I used to always push her away when she would try and hug me. My brother said that would come round and bite me in the butt. He is right it did come round. She rarely hugs me and kisses me now. I wish she did these things more often. I know I am bad and I must stop but its hard I want the attention. Please help

She didn't necessarily ignore it, she just didn't say anything about it. If I had to deal with a difficult 13-year-old I'd avoid making many comments the first time they were being helpful too, in case that drew too much attention to it and they got all aggressive and embarrassed and refused to help again. Keep at it and it'll get better.

Maybe you weren't helping with the potty training? Maybe you were distracting your stepbrother while she was trying to teach him to use the potty? It could be many things, and you can't expect her to magically react wonderfully every time you do something nice, or for her to go out of her way to accommodate you in every little thing. Take the victories as they come and let the 'defeats' go. Did you offer to help, or did you just step in and get involved without explaining? She's probably going to be suspicious of your motives for a while, given that they've been anything but good up to now.

You feel ignored and left out because there's a little kid in the house. It's normal, but you have to get over it. You don't get as much attention as a toddler, I am sorry. That is just how it is. If you keep trying to help and behave well, she will involve you in more things and you will get more time with her. Likewise with the tucking in at night - you're 13, there is no way she would expect you to want or react positively to that. You can try having a little friendly chat with her before bedtime, as a habit (if she seems to have time at that time - she might just be desperate for some time to herself once she's put your brother to bed), and maybe it'll become a nice bonding routine over time. It could even develop into her coming and saying goodnight to you and having a little chat in your room, which is almost what you're looking for, right? You can't expect these things and get disappointed if they don't happen, though. No-one's a mind-reader, and not everyone enjoys the same things, either.

As for the hugs and kisses - they can start up again ridiculously quickly if you just start being nice to her. She's an adult, a parent, and she does not sound like she's inclined to hold a grudge against you. Just go give her a hug sometime. It could even be when you've had an argument - it's a good a time as any. She's not going to be a bitch and reject you, unless you're still being a smart arse at the time, or she can see you're using the hug to try to get out of apologising etc.

You're most likely not going to get sent to boarding school. She suggested it because you're being so difficult and causing so many problems for her at home. If she said it within earshot of you then it was most likely to make you buck up and stop misbehaving (though it was unfair to threaten you in this way if she did - but hey, even parents make mistakes).

There has been times where she says she has loved me but she hasn't said it for a while. I see her with my step brother and she plays with him and cuddels him and wraps him in his blanket and he tells her that he loves her. I want to have that sort of relationship but I feel the only to come close to a relationship is to act out. I know she probably loves her son more and will probably love the new baby more than me but I wish she loved me and showed it more. I am still nervous about the boarding school because my school is a boarding and day school so if I were to board I wouldn't even have to move school

Well this is all even more reason to behave, isn't it? You've already had it explained to you numerous times here that acting out is not the only or the best way to get attention from her. You may have a little break of a week or so between stopping misbehaving and getting more good attention, despite your best efforts, but that is just something you have to wait out. You could also just have a heart to heart with her about what you want (to have a close relationship with her and to get attention) and what you don't want (to switch to boarding at school). You're 13, it's perfectly possible to talk to her like that and for her to take you seriously. She will appreciate the effort you make in reaching out to her and explaining. I know that it might feel awkward starting the conversation, and that it might get emotional for you, but you have to reach out to get anything back.

Edit: PS, do not have this conversation while your little brother is awake/around, it'll be too much of a distraction for everyone. You can however let her know that you want to talk about stuff whenever she has the time. She will make time for you if she knows about it.

Thanks, I asked her if we could have a chat tonight about something improtant, she has even agreed to but my step-brother to bed slightly earlier so she deffinatley has enough time. I do sort of feel bad because she has a lot of on at work at the moment and there will be a new baby in 6 months and of course there is her son so after realising what a pain in the arse I must be to her I felt bad

Well I'm sure you'll get it all sorted out now. Now is the best time to start a new leaf, before all the stress of a new baby arriving! You need to be prepared for not getting as much attention again once the baby arrives, at least for a few months. New babies attract everyone's attention, and it's really unfair but other kids in the family can get left out a bit. Just try to enjoy the excitement of a new baby with everyone else and you won't feel too isolated. And keep up the communication with Sarah, she can't help you if she doesn't know what you want! I'm proud of you for sorting out this chat with her.

Well I'm sure you'll get it all sorted out now. Now is the best time to start a new leaf, before all the stress of a new baby arriving! You need to be prepared for not getting as much attention again once the baby arrives, at least for a few months. New babies attract everyone's attention, and it's really unfair but other kids in the family can get left out a bit. Just try to enjoy the excitement of a new baby with everyone else and you won't feel too isolated. And keep up the communication with Sarah, she can't help you if she doesn't know what you want! I'm proud of you for sorting out this chat with her.

The chat didn't go according to plan. She put my step-brother into bed and then came and spoke to me, I was only talking for about 5 minutes and then her work phone rang. She said she had to answer but I though it could wait. She was on the phone for about 10 minutes, I went to find her and I was really angry, I started screaming at her say that she was a horrible mother putting work before kids and that she is mean, I also said that she was a bitch. I didn't mean most of it. Turns out she was talking to her boss. She asked the boss to wait and then sent me to bed. I never got my chat with her. I think she is still mad at me. I guess I just flipped out shouldn't have done it but now she won't speak to me unless she has to help!

Well you blew that. Why would you call her a bitch under any circumstances, least of all that one? She had to take the call. You should know that she had to take the call. She had agreed to have a chat with you upon your request and made arrangements so she would be able to. And for that she gets you blowing up at her, embarrassing her in front of her boss and calling her a bitch? Get a grip.

I found it hard she puts work ahead of a lot of things. If she is not with my step-brother or my dad she is usually working. So she was meant to be having an important conversation with her step-daughter but instead she decides to answer to phone. I didn't know it was her boss. I didn't mean what I said but I think she thinks I do. I feel I made the whole situation worse. My dad was on the phone to me earlier saying how dissapointed he was.

Well just try again and don't be a dick to her this time.

You knew it was her work phone. If someone rings you on your work phone in the evening, it's probably pretty important. You don't seem to be at all critical of your dad's approach to work, despite the fact that it evidently means he spends very little time with you. Why on earth do you think your stepmother shouldn't be allowed to prioritise her work as well?

I don't mind my dad working to much because when he is home he is home he doesn't do anything with work he says he wants to spend time with his family. I hate the fact that everyone works so much. Sarah doesn't even need to work my dad said he earns enough to support the whole family. I think Sarah shoud work part time so she can take care of her son and maybe spread her attention out more