Mental Health Support Society Mk X

Original post by Mouse Potato

Could be the Citalopram if you haven't been taking it for long! I've had some very strange feelings when I've been on new medication, I'd say sit it out and see how it goes in the next couple of weeks. Hope you're otherwise okay! :hugs:

--------

I survived my blood test yesterday, thanks everyone who replied to me! I had a massive panic attack as soon as I sat in the chair and had to bail. I honestly thought that I was just going to walk out and not get it done, but I managed to go back in and try again, and I managed to do it! I have a massive fear of medical procedures so this is a big step for me.

I'm starting to go down a bit again though, and I'm terrified that I'm going to relapse completely every time I have the slightest dip in mood. Does anyone else ever feel like this? How do you stop it, or is it just something you have to learn to live with? I'm so scared that I'm going to be an absolute failure when I finally return to uni, both academically and socially.

(ED trigger)

Spoiler

Yeah I've only been on it a week, already feel a lot better though. I think it's just getting used to it. I'm slightly paranoid about it inducing mania but I absolutely hate antipsychotics and I don't want lithium due to fear of blood tests and side effects so I'm trying to manage it by just managing triggers. I only usually get hypomania (apart from one time) so even if it does trigger it should be okay!

Sorry I didn't see your comment about blood tests. I'm petrified of them, my doctor thinks I have PTSD from medical tests as a child. I had to have one recently and broke down in the room, I screamed all the way through it. I nearly backed out but didn't. Well done for doing it! I don't know if you already do this, but have you been prescribed anything to help? I use Emla cream (it's not the pain it's the sensation and giving up control but I can sort of pretend it's not happening if I can't feel it as bad) diazepam and a butterfly needle (can't feel the needle change which is a massive trigger for me). You did brilliantly for having it :smile:

Reply 1085

Original post by ANONYM00SE

I'm back home now. It went ok thanks. Now going back on meds. My mind is empty.

I'm on new meds too. Hope you feel better :smile:

Reply 1086

ANONYM00SE

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

I'm on new meds too. Hope you feel better :smile:

Thanks, you too! :hugs:

Reply 1087

username861942

5

I feel lost, really really lost. I don't know what to do. Where to start. Where to go.

I've been set on wanting to be a social worker for like a year now. Okay maybe not the longest amount of time of wanting to do something but, for me, finally thinking I had found something I actually wanted to do, was a big deal. I thought I would go and help people, that I could help people get help and get better. I thought that the system could actually work. But now I've lost all faith. All I have seen the system do after that last year is **** up. Seen people who need and deserve help turned away. Social Workers, Psychiatrists, CPNs, Psychologists unable to help anyone due to targets, rules and regulations. I've been there trying to get help, turned away because there is no beds, no money, no help. I've been there with others, knowing that they need something, but nothing comes. I had to take a close friend to A&E last night, they were very unwell, very distressed and hopeless. And I had to sit through the psych appointment with them, as they turned her away. I felt so angry. I tried to stand up to them, asking them when exactly is someone unwell enough to need hospital, I was trying to be fair to them. But the ****ing ignorance from the CPN just sent me off. It was like he didn't care, he just was happy to shove someone off, to hide behind the rules and just refuse to do anything. Yeah, I said some things I shouldn't of said, and yeah, I may of lashed out. That probably makes me a bad person. But to be honest, I couldn't care less. All I cared about was my friends safety. But if that is what the system does to people, then it is something I do not want to be a part of. I wanted to help people, but I don't know how the **** I can. I don't want to be like them, I won't. But theres no way I can be in that system.

Right now I am probably messing up my entire recovery. I've missed DBT group 3 times in a row now. My psychologist is pissed. But I just can't go. In a month, I am forced to move, so I will lose all the support I currently have. I don't want to go there knowing that I am going to lose it all very soon. I don't want that. I just want to push away, and I guess I am doing that. I don't want to accept that I am losing it all. I guess it's just my BPD part of me that is telling me to push, and im not even fighting it. Shows how pathetic I am.

I am constantly worried about money. Losing all my benefits. Not having somewhere to live. I know I can go back to my parents, but I've been independent since I was 18. That is probably the only thing I am proud of about myself, and I'm still crap at that. I wanted to move in with my girlfriend and start a new life. But it just looks like I don't have enough money to do that. And I won't. The only way I would have enough money would be to get a job, but who the **** would employ me. I had planned to go to uni (I still wouldn't of had enough then), but now it's not like I can even go. I don't want to go anymore.

Things aren't great in my head. But all I know is taking care of others, that's all I can do. Push my **** aside and deal with others. I don't think that's sustainable. But what can I do. I feel like I'm about to snap, I feel like I'm at my limit of what I can deal with. Like one thing more and I will break down. I've been like pretty much constantly crying for the last 24 hours. I feel so low. So distressed. So fed up. What can I do? Call my CPN? What's the point. Crisis team don't give a **** and I can't go to A&E because I have other people to look after. So I don't know. I want someone to help but at the same time I logically know that there is no help. Nothing.

I really don't know. Sorry I've completely rambled. I'm completely useless. Literally good for nothing. I don't have any dreams anymore. No reason.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 1088

Original post by bullettheory

I feel lost, really really lost. I don't know what to do. Where to start. Where to go.

I've been set on wanting to be a social worker for like a year now. Okay maybe not the longest amount of time of wanting to do something but, for me, finally thinking I had found something I actually wanted to do, was a big deal. I thought I would go and help people, that I could help people get help and get better. I thought that the system could actually work. But now I've lost all faith. All I have seen the system do after that last year is **** up. Seen people who need and deserve help turned away. Social Workers, Psychiatrists, CPNs, Psychologists unable to help anyone due to targets, rules and regulations. I've been there trying to get help, turned away because there is no beds, no money, no help. I've been there with others, knowing that they need something, but nothing comes. I had to take a close friend to A&E last night, they were very unwell, very distressed and hopeless. And I had to sit through the psych appointment with them, as they turned her away. I felt so angry. I tried to stand up to them, asking them when exactly is someone unwell enough to need hospital, I was trying to be fair to them. But the ****ing ignorance from the CPN just sent me off. It was like he didn't care, he just was happy to shove someone off, to hide behind the rules and just refuse to do anything. Yeah, I said some things I shouldn't of said, and yeah, I may of lashed out. That probably makes me a bad person. But to be honest, I couldn't care less. All I cared about was my friends safety. But if that is what the system does to people, then it is something I do not want to be a part of. I wanted to help people, but I don't know how the **** I can. I don't want to be like them, I won't. But theres no way I can be in that system.

Right now I am probably messing up my entire recovery. I've missed DBT group 3 times in a row now. My psychologist is pissed. But I just can't go. In a month, I am forced to move, so I will lose all the support I currently have. I don't want to go there knowing that I am going to lose it all very soon. I don't want that. I just want to push away, and I guess I am doing that. I don't want to accept that I am losing it all. I guess it's just my BPD part of me that is telling me to push, and im not even fighting it. Shows how pathetic I am.

I am constantly worried about money. Losing all my benefits. Not having somewhere to live. I know I can go back to my parents, but I've been independent since I was 18. That is probably the only thing I am proud of about myself, and I'm still crap at that. I wanted to move in with my girlfriend and start a new life. But it just looks like I don't have enough money to do that. And I won't. The only way I would have enough money would be to get a job, but who the **** would employ me. I had planned to go to uni (I still wouldn't of had enough then), but now it's not like I can even go. I don't want to go anymore.

Things aren't great in my head. But all I know is taking care of others, that's all I can do. Push my **** aside and deal with others. I don't think that's sustainable. But what can I do. I feel like I'm about to snap, I feel like I'm at my limit of what I can deal with. Like one thing more and I will break down. I've been like pretty much constantly crying for the last 24 hours. I feel so low. So distressed. So fed up. What can I do? Call my CPN? What's the point. Crisis team don't give a **** and I can't go to A&E because I have other people to look after. So I don't know. I want someone to help but at the same time I logically know that there is no help. Nothing.

I really don't know. Sorry I've completely rambled. I'm completely useless. Literally good for nothing. I don't have any dreams anymore. No reason.

Posted from TSR Mobile

I don't have any advice other than personally, whenever I've felt like that, I've always found that it doesn't last and eventually it will pass. Not much comfort I know, but hopefully you will feel better soon :hugs:

I know what you mean about the system. It's ****ty. I've had problems with it recently where I have no support at all

Reply 1089

thatsthebadger93

Original post by bullettheory

I feel lost, really really lost. I don't know what to do. Where to start. Where to go.

I've been set on wanting to be a social worker for like a year now. Okay maybe not the longest amount of time of wanting to do something but, for me, finally thinking I had found something I actually wanted to do, was a big deal. I thought I would go and help people, that I could help people get help and get better. I thought that the system could actually work. But now I've lost all faith. All I have seen the system do after that last year is **** up. Seen people who need and deserve help turned away. Social Workers, Psychiatrists, CPNs, Psychologists unable to help anyone due to targets, rules and regulations. I've been there trying to get help, turned away because there is no beds, no money, no help. I've been there with others, knowing that they need something, but nothing comes. I had to take a close friend to A&E last night, they were very unwell, very distressed and hopeless. And I had to sit through the psych appointment with them, as they turned her away. I felt so angry. I tried to stand up to them, asking them when exactly is someone unwell enough to need hospital, I was trying to be fair to them. But the ****ing ignorance from the CPN just sent me off. It was like he didn't care, he just was happy to shove someone off, to hide behind the rules and just refuse to do anything. Yeah, I said some things I shouldn't of said, and yeah, I may of lashed out. That probably makes me a bad person. But to be honest, I couldn't care less. All I cared about was my friends safety. But if that is what the system does to people, then it is something I do not want to be a part of. I wanted to help people, but I don't know how the **** I can. I don't want to be like them, I won't. But theres no way I can be in that system.

Right now I am probably messing up my entire recovery. I've missed DBT group 3 times in a row now. My psychologist is pissed. But I just can't go. In a month, I am forced to move, so I will lose all the support I currently have. I don't want to go there knowing that I am going to lose it all very soon. I don't want that. I just want to push away, and I guess I am doing that. I don't want to accept that I am losing it all. I guess it's just my BPD part of me that is telling me to push, and im not even fighting it. Shows how pathetic I am.

I am constantly worried about money. Losing all my benefits. Not having somewhere to live. I know I can go back to my parents, but I've been independent since I was 18. That is probably the only thing I am proud of about myself, and I'm still crap at that. I wanted to move in with my girlfriend and start a new life. But it just looks like I don't have enough money to do that. And I won't. The only way I would have enough money would be to get a job, but who the **** would employ me. I had planned to go to uni (I still wouldn't of had enough then), but now it's not like I can even go. I don't want to go anymore.

Things aren't great in my head. But all I know is taking care of others, that's all I can do. Push my **** aside and deal with others. I don't think that's sustainable. But what can I do. I feel like I'm about to snap, I feel like I'm at my limit of what I can deal with. Like one thing more and I will break down. I've been like pretty much constantly crying for the last 24 hours. I feel so low. So distressed. So fed up. What can I do? Call my CPN? What's the point. Crisis team don't give a **** and I can't go to A&E because I have other people to look after. So I don't know. I want someone to help but at the same time I logically know that there is no help. Nothing.

I really don't know. Sorry I've completely rambled. I'm completely useless. Literally good for nothing. I don't have any dreams anymore. No reason.

Posted from TSR Mobile

This might not be the most coherent reply so apologies.
I agree that the systems not great, but getting someone decent working in it makes a big difference to people who get involved with it. You can't help everyone but at least if you're working in the system, you'll be able to help more people than you could otherwise. I'd guess it's not an easy environment to work in but the more good people working in it, the better it should become. So it would be a shame to give up on your dream because of incompetent ****-wits that can't actually do their jobs.
Talking to your CPN might be worth a try, at least you can explain why you haven't be able to go to DBT. While wanting to be able to help other people is great, if you ignore your health chances are you'll end up not being able to help them anyway. It's hard when it seems like there's nothing anyone can do to help, particularly when you've had past experiences of it, but at least if you ask there's a chance you might get some decent help but if you don't it definitely won't happen.

Reply 1090

eddie4921

Original post by Mouse Potato

If you've done lots of revision previously then you have nothing to worry about. It's very normal to feel stressed around exam time. Try to give yourself time to sit down and relax. Maybe run yourself a nice bath or something, and take an hour or two completely out of revision to just have some time for yourself. You'll find it easier to revise if you're relaxed, and you'll probably just feel a bit better for it generally.

Wishing you lots of luck for your exam tomorrow, hope everything goes okay for you! :hugs:

thank you

I hope so too :grin:

Reply 1091

superwolf

18

Original post by bullettheory

I feel lost, really really lost. I don't know what to do. Where to start. Where to go.

I've been set on wanting to be a social worker for like a year now. Okay maybe not the longest amount of time of wanting to do something but, for me, finally thinking I had found something I actually wanted to do, was a big deal. I thought I would go and help people, that I could help people get help and get better. I thought that the system could actually work. But now I've lost all faith. All I have seen the system do after that last year is **** up. Seen people who need and deserve help turned away. Social Workers, Psychiatrists, CPNs, Psychologists unable to help anyone due to targets, rules and regulations. I've been there trying to get help, turned away because there is no beds, no money, no help. I've been there with others, knowing that they need something, but nothing comes. I had to take a close friend to A&E last night, they were very unwell, very distressed and hopeless. And I had to sit through the psych appointment with them, as they turned her away. I felt so angry. I tried to stand up to them, asking them when exactly is someone unwell enough to need hospital, I was trying to be fair to them. But the ****ing ignorance from the CPN just sent me off. It was like he didn't care, he just was happy to shove someone off, to hide behind the rules and just refuse to do anything. Yeah, I said some things I shouldn't of said, and yeah, I may of lashed out. That probably makes me a bad person. But to be honest, I couldn't care less. All I cared about was my friends safety. But if that is what the system does to people, then it is something I do not want to be a part of. I wanted to help people, but I don't know how the **** I can. I don't want to be like them, I won't. But theres no way I can be in that system.

Right now I am probably messing up my entire recovery. I've missed DBT group 3 times in a row now. My psychologist is pissed. But I just can't go. In a month, I am forced to move, so I will lose all the support I currently have. I don't want to go there knowing that I am going to lose it all very soon. I don't want that. I just want to push away, and I guess I am doing that. I don't want to accept that I am losing it all. I guess it's just my BPD part of me that is telling me to push, and im not even fighting it. Shows how pathetic I am.

I am constantly worried about money. Losing all my benefits. Not having somewhere to live. I know I can go back to my parents, but I've been independent since I was 18. That is probably the only thing I am proud of about myself, and I'm still crap at that. I wanted to move in with my girlfriend and start a new life. But it just looks like I don't have enough money to do that. And I won't. The only way I would have enough money would be to get a job, but who the **** would employ me. I had planned to go to uni (I still wouldn't of had enough then), but now it's not like I can even go. I don't want to go anymore.

Things aren't great in my head. But all I know is taking care of others, that's all I can do. Push my **** aside and deal with others. I don't think that's sustainable. But what can I do. I feel like I'm about to snap, I feel like I'm at my limit of what I can deal with. Like one thing more and I will break down. I've been like pretty much constantly crying for the last 24 hours. I feel so low. So distressed. So fed up. What can I do? Call my CPN? What's the point. Crisis team don't give a **** and I can't go to A&E because I have other people to look after. So I don't know. I want someone to help but at the same time I logically know that there is no help. Nothing.

I really don't know. Sorry I've completely rambled. I'm completely useless. Literally good for nothing. I don't have any dreams anymore. No reason.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Bullettheory you can make a difference in people's lives, whether that's through your original social worker plan, or through something else like charity work/volunteering. Individual people can be really helpful in spite of the system they have to work within, plus they can work to change the system, or find a way to still be helpful outside of it. Look how much asdgah's therapist is helping her for instance, or think how it feels when you do occasionally find someone who really cares about how you're doing and tries to help you.

I agree that mental health services in the UK are a complete shambles, but that's all the more reason to try and make a difference yourself. A social work degree would set you up to do some really rewarding work, working either in the public or private sector. My mum's got a friend who's a social worker (working with children rather than mental health) and although he has a really tough job he's still proud of what he does and I think he genuinely does make other people's lives better. You're an awesome, caring person, and I'm certain that whatever path you go down you're going to really help people out. :smile:

Sounds like you could do with someone to talk to about all your worries - if you get on with your CPN then you could try them, plus you know you've always got us! :hugs:

Reply 1092

Kindred

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

Keep getting this weird feeling...feels a bit like anxiety but without the worry. The best way I can decribe it is like when you're on a rollercoaster and you're teetering on the top waiting to go down super fast, and you get that feeling. It's like that but for no apparent reason :s Side effect of Citalopram maybe?

I'm getting that sort of feeling atm too. You're description actually really hit the nail on the head! For me it's side effects so for you it's probably the same. I've found that things like rich tea biscuits and fresh air have helped me a bit as well as just generally trying to relax. Might help for you too? :smile:

Reply 1093

Original post by Kindred

I'm getting that sort of feeling atm too. You're description actually really hit the nail on the head! For me it's side effects so for you it's probably the same. I've found that things like rich tea biscuits and fresh air have helped me a bit as well as just generally trying to relax. Might help for you too? :smile:

I can't eat many busicuits because of my milk allergy (I didn't choose the thug life...) but I've found going outside helps too :smile:

It's not too bad and it seems to be lessening, I had to diaz to get rid of it at first but now it's only mild. Hope you feel better, thanks for the reply :smile:

Reply 1094

Kindred

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

I can't eat many busicuits because of my milk allergy (I didn't choose the thug life...) but I've found going outside helps too :smile:

It's not too bad and it seems to be lessening, I had to diaz to get rid of it at first but now it's only mild. Hope you feel better, thanks for the reply :smile:

You're welcome and thanks. If its new meds you're on it should get better in a couple of weeks so just hang in there. :smile:

Reply 1095

Original post by Kindred

You're welcome and thanks. If its new meds you're on it should get better in a couple of weeks so just hang in there. :smile:

Yeah only been on them a week, already they've made a difference which has surprised me (I'm usually very anti meds but got on a crisis).

---

My mums boss is being a bitch again. My mum was honest with her and told her about my bipolar, to which she got "so? Everyone has problems" and she's really unsympathetic, doesn't let her have time off to take me to appointments, my mum's part time but she won't let her book days off in advance to arange appointments, won't be flexible and is really rude about it (called me 'baggage'). My mum's had unions involved and had explained they're breachinh the DD ACT but it's hardly changed. Her manager is a bully, and says things to her like "everyone's talking about you." and "you're letting everyone down" for no reason. She deliberately tries to make her look stupid by telling her to come into work an hour later, and then asking her in front of everyone why she's late, and when my mum goes to the board to check she's written over it (although you can still clearly see the original, we photocopied it).

Now she's moaning about my mum wanting to leave work ON TIME to take me to an appointment OUT OF WORK TIME. They ran over, and all my mum did was ask someone else to stay and her to go for the appointment (she stayed last week) and they're being horrible about it. Makes me feel like it's my fault :/

Reply 1096

emobambam

14

Original post by PonchoKid

i hate my house, my housemates hate me, i have a lot of work to do, im back at placement for the first time in 3 weeks, i have to do something utterly terrifing this afternoon that i dont want to do. i just want to run and hide... i cant do it all anymore.

I know how you feel.I'm sick and normal everyday problems are starting to become overwhelming.life is just a struggle for me.do you have any kind of support system?

Reply 1097

The_Lonely_Goatherd

Original post by Deyesy

No more Sociology EVER :woo:

Original post by asdfgah

I swear if I get a 2.i this year it will be a ****ing miracle.

Cambridge totally aren't geared up for people who probably belong in hospital hanging out and trying to do some degree **** in their spare time and then recovering a little bit in exam term and desperately trying to pull it all back. :erm:

I still believe you can get a 2.1 :yep:

Remember Dory: "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming" :yep:

Oxbridge generally are bloody hopeless with MH though - you're right. This is why we need to write our book exposing both institutions :colone:

Original post by eddie4921

Hey

Im really stressing cos i have my 1st exam tomorrow. I taught myself A level psychology so thats what my exams are for but im really scared. If i dont pass them i wont get to uni. I feel like if i dont get to uni my life will be over. Literally. Im really scared. this is all i have to live for. :bawling:

Student finance are still being annoying though. Nothing is ever easy is it. Im meant to be revising right now but its really hard for me to concentrate. But ive done so much revision previously so maybe ill be okay. My antidepresssants have been working quite well these last few days but i still want everything to end. :cry2:

I dont really know what im doing anymore

Uni isn't the be all and end all. Besides, even if it were, plenty of people go into/back to uni when they're older. There's nothing saying you have to do it right now :nah:

Original post by sunfowers01

I feel like a failure because I had to cut my hours at work. :frown:

All the best people work on reduced hours! :yep:

Don't be so hard on yourself! :hugs:

Original post by avhhs

Posted from TSR Mobile

:hugs:

I've been needing loads of sleep recently too because of Citalopram. But at least things seem good otherwise :smile:

You have loads :eek:

I don't have any, and a bit stuck as to where to look for them :tongue:

People buy me cuddly toys as presents. Not coz I'm obsessed or anything :ninja:

Original post by asdfgah

Am sitting down in Boots because struggling to deal with All Of The Noise And Movement. Everything is moving and then it's spinning as well which doesn't help and it feels like my clothes are getting tighter around my chest. Don't want to waste diazepam and it feels oh so pathetic that just being outside is making me feel so ill. :cry2:

Original post by superwolf

Avhhs very few personal problems are actually solved by starting a relationship. I get that you wish you had someone close to you, but that itself would come with problems too - the closer a relationship you have with someone, the more responsible you become for their well-being as well as yours, which can involve a whole load more difficulties when one or more of you has mental health issues. I think you need to be a bit more realistic about how the world works, and about envying what other people have.

Original post by loopy786

Nice to meet you all, I decided to come off anon and if people who know me find this, well.... Hi. I'm human.
Well finally saw a doctor today after 9 months ago, seeing one who made me even worse. Just my luck that my normal GP was away so I got to see a new doctor who is way better and ACTUALLY understands and makes 10 minute appointments feel longer. :woo:

So yeah. Severe depression plus anxiety, getting referred to a psychiatrist (don't know how I'm possibly going to keep that from my parents... I've already kept everything else from them because they react badly to it and I just have panic attacks). I'm also getting meds in about two weeks' time or something, apparently. Lol the printer broke so she couldn't print stuff. Also, I went in with the biggest list of things classed into three categories: emotional, physical, and important life events/information. Even though I spent half of it crying and stabbing a paper towel with my finger, it went okay. I feel like something might happen for once. The first time I feel like I've actually moved around in two years... if that makes sense. Told a handful of friends. Some reacted unfavourably. Know who *not* to go to now. In the run up to this appointment, I could think of only one person who could provide me with comfort and I've never even met her *d'oh*. Exams start and 18th birthday on Wednesday. Give me strength pls and we can all share it out like birthday sweets. *hangs onto ledge of strength*

Glad you finally had the courage to go - well done! Also that you got a doctor who actually listened. That's great :yes:

Reply 1098

The_Lonely_Goatherd