Girlfriend feels 'numb'

I've felt numb before but not in regards to a relationship, just myself. My girlfriend told me she's felt numb lately relating to us. We had a rough patch recently where I was depressed for a few weeks and she found it difficult because I wasn't communicating with her very well and I think she felt shut-out. I feel much better now, but she now feels numb.

Can anyone help me out? What does she mean? I'm playing it calm and hoping time will heal it. We've been together for a couple of years so I'm hoping this one rough patch can't destroy it all.

Reply 1

hollywoodbudgie

No no, don't play it 'calm.'

By 'numb', she feels like the passion isn't there, no excitement that sort of thing.
Do something special instead, show her how much she means to you.

Reply 2

cllio

take her away for a weekend

Reply 3

username677182

By 'numb' she probably means she's starting to feel as if the relationships' turned a little flat.

Playing it 'calm' could quite easily back fire as she'll be even more inclined to think you're just not bothered about how she feels.

Treat her and tell her how you feel about her as well and that you are concerned by her saying she feels 'numb'.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

As someone who has been in your girlfriend's position, it's that she feels more of your carer than a partner. Now that your bad patch of depression is over I suggest that you do the following. Express to her how much you appreciated her support, apologise for anything that you may have regrettably said / done and maybe treat her to something she enjoys; it doesn't have to be expensive, just thoughtful.

Good luck.

Reply 5

Treeroy

What do you mean by 'numb'?

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by hollywoodbudgie

No no, don't play it 'calm.'

By 'numb', she feels like the passion isn't there, no excitement that sort of thing.
Do something special instead, show her how much she means to you.

Original post by Vikki1805

I see what you're both saying but when we talked about it (and this as when she described herself as numb) she told me to act as if everything was okay. If I try and hug her or kiss her or snuggle her in bed - admittedly I haven't tried it much but... - when I have she's been a bit robotic and cold about it. Should I persist?

I would buy her a little gift or 2 but is that not 'playing up to her' and being 'whipped'? I thought that was unattractive and weak.

I was also going to try things like cooking her dinner etc but with her being quite cold and robotic I'm discouraged.

Vicious circle!

Reply 7

MrBean1994

Original post by Anonymous

yes you should persist! If you don't keep trying and make the effort then you'll lose her and you'll regret it. Simple

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Hey, did your relationship recover?

I've told her I love her and apologised back when she said she felt numb. Should I persist with physical and verbal affection even though she's currently being quite cold? I would but I'm worried it will put her off more.

I can understand she might feel like my carer... guess I need to be very decisive and independent to snap us out of it.

Reply 9

hollywoodbudgie

Original post by Anonymous

She's only being cold because, whilst depressed, that's how you were. It's hard to be the one who is always being warm and loving to the other person, whilst they feel not much at all.

And going out of your way to make a girl you're with feel a bit special every now and then isn't being 'whipped', it's called being a decent boyfriend.

Sometimes you just need to do something unusual. A small surprise. It sounds like a lot of hard work, but everything good needs extra effort at times.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 10

Legal drugdealer

I think she needs the D

Reply 11

RichyFrench

It sounds like you've lost what appeal you had when she originally found you attractive. If she's been looking after you, you've lost what masculinity you had. You've been through a period of weakness, and now you have to reassert your strength, confidence, and be a man again. Caring for someone is tough, and unless she thrives on feeling needed, it's not gonna help things. You need to get over your problems now and start treating her like that girl you thought was amazing and tried to impress so she'd notice you.

Reply 12

Pigling

Feeling numb = "my feelings for this relationship are dying" - playing it calm and backing off is the last thing you should do! You need to revive the relationship, you need to become fun and exciting again.

Being extra nice and soppy isn't the trick, doing invigorating stuff together, which sparks her interest and passion, maybe rekindle some old memories. Think of some of your best moments together (of the exciting/invigorating variety, not soppy stuff), when you have laughed the most, when you have felt the closest, when you have had the most fun and try to relive/recreate them. If you can choose something relatively effortless/ easily enjoyable on her part - as her apathy (this "numbness") about the relationship might be a stumbling block otherwise.

Play to your relationship's strengths. For example, if this were me, I would arrange something fun to do as a couple with our friends, because that's when me and my bf are on our best form as we are both flirts/show offs. You may find you are invigorated by friends - if you go out with some others as a couple this may rekindle a sense of camaraderie between you.

Reply 13

jaja8282

Hi peeps could someone help me out with advice Me and my girl of 12 months are expecting are first child she is 12 weeks now we both have other kids and live in different homes but as of late we had a bit of a fall out over the smalest thing and she went and stayed at her mums for a whole week now she is staying in her house and we were happy in my home but after the week apart she is now saying she dosent like the house,aera and is feeling numb towords the pregnancy and me she says that she knows she loves me and wants to live with me and have a family but she dosent know why shes feeling numb. Can the mums and women help me with some advice please...

Reply 14

Redflag1

I've felt like this before in a relationship and tbh it seems like she's shut her feelings off for you. This is hard to come back from even if she wants to. People are right on here with what there saying, playing it cool with her is the worst thing to do. I'm not saying it's impossible to overcome it but it unlikely. Sorry. Let us know how it goes

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