The longer you persevere, the easier it gets.
The more i've just accepted my body and my past (even though it has been painful) the more I have been able to move on with my life. Eating disorders are miserable and painful... so the more you just float along wanting to restrict whenever you have the chance the longer it will take to recover. You
will get sick and tired of being sick and tired.. and the more time you spend healthy, the more you will appreciate that life is so much better that way.
The responsibility is all on you. No one is going to give you the magic pill. There are only two choices, fighting for recovery, or getting very very sick. Asking for support is not weakness, it's a sign of responsibility and strength, so is there anyone who is going on the trip that you can trust to share this worry with?
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My pre-holiday diet has been massively unsuccessful so far, but surprisingly I am getting less and less concerned about it. I have a belly, yes, but I also have (slightly more) warmth and energy and humour and strength. I have actually realised I have been sabotaging my weight loss because I so so do not want to be thin again. A bit less of a belly, but that shell of a person wasn't me! (i'm not saying that being thin makes you a shell, but it's just not
me). I don't want to loose myself again, and it's taking a bit of time for me to trust that I won't. My ideal weight in my head is creeping higher and higher and it's actually such a relief. I set out thinking I really want to loose 25 pounds, and now i've realised that it's far more realistic for me to aim for 15.
I didn't go to the spa with my family this weekend because of my body and it SUCKS but trying to focus on the positives. Calmness around food is increasing all the time
It was so foolish of me to think that being thin would solve all of my problems, because it just gave me so many more, but i'm glad I took this year out to let the worst of the storm pass before I go out into the rain. My wellie boots are at the ready