The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

I really hope things work out for you! best of luck with your conditions and with your boyfriend's job hunt

You are such a sweetheart! Thank you! Results day was today for me and I got A*AA, my offer was AAB! KCL, here I come. So yes, moving to England in September and fingers crossed boyfriend finds a job in London.

Also to answer your question - we text during the day. Not a lot but definitely at least a couple of times depending on how busy we are. We try to skype every night but we have gone 2 or 3 days without talking on skype. Hope this helps!

When you and your partner are apart, what's the longest you can go without messaging each other (email, texting, Facebook, etc) and what's the longest you can go without speaking (phone, Skype, etc)?

I'm just curious as to what is generally considered normal.

When you and your partner are apart, what's the longest you can go without messaging each other (email, texting, Facebook, etc) and what's the longest you can go without speaking (phone, Skype, etc)?

I'm just curious as to what is generally considered normal.

Congratulations!! I'm so happy for you! :') at least, worst case scenario you'll only be a few hours from him at most

Тhank you so much! PM if you need someone to talk about your relationship or whatever!

When you and your partner are apart, what's the longest you can go without messaging each other (email, texting, Facebook, etc) and what's the longest you can go without speaking (phone, Skype, etc)?

I'm just curious as to what is generally considered normal.

I used to be in an LDR but broke it up a few months ago for reasons I can't quite explain myself...I've since found out we really were not suited! My boyfriend rarely used to reply and it felt like I was being sidelined; like you guys, I didn't want to be needy or too demanding so I didn't say anything but it was quite hard. I was actually really shocked he seemed to like me! But now I know he didn't really so I don't know, feel a bit silly really but don't know what I did wrong. I think he couldn't handle the distance and because we only spoke once a day really in the evenings I actually knew him much less than I thought :/ our first languages are also different so quite often he didn't properly grasp what I was saying.

Sounds like you lot have managed it much better and have been sensible! Just feel a bit inadequate and silly, doesn't help when he tried to blame lots of things on me! (:

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Ohh its not nice that you broke up considering he didn't explain why :-( ldr are hard and it tends to be well established relationships that last. If you are a new couple lust is what attracts you and keeps you together and that relies heavily on physically seeing each other it might just be that you could keep that up because you didn't get to see each other as often. As a girl we move onto the emotional, talking, supportive role in a relationship faster but i find guys want to keep up the flirting etc... it takes longer for them to find a connection, maybe he didn't wait long enough. I'm sorry it didn't work out but there's many more out there!

Posted from TSR Mobile

Hello there, I'm really stuck in a rut and thought you guys could give me a bit of advice regarding my boyfriend (who lives 100 miles away and I've been with for 1 and a half years.
I did post this on another forum, but I think seeing as most of your are in ldrs, you would give more relevant advice. So here goes: its a long post, sorry.

Basically, all my friends say to me that my boyfriend treats me like crap...and I think I'm starting to believe them. But I'd still like an outsiders view.
I'll give you a few examples of the things he has done to make me cry.
2 months into the relationship he asked me to introduce him to one of my friends, so I did. I later found out from her that he flirted with her and didn't tell her he had a girlfriend (she didn't know i was with him at the time). I broke up with him, cus at the time I wasn't into him that much. He emotionally blackmailed me (fainting at school, starving himself, begging at my door etc), and we got back together. After that, we had a pretty much perfect relationship for 9 months. He was great.

It all started going downhill when he went to university. In December, he went on holiday with these three American girls to spain, and didn't tell me until 2 days before. I felt a bit hurt that he didn't think to consult me, but eventually got over it when he came back for Christmas.
In his second term, he started neglecting to call me (we had planned before he went to uni that we would speak once a day on the phone). He would often ignore me for up to 4 days. I told him off for this, but he keeps doing it!
Valentines day - I get no card or gift...but I at least expected a phonecall. At one am on feb 15th i get a text from him saying that he wont be able to call me. I ask him why and he tells me that he wanted to go to a party with some americans in his halls common room. wtf?!

Around April time, he again neglected to call me for a period of 4 days. When he came back for Easter, I did a bad thing and looked at his phone. what I found was a lengthy text conversation with a girl from his uni, during the period when he was ignoring me. In this conversation he admitted to this girl that he wanted to '**** around' yet wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. What the hell? He then asked her how she gives good blowjobs, and told her I was only average at them (what does he expect? he is my first, I'm young and not experienced). Then she told him she would take him out to spearmint rhino to get rid of his frustrations, and that she would bring round some porn videos for him. This isn't normal friend behaviour surely?! Also, why does he think its okay to have a long late night text convo with this girl, yet ignore his own girlfriend?
Thing is, him and this other guy are gonna be living with this girl next year, which means I will eventually have to meet her. I really dread this, cus she knows so much private stuff about me, it's gonna be so awkward for me. Argh!

If you read all that I congratulate you.

Just after the part with ur friend and him acting like a wuss to get you back was enough for me to say you can do better. He is also clearly gonna get with this american girl hes conveniently gonna live with. She bring porn over? i mean come on theres only one reason shed wanna bring him stuff like that. Ur young, ul meet someone that actually treats you nicely and realise ur friends were right. We dont like to admit it but often what people on the outside of a relationship see is the truth, when ur one of the people in it u have feelings that go against what u would think otherwise. Let him get with that girl and probably ruin that too cus he cant stay loal clearly. Whilst ul be single and now when u chat to guys u may like at uni, ur available. have some fun and meet someone nice. Its hard to lose ur 1st real bf/gf but ul learn from it and grow and after a few weeks ul be fine ^^

Just a quick question for anyone who stayed with a girlfriend while starting University, is it really as bad as people make it seem or is it worth it? I'm not saying this because I think I'd be better off without her but I'm just wondering how much truth comes from my friends (and even my parents) who are telling me that I should be single in freshers...

Background knowledge- Me and my girlfriend first got together 10 months now, we were living over 100 miles from each other, and I'm at boarding school so I was even further away for the majority of the time, I didn't get to see her often at all... Anyway, I found out I was moving house to just a couple of miles away, but we broke up (due to me being too dependent, which has now changed) before I had the chance to visit her from home...

Anyway, after a couple of weeks we started talking again and we're now back together, I've seen her from home and we're both happy, but what would people suggest is the best thing to do regarding me starting university? I don't want things to stop between us but my dad keeps talking about situations where 'i bring a girl home that i meet on a night out' and similar things like this, and I really don't wanna hear about it :/

Just a quick question for anyone who stayed with a girlfriend while starting University, is it really as bad as people make it seem or is it worth it? I'm not saying this because I think I'd be better off without her but I'm just wondering how much truth comes from my friends (and even my parents) who are telling me that I should be single in freshers...

Background knowledge- Me and my girlfriend first got together 10 months now, we were living over 100 miles from each other, and I'm at boarding school so I was even further away for the majority of the time, I didn't get to see her often at all... Anyway, I found out I was moving house to just a couple of miles away, but we broke up (due to me being too dependent, which has now changed) before I had the chance to visit her from home...

Anyway, after a couple of weeks we started talking again and we're now back together, I've seen her from home and we're both happy, but what would people suggest is the best thing to do regarding me starting university? I don't want things to stop between us but my dad keeps talking about situations where 'i bring a girl home that i meet on a night out' and similar things like this, and I really don't wanna hear about it :/

University isn't all about getting drunk and having sex with as many people as you can.
In my experience it really didn't happen, as often as it is suggested, around me. (I was already in a relationship!)

Do you want to go to University to have the freedom and to get with lots of girls? If so, then I'd question the relationship as you aren't really committed... You can go out at night and talk to people and not have sex with them.

I was looking forward to meeting new people, and yes making new male friends, but I was never wanting to sleep around. I mean, I doubt I would have done that if I was single because that's just not me. Do you think you'll be tempted when drunk? If so, again, I'd question your commitment.

A lot of people in my halls were already in relationships, and it didn't stop their university life. Yes, some broke up - but that's life. If your relationship is strong and you're both fully committed then it can work.

Quick question, unrelated to the problem above (Im rubbish at advice so Ill leave that to nicer people...). Just wondering can LDR work even if youve only just met the person? As in itll be about 3 weeks, probably seen them in person about 3/4 times cos of exams and stuff, and then wont see them again for about 4 months while were both at home over summer...is it stupid to even think about getting into a relationship and better to wait til september?