Got a lot on my mind am...also im pretty sure i have a crush on this girl at our letting agent's office. We often go in there to pay rent, get stuff fixed at our house and she recently took us around a bunch of houses. I wanna try and get over it though since i have no self esteem whatsoever, and im certain it'll end badly and just make stuff awkward in the future. Theres a reason i havent been in a relationship for about 5 years.
Also anxious about everything atm; leaving the house, answering phone calls, and a number of other things coming up in the next 2 months. I just downright hate myself at the moment and have no faith in myself about anything.
I've often thought that im just supposed to be depressed for the rest of my life, and that i need to reach some kind of zombified state where i feel no emotions anymore so i can no longer be in so much agony, i wish i could do that but i dont think i can.