Don't Want To Have Sex With My Beautiful Girlfriend

PLEASE KEEP ANON

I'm 24 and I recently met a girl (23) that is literally perfect, she's beautiful, intelligent, funny and we get on incredibly well.

We've engaged in a relationship and things are going very well, however I know that soon we will be engaging in sex and I'm terrified.

I've been in university for 4 years now and I haven't had a girlfriend throughout this time or even for the immediate years that preceded it, which is why I am so happy with this girl I have met at the moment, I just know that there could be real future in this relationship.

The reason why I am terrified is that I suffer from premature ejaculation, and can't last longer than a few minutes during sex. I knew this day would eventually come (when this would impact on a future relationship of mine) and I want nothing more than for her to be happy, and knowing she won't be, will inevitably lead to the relationship having a very real finite duration.

In anticipation I have tried everything over the years to make myself last longer and to no avail, I think it's just imprinted in me that I will never last longer than 5 minutes in bed.

My question is, is it possible to satisfy a girls sexual needs without long lasting penetrative sex, I don't care about myself having orgasm and I will make sure that she is as satisfied as possible throughout the time we are having sex, it just won't all be penetrative.

What I am asking girls (especially those who have any of you been in this position before) is this a sustainable outlook to have on the relationship? Or will the day come when she realises that this just isn't enough for her.

I am willing to make this girl so happy in any way possible and and I'm sure will one day she will mean an incredible amount to me. I suppose I am just looking for some realistic opinions on the situation and even though I appreciate that you guys don't have enough information to make informed analysis, it would be great to hear what you think the future may have in store for us?

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Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

To train yourself to last longer spend hours if need be bringing yourself to the brink of orgasm then stopping, rinse and repeat.

To speed up her climax go down on her beforehand and maybe stimulate her clitoris while penetrating her as well.

Reply 2

Type 052D

Don't do it with her. Sex before marriage is bad and risky.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah I've been doing this for years to no avail, admittedly I know last for a couple of minutes as opposed to seconds, but I feel it's still not going to be enough. I will keep at it to improve even more however.

Reply 4

brokenalien

How about: concentrate on the foreplay/pleasuring her for far longer than you would 'normally'. That way she should be pretty close to orgasm anyway, so the few minutes you can manage should help her finish. I'd recommend you warn her, too; 'You just turn me on so damn much I don't know if I'll be able to last very long.' Condoms dampen the sensation so you should last longer, too. It's quite normal to finish quickly the first time with a new partner, especially if it's your first time in general.

Once you get over the first hurdle you may find yourself relaxing around her and the whole 'issue' will diminish. Hopefully with time you'll find yourself lasting longer and longer. Hope this helps from a girl's perspective.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by brokenalien

Thanks for that, it's really helpful just to hear it from a girls point of view, I was thinking of doing pretty much exactly what you said. This is the first time that I may go into having regular intercourse and I hope this is something that will diminish just for her sake more than anything

Reply 6

Reindeer o't Roc

That's what round 2 is for.

Reply 7

James Lucifer

TED is a cuddle toy but he's able to satisfy women . You can do it :wink:

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Reply 8

Bhumbauze

Original post by Anonymous

My question is, is it possible to satisfy a girls sexual needs without long lasting penetrative sex, I don't care about myself having orgasm and I will make sure that she is as satisfied as possible throughout the time we are having sex, it just won't all be penetrative.

Most women won't reach orgasm from penetrative sex, so yes. Longer than 10 to 15 mins of penetration is overkill, tbh. Spend the BULK of sexytime on other things if you want to be "fulfilling", :yy:

Reply 9

Sazzle4

Honesty is the best policy in this sort of situation. If you are in a relationship and ready to start having sex then you are close enough to talk about this. Explain that in the past you've suffered from premature ejaculation and are worried about satisfying her. If she isn't understanding about it then she probably isn't someone you'd want to be with and it sounds like she's a nice person from what you've said.
Having been open about it is likely to relax you and since premature ejaculation is often linked to anxiety this may help you to last longer in itself. As has been suggested, you can then focus on foreplay and if you take your time there you may find that she can get her orgasm from that as a lot of women find that oral provides more clitoral stimulation.
The best thing you can do is be honest and then relax and enjoy it whether it lasts for five seconds, five minutes or five hours!

Reply 10

ChocoCoatedLemons

TBH, women aren't very likely to orgasm from pentration anyway. Go down on her, use a lot of foreplay. Also, use numbing condoms and keep on practising. :smile:

Oh, and you could masturbate a bit beforehand so your tadpoles aren't ready to explode straight out of the tank.

Reply 11

The Wild Youth

Firstly, sex in a relationship (from what i've found from a girls perspective at least) is about wanting your partner to enjoy themselves and making them feel secure as much as (and if not more) than you're enjoying it. She's your girlfriend - talk to her about it. She should understand! She wont want you to feel awkward and i'd imagine that it would be pretty reassuring to you if you knew she cared less than you've built yourself up to think.

What I would do is to concentrate on foreplay for longer than you would normally and to enjoy it in the moment. You've said you've tried ways to stop yourself so I won't bother listing those apart from to make sure you use an extra thick condom.

And relax!!!

Reply 12

beckydood

Just put loads of effort into foreplay. If she loves you, or is really into you, she won't care. Just tell her, she will like you/ be into you more for telling her. So just tell her and be honest, and she'll be happy :smile:

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Hey everyone, first of all I would just like to say thank you for all the replies back to my plight, I just have a question to ask about the situation I have found myself in.

So basically since my post, we have gotten a lot closer and I have managed to give her lots of orgasms through foreplay (oral etc.) which has also been very satisfying for me. However the one time she touched my penis, I ejaculated after like 2 thrusts, absolutely the worst feeling ever.

The issue is, since then, I have given satisfied her (non-penetratively) but she hasn't touched my penis since, as I don't want to experience the embarrassment again.

My question is, after 2 months we still haven't had sex, and I'm pretty sure that she must think something is up, is this long without sex an issue?

It's her birthday the week after next and it would be incredible to have intercourse on that night (which is what she may be justifiably expecting) but I don't want to let her down. What is the next best thing for me to do?

Should I just explain my issue and deal with the consequences, obviously I hope we can work through it but I don't have high hopes.

Reply 14

TLK

Original post by Anonymous

Search askhodgetwins on youtube, they have few vids on stuff about this based on people sending them emails.

One of the vids, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0YQOYc8X_s

A lot of people don't take them seriously but they have a lot of experience on a lot of stuff.

In one of their videos they said try masturbating a few hours before having sex if you can to desensitize your mushroom tip so you don't bust quickly. I think everyone doesn't last long for the first couple of times, its just practice. All the best!

Reply 15

username1060288

In my limited limited experience, the way it works is that everyone is unique and has different quirks when it comes to sexual stuff. When two people get together they find out about these quirks and then put them to best use to enjoy being with each other. The sooner you let her know (if she hasn't worked it out by now), the sooner you get to get down to optimising things together. She's probably got stuff she isn't happy with about herself either!

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Reply 16

ilem

Original post by Anonymous

You're creating the entire problem yourself. It's highly unlikely she'd break the relationship off because of your PE problems, especially if you're able to satisfy her in other ways. On the other hand, completely abstaining from sex without giving any explanation might make her think that you're just not interested in her and diminish her feelings for you. There is nothing to 'work through' here, just go for it. Inaction is never a good idea.