My uncontrollable anger isn't just the problem; I'm lost, sad, lonely, depressed etc, etc. I think the anger is a really big product-maybe just a part of me- of the other problems I have. I really can not feel anything and people don't even realise what I'm feeling, or how I am. It's like they just say "Get on with it"; they can say that when I do something stupid, because I feel like I am really close to actually doing something really bad.
Have you ever felt yourself changing? I feel it right now; it's horrifying but enjoyable at the same time. I used to be really quiet, really shy, and very sheepish. Now I'm turning into something completely different to what I am. I can still feel the real me inside, but that me inside is slowly going. My heart feels like some sort of black hole; everything worthwhile is being drained.
My family actually do care; the way do it is horrible. Though it seems to me that they don't care, they always say things like "I wish you was never born.", or they seem to always kick me out of the house (every 1-2 months), or they just push me to the side and never seem to care about me. I've always been considered different to them; I remember when I was younger I always used to be alone, I am always alone now.
That's really great news for your friend; she'll definitely get better!
I would like to try medication. Could I ask my counsellor that at my CAMHS appointment? I just want to get better and change for the good, because this problem has really ruined my life.
Yeah, in my opinion CBT would have to be out of the question; I'm unable to work by talking.
That's actually spot on!
The other thing that really gets me is that how people treat mental illness. I mean these problems alter how a person is and it can change their lives. People always think you can just get over it, as if they think it doesn't exist because they can't see it. The other one is when people think you're a killing machine, I've had so many people calling me names over my problem.
I do try to write, but I doubt myself and that is such a big problem for me. I doubt myself when I write, when I sleep, shower, eat or even walk. I always have a voice saying you can't walk properly; I always walk with my head down to watch my feet because of this.
Sorry for sounding like an emotional wreck!
Thank you so much; I really do appreciate it.
How are you?