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Mental Health Support Society Mk X
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Original post by FuzzySheep
Thank you everyone, for being so supportive. I really do appreciate it. My mum and sister were talking and laughing today and so my mum thinks it's all over. All I carry on doing is looking at the things she wrote and the pictures she took and I just don't know how to deal with the guilt that I should have realised. I'm too scared to talk to her or see her as bad as that sounds because she's not a 12 year old anymore is she. I don't know what to do. I've tried to make a list of helplines and support info on websites to give to her and I gave her teacher a ring to tell her more about the Twitter things as my parents didn't look in detail. She has a counselling appt tomorrow morning, my parents are meeting her Head of Year tomorrow afternoon and she has a doctor's appt too. My mum's been reluctant about the counselling appt as my sister will have control over what my mum is told (in case she says something really awful in which case she'll be notified) and so that might actually go balls up if my mum won't agree.
This is all a mess and I don't know what to do. I'm so sorry for venting on here, I just didn't know where else to go. Thank you so much for all your posts, I really appreciate it.
This is all a mess and I don't know what to do. I'm so sorry for venting on here, I just didn't know where else to go. Thank you so much for all your posts, I really appreciate it.
No need to apologise for venting here hun - we're all here for you during this incredibly difficult time
As Anonymous 1 said, people can be so good at hiding things (I hid my depression for YEARS. No one had a clue!). It's not your fault at all that you didn't realise 
Original post by FuzzySheep
A girl in her school told her to kill herself. I don't understand. What is going on. Why couldn't we protect her.
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You are protecting her right now. YOU are there for your sister which is so great. It isn't unusual for young people to self-harm (unfortunately), to have bad body image problems and to be bullied. As its all a sign of distress you can see it and take action. It sounds as if she has a supportive family around her and that everything is now being done to get her support. It won't get sorted overnight but it has every chance of turning out well in the end. Don't beat yourself up for not knowing about all this straight away. That's very common too.
Original post by kurt123
Hi. I also suffer from Hyperhydrosis so know how you feel. I recently got referred to a dermatologist by my GP and she offered a cream to me which I still have to get as it has to be made by the hospital. I would say try speaking to your GP about it for treatment as there are options out there.
I have actually read a lot about it and possible treatment options. According to various websites the best treatment for general hyperhidrosis (whole body) is medication. But I don't know if I want that. It has side effects and sport is one of the few things I love and you need to sweat, so I don't wanna mess with it and stop sweating altogether. Also I can't just go to GP because I don't live in the UK anymore. I am planning to see a dermatologist about it though and do something at least about armpits and forehead, those are worst affected for me and sadly probably also the two most visible.
Evening all!
What have I missed? Hope were all ok tonight? I've been busy all day with dropping my daughter off to preschool, followed by Zumba, picking my daughter up, then clean clean clean, now I've stopped I'm all anxious and stressed shouted at my daughter for keep hugging me :-( I felt trapped and claustrophobic :-( have made it up to her with cuddles kisses and looking at her baby photos...
My brother is stressed too and want to help, and feel guilty that I can't :-(
In bed now exhausted!
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What have I missed? Hope were all ok tonight? I've been busy all day with dropping my daughter off to preschool, followed by Zumba, picking my daughter up, then clean clean clean, now I've stopped I'm all anxious and stressed shouted at my daughter for keep hugging me :-( I felt trapped and claustrophobic :-( have made it up to her with cuddles kisses and looking at her baby photos...
My brother is stressed too and want to help, and feel guilty that I can't :-(
In bed now exhausted!
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A lot of changes happening right now. Tomorrow I move to London, temporarily living at my girlfriends granny's house, but due to move into our own flat soon.
Today I had a CPA and my team have decided to discharge me rather than refer me straight to the CMHT in London. Not sure how I feel about this as I still feel that I'm not "better". My CPN kept saying that I've been stable on my meds for ages now, when really, I've maybe had 6 weeks of stability, since in April/May I was in a crisis house and was sectioned by the police. So I'm not convinced. Plus I only ended up doing just over half of the DBT because I had to move, and DBT was my main treatment.
I feel I should be happy for being discharged but I'm actually worried. I really can see myself relapsing when I move. I don't know if people understand how big the change is. I mean I'm moving to a place I don't know very well, where I don't know anyone (beside my gf, but she has her own life), im going to be struggling with money, I lose all my professional support (for the last year I've been going to the CMHT 3 times a week for various appointments), I will be staring a brand new course at uni, I will lose my only viable purpose (my volunteering) and I will be further from my family and friends. I don't know how I will cope with all that change, change usually messes me up, and its a LOT of change. Sigh. Just not sure. If I relapse, a lot of things will mess up. But I don't see how I can stop it, I'm not good enough on my own yet.
Although I'm not alone, it just feels like I am completely alone now. Okay I have my girlfriend, but I can't completely rely on her, in the past, when that's happened, I've become clingy and the relationship fails.
Anyway, sorry for the rant.
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Today I had a CPA and my team have decided to discharge me rather than refer me straight to the CMHT in London. Not sure how I feel about this as I still feel that I'm not "better". My CPN kept saying that I've been stable on my meds for ages now, when really, I've maybe had 6 weeks of stability, since in April/May I was in a crisis house and was sectioned by the police. So I'm not convinced. Plus I only ended up doing just over half of the DBT because I had to move, and DBT was my main treatment.
I feel I should be happy for being discharged but I'm actually worried. I really can see myself relapsing when I move. I don't know if people understand how big the change is. I mean I'm moving to a place I don't know very well, where I don't know anyone (beside my gf, but she has her own life), im going to be struggling with money, I lose all my professional support (for the last year I've been going to the CMHT 3 times a week for various appointments), I will be staring a brand new course at uni, I will lose my only viable purpose (my volunteering) and I will be further from my family and friends. I don't know how I will cope with all that change, change usually messes me up, and its a LOT of change. Sigh. Just not sure. If I relapse, a lot of things will mess up. But I don't see how I can stop it, I'm not good enough on my own yet.
Although I'm not alone, it just feels like I am completely alone now. Okay I have my girlfriend, but I can't completely rely on her, in the past, when that's happened, I've become clingy and the relationship fails.
Anyway, sorry for the rant.
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having had depression throughout most of the academic year, i'm now having to resit all of my exams at the end of summer. struggling to convince myself that i can do it. i'm going to fail. feel very numb about this
moods dropping a lot tonight 
dont like it at all 
i think i just need me time, but not getting any, putting tents up tomorrow evening, then friday afternoon im off camping for the weekend, which sounds lovely, but 250 12 - 16 year olds will be there
and my mum, may have to have a few moments going off on my own throughout the weekend to get away from it all.
but yeah currently feeling pretty ****
dont like it at all i think i just need me time, but not getting any, putting tents up tomorrow evening, then friday afternoon im off camping for the weekend, which sounds lovely, but 250 12 - 16 year olds will be there
and my mum, may have to have a few moments going off on my own throughout the weekend to get away from it all.but yeah currently feeling pretty ****
Ah man I'm drunk 
shouldn't have been drinking so much
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shouldn't have been drinking so muchPosted from TSR Mobile
Original post by avhhs
You can still type... Not drunk enough!
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Original post by bullettheory
A lot of changes happening right now. Tomorrow I move to London, temporarily living at my girlfriends granny's house, but due to move into our own flat soon.
Today I had a CPA and my team have decided to discharge me rather than refer me straight to the CMHT in London. Not sure how I feel about this as I still feel that I'm not "better". My CPN kept saying that I've been stable on my meds for ages now, when really, I've maybe had 6 weeks of stability, since in April/May I was in a crisis house and was sectioned by the police. So I'm not convinced. Plus I only ended up doing just over half of the DBT because I had to move, and DBT was my main treatment.
I feel I should be happy for being discharged but I'm actually worried. I really can see myself relapsing when I move. I don't know if people understand how big the change is. I mean I'm moving to a place I don't know very well, where I don't know anyone (beside my gf, but she has her own life), im going to be struggling with money, I lose all my professional support (for the last year I've been going to the CMHT 3 times a week for various appointments), I will be staring a brand new course at uni, I will lose my only viable purpose (my volunteering) and I will be further from my family and friends. I don't know how I will cope with all that change, change usually messes me up, and its a LOT of change. Sigh. Just not sure. If I relapse, a lot of things will mess up. But I don't see how I can stop it, I'm not good enough on my own yet.
Although I'm not alone, it just feels like I am completely alone now. Okay I have my girlfriend, but I can't completely rely on her, in the past, when that's happened, I've become clingy and the relationship fails.
Anyway, sorry for the rant.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Today I had a CPA and my team have decided to discharge me rather than refer me straight to the CMHT in London. Not sure how I feel about this as I still feel that I'm not "better". My CPN kept saying that I've been stable on my meds for ages now, when really, I've maybe had 6 weeks of stability, since in April/May I was in a crisis house and was sectioned by the police. So I'm not convinced. Plus I only ended up doing just over half of the DBT because I had to move, and DBT was my main treatment.
I feel I should be happy for being discharged but I'm actually worried. I really can see myself relapsing when I move. I don't know if people understand how big the change is. I mean I'm moving to a place I don't know very well, where I don't know anyone (beside my gf, but she has her own life), im going to be struggling with money, I lose all my professional support (for the last year I've been going to the CMHT 3 times a week for various appointments), I will be staring a brand new course at uni, I will lose my only viable purpose (my volunteering) and I will be further from my family and friends. I don't know how I will cope with all that change, change usually messes me up, and its a LOT of change. Sigh. Just not sure. If I relapse, a lot of things will mess up. But I don't see how I can stop it, I'm not good enough on my own yet.
Although I'm not alone, it just feels like I am completely alone now. Okay I have my girlfriend, but I can't completely rely on her, in the past, when that's happened, I've become clingy and the relationship fails.
Anyway, sorry for the rant.
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good luck! im sure it will be fine
on the other hand i get use of the ginormous bed for a month starting next month
and you still havnt tried it out 
Struggling. Burning the candle at both ends work
work 
Original post by bullettheory
A lot of changes happening right now. Tomorrow I move to London, temporarily living at my girlfriends granny's house, but due to move into our own flat soon.
Today I had a CPA and my team have decided to discharge me rather than refer me straight to the CMHT in London. Not sure how I feel about this as I still feel that I'm not "better". My CPN kept saying that I've been stable on my meds for ages now, when really, I've maybe had 6 weeks of stability, since in April/May I was in a crisis house and was sectioned by the police. So I'm not convinced. Plus I only ended up doing just over half of the DBT because I had to move, and DBT was my main treatment.
I feel I should be happy for being discharged but I'm actually worried. I really can see myself relapsing when I move. I don't know if people understand how big the change is. I mean I'm moving to a place I don't know very well, where I don't know anyone (beside my gf, but she has her own life), im going to be struggling with money, I lose all my professional support (for the last year I've been going to the CMHT 3 times a week for various appointments), I will be staring a brand new course at uni, I will lose my only viable purpose (my volunteering) and I will be further from my family and friends. I don't know how I will cope with all that change, change usually messes me up, and its a LOT of change. Sigh. Just not sure. If I relapse, a lot of things will mess up. But I don't see how I can stop it, I'm not good enough on my own yet.
Although I'm not alone, it just feels like I am completely alone now. Okay I have my girlfriend, but I can't completely rely on her, in the past, when that's happened, I've become clingy and the relationship fails.
Anyway, sorry for the rant.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Today I had a CPA and my team have decided to discharge me rather than refer me straight to the CMHT in London. Not sure how I feel about this as I still feel that I'm not "better". My CPN kept saying that I've been stable on my meds for ages now, when really, I've maybe had 6 weeks of stability, since in April/May I was in a crisis house and was sectioned by the police. So I'm not convinced. Plus I only ended up doing just over half of the DBT because I had to move, and DBT was my main treatment.
I feel I should be happy for being discharged but I'm actually worried. I really can see myself relapsing when I move. I don't know if people understand how big the change is. I mean I'm moving to a place I don't know very well, where I don't know anyone (beside my gf, but she has her own life), im going to be struggling with money, I lose all my professional support (for the last year I've been going to the CMHT 3 times a week for various appointments), I will be staring a brand new course at uni, I will lose my only viable purpose (my volunteering) and I will be further from my family and friends. I don't know how I will cope with all that change, change usually messes me up, and its a LOT of change. Sigh. Just not sure. If I relapse, a lot of things will mess up. But I don't see how I can stop it, I'm not good enough on my own yet.
Although I'm not alone, it just feels like I am completely alone now. Okay I have my girlfriend, but I can't completely rely on her, in the past, when that's happened, I've become clingy and the relationship fails.
Anyway, sorry for the rant.
Posted from TSR Mobile
I think unfortunately you're only being sensible in being concerned - it's best to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst in terms of how you'll handle all this change mentally, and I think it's a pretty strange decision of theirs to have made. Still, I have faith in you that even if things do get worse again you'll get through it. You've fought through a lot worse already, and it's evident that you've been making a real effort to work on improving things for yourself. Those six weeks of stability are a real achievement after having had so many bad times, and remember that even if you do take a dip for the worse you're in a much better position to recover from that again.Also remember you've got us as support whenever you need us (plus feel free to PM/skype me if you want) - you're seriously appreciated on here, and we're all rooting for you.
Original post by confused human
having had depression throughout most of the academic year, i'm now having to resit all of my exams at the end of summer. struggling to convince myself that i can do it. i'm going to fail. feel very numb about this
Welcome to the society.
Does your uni/school/college know about your depression? They might be able to offer you extra help for your exams. For example I see a study coach funded by my DSA, and he's been really helpful with giving me ideas/motivation for my dissertation. There are also things you can put in place yourself such as good studying practises - making a timetable for yourself, giving yourself rewards, finding a study partner if you work better in groups etc. You're not doomed to a negative outcome, and I've found that taking control of a part of your life like studying can also help tackle your depression, so possibly you'll find something similar.
Original post by sunfowers01
Struggling. Burning the candle at both ends work
work 
Work isn't worth ruining yourself over - take a step back, see what it's realistic for you to achieve, then go to someone higher up and explain what you can and can't do at the moment. I know it's hard feeling like you're letting people down, or that you might feel like you're showing weakness, but first and foremost you have to look after yourself, and it isn't your fault that you're ill.
Original post by sunfowers01
Struggling. Burning the candle at both ends work
work Have an internet hug!
Bit of eating ish stuff:
Talked about some other stuff too and it was a sorta relaxed session (more than I had expected it may be anyway). We spoke a bit about something that bothers me a lot now and then and they were a lot calmer about it than I was worried they may be. Still it's one of the first times i've actually felt "crazy" in there. I was even being a little OCD in the waiting room which i've never been till now really. Anyway it wasn't a bad session and the rest of the day was pretty good too. Met up with friends and had a nice time. Even saw a friend I hadn't seen for a while. My friends are all having issues at the moment but I feel a lot more able to cope with all of it than I have been in the past so that's good.
I really want to thank all of you by the way. Since using this thread i've been feeling a lot better about all of this. Talking to some of you and reading about your experiences I feel a lot less odd and it helps me realise that even if I do get worse I can still be okay. It's also really nice to know that people in god knows where who don't even know me still care and want to help me. I was always a tad skeptical of this sort of thing but it's actually really good. Thank you all!!
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Spoiler
Talked about some other stuff too and it was a sorta relaxed session (more than I had expected it may be anyway). We spoke a bit about something that bothers me a lot now and then and they were a lot calmer about it than I was worried they may be. Still it's one of the first times i've actually felt "crazy" in there. I was even being a little OCD in the waiting room which i've never been till now really. Anyway it wasn't a bad session and the rest of the day was pretty good too. Met up with friends and had a nice time. Even saw a friend I hadn't seen for a while. My friends are all having issues at the moment but I feel a lot more able to cope with all of it than I have been in the past so that's good.
I really want to thank all of you by the way. Since using this thread i've been feeling a lot better about all of this. Talking to some of you and reading about your experiences I feel a lot less odd and it helps me realise that even if I do get worse I can still be okay. It's also really nice to know that people in god knows where who don't even know me still care and want to help me. I was always a tad skeptical of this sort of thing but it's actually really good. Thank you all!!
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I'm such a pathetic, stupid person
That girl I mentioned yesterday, I really like her and have had a crush on her on more than one occasion in the past. Today I was hoping to dance with her. For ages I've wondered if something is going on between her and a boy as I've seen them two together a lot in the past. I had never seen them being intimate but today I did. This made me feel so bad for gone reason, I really wanted to cry because of that. Why do I have to ****ing feel like this? I shouldn't be thinking about her really as she has other stuff to get on with anyway. I'm someone who doesn't deserve anything so why am I thinking about a girl who has been very successful? Once I saw them being a bit intimate I stopped attempting to dance with her. But why the hell do I still have feelings for her? I know she is extremely beautiful but I shouldn't be thinking about her like that because I know she doesn't feel the same. I should be happy for both of them but instead I'm feeling bad about it. I should just shut up, I'm just getting myself into a mess here.
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That girl I mentioned yesterday, I really like her and have had a crush on her on more than one occasion in the past. Today I was hoping to dance with her. For ages I've wondered if something is going on between her and a boy as I've seen them two together a lot in the past. I had never seen them being intimate but today I did. This made me feel so bad for gone reason, I really wanted to cry because of that. Why do I have to ****ing feel like this? I shouldn't be thinking about her really as she has other stuff to get on with anyway. I'm someone who doesn't deserve anything so why am I thinking about a girl who has been very successful? Once I saw them being a bit intimate I stopped attempting to dance with her. But why the hell do I still have feelings for her? I know she is extremely beautiful but I shouldn't be thinking about her like that because I know she doesn't feel the same. I should be happy for both of them but instead I'm feeling bad about it. I should just shut up, I'm just getting myself into a mess here.
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Original post by bullettheory
Hehe
lets just say I was tipsy 
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I keep thinking about my sister not being here anymore, i cant stop having panic attacks, i feel so weak, how am i supposed to get over this? she's looking happy and smiling today like normal and i cant even face her, she told my mum she thinks i'm angry with her but its more everytime i even think about her i cry, i cant look at her without overwhelming guilt and shame and crying and thats not what she needs right now right? im a bad bad bad sister, i got her here and i don't know how to get her out
Original post by FuzzySheep
I keep thinking about my sister not being here anymore, i cant stop having panic attacks, i feel so weak, how am i supposed to get over this? she's looking happy and smiling today like normal and i cant even face her, she told my mum she thinks i'm angry with her but its more everytime i even think about her i cry, i cant look at her without overwhelming guilt and shame and crying and thats not what she needs right now right? im a bad bad bad sister, i got her here and i don't know how to get her out
You are not weak, you are not a bad sister, and you have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about. The fact you're getting so upset and worried shows you care, and none of this is your fault. You didn't "get her here," what's happening is no reflection or fault of your own, sadly things like this are very common. I think she's really lucky to have a sister like you to be honest, like I say, it's obvious how much you care about her and want to protect her. If you can't see her without getting upset, perhaps write her a note to show how much you care and are thinking of her, and that you're not in any way angry with her?
Original post by FuzzySheep
I keep thinking about my sister not being here anymore, i cant stop having panic attacks, i feel so weak, how am i supposed to get over this? she's looking happy and smiling today like normal and i cant even face her, she told my mum she thinks i'm angry with her but its more everytime i even think about her i cry, i cant look at her without overwhelming guilt and shame and crying and thats not what she needs right now right? im a bad bad bad sister, i got her here and i don't know how to get her out
You did not get her here and you are not a bad sister. The most important thing for a sibling to do is to care and you definately fit that.
it's not at all bad for you to be feeling like this- it's a natural response- so you shouldn't feel guilty about that. Crying or whatever may feel awkward for the both of you at the time but it's okay to do that. It shows that you care about her. Still if you don't feel you can face her at the moment you could just text her or leave her a supportive note so she knows you're not angry with her and that you care. It's great that she's seeming more happy today. Maybe knowing everybody cares has taken some of the burden off for her and she feels a bit safer and happier because of it.
If you haven't checked it out already you could look at some sites like childline, sane, mind or samaritans for some support and advice (for you too).
With all the support she's getting from you and the family she should be absolutely fine and be able to recover nicely. Best wishes to all of you
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Original post by Anonymous You are not weak, you are not a bad sister, and you have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about. The fact you're getting so upset and worried shows you care, and none of this is your fault. You didn't "get her here," what's happening is no reflection or fault of your own, sadly things like this are very common. I think she's really lucky to have a sister like you to be honest, like I say, it's obvious how much you care about her and want to protect her.
If you can't see her without getting upset, perhaps write her a note to show how much you care and are thinking of her, and that you're not in any way angry with her?
You are not weak, you are not a bad sister, and you have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about. The fact you're getting so upset and worried shows you care, and none of this is your fault. You didn't "get her here," what's happening is no reflection or fault of your own, sadly things like this are very common. I think she's really lucky to have a sister like you to be honest, like I say, it's obvious how much you care about her and want to protect her. If you can't see her without getting upset, perhaps write her a note to show how much you care and are thinking of her, and that you're not in any way angry with her?
Thank you for your posts, I really really appreciate it. I'm so grateful.But what happens when I go back to Bristol? I'm staying up until 8am because I'm scared she will do something or run away or something like that. I can't do this in September
Maybe she learnt it all from me, I was so ill for a few years so surely she must have learnt it from me? Surely she must have? I'm taking her out on Friday to see a film so I will have to talk to her then, but god I am so scared Everytime I look at her my heart breaks and I break down. How am I going to check she eats at school? How do I make sure she's not got something in her room to hurt her? I can't do this when I'm gone. I will think about the note, I have made a little pack of support things I found online with a list of helplines and things to give to her so maybe could put it in then, thank you. 6 months this has been going on and we've been oblivious. I can't get what she wrote and did out of mind. I'm so sorry I keep posting about this, it's all I can do without going out of my mind. 
