The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

I feel you, girl! I still have moments when worry just rushes into me for no reason. Hang in there and be strong!

He can also be taking time to think of a good reply. I spend ages on replies to girls sometimes, just to make sure I'm not sounding like a douche.

Hmm, could be. Only thing is, what I asked him in my last message was a simple question (whether his parents would be fine with me coming to visit next week) that only requires a yes or no answer, so it's not exactly something that needs much thought! Unless they are having some problem with me wanting to come :/, but in that case he should be telling me soon anyway, since I'd need to be organizing travel on time. Anyway, I'll just give it some more hours and try texting him again later in the day if he hasn't already replied to me.

Oh, and I don't ever see you in this thread . Have you or are you about to graduate singledom, or are you just stalking my posts?

Well, don't read too much into it, or even think about it, is all I'm saying

I'm stalking

Actually I lie. I clicked on this thread and by chance you were here. Plus I'm going to confess my interest in a girl tomorrow (today) who lives so far north of here, the centre of Brussels is actually 25 miles closer...but train travel can be had cheap. Plus you're making a go of it, two of our other W&S'ers are going for it, my best mate is marrying a girl who lives 4000 miles away and I'm not going to find anyone I like round here...

Aww, that's great, good luck! Yeah, don't let distance stop you from giving it a shot with someone you really like. It's definitely difficult but worth it for the right person

And yeah, it's a bit funny to think how France, Belgium and the Netherlands are all a lot closer to where I live than Scotland is, but on the flip side, at least I don't have to worry about passports or currency differences.

Oh, and what's this about cheap train travel? Just abroad? I've never been able to find any cheap train tickets to Edinburgh; they all seem so expensive, as is plane travel, so just have to opt for the coach for now, which is by far the longest and most tiring method of travel, but it's so cheap in comparison that it's hard to turn down.

Well, £42 for a return ticket seems 'cheap' to me I mean it's expensive still for what it is, but it's cheaper than driving, even with my diesel doing 58mpg on a motorway. How much are you getting to Scotland for by coach?

Yeah, I wouldn't go out with someone living on the continent

Thanks though I imagine it is very hard, but I'll reap the short term benefits and worry about the long term problems later. Even if it doesn't work out or last too long, at least I can say I tried. Same for you

I'm in a LDR and have been for a year cos i moved away to uni. I love this guy with all my heart. We've been talking about the future a lot recently and it seems that him moving up to my city in a year or twos time is our best bet. I see it as a light at the end of the tunnel

I want to know how everyone else in a LDR similar to me and my boyfriends sees their future. Do you think you will move to a different city/country for the person? Or will you wait until uni is over before making a decision? My main concerns about moving in together are a) we are so young. B) my family wouldnt want me moving in woth a boyfriend. C) what if it didnt work out and ruined my studies? But still, love him so much and cant imagine not ending up living with him

also, this thread is great- really good support for people in LDRs. They are so hard at times and knowing lots of other people can manage it makes me feel better

I'm in the same situation as you- I've been in an LDR with my boyfriend since I moved away to uni last September. We actually discussed him moving down to my city (we weren't going to live together though) after Christmas time but we decided his financial situation wasn't secure enough. I also had concerns about him moving to a city that he hadn't had any say in choosing and not having any friends at first. I didn't want him to resent me. Right now our options lie at either him moving down to be with me at the start of my third year (which would be a year from this September) or us holding on until I graduate uni and moving in together. One of my reservations about him moving down third year is that I want to continue on with my studies at a different university after my undergraduate degree and I don't want to keep uprooting him. We discussed this last week and I don't want to move back to my hometown after uni so it's likely we'll start somewhere completely different together after I've done my undergraduate degree.I think you've got both sides of the argument balanced correctly. Your reason C is obviously the most important but there''s no guarantee that any relationship will work out even when you're married and stuff so I guess you've just got to take some risks.

You are in such a similar situation to me! Does your course only last 3 years? Mine lasts 4 so we have the option of moving in next year (when i go into 3rd year) or the year after (when i go into 4th) but these years are gonna be really hard years of uni so i'm scared to take the leap incase things go wrong and it really effects my studies. Especially since he'd be moving away from home and his family and friends. Same as what you said about your boyfriend maybe not knowing many people in your city. So have you and your boyfriend decided for definate what you will do? I'm still not entirely sure and the pressure of it all is starting to get to me

I've been getting return coach tickets for £35. Right now I struggle to find return train tickets for less than £90, unless I am either looking in the wrong places, or need think about booking ages in advance (which I've found seems to be the only way so far of getting super cheap fares). And then the plane is over £100.

Yeh you need to book in advance. I've got return flights from Scotland to London for £50ish, have had train tickets for that journey for £30, etc. That's with booking a minimum of six weeks ahead. Difficult in the early stages of a relationship, but a bit of commitment saves you a hell of a lot of money and time on travelling.

Hello there, I'm really stuck in a rut and thought you guys could give me a bit of advice regarding my boyfriend (who lives 100 miles away and I've been with for 1 and a half years.
I did post this on another forum, but I think seeing as most of your are in ldrs, you would give more relevant advice. So here goes: its a long post, sorry.

Basically, all my friends say to me that my boyfriend treats me like crap...and I think I'm starting to believe them. But I'd still like an outsiders view.
I'll give you a few examples of the things he has done to make me cry.
2 months into the relationship he asked me to introduce him to one of my friends, so I did. I later found out from her that he flirted with her and didn't tell her he had a girlfriend (she didn't know i was with him at the time). I broke up with him, cus at the time I wasn't into him that much. He emotionally blackmailed me (fainting at school, starving himself, begging at my door etc), and we got back together. After that, we had a pretty much perfect relationship for 9 months. He was great.

It all started going downhill when he went to university. In December, he went on holiday with these three American girls to spain, and didn't tell me until 2 days before. I felt a bit hurt that he didn't think to consult me, but eventually got over it when he came back for Christmas.
In his second term, he started neglecting to call me (we had planned before he went to uni that we would speak once a day on the phone). He would often ignore me for up to 4 days. I told him off for this, but he keeps doing it!
Valentines day - I get no card or gift...but I at least expected a phonecall. At one am on feb 15th i get a text from him saying that he wont be able to call me. I ask him why and he tells me that he wanted to go to a party with some americans in his halls common room. wtf?!

Around April time, he again neglected to call me for a period of 4 days. When he came back for Easter, I did a bad thing and looked at his phone. what I found was a lengthy text conversation with a girl from his uni, during the period when he was ignoring me. In this conversation he admitted to this girl that he wanted to '**** around' yet wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. What the hell? He then asked her how she gives good blowjobs, and told her I was only average at them (what does he expect? he is my first, I'm young and not experienced). Then she told him she would take him out to spearmint rhino to get rid of his frustrations, and that she would bring round some porn videos for him. This isn't normal friend behaviour surely?! Also, why does he think its okay to have a long late night text convo with this girl, yet ignore his own girlfriend?
Thing is, him and this other guy are gonna be living with this girl next year, which means I will eventually have to meet her. I really dread this, cus she knows so much private stuff about me, it's gonna be so awkward for me. Argh!

If you read all that I congratulate you.

I can't help feeling quite panicky whenever my boyfriend takes quite a long time to reply to my messages. Like, I worry that he's either become uninterested in me and getting ready to dump me, or that something really bad has happened to him. Luckily it's usually neither, and that in fact he's just been very busy and having more of a life than me lol, but damn I do some worrying.

I used to be the same even when I dated guys who lived locally to me, it's perfectly normal to worry about those you care about. Naturally over time you'll learn to relax, I find that keeping myself busy helps me. I saw on another post you saying about the price of train fares have you looked into a 16-25 railcard? I have one and I find it pretty good. My brother used to have the National Express under 25s railcard and used to do a lot of traveling with it, maybe could look into that to.

I know, I can't wait!!! When will yours become a short distance relationship?

I already have the 16-25 railcard, but train tickets between London and Edinburgh are still very expensive even with that discount applied. Thanks for your help anyway. Coach is ok for me for now, as I just spend most of the journey sleeping or reading anyway

I'm not sure if this would help you but on O2 National Express do an offer where it's only £10 each way if you travel on Tuesdays or Wednesday (might have to double check this covers Scotland but my friend did it to get from Sheffield to Swansea!)