I'm doing psychology at uni, and we did some interesting stuff on depression last year which is semi-theoretical but also, I think, helpful. One of my friends at uni has depression and low self esteem and has really utilised it to help her so maybe you can too.
According to the attribution theory of depression, depression occurs alongside a change in the way you attribute negative things. There are a few different aspects to attribution, and three are particularly important to this theory of depression.
1. Do you attribute it externally (to something outside of yourself) or internally (to yourself)?
2. Do you attribute it specifically (to a small part of something) or globally (to a large part or all of something)?
3. Is your attribution unstable (you anticipate that it could change) or stable (you don't think it could change)?
According to the attribution theory, which does have some evidence and theoretical underpinning, people with depression are more likely than others to attribute negative things in a way which is global, stable and internal. In other words, when faced with some negative event or fact people with depression are likely to say:
1. It is my fault or shows something bad about me.
2. It shows that ALL of me is bad (not just a small part).
3. It isn't something that can change.
Whether or not that is the cause of depression or caused by it, I think it is easy to see that such a way of thinking could exacerbate a pre-existing depressive illness.
Sorry for the long and possibly boring post, but I find it really great how one of my friends from my course took this and saw it in her own depressive thoughts and used it to help her. What she has done is make a book of positive things, mostly little notes from her friends, girlfriend and family pointing out what is good about her. That reminds her that even if there is a fault with some small part of her, there are other things about her which are good.
Other things that draw on this kind of technique could be stuff like:
-Whenever you find yourself writing that you are a failure or you hate yourself, FORCE yourself, however unnatural it feels, to add 'but' and write something positive. You might not believe it at first, but the act of writing can help you to get to a place where you do.
-If something really is a problem, think about the fact that it doesn't need to stay like that forever (e.g. your weight, if that is unhealthy and something you want to change). Sometimes effecting change can make you feel so much more empowered and in control.
-When you have a negative thought, take a second to think 'what would I say if I had a close friend with depression who was telling me they felt this' and say to yourself what you would say to them (even if you don't believe it at first).
All of these things sound challenging and maybe feel a bit silly when you don't believe them, but they are the sort of techniques used in cbt and they really can help. Sometimes the hardest part is to force yourself to try them when you are in the depths of self-hatred, but I really hope that you do. IMHO the first part of recovery is saying "I will do ANYTHING to feel better" and after that.. well, you'll give anything a go.
Hope any small part of this was helpful/interesting, and sorry it took so long to reply. I don't have access to a computer atm so typing is slow and requires breaks, lol. I'm doing ok ta. Been better but I'm quite a way into recovery as well, and trying to appreciate that.
Posted from TSR Mobile