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Reply 4560
I feel like the world would be a better place without me today
Original post by 08batee
I feel like the world would be a better place without me today


My world would be a much sadder place without you, for sure :penguinhug:
My head feels like its about to explode.... No idea what I done these last 2 days.... :s...
Reply 4563
Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd
My world would be a much sadder place without you, for sure :penguinhug:


:penguinhug:
Original post by 08batee
I feel like the world would be a better place without me today


The world would be a much worse place without you lovely. :loveduck:




I survived the week away with family. :woo: Actually had a nice time- lots of walks alone on the beach. :smile: First time in a long time I've felt safe alone with my own thoughts.
This is my first time posting here, but I'm kind of struggling with my anxiety today and thought it might do some good to talk a little. I won't go on and on, just that the hot weather really doesn't help my fear of heart racing and dizziness. And being super anxious obviously doesn't help me stay cool, so it's one huge cycle.

Anyway, hi :smile:
Original post by 08batee
I feel like the world would be a better place without me today


It wouldn't and you know it Hun :tongue:enguin hug: if you ever need me, just PM me :smile:


Posted from TSR Mobile
i feel like somebody sucked all of the emotions out of me. lying on the settee just trying to exist. i just want to tear myself apart.
Reply 4568
Original post by tasha96
The world would be a much worse place without you lovely. :loveduck:




I survived the week away with family. :woo: Actually had a nice time- lots of walks alone on the beach. :smile: First time in a long time I've felt safe alone with my own thoughts.


Thanks, hun :jumphug: Really glad to hear you had a nice time - so sorry I never replied to your text, things have been quite tough. Hope things are okay and I'll drop you another PM sometime :hugs:

Original post by PonchoKid
It wouldn't and you know it Hun :tongue:enguin hug: if you ever need me, just PM me :smile:


Posted from TSR Mobile


Really though? Cause I'm pretty sure they would. I lost my job today - I'm clearly not good enough for them. I'm not good enough for my parents, or my brothers, who emotionally abuse me. I'm not good enough for my best friend who I lost. It's never enough. What is the point. Seriously. I actually make things worse, like I have done my whole life, I'm such a **** up and there is literally no point. In such a bad place and I don't know how to get out. I can't even breathe because I'm crying so hard and everything hurts. Sorry for the rant. And thanks, for everything :grouphugs:
Reply 4569
Original post by PonchoKid
I don't even understand my own feelings. So yeah I see where your coming from. I haven't learnt what is from the depression "voice" and what is real. Iv had no help with anything for well 6 months.
It's so ingrained in me though, that I genuinely think it's the tru when I say I'm a failure. Ever since primary school Iv been the fat failure, so I guess Iv taken that to be the truth. I was even put on the "stupid" table in year 6...

Hope your ok


Posted from TSR Mobile


I'm doing psychology at uni, and we did some interesting stuff on depression last year which is semi-theoretical but also, I think, helpful. One of my friends at uni has depression and low self esteem and has really utilised it to help her so maybe you can too.

According to the attribution theory of depression, depression occurs alongside a change in the way you attribute negative things. There are a few different aspects to attribution, and three are particularly important to this theory of depression.

1. Do you attribute it externally (to something outside of yourself) or internally (to yourself)?
2. Do you attribute it specifically (to a small part of something) or globally (to a large part or all of something)?
3. Is your attribution unstable (you anticipate that it could change) or stable (you don't think it could change)?

According to the attribution theory, which does have some evidence and theoretical underpinning, people with depression are more likely than others to attribute negative things in a way which is global, stable and internal. In other words, when faced with some negative event or fact people with depression are likely to say:

1. It is my fault or shows something bad about me.
2. It shows that ALL of me is bad (not just a small part).
3. It isn't something that can change.

Whether or not that is the cause of depression or caused by it, I think it is easy to see that such a way of thinking could exacerbate a pre-existing depressive illness.

Sorry for the long and possibly boring post, but I find it really great how one of my friends from my course took this and saw it in her own depressive thoughts and used it to help her. What she has done is make a book of positive things, mostly little notes from her friends, girlfriend and family pointing out what is good about her. That reminds her that even if there is a fault with some small part of her, there are other things about her which are good.

Other things that draw on this kind of technique could be stuff like:

-Whenever you find yourself writing that you are a failure or you hate yourself, FORCE yourself, however unnatural it feels, to add 'but' and write something positive. You might not believe it at first, but the act of writing can help you to get to a place where you do.

-If something really is a problem, think about the fact that it doesn't need to stay like that forever (e.g. your weight, if that is unhealthy and something you want to change). Sometimes effecting change can make you feel so much more empowered and in control.

-When you have a negative thought, take a second to think 'what would I say if I had a close friend with depression who was telling me they felt this' and say to yourself what you would say to them (even if you don't believe it at first).

All of these things sound challenging and maybe feel a bit silly when you don't believe them, but they are the sort of techniques used in cbt and they really can help. Sometimes the hardest part is to force yourself to try them when you are in the depths of self-hatred, but I really hope that you do. IMHO the first part of recovery is saying "I will do ANYTHING to feel better" and after that.. well, you'll give anything a go. :smile:

Hope any small part of this was helpful/interesting, and sorry it took so long to reply. I don't have access to a computer atm so typing is slow and requires breaks, lol. I'm doing ok ta. Been better but I'm quite a way into recovery as well, and trying to appreciate that.

Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by e hine e
This is my first time posting here, but I'm kind of struggling with my anxiety today and thought it might do some good to talk a little. I won't go on and on, just that the hot weather really doesn't help my fear of heart racing and dizziness. And being super anxious obviously doesn't help me stay cool, so it's one huge cycle.

Anyway, hi :smile:


:hi: Welcome!
Reply 4571
Original post by PonchoKid
I guess when your told something everyday for 15 odd years at school and at home, you kinda believe it.
It's what I'm hoping CBT will help with though I guess. But every time I fail academically or in other aspects of my life it just proves that I am actually a failure I guess. So I dunno if it's real or the depression.

Posted from TSR Mobile


I can't relate at all about the being told I'm a failure at home but at school by my bullies I was told that and you definitely internalise it and start believing it's true so I completely agree with that.

CBT should and will certainly help with being able to identify your negative thought patterns and processes. It's not the right thing if you want to like deal with the bullying you've experienced though? You definitely haven't failed completely though, you managed to actually get to university which is something some people aren't able to achieve :yes: It sounds like it's the depression coupled with low self-esteem? Hopefully once you've got some proper support in place and you can find an anti-depressant that helps things will start to improve for you. You've only tried Citalopram as far I know? So there's many, many others you could and can try instead :yy:
Reply 4572
Original post by Deyesy
I can't relate at all about the being told I'm a failure at home but at school by my bullies I was told that and you definitely internalise it and start believing it's true so I completely agree with that.

CBT should and will certainly help with being able to identify your negative thought patterns and processes. It's not the right thing if you want to like deal with the bullying you've experienced though? You definitely haven't failed completely though, you managed to actually get to university which is something some people aren't able to achieve :yes: It sounds like it's the depression coupled with low self-esteem? Hopefully once you've got some proper support in place and you can find an anti-depressant that helps things will start to improve for you. You've only tried Citalopram as far I know? So there's many, many others you could and can try instead :yy:


:wavey: haven't spoken forever, hope you're doing alright.

I don't think it's accurate to say that cbt can't help you deal with bullying. I know your therapist didn't want to rake over and over it, because cbt is a lot more present-focused, but just because you aren't explicitly describing bullying events that doesn't mean you aren't dealing with it, how you feel about it and its effects on the present.

Posted from TSR Mobile
feeling the lowest I've ever felt
Original post by 08batee
Thanks, hun :jumphug: Really glad to hear you had a nice time - so sorry I never replied to your text, things have been quite tough. Hope things are okay and I'll drop you another PM sometime :hugs:



Really though? Cause I'm pretty sure they would. I lost my job today - I'm clearly not good enough for them. I'm not good enough for my parents, or my brothers, who emotionally abuse me. I'm not good enough for my best friend who I lost. It's never enough. What is the point. Seriously. I actually make things worse, like I have done my whole life, I'm such a **** up and there is literally no point. In such a bad place and I don't know how to get out. I can't even breathe because I'm crying so hard and everything hurts. Sorry for the rant. And thanks, for everything :grouphugs:


Losing a job sucks massively hun, especially over summer, but it doesn't mean your not good enough at all!! I reckon your too good for them :yep:
Your better than your family hi, I promise you that much, you don't deserve emotional abuse at all :nah:
Your best mate will be watching over you and hoping you'll be ok I promise ok Hun, they won't want any **** for you to deal with.

Your not a **** up, your bright and intelligent, and I KNOW your loved by everyone on here, even Rory loves you :yep:

Hope things get better :penguinhug:


Posted from TSR Mobile
Reply 4575
Original post by luno
Hi!

I've been ok I suppose. I'm not happy and I'm thinking too much but other than that I'm fine. I haven't cried in a while which is always a plus haha :smile:.

How have you been?


:hugs: Things have slowly been getting worse for me and it has been over a year since I felt this impulsive :eek: How is Ramadan going? :smile:

Original post by kiss_me_now9
Would they let you go away with a few friends for a weekend? Doesn't have to be far, if one of you can drive you could go camping or something.

When I can afford it (hopefully around the end of October) I want to go to Germany for a weekend :love: I'm not will to go anywhere else so I have to be patient!


Shame I don't have any friends :sad: not sure if they would have let me go anyway :erm:. My dad really needs to be prodded in order to get something out of him otherwise he wouldn't give a damn :rolleyes:

That sounds great, hope you have an amazing time :smile: :hugs:

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Reply 4576
Original post by asdfgah
:wavey: haven't spoken forever, hope you're doing alright.

I don't think it's accurate to say that cbt can't help you deal with bullying. I know your therapist didn't want to rake over and over it, because cbt is a lot more present-focused, but just because you aren't explicitly describing bullying events that doesn't mean you aren't dealing with it, how you feel about it and its effects on the present.

Posted from TSR Mobile


Probably because I'm doing a good job of stalking the thread lots and not posting :redface: Yeah I'm fine apart from a few iffy night times :yes: Hope you are too. You deserve things to finally start improving :smile:

I guess I had a particularly awful therapist if that's the case :lol: She didn't really want me to go over it at all. But because of that, doesn't mean I should start generalising about CBT. I also have to say that you no doubt know more than me about the explicits of therapy so you're in a much better place to give advice about it than me :redface:
Sorry to disappear for so long! Really hope everyone is doing okay :hugs:

Does anyone know if it's possible to have a mild relapse of psychotic symptoms outside of a depressive episode if you have psychotic depression? Or can OCD create symptoms that might be confused for the beginning of a psychotic episode such as paranoid delusions and voices?

Basically I had a big trigger point today and got horribly stressed and starting hearing some faint voices and getting very obsessive paranoid thoughts. Whilst it wasn't a full blown psychotic episode or anything, it was still quite scary because I've not experienced this kind of thing for months and I really, really don't want to relapse, suffering from psychosis was absolute hell.

I take medication but I'm not on antipsychotics at the moment (tapered off them in about March / April I think?) and really don't want to go back on them if possible. I'd ask my CPN but she doesn't work weekends and I don't want to bother a crisis team in case it's nothing and I'm just being silly but it's really worrying me... :'(
Reply 4578
Original post by Deyesy
Probably because I'm doing a good job of stalking the thread lots and not posting :redface: Yeah I'm fine apart from a few iffy night times :yes: Hope you are too. You deserve things to finally start improving :smile:

I guess I had a particularly awful therapist if that's the case :lol: She didn't really want me to go over it at all. But because of that, doesn't mean I should start generalising about CBT. I also have to say that you no doubt know more than me about the explicits of therapy so you're in a much better place to give advice about it than me :redface:


Thanks, yeah things have been much better lately. I'm still depressed but not regularly suicidal anymore, and flashbacks are infrequent atm. :smile:

Yeah, not going over it isn't necessarily the same as not dealing with it, though. Personally I'm of the opinion that you can deal with bullying without "going over" the bullying at all - you can do it indirectly by discussing how other people are giving opinions rather than facts, and by working on self esteem etc. It sounds to me like you did deal with some of those aspects of bullying, so just wanted to point out that stuff can be dealt with without necessarily going over it.

Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by asdfgah
I'm doing psychology at uni, and we did some interesting stuff on depression last year which is semi-theoretical but also, I think, helpful. One of my friends at uni has depression and low self esteem and has really utilised it to help her so maybe you can too.

According to the attribution theory of depression, depression occurs alongside a change in the way you attribute negative things. There are a few different aspects to attribution, and three are particularly important to this theory of depression.

1. Do you attribute it externally (to something outside of yourself) or internally (to yourself)?
2. Do you attribute it specifically (to a small part of something) or globally (to a large part or all of something)?
3. Is your attribution unstable (you anticipate that it could change) or stable (you don't think it could change)?

According to the attribution theory, which does have some evidence and theoretical underpinning, people with depression are more likely than others to attribute negative things in a way which is global, stable and internal. In other words, when faced with some negative event or fact people with depression are likely to say:

1. It is my fault or shows something bad about me.
2. It shows that ALL of me is bad (not just a small part).
3. It isn't something that can change.

Whether or not that is the cause of depression or caused by it, I think it is easy to see that such a way of thinking could exacerbate a pre-existing depressive illness.

Sorry for the long and possibly boring post, but I find it really great how one of my friends from my course took this and saw it in her own depressive thoughts and used it to help her. What she has done is make a book of positive things, mostly little notes from her friends, girlfriend and family pointing out what is good about her. That reminds her that even if there is a fault with some small part of her, there are other things about her which are good.

Other things that draw on this kind of technique could be stuff like:

-Whenever you find yourself writing that you are a failure or you hate yourself, FORCE yourself, however unnatural it feels, to add 'but' and write something positive. You might not believe it at first, but the act of writing can help you to get to a place where you do.

-If something really is a problem, think about the fact that it doesn't need to stay like that forever (e.g. your weight, if that is unhealthy and something you want to change). Sometimes effecting change can make you feel so much more empowered and in control.

-When you have a negative thought, take a second to think 'what would I say if I had a close friend with depression who was telling me they felt this' and say to yourself what you would say to them (even if you don't believe it at first).

All of these things sound challenging and maybe feel a bit silly when you don't believe them, but they are the sort of techniques used in cbt and they really can help. Sometimes the hardest part is to force yourself to try them when you are in the depths of self-hatred, but I really hope that you do. IMHO the first part of recovery is saying "I will do ANYTHING to feel better" and after that.. well, you'll give anything a go. :smile:

Hope any small part of this was helpful/interesting, and sorry it took so long to reply. I don't have access to a computer atm so typing is slow and requires breaks, lol. I'm doing ok ta. Been better but I'm quite a way into recovery as well, and trying to appreciate that.

Posted from TSR Mobile


iv tried the whole "what would i say to someone else in the same siutation as me" thing, and i was rubbish at it, i struggle so much finding positives about myself, especially when down.
the 1 positive thing is good though. a while a go i started a positive diary, where i wrote down what happened and what i did each day, then went through and highlighted the positives so they stood out. i might try that again prehaps.

in sociology i did all about the self fullfilling prophecy, and i know i fall into that whole ALL the time, but i guess the depression is clouding all my judgement and making me believe its true :dontknow:

this is probably a crap reply, sorry my heads like mashed potato atm, and the heat isnt helping :sad:

Original post by Deyesy
I can't relate at all about the being told I'm a failure at home but at school by my bullies I was told that and you definitely internalise it and start believing it's true so I completely agree with that.

CBT should and will certainly help with being able to identify your negative thought patterns and processes. It's not the right thing if you want to like deal with the bullying you've experienced though? You definitely haven't failed completely though, you managed to actually get to university which is something some people aren't able to achieve :yes: It sounds like it's the depression coupled with low self-esteem? Hopefully once you've got some proper support in place and you can find an anti-depressant that helps things will start to improve for you. You've only tried Citalopram as far I know? So there's many, many others you could and can try instead :yy:


the bullying is part of my issue, but there are so many factors relating to my depression that bullying is only 1... but ill give anything ago, cant be any worse than my last counsellor. a whole hour talking about how i put shoes on :lolwut:
my drs taking me off citalopram with a view to taking me off meds completely, but currently im doing worse on a lowered dose than i was before, so who knows...