Mental Health Support Society Mk X

Everyone would be so much better if I didn't be. Why am I too **** to do what I need to? Having 'hope' for my future is ridiculous, unachievable and ****ing selfish. Why can't I do what is best for everyone, and why do people's wrong emotions on the subject keep clouding my judgment? It's ridiculous. I'm ridiculous. If I had half an ounce of self restraint and selflessness left in me then I could say that this is my last post, but I know that I'm normally weak and irrational so I don't think I can say that.

My heart hurts.

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Yea I guess that is wise. But he might actually like being able to be there for you

Can you talk to your girlfriend about how you're feeling, rather than getting into a fight with her? And relapsing is never good, so you could do with your girlfriend's support I reckon.

Thanks I hope so too - it's my last chance at getting in to uni really. College is supposed to be applying for extenuating circumstances for me but I am really dubious they're actually doing it. Not sure whether or not to email my universities and scan the doctor's and psychiatrist's letters in to the email. I dunno what I'd say though. I love Russian

Total and utter *******s. We love having you post here, and you're a great help to many of us. And as for having hope for your future, based on how you come across online at least I'd say you're a great person with really good prospects of things getting better (obviously it's not as simple as that, but with some hard work and time I think you really can have a good life ).

(Oh look. I'm posting again. Evidence. Is all ****ing evidence I don't know why everyone is blind to it.)

Seriously though you see a fragment of me. I'm ****ing disastrous. Even my family thinks I'm attention seeking for crying even though I shut myself in the bathroom. Couldn't go in bedroom because my sister was in there which limited options to crying in bathroom or not crying and if my mum shouts at me for crying in bathroom I guess that means I should have chosen option of not crying. Which makes me weak and pathetic because I couldn't stop myself.

I have to wear stupid clothes because my swimsuit is too low-cut to hide all my scars and my sister is always in our bedroom and that makes it such an effort to even get dressed cos she might walk in or she's already there but can't be in bathroom more than 2 minutes without people getting angry. Is blatantly obvious that I'm wasting space and dragging them down and it's so so selfish for me to live anymore. Why do I be so selfish like this?

I screamed in my sleep and they keep asking me what my dream was. I can't talk about that can I. Cos then they would hate me even more. But I'm already the one filling space I don't deserve. Waking my sister up. Making my mum check cos she heard scream. 'I need my own space' I could say but I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything. I want to stop. God I'm sorry for posting again I don't know what to do.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Can you talk to your girlfriend about how you're feeling, rather than getting into a fight with her? And relapsing is never good, so you could do with your girlfriend's support.

She knows my mood I think. We've been using the required codewords and stuff and I've been awful with any kind of affection so she knows I'm in a funk. She just doesn't know how far it's gone and if I tell her she'll confiscate and dispose of everything. I don't think I want to be stopped and I'm safe for tonight. I think uni tomorrow will be the big test.

Posted from TSR Mobile

I wouldn't call it a last chance - people go back and study at college/uni when they're ancient! You could maybe email the unis but without enclosing the letters, just saying briefly that you believe you have mitigating circumstances and that you've gone down the official path to let them know, but your college is being unhelpful so you'd appreciate it if they'd check their records for you. I'll help you write it if you like - it's generally much easier writing these things for other people rather than yourself. PM me if you'd like some help but don't want to say details on the thread.

It's your decision what you want to tell her, but I hope you'll be ok tomorrow.

Why is everything I do wrong? I'm actually the worst friend in the world.

He says he's fine with it but I don't feel comfortable constantly bombarding him with my ****. I feel like he should have a break from it if that makes sense... I dunno I probably don't make sense :/

Perspective and bias. I am sure if you ask others they would disagree with your view.

Why is everything I do wrong? I'm actually the worst friend in the world.

And the point I'm making is that, although awesome, you are also a total dumbass. I don't think you're awesome because you happen to like some of the same stuff as me (although that gains you extra bonus points), I think you're awesome because you're a strong, funny and intelligent person who I wish I knew in real life. And I'm not under any illusions about the people who post on here - I just know how to see their good side, because all of us in here have one, just mental illness tends to make us forget that. And I challenge you to find any other corner of TSR/the whole damn internet that contains such a great collection of supportive, generous and all-round fabulous people. I know mental illness can bring out the worst in people, but I've also seen that it can make you a kinder, more sympathetic and generous person, and in fact bring out the best in you too when you get together to support other people. I think I'm a much nicer person for having had depression. Doubt I'd have actually chosen the trade-off, but it happened and here I am.

Really and seriously, you need to stop hating yourself. You are a good person. You've been given a pretty ****ty deal in terms of life events, but I do believe you're strong enough to prevail eventually. You're not destroying anybody's life, you're a positive influence in the lives of many, and if you could accept that I think it would help you in your recovery which is totally going to happen.

And I know exactly how you feel in terms of being a waste of space, cos I've been there too. However looking back, I know that I wasn't contributing much to society during that time of space wastage, but overall in my life I've been at least moderately awesome. I put it to you that the sum total of you is and will be awesome too. Especially when you take into account the many awesomenesses of Sultana's Life Yet to Come.

Everyone would be so much better if I didn't be. Why am I too **** to do what I need to? Having 'hope' for my future is ridiculous, unachievable and ****ing selfish. Why can't I do what is best for everyone, and why do people's wrong emotions on the subject keep clouding my judgment? It's ridiculous. I'm ridiculous. If I had half an ounce of self restraint and selflessness left in me then I could say that this is my last post, but I know that I'm normally weak and irrational so I don't think I can say that.

My heart hurts.

Posted from TSR Mobile

I disagree. One of my friends who was horrible to me a couple of days ago really needed me today and I ignored her message. I'm just as horrible as they are.

I disagree. One of my friends who was horrible to me a couple of days ago really needed me today and I ignored her message. I'm just as horrible as they are.

I disagree. One of my friends who was horrible to me a couple of days ago really needed me today and I ignored her message. I'm just as horrible as they are.