Mental Health Support Society Mk X

Hope youre better today and got some sleep.

hi,

due to mental health conditions, i did one year of study in 2010/11, left at the end of year one, then took a year off, then started a different course at a different uni last september (i was there 2-4 weeks max), but by then realised i needed to seek help for my mental health conditions (anxiety & depression), and so left again.

just completed student finance and although i'm in wales, it says i will have to pay the £9000 tuition fee for the first year up front. will the fact that i didnt use a years finance when i was at the 2nd uni make a difference? i could get letters from both my psychologist and GP (to show student finance i left uni for mental health reasons) who i have been seeing at great expense to try and get to the bottom of my issues.

thanks

Urgh, today is not going well. I feel sick with worry about my upcoming interview, like i almost can't bring myself to prepare for it because i'm that scared of failure.

Ok now i feel like i'm about to have a mental breakdown, i can't deal with the pressure of life anymore, it's affecting my ability to even feed myself.

You're not alone. I get similar feelings.

I was meant to go volunteering today but I can't go in the living room without the walls screaming at me. My head is killing from listening to them yesterday, I can't deal with them today. I feel like a complete failure. They also found something which hurts me more than imagineable and keep putting the image of it in my head. I can see all the gory details and it happens whether my eyes are open or not there's no escape, it's really distressing.

You said you'd got some diazepam - might be a good idea to take one? Try and stay calm - I know it must be horrible, but I promise they genuinely can't cause any of this stuff to happen. Walls are neither capable of rational thought nor capable of acting upon said non-existent rational thought.

I took one an hour ago when I was still trying to force myself to shower and get ready for the volunteering. It did nothing. Think I need to go up a dose again but don't want to become addicted to it.

I know, walls can't talk or shout so something's wrong there I'm not so worried about the walls carrying stuff out, more about the people behind making them talk carrying stuff out.

I wanted to play with fluffy kittens.

That's not good, you're probably right to be cautious about addiction. If you don't take it too often though it'll probably be ok for you still to take at a higher dose - I'd ask your psychiatrist.

There are no people making them talk, it's just your brain being a dickhead. I absolutely 100% promise that you're safe from other people, it's only yourself you've got to worry about.

The fluffy kittens are nice and safely locked up in cages waiting for you to come another time. In the meantime, there are lolcats!

Took another half. So we shall see.

Don't feel safe at all. I keep seeing spies everywhere whenever I go out. Pretty sure they can hurt me if given the order.

Thank for the link, I love cheeseburger pages. Lying in bed looking at people's bad tattoos/dress sense/general idiocy, yes I think I have the next few hours sorted.

Can anyone give me advice about something I have to be quite vague about cos rules.

I'm meant to have cbt tomorrow but I'm sort of planning to do something and scared she'll make me talk about it. I dont want to talk about it cos she might make me less likely to do it, but i think doing it would be best for me. My friend said I should talk to her cos if I feel urgent to do it that's a sign I would regret it afterwards. But I don't know what to do. Whether to just not go or whether to go and try not to talk about it.

I'm also meant to go stay with Nut. and I really would prefer to be there way more. But she's doing more ok atm and i'm scared i'll make things worse for her cos I'm really not doing that good. but there is no way at all i can stay here, i just can't. if i don't go then i'm going to end up doing Something Really Bad and that would hurt her too so i don't really know what's for the best.

Can anyone give me advice about something I have to be quite vague about cos rules.

I'm meant to have cbt tomorrow but I'm sort of planning to do something and scared she'll make me talk about it. I dont want to talk about it cos she might make me less likely to do it, but i think doing it would be best for me. My friend said I should talk to her cos if I feel urgent to do it that's a sign I would regret it afterwards. But I don't know what to do. Whether to just not go or whether to go and try not to talk about it.

I'm also meant to go stay with Nut. and I really would prefer to be there way more. But she's doing more ok atm and i'm scared i'll make things worse for her cos I'm really not doing that good. but there is no way at all i can stay here, i just can't. if i don't go then i'm going to end up doing Something Really Bad and that would hurt her too so i don't really know what's for the best.

Can anyone give me advice about something I have to be quite vague about cos rules.

I'm meant to have cbt tomorrow but I'm sort of planning to do something and scared she'll make me talk about it. I dont want to talk about it cos she might make me less likely to do it, but i think doing it would be best for me. My friend said I should talk to her cos if I feel urgent to do it that's a sign I would regret it afterwards. But I don't know what to do. Whether to just not go or whether to go and try not to talk about it.

I'm also meant to go stay with Nut. and I really would prefer to be there way more. But she's doing more ok atm and i'm scared i'll make things worse for her cos I'm really not doing that good. but there is no way at all i can stay here, i just can't. if i don't go then i'm going to end up doing Something Really Bad and that would hurt her too so i don't really know what's for the best.

You know when you are too ill for people to be able to/want to deal with, yet you need people to stay alive; what do you do? I know I'm no fun to be around and it's right that people avoid me but it doesn't leave me in a very good position.
I have pretty much decided to stay alive until I get to do something cos it is very important to me and given how nothing at all is even vaguely important to me other than my need to not be here I think I should go. But I don't know how to stay alive until then. **** this is bad

You know when you are too ill for people to be able to/want to deal with, yet you need people to stay alive; what do you do? I know I'm no fun to be around and it's right that people avoid me but it doesn't leave me in a very good position.
I have pretty much decided to stay alive until I get to do something cos it is very important to me and given how nothing at all is even vaguely important to me other than my need to not be here I think I should go. But I don't know how to stay alive until then. **** this is bad

I'm still really struggling with having panic attacks, I haven't suffered with them in a few months and have been having them almost daily. Sometimes twice.

This may be inappropriate, if it is then by all means just tell me.
What can I do if an ex is trying to continue to manipulate me by threatening suicide and blaming me for it, due to me not wanting to be back into a relationship (11 months after he broke up with me). I don't know what to do, he shouted at me endlessly when I briefly hinted that I would contact the crisis team or the police. He threatened that he would do it right there and then if someone intervenes. This is why I'm so confused, I can't get him help but the only way he will calm down is if I help him. However, he is awful to me he is absolutely soul destroying and I can't take anymore of his grief and manipulation. I can't be there for him.

Basically. I just can't cope with this anymore, I can't stop having panic attacks. Stress from this and other things are making me lose control. Apologies if this doesn't make sense.
Hope everyone is well.