Mental Health Support Society Mk X

Oh my god, i haven't been this bad in a long time. Don't know what to do anymore. I've messed everything up, everything. I've blown it.

Want to talk about what's going on?

I feel completely overwhelmed by thoughts of no job prospects. I feel totally out of control now. My best mates are all on safe career paths and i'm sat here having just finished my second year of uni and i'm supposed to have a placement year sorted out already but i don't. I have an interview next week for one and it's my last chance.

Every night for the past week i've lay here having mental images of me sitting in poverty, jobless and friendless. I almost feel i was bullied into going to university by my college when it hasn't been for me and i've wasted thousands of pounds for something that might never get me a job. One of my closest mates is already in an apprenticeship doing something i wish i had done if i'd been shown the option to, and he's getting paid to do it and guaranteed a job for life at the end.

I've ruined my future and i can't cope with the feeling that i'll live a **** life and that everything is pointless. I can't cope anymore. I'm losing so much sleep and i'm struggling to even do day to day things like feeding myself. I'm also sat here thinking things i can't mention on here.

I really appreciate you replying, i feel completely alone in the world.

Yeah, that does sound like a lot of pressure (understatement I know). I can really relate to what you're saying (I came out of uni with a 2:2 and wish I'd done something with my hands instead) but I think you need to look at the good things that are going on. You have an interview next week so focus on getting yourself in order so you can do the best you can at that. What are your marks like at uni? If you're struggling with the workload have you thought about talking to the disability department about your mental health and the impact it's having on your work? They might be able to help. Do you have a personal tutor you can talk to about not having the placement year sorted out? I'm sure other people mess that up too so the uni should have a procedure for dealing with it.

I know when you're feeling crap stuff like the amount of debt you have and what your friends are doing makes everything worse but regrets don't change anything. If you're really not enjoying university you could always drop out and do the apprenticeship instead. Obviously you'd have the debt but you don't need to pay it back until you're earning above a certain amount so while it's not ideal it isn't the end of the world. Not that I'm saying dropping out would be a light or easy decision but if you're truly not happy I think you should pursue happiness and what you want rather than what you feel you *have* to do.

I don't know if this is helpful at all, just my view. I hope things work out for you at the interview or whatever path you take.

Thanks. I am actually quite scared and i don't want to be anymore. I want to be able to stand up and take what comes at me in life but i don't have the strength in me. My family would support me if i told them but i am too afraid too incase it goes wrong.

Being scared is understandable, it sounds like you're under a lot of pressure. It sounds like you could do with talking things over with someone who knows you well. Maybe you could write everything down first so you can work out exactly how to say it so it doesn't go wrong? Your family care about you and probably want you to be happy so I'm sure they'd try to understand if you told them.

My parents are currently in another country for 2 weeks. I don't want to tell my sister because it would scare her and i don't want that. I've emailed samaritans because i don't know what else to do right now. I want to make another appointment to the doctors but its usually a 5 day wait and i can't even comprehend 5 days into the future right now.

I wanted to be productive and prepare tomorrow for my interview but being awake at 3am i don't think i'll even have the energy.

Sorry to be a bother to everyone.

Is it horrible of me to think that a lot of people in this thread have it easy? I don't mean to judge anyone but I am so jealous of you guys it hurts. Sorry if that upsets anyone but I really cant stop comparing your issues with my own.

I don't think you can really judge whether people here have it "easy" without being in their shoes and walking their path. A lot of people can't let on the worst of what's going on as it breaks the rules so you should bear that in mind too.

What's up your end?

I know, I feel horrible for even thinking it! I have severe anxiety problems and I have literally not left my house for 6, nearly 7 years. I am jealous of anyone who can go outside, anyone who sees their friends (I have had no contact with mine since leaving school in 2006). I saw someone post that they were scared of being sectioned and I cant help but think I wish I was... at least I'd be getting help.

I try really hard to fight off the loneliness but it creeps up on you. I feel so incredibly disconnected from the world.

Hospital doesn't guarantee getting help, when I was in there I hardly spoke to anyone and got no help except a higher dose of drugs.

Are you getting any help? This anxiety sounds pretty severe, I'd say you should talk to your GP and see if you can get antidepressants (certain ones are prescribed for anxiety) or talk therapy and hopefully get on the road to recovery. I can understand how horrible loneliness is but I also understand it can be difficult to force yourself into situations that would alleviate the loneliness when you have anxiety. Are you at university or do you have a job? I'm guessing no, so maybe you could talk to your GP and then once you find yourself less anxious try doing things to alleviate the loneliness.

Nop, no help at all. No job and no university, no life really. I have only just gotten used to answering the phone (for a long time I couldn't), and I still can't answer the door. I don't know how I'm going to call the GP much less go and see him (he refuses to do home visits). I feel like a ghost to be honest, I spend my days drifting around the house looking for something to do and when someone comes to the house (cousin, neighbour, aunt, sister's friends etc etc) I hide in my room. Nobody even asks about me anymore, and I cant stop thinking about Christmas... I cant bear another Christmas by myself.

Really I could quite happily trade places with anyone right now. At least being in hospital means your illness is acknowledged, I don't even have that.

what about your parents? i assume they have noticed what you're doing. Could you ask one of them to make the dr appointment for you and then go with you? I'm sure you've realized by now that things aren't going to get better by themselves, you need to do something about it.

I live with my mum, she does her best to help and I'm sure she would phone the doctor if I asked her too... but I still wouldn't be able to physically go and see him. My dad has never acknowledged the problem, on the rare occasions I see him he pretends nothing is wrong. I know I need to change, find help, do something but I just cant do it.

I seem to be always thinking about family and old school friends, I just want to shout at them and ask them not to forget me. Am I wrong for being angry at them for not coming to look for me all those years ago?

I seem to be always thinking about family and old school friends, I just want to shout at them and ask them not to forget me. Am I wrong for being angry at them for not coming to look for me all those years ago?

I am the worst ****ing person in the world


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Thanks. I may have to, my bestie lives near manchester (Wigan) so could do a bit of visiting as well.

Rat scrumpy is fine, but it's not a suitable replacement for bacon or steaks

My parents are currently in another country for 2 weeks. I don't want to tell my sister because it would scare her and i don't want that. I've emailed samaritans because i don't know what else to do right now. I want to make another appointment to the doctors but its usually a 5 day wait and i can't even comprehend 5 days into the future right now.

I wanted to be productive and prepare tomorrow for my interview but being awake at 3am i don't think i'll even have the energy.

Sorry to be a bother to everyone.

Is it horrible of me to think that a lot of people in this thread have it easy? I don't mean to judge anyone but I am so jealous of you guys it hurts. Sorry if that upsets anyone but I really cant stop comparing your issues with my own.

Is it horrible of me to think that a lot of people in this thread have it easy? I don't mean to judge anyone but I am so jealous of you guys it hurts. Sorry if that upsets anyone but I really cant stop comparing your issues with my own.

It really does sound like you need help. The first steps are always the hardest and if your mum can't get the doctor to do a home visit (really they should offer it as a service) then you're going to need to find a way to get to the doctor's. I understand it's difficult but your life won't change until you reach out for help.

Good luck with interview!