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What's WRONG with being a virgin?!

I notice there are, to put it mildly, a lot of threads on TSR right now about slut-shaming, virgins, mature and immature boys and girls etc etc etc.

I've also noticed that, on some of those threads, many of those arguing against slut-shaming have also stated that being a virgin is a bad thing as it means you have less experience, are seeing sex as something special when it isn't, etc. And that "mature men" prefer non-virgins.

But why? I've never slept with anyone, I know other girls and guys who haven't, and it isn't due to lack of attractiveness or social skills or opportunity. Nor is it because we think sleeping with someone makes you an evil schlag and impure, whatever the **** that means. We just don't want to or don't feel like it right now. I've been told on this forum before that saving sex for marriage is "illogical." Is it? Why? Is "experience" really such a big deal?

Why is lack of sexual experience sometimes also seen as a bad thing? Or do people just not like those they refer to as "frigid" because it means there's less opportunity for them to get laid if less people are putting out?

People have the right to sleep with whom they choose, whether that's partners with more experience or less. By all means, find whom you want to find attractive. Just don't create a billion threads and posts on TSR about it criticising those whom you don't.

It makes me pissy when you either get people insisting that having sex makes you "impure" and a "slut" (of either gender, and don't try to tell me that that term does not have negative implications) or that not having sex makes you "frigid" and "holding out for some fairytale" and "precious."

Being either a virgin or more experienced is not inherently "good" or "bad" or whatever. Some people will like it, some won't. You may have a preference yourself. But don't force that preference onto anyone else. Or bang on and on and on on TSR about either "prissy virgins" or "evil British hedonistic schlags." Or insist that "all men prefer this" or "all women prefer that." No, they don't. It is impossible to find much meaningful info on this sort of thing, given the population size and how much people lie on surveys about sex. Stop generalising.

Sleep with and date whom you want. Just don't try to turn anyone else's sex life into your business. Including the person you are dating or considering dating. If you don't like it it is not their problem. Go and find someone else.

Edit: Also, people really need to stop trying to blame the opposite sex for their failure to find someone who meets their expectations. Whether it's guys on here complaining about how "where have all the nice girls gone?" or girls going on about how "I can't be bothered to take care of my appearance why do I have no bf??", the only thing you can change is what YOU do. Stop whining about it on TSR and fix your own life instead. Maybe something you do is putting the kinds of people you like off.

Discuss.

(edited 10 years ago)

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Reply 1

PinkyQT

Erm, hun being a virgin is good in todays society.

I'm a virgin and I'm saving it for the right man.

Reply 2

Mr Smurf

Girls prefer experienced guys. :beard:

Plus I said this on another thread so might as well post it here:

Most people have lost their virginity before they reach 20. A lot of those who havent will feel secretly anxious or upset because they know it. Its only natural to feel like you have missed out and I dont know why its hard for those with sexual experience to understand that. When everyone you know has lost it and you havent its likely you will feel like there is something wrong with you for not being able to attract the opposite sex. Surely giving tips on how to attract the opposite sex is better than spouting bull**** about how its normal and they will find someone soon enough? It just feels patronising when someone who got their first kiss at 15 and lost their virginity at 17 to say that its nothing to be upset about and you will find someone etc.

Reply 3

Hellz_Bellz!

I really don't give a **** what anyone thinks of me being a virgin. They can call me frigid if they really want. I'm just not ready yet.

I just don't understand why it's such a big deal to be one these days. Does it mean I'm gonna shrivel up if I don't **** someone before I'm a certain age? It's crazy.

I also get people telling me they're "surprised" I'm a virgin. I didn't realise virgins were meant to look or act a certain way.

Reply 4

chickenonsteroids

I don't know why I feel irked when people end their post with 'discuss' :lol:

I'm not taking an exam and the whole point of forums is to discuss what's been posted! Anyway, that was irrelevant.

There's nothing wrong with being a virgin but tbh I see more posts about people saying they're virgins or have little sexual experience than posts saying that if you don't bang like a duracell bunny.

Reply 5

fabmaester

I'm a 19 year old virgin and I feel pressured to an extent through the media. You watch programmes like Geordie Shore and sex is masculinity Pinky and Perky (Gaz and Scott) talk constantly about 'bucking birds'. Its portrayed as the best man has sex with the most girls.

Reply 6

Sloaney Pony

Original post by Mr Smurf

Girls prefer experienced guys. :beard:

Not necessarily. Most of my close friends don't like guys who've slept around, which is what you need to do to get really "experienced" unless your relationships are shorter than that of Taylor Swift.

There is never going to be any kind of consensus on what the opposite sex prefers in yours. My point is that people should stop forcing their opinions on others regarding this.

Reply 7

sliceofcake

I don't see anything wrong with being a virgin. If you don't want to have sex then that's your choice. If no one will have sex with you, it's not the end of the world. However, I'm weary about the idea of saving sex for marriage. I'm aware that while sex isn't vital to the relationship, it is often important, thus so is sexual compatibility. If you start having sex after you're married and discover that, for example, you're really into the idea of trying more hardcore things, sex games, experimental etc while your partner is more into very simple one-position only type sex (or vice versa) then it can be really frustrating.
You don't have to look hard for examples of sexual incompatibility slowly ruining the relationship, despite attempts at compromising, and if it became that much of an issue then with a married couple it could lead to divorce. I really hate the idea of divorce, though I know sometimes it's necessary.
I'd rather have a firm understanding of what I want sexually and find someone who is interested in the same things than discovering, after marrying them, that they have a completely different taste to me. It can be very difficult to adjust to someone else's sexual tastes, such as if you only want it once or twice a week but they want it every day, maybe multiple times a day. While it's fun discovering new things with your partner, it can also be frustrating if you find something wonderful but they're dead set against it.

(edited 10 years ago)

Nothing

Original post by Hellz_Bellz!

There's nothing wrong with either being a virgin or sleeping with a different person every night, IMO.

I think this society goes on about sex far too much TBH. By all means, people can sleep with and go out with/marry whom they choose, but it gets annoying when they assume that that defines you. Someone's sex life isn't anyone's business but their own.

Reply 10

Sloaney Pony

Original post by PinkyQT

Erm, hun being a virgin is good in todays society.

I'm a virgin and I'm saving it for the right man.

What do you mean by "it's good" though?

If you want to save it that's cool, but my point is that there shouldn't be a general societal expectation about "if you sleep around you're a slut/better in bed" or "if you're a virgin you're more moral/frigid." People can set their own boundaries regarding sex, but the generalisations are just absurd.

Reply 11

sarahfrancis1991

Original post by PinkyQT

Erm, hun being a virgin is good in todays society.

I'm a virgin and I'm saving it for the right man.

how can this post get negged?

Reply 12

Mr Smurf

Original post by Sloaney Pony

Maybe I should have said they prefer guys with "some experience" but it doesn't make a difference because I can't imagine girls in their 20s preferring it if a guy didn't know what he was doing during sex while fumbling around awkwardly with their body's as well as not lasting long.

Reply 13

sarahfrancis1991

Original post by Sloaney Pony

I read her post as If she means "good" in the sense that you haven't just thrown away your virginity, we live in a society where it is rare for a 20+ year old to be a virgin. I agree with her it certainly isn't a bad thing to be a virgin.

Reply 14

PinkyQT

Original post by sarahfrancis1991

This is what I mean :smile:

Reply 15

Sloaney Pony

Original post by Mr Smurf

That's the point, though, people have to stop making generalisations like "women prefer this" or "men prefer that". Just because you can't imagine something doesn't mean it doesn't hold true.

It is impossible to do a census or get any kind of reliable information on this sort of thing, especially considering people often lie on surveys about sex anyway. If you want to be more experienced go right ahead. If you don't don't.

Reply 16

Tsukuyomi Mach

In this society, virginity is only seen as positive when refering to a woman's virginity. Men are pressured by friends/family/media to lose it by a certain age whereas women are pressured by their friends/family/media to keep their virginity for as long as she can.

Men are shamed for not having sex and accepted for having lots of sex. Women are shamed for having too much sex and accepted for not having much sex. Women are often called sluts/whores for openly being sexual and shamed whereas men who are virgins are called out for being unmasculine and often presumed gay if they don't express sexual attraction for women. Both genders are pressured equally regarding when to have sex, the difference being on when is 'acceptable'. It is sad, but unfortunately that is just the way things are now.

Reply 17

Sloaney Pony

Original post by Tsukuyomi Mach

That isn't always the case, though, I have several male religious friends whose social circles pressure them into staying virgins and several female party-goers whose social circles pressure them into pulling the best looking guy they can every time we go to a club.

My point was that people have to stop generalising and trying to force those generalisations on others.

Reply 18

aspirinpharmacist

There's nothing wrong with having sex or not having sex. I just haven't met anyone I fancy enough to let them stick part of their anatomy into me. :dontknow:

Reply 19

Party55511

A girl who has had 15 sexual partners before the age of 20.
A girl who has decided to save herself until marriage.
A guy who would prefer a virgin girlfriend.
A guy who wouldn't.
Someone who decides not to have sex at all.

Do you know what the problem with all these people is?

Nothing.

The only problem is people who bash other peoples choices when it doesn't even affect them.