Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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Okay, people!! Time for a perspective post!
I am not BMI 20. That is NINE STONES! I am a Nine Stone Man. Capital....Letters.
I am both flabby and flawed. And do you know what? Girls are noticing me. The grip of anorexia is slipping. It is becoming more and more easy to do random, undocumented things.
Am I embarassed that I am no longer "ill"? No. Not at all. Before I'd be sitting there desperate to prove how ill I was. "I'm not even BMI 17!" - yeah, like that means anything. It means I can't bear children, or exert myself in any physical way due to exhaustion. That's hot, right? When I think I'm so flawed that I must force myself to seek out any kind of love via extreme lifestyle choices, and no for me, as a spirit.
People in the street don't look at me. I'm normal. Why? WHY?! I want you to stare at me and exalt me. I'm me, doesn't that mean anything?! No, it doesn't. I'm normal. I'm not totally emaciated and close to death, so nobody gives me that level of attention any longer.
And I freaking love it.
I've always said it. When an ED-sufferer is on the "cusp of recovery", they're in the worst position. They'll sit and ride the "hopeless recoverer" role to death. When you recover beyond the realms of "juuuuuust unhealthy ENOUGH", you start to understand you are CLINGING to that hope of being able to use it again. I am talking to both Riku AND MelissaJayne in this context. The longer you cling to the "just about" and "marginal" - the longer you totally cling to the thought of recovery being just another excuse in the life you hope to lead.
Please, keep trying. My life is so, so much happier now I'm plumper. I have no qualms about it. And trust me, I've been skinny to the point of death - this - BMI 20 - is the happiest I've ever been. Listen to me peeps. xxxx
I am not BMI 20. That is NINE STONES! I am a Nine Stone Man. Capital....Letters.
I am both flabby and flawed. And do you know what? Girls are noticing me. The grip of anorexia is slipping. It is becoming more and more easy to do random, undocumented things.
Am I embarassed that I am no longer "ill"? No. Not at all. Before I'd be sitting there desperate to prove how ill I was. "I'm not even BMI 17!" - yeah, like that means anything. It means I can't bear children, or exert myself in any physical way due to exhaustion. That's hot, right? When I think I'm so flawed that I must force myself to seek out any kind of love via extreme lifestyle choices, and no for me, as a spirit.
People in the street don't look at me. I'm normal. Why? WHY?! I want you to stare at me and exalt me. I'm me, doesn't that mean anything?! No, it doesn't. I'm normal. I'm not totally emaciated and close to death, so nobody gives me that level of attention any longer.
And I freaking love it.
I've always said it. When an ED-sufferer is on the "cusp of recovery", they're in the worst position. They'll sit and ride the "hopeless recoverer" role to death. When you recover beyond the realms of "juuuuuust unhealthy ENOUGH", you start to understand you are CLINGING to that hope of being able to use it again. I am talking to both Riku AND MelissaJayne in this context. The longer you cling to the "just about" and "marginal" - the longer you totally cling to the thought of recovery being just another excuse in the life you hope to lead.
Please, keep trying. My life is so, so much happier now I'm plumper. I have no qualms about it. And trust me, I've been skinny to the point of death - this - BMI 20 - is the happiest I've ever been. Listen to me peeps. xxxx
Original post by TotoMimo
One think I WILL tell you not to do... is lie. It's SO easy to give in and lie about your food diary. It helps nobody. Doesn't help you OR the people that want to aid you in your recovery..
Just as I thought and I'm glad I stuck with it as it's helped me identify what triggers my binge.
Not felt the urge to binge in a week (not much to boast about really) but quite proud of myself and taking each week as they come..
This probably sounds bad, im not sure.... but I don't understand how people can say they are 'recovered'.
The mentality of the person stays the same even if their outlook on themselves changes meaning that things can easily trigger them back into remission.
I suffered from ED's since about the age of 6, i don't know what caused it but thats not the point.
recovered would mean that a person is 'normal'
But what are we classing as normal?
Everyone has insecurities about themselves
Many people calorie restrict
Many people look in the mirror and think they need to lose weight for example when they are fine the way they are
so is this normal?
many 'normal' people obsess over food and weight
but isn't this unhealthy?
how can anyone ever say they are 'recovered' if thoughts about food, body image, exercise, weight etc are circulating their mind??
This post probably doesn't even make any sense but i guess its just a way of me ventilating
The mentality of the person stays the same even if their outlook on themselves changes meaning that things can easily trigger them back into remission.
I suffered from ED's since about the age of 6, i don't know what caused it but thats not the point.
recovered would mean that a person is 'normal'
But what are we classing as normal?
Everyone has insecurities about themselves
Many people calorie restrict
Many people look in the mirror and think they need to lose weight for example when they are fine the way they are
so is this normal?
many 'normal' people obsess over food and weight
but isn't this unhealthy?
how can anyone ever say they are 'recovered' if thoughts about food, body image, exercise, weight etc are circulating their mind??
This post probably doesn't even make any sense but i guess its just a way of me ventilating
Toto I see your point yet again, but how can I come to terms with that idea of being flawed, both physically and emotionally?
(Today I found out I am a bit poo at laser quest and pool, but alright at bowling
)
I don't look ill enough to get the attention nor do I want to. I wouldn't go to that extreme. I just feel mentally drained a lot, more than I used to, either that or I was more reclusive than I think before this started.
My lady and I are still happy together thanks ^_^
Incidentally you're a godly artist and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, including yourself :P
(Today I found out I am a bit poo at laser quest and pool, but alright at bowling
)I don't look ill enough to get the attention nor do I want to. I wouldn't go to that extreme. I just feel mentally drained a lot, more than I used to, either that or I was more reclusive than I think before this started.
My lady and I are still happy together thanks ^_^
Incidentally you're a godly artist and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, including yourself :P
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by Riku
Toto I see your point yet again, but how can I come to terms with that idea of being flawed, both physically and emotionally?
(Today I found out I am a bit poo at laser quest and pool, but alright at bowling )
I don't look ill enough to get the attention nor do I want to. I wouldn't go to that extreme. I just feel mentally drained a lot, more than I used to, either that or I was more reclusive than I think before this started.
My lady and I are still happy together thanks ^_^
Incidentally you're a godly artist and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, including yourself :P
(Today I found out I am a bit poo at laser quest and pool, but alright at bowling
)I don't look ill enough to get the attention nor do I want to. I wouldn't go to that extreme. I just feel mentally drained a lot, more than I used to, either that or I was more reclusive than I think before this started.
My lady and I are still happy together thanks ^_^
Incidentally you're a godly artist and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, including yourself :P
And once again you're reinforcing your own search for recognition. Most people simply do things and find enjoyment in them. Bowling, Laser Quest, Drawing, Running, whatever. Do you think that whoever is running down the street with earphones in is running past wee grannies sneering, thinking, "I'm faster than YOU, and YOU, and YOU...." - of course not.
You don't need to be excellent at everything you do, nor do you need to excel in everything you are. Nobody is judging you... except you.
Another point you made can be spread to a lot of other readers on here. "How can I possibly prove I'm ill enough if my exterior doesn't show that?" - that implies you WANT to show the people around you that you're ill. There are only a limited number of reasons why this would be the case. Most predominantly could be the search for attention (and I don't mean the "look at me!" attention, I mean doting-style attentiveness; being ill is a FORM of exception, after all. To be ill is to absolve yourself of social convention) When you see someone is ill, they become exempt from judgement. "Look at him, he's bald as a coot." "Actually, he's really ill." "Oh... I feel really bad for thinking that, now". As soon as someone is "ill", they can be anything else and still be pitied, loved, revered and treated specially.
Mental illness is something that rarely shows evidence or symptoms physically when it's alone - it's the by-products of harm that show on the body (which is why you can be an overweight anorexic, for example).
I still believe that your search to rid yourself of any flaws is just your continuing battle to seek out the attention you believe you deserve internally. But to denounce your flaws and rid yourself of them entirely is to denounce humanity entirely, because we are defined by our weaknesses, not our strengths.
With strengths, we find comfort, but with weaknesses, we find challenge.
Original post by Anonymous
One for the girls here (Sorry lads) - haven't had a period for about 3-4 years now, when they're on their way back in, is there any warning they'll be on their way to look out for? Discharge, anything like that? Also, when some of you were without periods - was it ever normal for you to get regular discharge sometimes?
I'd also like to hear any advice on this too....
With regards to the information on periods, I'm afraid I can only really give you insight based on textual information, but the text indicates you won't experience a "healthy" period - ie, one of any significance - until you are weight-restored. This means your body is no longer on alert and feels it is ready for motherhood. When you restrict you rip your body back to pre-adolescence and the body becomes very child-like, and the process is very much like a second puberty as you heal yourself through the recovery period.
It's normal to have "fake periods" though - ones that seem like only plasma, only basic serum is discharged. It's your body's way of saying "I have no REAL, FULL blood to give up, but I want you to know I'm still trying." It discharges either clear or milky-to-yellow fluid which is basically "half-blood"; a mixture of basic blood plasma and minerals , which is basically nutrient-devoid, but does so in a way that keeps the body ticking over... basically it's like a factory that's still running but not producing anything of use.
So if you continue to have "fake periods", it's your body's way of saying it needs to heal properly, as you're not weight-restored at all.
It's normal to have "fake periods" though - ones that seem like only plasma, only basic serum is discharged. It's your body's way of saying "I have no REAL, FULL blood to give up, but I want you to know I'm still trying." It discharges either clear or milky-to-yellow fluid which is basically "half-blood"; a mixture of basic blood plasma and minerals , which is basically nutrient-devoid, but does so in a way that keeps the body ticking over... basically it's like a factory that's still running but not producing anything of use.
So if you continue to have "fake periods", it's your body's way of saying it needs to heal properly, as you're not weight-restored at all.
So, I won't bother with the anon stuff anymore, I think I last posted here a year ago or so. Anyway, recovering bulimic here. I'm really doing well I think, well, yesterday was another story.
Spoiler
So I'm going to spoiler this, it has a little to do with ed behaviour, but mostly because I feel like a **** person for thinking this way and don't want to bring others down.
I also apologise for any dodgy spelling as I am on my phone.
I also apologise for any dodgy spelling as I am on my phone.
Spoiler
Jeez sorry that was so long.
Original post by whitepearlbaby
So, I won't bother with the anon stuff anymore, I think I last posted here a year ago or so. Anyway, recovering bulimic here. I'm really doing well I think, well, yesterday was another story.
Spoiler
Well done on your progress, remember that one day does not constitute a full relapse; any weight you lost today would be water loss due to purging. Have you considered chucking the scales? Most "normal" people rarely weigh themselves! You could always go to your GP to get weighed, but having scales at home often leads to obsessive behaviour, and is usually counter-productiveOriginal post by Anonymous Well done on your progress, remember that one day does not constitute a full relapse; any weight you lost today would be water loss due to purging. Have you considered chucking the scales? Most "normal" people rarely weigh themselves! You could always go to your GP to get weighed, but having scales at home often leads to obsessive behaviour, and is usually counter-productive
Well done on your progress, remember that one day does not constitute a full relapse; any weight you lost today would be water loss due to purging. Have you considered chucking the scales? Most "normal" people rarely weigh themselves! You could always go to your GP to get weighed, but having scales at home often leads to obsessive behaviour, and is usually counter-productiveThank you
I know it's bad, they're not even my own scales. I won't even have any at uni! It's just, I thought I would monitor my progress better with them... But it has gotten worse, the habit of just quickly checking my weight.
Been off this for a while trying to get better which I thought I had but a recent holiday made me realize how much weight I've lost again (half a stone in 2 months) and how difficult it is for me to spend a week with friends in an environment surrounded by food and drink. It really upset me and depression has really set in bad this time and though I've been dead against medication after not getting on with Celexa and Prozac, I've been put on Sertraline/Zoloft.
Just wondering whether this has helped anyone at all for all those who've taken anti-depressants during recovery? I know I can hit a healthy weight because I've done it; my problem is that as soon as depression comes back I turn to anorexia again.
Really hope you're all doing well and that a few of you have made it much further into your recovery journeys whilst I've been off here!
Just wondering whether this has helped anyone at all for all those who've taken anti-depressants during recovery? I know I can hit a healthy weight because I've done it; my problem is that as soon as depression comes back I turn to anorexia again.
Really hope you're all doing well and that a few of you have made it much further into your recovery journeys whilst I've been off here!
Original post by x-Disenchanted-x
Been off this for a while trying to get better which I thought I had but a recent holiday made me realize how much weight I've lost again (half a stone in 2 months) and how difficult it is for me to spend a week with friends in an environment surrounded by food and drink. It really upset me and depression has really set in bad this time and though I've been dead against medication after not getting on with Celexa and Prozac, I've been put on Sertraline/Zoloft.
Just wondering whether this has helped anyone at all for all those who've taken anti-depressants during recovery? I know I can hit a healthy weight because I've done it; my problem is that as soon as depression comes back I turn to anorexia again.
Really hope you're all doing well and that a few of you have made it much further into your recovery journeys whilst I've been off here!
Just wondering whether this has helped anyone at all for all those who've taken anti-depressants during recovery? I know I can hit a healthy weight because I've done it; my problem is that as soon as depression comes back I turn to anorexia again.
Really hope you're all doing well and that a few of you have made it much further into your recovery journeys whilst I've been off here!
I was put on antidepressants during recovery and they helped. I was never allowed off them and I'm still taking them now, 3 years on from recovery, partially because the docs were afraid of a relapse and because the depression caused the anorexia in the first place. Perhaps you should ask if you can stay on them after you've hit a healthy weight? x
Original post by x-Disenchanted-x
Been off this for a while trying to get better which I thought I had but a recent holiday made me realize how much weight I've lost again (half a stone in 2 months) and how difficult it is for me to spend a week with friends in an environment surrounded by food and drink. It really upset me and depression has really set in bad this time and though I've been dead against medication after not getting on with Celexa and Prozac, I've been put on Sertraline/Zoloft.
Just wondering whether this has helped anyone at all for all those who've taken anti-depressants during recovery? I know I can hit a healthy weight because I've done it; my problem is that as soon as depression comes back I turn to anorexia again.
Really hope you're all doing well and that a few of you have made it much further into your recovery journeys whilst I've been off here!
Just wondering whether this has helped anyone at all for all those who've taken anti-depressants during recovery? I know I can hit a healthy weight because I've done it; my problem is that as soon as depression comes back I turn to anorexia again.
Really hope you're all doing well and that a few of you have made it much further into your recovery journeys whilst I've been off here!
-hugging- I've never been put on happy pills, but if it'll help you get better, then definitely do it.
Thanks guys, the side effects are awful right now; I'm so down and paranoid but I guess it'll be worth sticking it out x
Hey, just to say I am still alive 
my internet has been down for what feels like forever. I have to be honest, I don't know how i'm doing. I am trying not to count calories and it's doing my mind so much good. I used to just be counting constantly, not thinking about much else. However, because of the unknown I am just sticking to safe foods and specific foods are feeling worrying. My anxiety about my holiday and wearing a bikini is making me want to cry, as well as aeroplane food and everyone is going on about how much food there will be and how much weight they are going to gain. The drinks are also scaring me, as well as the pressure my family put on me.
I am pretty sure I am eating less than will maintain my weight, but I don't want to add it up, and I have to say I don't mind
I am just going to roll with what makes me feel ok and if i ever go underweight i'll give it a little boost with suppliments. I don't want to sit around feeling guilty about over or under eating so i'll just bob along and deal with it if needs be.
my internet has been down for what feels like forever. I have to be honest, I don't know how i'm doing. I am trying not to count calories and it's doing my mind so much good. I used to just be counting constantly, not thinking about much else. However, because of the unknown I am just sticking to safe foods and specific foods are feeling worrying. My anxiety about my holiday and wearing a bikini is making me want to cry, as well as aeroplane food and everyone is going on about how much food there will be and how much weight they are going to gain. The drinks are also scaring me, as well as the pressure my family put on me.I am pretty sure I am eating less than will maintain my weight, but I don't want to add it up, and I have to say I don't mind
I am just going to roll with what makes me feel ok and if i ever go underweight i'll give it a little boost with suppliments. I don't want to sit around feeling guilty about over or under eating so i'll just bob along and deal with it if needs be.
Just spent the afternoon having Indian Buffet and beers with dad. He told me it's great to have his son back.
JUST before I was about to doubt myself and think, "I'm consuming a lot", he turns around and makes me realise this is what life is. Imagine if I spent every moment fretting and I died in my bed having spent my entire life wondering how many daily calories I had used up on my breakfast that day, instead of spending that whole day having a lovely time with the people I hold dear.
JUST before I was about to doubt myself and think, "I'm consuming a lot", he turns around and makes me realise this is what life is. Imagine if I spent every moment fretting and I died in my bed having spent my entire life wondering how many daily calories I had used up on my breakfast that day, instead of spending that whole day having a lovely time with the people I hold dear.
I'm starting uni in september and very scared I'm going to spiral out of control.
Since May i've managed to get my intakes higher - but when I'm not being told or forced to eat, I don't.
I'm quite scared going 300 miles away to uni that i'm going to go worse.....
Doctors don't seem to listen to me very much because I'm normal weight/on the verge of underweight.
I know at uni I just won't eat... or restrict very low. Even now it kills me to go over 800 calories and I'm taking laxatives and everything.
Since May i've managed to get my intakes higher - but when I'm not being told or forced to eat, I don't.
I'm quite scared going 300 miles away to uni that i'm going to go worse.....
Doctors don't seem to listen to me very much because I'm normal weight/on the verge of underweight.
I know at uni I just won't eat... or restrict very low. Even now it kills me to go over 800 calories and I'm taking laxatives and everything.
Original post by Molly648
I also have suffered from anorexia. I took both the Zoloft/ Sertraline! Honestly I think I have taken so many different medications. Anyway, I found them useful after a week or two of taking them at the right dose for me, the main problem I had was that they made me incredibly drowsy but they definitely helped. I had to take Fluoxetine before, but they didn't work as well for me as the Sertraline. I suppose each person is different though so hopefully the Sertraline also works for you
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Posted from TSR Mobile
Hey
What are the noticeable differences between Fluoxetine and Sertraline? I'm considering trying medication - it's a huge step because generally I've been against it. The psychiatrist suggested Fluoxetine. I'm a bit unsure...
I've heard there are loads of side effects and I really don't want to go on something strong... People seem to be a lot more in favour of Sertraline, is it any better?
