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Bisexual but please don't tell the wife/girlfriend.

I don't look for sex but I would like to meet someone and have a date and see where it goes. I don't think either is likely because I have aspergers, and sex and meeting people are No.3987 on my list of important things to be concerned about.

But sometimes I migh pop-over to one of the social networking sites, gay one's obviously because I am gay. I like both boys and girls but I could never see myself having sex with a girl quite frankly. I find boys/men to be more physically attractive providing they are good-looking-ish and keep themselves physically fit. I'm more of a Vin Diesel admirer than a Jarvis Cocker admirer.

But I find that on these social networking sites a lot of people who contact me for sex are bisexual males who have girlfriends or wives, and 9 times out of 10 the little PS is "Discreet mate, cos' I've got a girlfriend/wife'. :eek:

I would reckon I get about 6 every month or so of bisexual males wanting sex with me but not letting their girlfriends know about it. And there's usually no facepic or anything; they are from Wigan and it is not fashionable to be gay in Wigan as it is the most homophobic town in the country.

I've got two profiles on this particular social networking site and I notice these bisexual males are really quite active whereas the out gay males are very choosey and quiet as well. I might get 1 gay male contact me for sex each month, sometimes not even that. I send the out gay males a message declaring my interest (if I like them or what to know them). I might have to wait 2 months for a response! But whenever I respond to one of these bisexual males, they are on the phone to me like there's no tomorrow. It is as if all those stories about gay men having regular sex with different males each night has completely been dispelled as a myth. The bisexuals are taking over! :biggrin:

And yes I would say I am a good looking guy and I keep fit. But surely, wouldn't you just tell your girlfriend to her face that you have other sexual needs 'and it doesn't involve you or any females'?

Any comments?

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 1

Gordon1985

Original post by Martyn*

Why would a man cheating on his girlfriend with another man neccesarily be any better than cheating on her with another woman?

Different people will have different opnions I suppose. My ex-girlfriend was bisexual and had had sex and a relationship with a woman before I met her. We talked about cheating once and I said I would probably be less upset if she cheated on me with a girl than another guy, but I assume that's maybe more of a guy thing.

I can definitely see why a man who is bi wouldn't want his girlfried (who thinks he's straight) to know that he's bi. A lot of it will be his own insecurity I'd imagine. He might not want it to 'get out' that he's bi or might be worried of what his girlfriend thinks, even if he wasn't sleeping with guys.

Reply 2

ilex_noemi

I have an ex who was like that. Pretended he was straight to me but was on gay websites and posting for guys to meet up with him.
Honestly back then I wouldn't have cared about sexuality, but what he did was cheating which really bothered me.
If you want to experiment then stay single, you'll just be hurting your girlfriend!!!!!!!
Telling me he was bi and therefore couldn't have this relationship would have been far easier on me than going behind my back.

Reply 3

2ndClass

I personally couldn't date someone who's bi. If they were sexually attracted to girls that's fine but emotionally as well, then no. Tbh I'd just want the person to be the same sexuality as me, girls are enough drama as it is.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 4

Kiss

Original post by 2ndClass

I'd personally couldn't date someone who's bi. If they were sexually attracted to girls that's fine but emotionally as well, then no. Tbh I'd just want the person to be the same sexuality as me, girls are enough drama as it is.

I've ran into problems dating bisexuals before, and whilst I don't want to pander to a negative stereotype I can't help but think that bisexuals give themselves a bad name on occasion. I cannot generalise, but from both personal experience and hearing of other experiences, it seems that there is a trend for problems when a homo/heterosexual dates a bisexual.

Reply 5

2ndClass

Original post by Kiss

Completely agree

Reply 6

shadowdweller

Volunteer Section Leader

Original post by 2ndClass

I personally couldn't date someone who's bi. If they were sexually attracted to girls that's fine but emotionally as well, then no

Why?

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 7

tibbles209

Being bi is fine, cheating is not.

Reply 8

2ndClass

Original post by shadowdweller

Why?

Posted from TSR Mobile

Read Kiss's response, it pretty much hits it on the head.

Reply 9

The Aesthete

Original post by Martyn*

I have aspergers

What is your phone number? Message me. :cool:

Reply 10

Miracle Day

As someone also on these websites, OP is right.

Reply 11

SarahLaura

Im from Wigan and I disagree with it being the most homophobic town in the country. I have plenty of friends and also family members who are gay, lesbian or bi. You get the homophobic crowd in every town and city. It just depends on who you come across but personally when being out with my friends they have never received any sort of thing said or done to them because of their sexuality. :smile:

Reply 12

Martyn*

Original post by SarahLaura

In Wigan the gays dare not come out the closet. It is worse than Liverpool. In Wigan they don't even have a gay scene because of the fear of getting stabbed or shot.

Reply 13

H2289

It's difficult when u come from a certain background and everyone all ur life has judged you for a certain comment or action u may have made it is so difficult even if you have a bird I still crave male sex and I can't ever find the courage to go into a gay bar in London as I'm ****ting myself if I get seen its a horrible feeling and it makes you want it so much more I live in London and I need help man what should I do is there anyone in London that would be ok to chat

Reply 14

SarahLaura

Original post by Martyn*

In Wigan the gays dare not come out the closet. It is worse than Liverpool. In Wigan they don't even have a gay scene because of the fear of getting stabbed or shot.

My friends go out every Friday and Saturday in wigan and are very openly gay and have never been stabbed or shot :P

Reply 15

Martyn*

Original post by SarahLaura

My friends go out every Friday and Saturday in wigan and are very openly gay and have never been stabbed or shot :P

lol I guess they are lucky. The town is notoriously homophobic. Take a look (2011):

https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&q=cache:3oQoAtxOkzEJ:wisdom.wiganlife.com/resource/view%3FresourceId%3D45+&hl=en&gl=uk&pid=bl&srcid=ADGEESg9UFx5r6a5otv20vTWa3DFQ0QK2xE1fR_PoeykrjaY-kgtCkA2MTd1V-j4CwuyJI10nVGT5kkStHGcWLBKIJ_APKraFDDblq1DRr7bKcNMGBq41yk5ZF7pGlqNaXPyqqlp685U&sig=AHIEtbQko7qpqtNEnfoknRs3AH0dN5VfMw

One ex-mayor of St Helens opined that Wigan was one of the most homophobic towns in the country. He told me that when Wigan held regular gya nights, many people protested and the gay nights had to be shut down because of the increase in attacks on gay men and women. Now there are no gay nights in Wigan, except perhaps one at the Reflex every 3 months or so. The nearest pub that does regular gay nights now is the Star and Garter in Bolton and they have had no end of abuse from homophobic attacks.

I used to work in pub in Pemberton, Wigan, whose new owner wanted to run a gay night. The locals advised him not to do it as it would be too dangerous. True story. He went ahead anyway and a few gay men and a few gay women turned up, but then yobs came into the pub. There was trouble immediately, and after three weeks the pub got so much attacks and trouble from young males wnating to pick a fight with gay men that the police was forced to close down the pub.

Reply 16

SarahLaura

Original post by Martyn*

It's ridiculous what happens. I do find when I go out with them if there are any sort of jibes towards my friends it's either from young people or, don't want to say this without offending but, chavs. I do hate what the town is like but personally I haven't seen much hate towards gay/lesbian/bi but maybe it's because most time I tend to go wigan road or to Manchester!

Plus until I have been in a situation where I have had abuse for my sexuality I suppose it would be hard to fully understand what it's like. Sorry Martyn if you've experienced this but I can assure I wouldn't of been one of them :smile:

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 17

PinkMobilePhone

Volunteer Team

My husband is bisexual, but part of committing to somebody in a relationship is forgoing sexual contact with other people whether they are female OR male or anything in between. So it doesn't matter to me that he's bi, what matters is that I wouldn't want him cheating on me full stop!

I can't see the difference to be honest.

Reply 18

Christiana05

Hello sharah. ...I am new to this site..how can I msg you?I would to ask you few things about life in wigan

Reply 19

Rakas21

I'd not care whether the girl i was with was emotionally straight or bisexual so long as she did not act on those feelings. Acting on those feelings would make her weak and disloyal which would render my opinion of her as being somebody who had displayed inferior traits and was not deserving of being my continued mate.