Please help me, feel like crying

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now, known him for a while before that and we're very close, best friends even. I am 22, whilst he is 25.

He works part time in Tesco on the weekend and doesn't 'want' to find a 'proper' job. I wrote his CV and covering letter for him to the best of my ability (even had it checked over from university advisors) and I spend hours each day applying to jobs for him. There are always rejections which is really depressing, but on the rare occassion he gets an interview, he doesn't go to it because he feels 'too nervous'. He always cancels the interview first and then tells me despite reassuring me that he feels fine a few hours before.

He doesn't apply for anything himself anymore and I don't know what to do because I'm so frustrated of rejections and so frustrated of no jobs. I don't want to break up because I love him but we've been stuck in the same slump for years now.

Please help and thank you for responses in advance :frown:

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Reply 1

Broken Woman

He's pulling you down. You can do so much better. Find a university guy like yourself. Leave him.

Reply 2

Clone93

Give him an ultimatum.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Broken Woman

He's pulling you down. You can do so much better. Find a university guy like yourself. Leave him.

He has a business Masters Degree, which makes it even more depressing that he can't find a job.

Reply 4

Broken Woman

Original post by Anonymous

He has a business Masters Degree, which makes it even more depressing that he can't find a job.

where from?

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Broken Woman

where from?

Herts, though he was accepted to other unis but the programmes cost too much :frown:

Reply 6

Broken Woman

Original post by Anonymous

Herts, though he was accepted to other unis but the programmes cost too much :frown:

Well I'm only 18 so I don't know the procedure for applying to jobs sorry.. All I know is that everyone has a business degree nowadays. What makes him different to all the other guys? HE'S BONE IDOL. That's what.

As I said, just leave him. Plenty of other guys out there

Reply 7

AverageExcellence

Original post by Anonymous

I understand you want the best for him and you want your relationship to be productive, perhaps one day to be able to afford a mortgage and live like a normal family etc, but your attitude towards the situation isn't the best approach, your spoon feeding him and he keeps pushing it back in your face, to be honest its very rude and inconsiderate by the sounds of the effort you put in, by the very least he could reciprocate by actually attending these things you've arranged. In all honesty you should lay down the ultimatum that you want more in your long term relationship and your sick and tired of his dead beat attitude, be blunt with him, and tell him to grow a pair. You need to be cruel to be kind sometimes. Letting him live in his little dossing bubble isn't going to persuade him to further himself.

Reply 8

AverageExcellence

Original post by Broken Woman

Lol dump a guy because he has a medicore degree? lol

Reply 9

Broken Woman

Original post by AverageExcellence

Lol dump a guy because he has a medicore degree? lol

No. I said she should leave him because he's lazy. Although the business degree doesn't help his case in my opinion. Had it been say, a maths degree or something more reputable then perhaps he'd receive more interview given the shortage of maths grads. Still, would he go to them then? Maybe he would because maths grads tend to have a more focused approach but then again, they are considered more intelligent so..

Reply 10

Treeroy

Original post by Broken Woman

Damn, if this is a rule then I'm never getting a boyfriend!

Seriously though, why does it matter if he's lazy? It's his life, his career, not yours. Your relationship is surely separate from his job. If you don't want to keep "spoonfeeding" him, stop doing so and leave his career path to him. If you love him, can you try to let him be in this instance? That'd be the sensible thing to do in my eyes. Don't dump him just because he doesn't want a job.

Reply 11

AverageExcellence

Original post by Broken Woman

I don't need to ask you what degree you plan on taking/taking/completed do I? :P

Reply 12

Broken Woman

Original post by Treeroy

You clearly have no understanding of the real world in which we live. He has no job = no income = no house = limoted prospects. You want all this just for 'love'. It depends how strong you love him. I wouldn't sacrifice my life for laziness. Leave him, earn money, find another guy who isn't lazy like you, buy a house, have children = normal life etc?

Reply 13

Broken Woman

Original post by AverageExcellence

I don't need to ask you what degree you plan on taking/taking/completed do I? :P

Geography. Sure it's not as strong as maths but It's a bit higher than business though. Business is seen as a 'mickey mouse' degree along with media studies etc.

I see them on all the same level but I'm looking at it from her perspective and an employers one. In the real world, there are many of guy with a business degree who are unemployed. Go figure...

Reply 14

AverageExcellence

Original post by Broken Woman

I doubt you go to uni, you've got one of those prestige mad attitudes where you think that the type of degree you do wholly defines your prospects, there are far more elements to getting a job than your degree, you could do a 'useless' degree' in sport and leisure and still get a decent job, most employers just use a degree to tick a box that your educated to degree standard, unless your job is specific to your degree they won't even ask about it. And you wouldn't plan your love life around career prospects, that shows your a troll or a GCSE kid.

Reply 15

Treeroy

Original post by Broken Woman

Last time I checked, you don't need to buy a house and have children in order to have a stable relationship. I would happily go out with a guy who's "lazy" if I liked him.

Reply 16

ladynova

I think you are being a little pushy. Accept he has a lazy not career driven personality and if you can't then you decide if you want to stay with him.

Reply 17

cheerycom

give him ultimatum. dump him if he still the same.

Reply 18

hobbit_

Original post by Treeroy

I'm glad you said this, although clearly others don't agree. I think that the impatience of a 'loved one' can be galling. It's the most sensitive thing anyway working out one's path in life, and to have someone trying to plan it out for you is just frustrating.

I think idleness is an easy label to put on this situation. It's clearly not: working in Tesco is work, let's not forget.

Perhaps he feels like his whole higher education experience has been thrust upon him by family and others, if not just society itself? We're so ready to prescribe what is the normal thing to do -- what we all must have to be considered decent and proper.

I'm sure there are deeper things at work here, and I genuinely feel for both of you. Has he ever talked, not when asked, but candidly, about the things he wants to do in life? or more broadly what he wants from life?

The expectation is that everyone must want to climb a career ladder. Not so. I happen to want to pursue a vocation, but I'm not interested in climbing a ladder and 'standing out from the crowd' for the sake of it. If your boyfriend doesn't want to do the same, then it's not for want of effort or energy, but perhaps because it's just not attractive to him?