ex changed mind on apology

i felt i was at the point after 3 months of NC with my ex girlfriend of 2 years that i should apologise to her. After we broke up i got really drunk one night and left her some abusive voicemails/texts after hearing of her sleeping with someone i dislike soon after we split. I apologised mainly for my friends sake as they have had to choose between the 2 of us when organising parties etc and i figured life is too short to hold grudges and the best option would be to act civil.

I offered a sincere and lengthy apology explaining my actions, my ex accepted and then began to talk to me asking how my recent holiday was etc. She continued talking to me for several days and then out the blue said 'i've just listened to the voicemail again, i can't forgive you' i told her that it was her choice and she could live in the past and try to vilify me if she wanted to but that i was a good person who had made one drunken error.

She then tried claiming that prior to the drunk calls she wanted to get back with me. This is a load of crap as i rang her the weekend prior to the messages and she told me she'd definitely made the right decision and that she was a lot happier without me in her life. I felt like it was a guilt trip to try and mess with my head (which it kind of has) and told her that we are both a lot better off apart as i feel back to my old self and that regardless of whether or not she wanted me back it wouldn't have happened because she shouldn't have broke up with me in the first place if i was what she wanted.

She then said she was willing to be civil and could tell i was genuinely sorry so i just ended the conversation and wished her good luck for her exam results.

Why would she accept my apology, begin making conversation with me in a friendly manner and then claim after days of exchanging a few messages that she can't forgive me and try guilt tripping me the way she did? Head f*ck.

She's going to the same university as me in September which is far from ideal and the way she is i can just tell she's going to try to make me out to be some kind of villain to all her new friends. The fact she's still kept and listened to the voicemails says it all really, they're like some kind of trophy for her which she shows off to everyone.

Reply 1

Sophie_girl

depending on how abusive the voicemails and texts were, it's entirely possible she initially accepted your apology and then went back on her word. people are allowed to change their minds.

it's time to move on.

Reply 2

ivancampo

i think they were quite abusive but there was good reason for that, i forgave her for what she did to cause the outburst. I don't understand why someone would choose to continually listen to something that hurt them so much, i'm a different person than i was back then and i offered a very lengthy and sincere apology.

Accepting it, talking to me, going back on her acceptance and then trying to get in my head saying she wanted me back when i know fine well she didn't all just seems like one big game. Messed with my head

Reply 3

lizlaz350

Original post by ivancampo

Her sleeping with someone when she wasn't in a relationship with you is not the same as you phoning her up and abusing her. She doesn't need your forgiveness for sleeping with someone unless she was actually with you at the time, even if it is someone you don't like. If you're not in a relationship with someone, you have no say in who they sleep with.

It's very likely that she forgave you for the same reason that you apologised - to make it easier for your friends - and once she actually started talking to you, she realised she couldn't actually let go. She might not have even listened to the voicemail again, she might have just used that as an excuse to try and explain her sudden change of heart in case you just didn't accept that she couldn't forgive you after all.

Reply 4

ivancampo

i appreciate what you're saying however this guy was trying to chat her up the whole time we were together, she denied anything was going on and then days after we split she was seeing him. As well as this she was seeing a guy who had hooked up with my best friends girlfriend and broke up their relationship, she knew about this. Fair enough i'm not with her but it's not as black and white as that and when i'd had a drink i got very angry and let loose.

It was her decision to start talking after accepting my apology. She did the exact same thing to one of my other good friends when she broke up with him some years ago, she hooked up with someone in front of his face the day after they broke up then made herself out to be an angel because he got annoyed and had a go at her.

Once you've forgiven someone i think you should try and move on with things i just don't understand why she made conversation with me then out of nowhere went back to the voicemails and tried making me feel bad.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 5

joker12345

Maybe she just likes the drama? Seems the only plausible reason.

Reply 6

joker12345

Original post by lizlaz350

Her actions obviously hurt him and he reacted badly. I don't think it's all as black and white as you make it out to be, the second someone breaks up with you you won't immediately think 'I don't card who they sleep with'.

Reply 7

lizlaz350

Original post by joker12345

You might still care and yeah, I can understand why it'd upset him but that doesn't mean that she did anything wrong by sleeping with someone else and it doesn't mean that she needs forgiveness for it.

Reply 8

1219269

Original post by Sophie_girl

This and IMO she could be messing you about, saying about the wish you got back together and then saying otherwise.... Etc etc

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