Ok I really need help, I'm panicking so so much :'(
I've got a place to study Primary Education at Durham University starting at the end of September. Part of me is so excited, I've worked so hard for this. but there are multiple things that are really beginning to worry me.
The first is that Durham is such a high pressure university and I am already a perfectionist. I am scared that the pressure is going to make my mental health problems worse.
Secondly I am really not sure if I want uni entirely for the right reasons. One of the things that excites me the most is that I get to control my own food, which for me, being honest will probably equate to not buying any food at all. And this prospect really excites me, as does the fact that I will literally live next door to the gym so can go all the time, easily. Which is obviously really bad for my ED... but I do really want to be a teacher and make a difference to kids lives, and I dont want anything to jepordise that although I realise that if I indulge my ED that itself will jepordise it ... I just don't think I am anywhere near strong enough to ignore the ED at the minute. I've only had a few PWP sessions..
Which leads me to my 3rd worry. All my treatment will have to end, and it might take ages to get it again, and to be honest it took me so long to trust my doctor and the PWP that I've only just started being honest with them .. so all this will be messed up with a new doctor etc, and I dont really want anyone to know at my uni. I want a fresh start.
The last and biggest worry came today, all students on the primary ed course have to fill in an occupational health questionnaire, and it says at the top that you have to be honest, and that if the information is found to be untrue you can be terminated from training. There are a number of questions on this that are causing me problems. Because I dont want them to chuck me off the course before I've even started .. I need this. One is have you ever been treated in hospital, if yes please give reasons and dates .. about a month ago I ended up in hospital after doing a really bad thing we arent meant to talk about on here. I can hardly put that down can I... it also says have you seen a doctor and been treated for anything in the past year .. I have loads for ED and depression :/ It also says are you currently having any treatment which I guess is my PWP and referral to AN services. It also asks if you have ever suffered from mental health problems .. what and when .. im really scared if I put depression and ED down to present they wont let me on, but I cant lie, I just dont know what to do..
Please someone help.. any advice would be appreciated so much, I'm so panicky right now. Thanks