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I want to lose weight, but family won't let me

Hi, I'm a young woman at university and I want to drop a few pounds and become fitter.

I have wanted to do this for the past 5 years and due to health complications its hard for me to lose weight. Despite this, I've worked really hard and its going. I have lost a decent amount and am pleased with my progress
I would still like to lose some more and that would be fine - i'm a size 12-14 so i'm nearly there and its not an eating disorder or anything,

BUT HERE IS THE ISSUE
my family won't let me lose weight,
They do not tell me I can't or deliberately act to block it, but my parents are obsessed with takeaways and eating out a restaurants -every single bloody day.
We haven't had a cooked meal at home in almost a month. And each week I stand on the scales and the little arrow points to a higher weight and I see all my hard work being ruined.

one parent is obsessed with eating out and takeaways, and when I attempt to speak to the other (who supposes themselves to be more health conscious), when they are not busy, they shout at me, and say they have enough stress with work. I can't have a quiet calm conversation with them about it.

I understand that their work is hard and stressful but, although I haven't said this, I really don't think a stressful job justifies ignoring your health.

I've tried to get them healthy because they are my family and I love them, but I can't force them to take care of themselves, and its come to a point that I can't let their disregard for their health make me unhealthy and ill too.

I want to lose weight because I want to feel good about myself, I want to be able to feel sexy in my own body, be more confident, and after an age of being hung up on a prat there's a new guy appearing, and its time for a new fresh start of better things.

Thank you for reading about all my petty adolescent woes. and although I more needed to vent, any advice from you lovely people about how to solve this would be much appreciated.

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Reply 1

Anonymous #1

now I feel like an absolute bastard because I feel like I'm bitching about my family. and we're all close and care about each other no end, but this is a problem for me and I need advice.

Reply 2

Stuffme

I think a size 12-14 is a good size. I'm a size 12 and I love it! :smile:

Reply 3

chelseafan

Eat something else at home?

Reply 4

thefish_uk

Offer to cook for them? Not all the time, just once or twice a week?

If they are obsessed with eating out and takeaways you might want to remind them to think about their health too...

Reply 5

nails9999

Why don't you just cook for yourself?

Reply 6

username1042689

Original post by Stuffme

I think a size 12-14 is a good size. I'm a size 12 and I love it! :smile:

Fair enough, and that's good for you (and it is a good size :smile:

) but she's obviously not happy with it.

Reply 7

Fat-Love

You're old enough to cook for yourself. Next time they get takeaway just say "none for me please" and make whatever you intended to make to be healthy. If they want to go out say no to that too. If there's no food in the house to cook then go out and buy it yourself. It's not hard.

Maybe this forum is making me bitter, but the more time I spend on it the more I feel people's problems are just a refusal to act on their own behalf or they lack the motivation to do so.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 8

Architecture-er

It sounds like you're trying to get them to cook more heathily, if their response is that they "have enough stress at work"?

Ergo, they don't have the time to cook healthily. So why don't you just cook for yourself, or for everyone?

Reply 9

username1042689

Sit down with your parents and say you have something really important to talk to them about. Normally that'll get them to listen. Then say 'Don't talk until I've finished', and proceed to say that you're worried about the health of your family with all this eating out/takeaways, and you've worked so hard to lose some weight and you're almost at your goal and you feel like they don't understand how hard you've worked. Then talk it out with them.

If worst comes to worst, try and seek out the healthy option with eating out/takeaways if at all possible...

Reply 10

HashimKF

You could cook a healthy meal. And when you do order out go for healthier options on the menu and do more exercise.

Reply 11

SuziieB

Lol, my mum literally has banned me from dieting! Mainly cause of my existing health conditions but if she notices me being strict about my portions or losing a bit of weight she takes away my scale and forces me to eat heaping amounts of food! I also have to exercise when she's not there as she only allows me to do 10 min (which is more or less useless).

I'm not anorexic btw, the doctor has made it clear countless times that I need to lose a bit of weight to be in the normal BMI range but she doesn't care. So yes, I am actually restricted.

You can just try cooking for yourself right? You don't have to eat with them.

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Reply 12

RibenaRockstar

If the reason they want to get a takeaway or a restaurant meal is because they're too stressful/ tired to cook, then before the discussion about where to go the next night starts, say 'I was thinking of making 'x' for dinner tomorrow night, would you like some?'

The current issue of Good Housekeeping has lots of delicious looking and affordable dinner options.

Reply 13

syrettd

You don't want to eat takeaways or go to restaurants, cook for yourself. It sounds like the only reason your parents are getting fast food is because they're busy and stressed with work, so maybe you should see if they would also like you to cook for them. At the end of the day they aren't forcing you to eat the food they get, it's just that you're not going "I want to lose weight, I better start making my healthy dinner". It seems from what you've said it's more "I want to lose weight but my stressed out parents won't cook for me".

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Thank you for your replies
I would if they could, but there is no food in the house - not one bloody vegetable - who needs food shopping when there is a takeaway or restaurant?
I do cook for myself - I've prepared my own meals for years as I actually cook very well and enjoy cooking, the problem with, there needs to be something to cook with.
This obsession has occurred only in the past year - I only have an issue when I'm away from university.
I would cook for them, but I don't have the money to buy food for them as well - plus I am quite small and don't have the strength to carry all their meals the long distance between my house and a shop that sells vegetables (all there is around me are off licences). If I had a bigger wallet and a car, hell I would, but I have neither of those things.
I have been shopping and I drag vegetables into the house, but as soon as I do its 'lets eat out' and well that if I refuse I'm being difficult.
I should have make this clearer, but its more of a distaste of buying and cooking healthy food rather than an obsession with takeaways and eating out. They are just a solution.

I do make my own food, but the unhealthy culture in my home is an impediment, and anyone who has 'gone against the grain' in their family will understand that it can be difficult to do as you are encouraged otherwise, or risk starting world war three.

I want to be healthy, get my family healthy, and do it in a delicate and non-aggressive manner

Reply 15

Rooster523

I forgot that eating completely stops people from exercising.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Original post by Rooster523

I forgot that eating completely stops people from exercising.

exercise as much as you like, if you eat a pack of butter a day you'll still put weight on.
I do have an exercise regime, and often do more than an hour of exercise a day, but unless I stick to a strict diet, it'll creep back on.

Reply 17

efx

It's not your family's fault that you can't lose weight. They're definitely not helping, but you don't have to eat out/get takeaways with them. Forget about trying to make them eat healthy and focus on yourself. You might find if you lose weight and they can see you eating well then they might follow suit.

If you/they can afford to pay for your meal from a takeaway then you can afford to buy a healthy meal for that day. If there aren't any supermarkets near you, then you can buy groceries online and have them delivered. Use the money for that week that you would have spent on takeaways, and buy a big food shop every with a few different cuts of meat + lots of fruit and veg, and cook for yourself. It's cheaper than you think!!

Reply 18

syrettd

Original post by Anonymous

Order food for yourself online and have the supermarket deliver it for you, and just you eat it if you can only afford it for yourself. Or, like the other poster said, exercise. To use your example, if you eat a pack of butter a day, you won't neccessarily gain weight as long as you do the correct amount of exercise to burn it off. This may take a long time, but if you won't/can't buy food and cook it yourself, then you don't seem to have many other options. You can't force your parents to eat healthily, the same as my parents can't force me.

Reply 19

Octohedral

Original post by Anonymous

I want to be healthy, get my family healthy, and do it in a delicate and non-aggressive manner

Diffficult. It depends entirely on how much your parents listen to you, but could you agree to budget for you cooking for them (with them paying the amount they would for a takeaway) one night a week or something? It might help the stressed out parent (if you word it as a favour), and it might help show the other one that home cooking is much nicer than takeaways, without forcing them to do anything. It would be better to cook comfort food like shepherd's pie - it's not 'healthy', but at least it'll start weaning them off the takeaways.

Unfortunately, junk food is very addictive, so you'll have to take it slowly to avoid them resenting you / giving up on the idea. However, ultimately home cooked food can be simply a lot nicer, and you might be able to help them see that. Meanwhile, you have absolute control over what goes in your own mouth - I know it doesn't feel like it, and it's much harder in reality to go against your parents, but you can be subtle about it - order healthier options, don't finish your meals if you don't want to, buy a £1 bag of apples to have in the house each week etc.

As a final point, it might help to work as hard as you can on the stressed out parent. Get them a cup of tea each morning, do things around the house, and try to make their life easier. Then broach the subject in a way that makes it clear you aren't asking them to do any work.

I know all this is easier said than done. I hope you find a way to make it work! If not, at least you have university. :smile: