Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

My boyfriends skypes broken atm and dont really talk to many other people on it :/ cant phone my sister when her boyfriends there nowadays
Just gonna be a mess and either hide in bed and not eat and be a pathetic human being or eat :/ could try go for a walk i guess :/


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Yeah that might be a good idea Other than that I don't really know what else to suggest, but I know how horrible it is to be home alone and unable to trust yourself, so I hope tomorrow is alright for you. You can do this!

iv decided if the wethers nice i might actually go on a massive walk, maybe, or atleast down to the river

im just falling apart atm
already cried once tonight

Oh sweetie

if i go on the walk id walk well about 5 miles maybe? so i dunno

dont feel sorry for me, its all my own fault.

Still rolling along in my relapse recovery, feeling pretty down however..came across a post which mentioned something along the lines of how after more than 3 or so years of eating disorders body dysmorphia becomes permanently engraved on the brain. The figure just shocked me, makes me feel a bit like no matter how far I strive to recover, 4 long years in will now mean I have no hope at normality and will always look in the mirror and see something which everyone assures me is far from reality. 16years in and already screwed!

To be fair, I know that he's pretty much hell-bent on becoming more muscular. It's stupid. We both want to 'better' our bodies but we think that the other is drop dead gorgeous anyway. I hate how there's so much media pressure to look a certain way; I think that's why we both feel slightly inadequate.

I feel worthless because I feel fat. I've never had ED thoughts since I've recovered because going down that path just isn't worth it. I wouldn't say he's destructive but he is dedicated to it. I just kind of wish I had that dedication to getting fit because I know I'm out of shape (objectively, even my parents are telling me this). I don't think I'll ever be happy in my own skin, no matter what I do.

How ludicrous does it sound that a man and his wife go on safari - and they keep a diary. They visit the plains of Africa, the lush forests, the local civilisations. The diary reads: Today we used one gallon of petrol. Tomorrow I hope we only use half a gallon of petrol. DAY TWO: Oh MY GOD. WE USED TWO GALLONS. Tomorrow I'm not going to drive anywhere in case we use a gallon of petrol. DAY THREE: We only used half a gallon of petrol. Thank god for that. DAY FOUR: We used a gallon of petrol. I'm sickened at the thought.

How stupid does that sound? For all the amazing sights and sounds to see on a wonderous trip of life, to focus on the fuel for the journey?

First of all HUGS TO EVERYONE!



Okay I hate when random facts like this are thrown around, because EDs make us believe all kinds of things without having fuel added to the fire in terms of arbitrary statistics like "if you've had an ED for 3+ years you won't get over BDD". I know this isn't you that said it, you're the victim rather than the criminal! (Hope that makes sense)

Basically, that "fact" is a load of bull. I firmly believe that every one of us has it in us to recover, regardless of whether we've only had disordered habits for a few months or a few decades. I agree that habits do become more ingrained, and it can be tough when disordered thoughts have become normal and it's hard to remember life without it. But that doesn't make it impossible. We ALL had a life before this, and we can ALL get back to that, if we're prepared to put in the hard work and not give up hope.

I think baby steps is the way to go. "Recovered" is a scary prospect when you're "in recovery" as it feels so far away and so unreachable. It leads us to become hopeless, to relapse or stagnate. We need to aim for smaller, closer goals - each one of which will steadily bring us nearer to the big, long-term goal of recovery.

I had a good end to my day yesterday, eating more across the day than I have done in a long time. I've been doing the same today. I feel much more free. Stagnation had become a safety net, but it was suffocating. I always ate the same foods at the same times regardless of what my body wanted / needed. That's definitely changing, and although part of my brain is screaming at me and freaking out at the seeming lack of order, I'm enjoying the liberating feeling I have. I'm pushing forward now. No more half-hearted attempts at recovery, feeling like I've done okay because although I hadn't made progress, I hadn't relapsed. I don't want to miss out on things at Uni because of anorexia, whether that be because my body's not up to it or because the disordered part of my mind won't let me do it.

Hope you're all doing okay. <3

Facts are indeed, facts, but I concur with you that you are your own person, your own spirit, and that you are capable of defeating any foe.

A few of the facts that seem to be the most prevalent, however, is that a general rule of thumb is, however long it took you to develop and endure your disorder, you should expect a similar length of time to decommission your mindset. In layman's terms - however long you've caused yourself to endure an eating disorder, expect it to take that long to get back to neutral.

It's kinda common sense, really; it's more like a tunnel than a pit. A pit implies you just fell in one day and it happened to you, and now you're climbing back out. A tunnel is more apt; every day you were walking further and further into the darkness, and you can expect to retread your steps each day to get back to the light.

Facts are facts because they're based on statistics. Things that have happened. True events. But your events are YET to happen, so why adhere to the norm?

Statistics are faceless numbers, and you have a face, you have a mind, you have a fate to dictate as you choose. I suppose that's a paraphrasing of Stalin's quote "one death is a tragedy, but one million deaths is a statistic".

Alesana, I am so glad my words inspired you to act further. I never intend to hurt, to harm the minds of the gentle and vulnerable, but the thing I cannot abide is when a person takes offence, they run and isolate themselves, hiding from the truth, the fact of what they're doing to themselves. This alone is the biggest barrier to recovery. Acceptance of your follies is your first step, and the second is walking that path with billboards of further criticism at either side without running back the way you came. The second step is the road many people end up struggling with for years.

But you'll never know unless you take the first few vital steps, open your eyes and your heart, understand that there are cruel and odd comments going to come your way, but you are strong enough to take them.

As my stress increases, so does my desire to restrict, and I'm feeling ever so stressed at the moment when I'm at work, I'm more relaxed, so I eat like normal. When I'm at home I'm stressed (I'm having a few relationship problems) and my appetite disappears with it, and I start panicking about calories

So do I need to sort out my stress first and the disordered thoughts after? Or vice versa?

Are you me?

Managed to lie to my dr yesterday so she thinks things are getting better. I told her id only binged once in a month


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I hope the "ashamed" smiley is true and heartfelt. You SHOULD be ashamed.

You're doing nothing but prolonging a lifestyle of pain and deception. Do you WANT to be a self-harming liar? No, of course you don't. That's a horrible thing to aspire to be. When you think of all life's stereotypes, there's the hero, the joker, the sceptic, the pious - and the deceptor.

You don't want to be the last guy. He's the one that nobody likes because he's a liar, a swindler, a cheat, and the worst of all - he does it to himself! He thinks by living the way he does, he can benefit himself at another's expense (and you do this by duping a GP, by the way). He doesn't, and soon he realises he's spent so long conning his fellow man that nobody trusts him any longer.

He is rich, but he has zero friends, zero life, and nowhere to go.