Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
Scroll to see replies
I've started looking up recipes that look nice and healthy (by healthy I mean balanced and fresh) and made myself a challenge to cook an entire meal from scratch by basing my choice on what LOOKS nice without looking up anything to do with fat/calories. I asked my friend over so that I'd have to eat it; we each cooked different parts of the meal and made something we were proud of and that tasted great.
My god that was a refreshing thing to do! Challenging, yes, to break out of the same old routine I always have with meals, but what a great feeling to really TASTE something and enjoy every mouthful. I am going to make a habit of doing this once a week--invite a friend round or offer to cook a family meal-- then try and build up so that I can hopefully try and change my attitude to food.
Fear can't thrive in a positive mindset.
My god that was a refreshing thing to do! Challenging, yes, to break out of the same old routine I always have with meals, but what a great feeling to really TASTE something and enjoy every mouthful. I am going to make a habit of doing this once a week--invite a friend round or offer to cook a family meal-- then try and build up so that I can hopefully try and change my attitude to food.
Fear can't thrive in a positive mindset.
Hitting nine and a half stones now puts me at a BMI of 21; making me technically weight-restored as of today!
So technically - though the kernel of the disorder resides in my mind, giving me doubts, this has been a two-year PHYSICAL recovery journey now reached it's end! Two years of aching, striving, but I am weight-restored... and happier than I've ever been. Though I cannot unlearn the horrid habits, the constant counting, and though my bones are utterly shot (worse than a 90 year old man), I would like to explain it like this -
All those horrid things I did to myself, the worst parts of the disorder - I've buried them and I have no intention of digging them back up. It's just right now, I return now and again to visit the grave!
In time, I'll learn to live without visiting that headstone to make myself remember those things; they can do nothing positive for me now.
Onwards and upwards for all of you!!
So technically - though the kernel of the disorder resides in my mind, giving me doubts, this has been a two-year PHYSICAL recovery journey now reached it's end! Two years of aching, striving, but I am weight-restored... and happier than I've ever been. Though I cannot unlearn the horrid habits, the constant counting, and though my bones are utterly shot (worse than a 90 year old man), I would like to explain it like this -
All those horrid things I did to myself, the worst parts of the disorder - I've buried them and I have no intention of digging them back up. It's just right now, I return now and again to visit the grave!
In time, I'll learn to live without visiting that headstone to make myself remember those things; they can do nothing positive for me now.
Onwards and upwards for all of you!!
Original post by TotoMimo
Hitting nine and a half stones now puts me at a BMI of 21; making me technically weight-restored as of today!
So technically - though the kernel of the disorder resides in my mind, giving me doubts, this has been a two-year PHYSICAL recovery journey now reached it's end! Two years of aching, striving, but I am weight-restored... and happier than I've ever been. Though I cannot unlearn the horrid habits, the constant counting, and though my bones are utterly shot (worse than a 90 year old man), I would like to explain it like this -
All those horrid things I did to myself, the worst parts of the disorder - I've buried them and I have no intention of digging them back up. It's just right now, I return now and again to visit the grave!
In time, I'll learn to live without visiting that headstone to make myself remember those things; they can do nothing positive for me now.
Onwards and upwards for all of you!!
So technically - though the kernel of the disorder resides in my mind, giving me doubts, this has been a two-year PHYSICAL recovery journey now reached it's end! Two years of aching, striving, but I am weight-restored... and happier than I've ever been. Though I cannot unlearn the horrid habits, the constant counting, and though my bones are utterly shot (worse than a 90 year old man), I would like to explain it like this -
All those horrid things I did to myself, the worst parts of the disorder - I've buried them and I have no intention of digging them back up. It's just right now, I return now and again to visit the grave!
In time, I'll learn to live without visiting that headstone to make myself remember those things; they can do nothing positive for me now.
Onwards and upwards for all of you!!
PRSOM... I am so proud of you toto :')
Proud of you Toto! 
I have my induction day for uni tomorrow and honestly, I think the best thing I did was deciding to stay in London. I've been *gasp* going out to society meets, I'm trying out for roller derby on Wednesday, possibly auditioning for Rent and I just feel really optimistic. My course looks great, I've met some cool people and I don't feel anywhere near as nervous and distanced as I did when I started university away from home even though I'm not living in halls and I'm older than the majority of people I meet. I'm excited and even though I'm getting a little stressed about money already, I'm glad I made the choice I did. Living at home is hard and I'm definitely going to move out next year but I feel less at sea because I'm not entirely by myself. Regarding the ED, it's still there and still difficult but I'm doing things now I couldn't even do last year, like going to a group picnic and eating a little and not even thinking about skipping it because of the food because I knew it was more about the social side. That would have been unthinkable just a little while ago. I think my scales' battery running out has made a world of difference. I still desperately want to get new ones but at the same time, I don't want to invest time and money in something that makes me so so unhappy. I just want to figure myself out and learn and have fun and feel like a 'normal' 21 year old.
Eating is still hard though, I'm not sure how to plan my meals when I can never figure out what to eat and I need things that taste good cold and I know I'm not eating enough to make up for all the things I'm doing and I don't really know how to eat anymore than I am because I'm not hungry. Any ideas?
Posted from TSR Mobile
I have my induction day for uni tomorrow and honestly, I think the best thing I did was deciding to stay in London. I've been *gasp* going out to society meets, I'm trying out for roller derby on Wednesday, possibly auditioning for Rent and I just feel really optimistic. My course looks great, I've met some cool people and I don't feel anywhere near as nervous and distanced as I did when I started university away from home even though I'm not living in halls and I'm older than the majority of people I meet. I'm excited and even though I'm getting a little stressed about money already, I'm glad I made the choice I did. Living at home is hard and I'm definitely going to move out next year but I feel less at sea because I'm not entirely by myself. Regarding the ED, it's still there and still difficult but I'm doing things now I couldn't even do last year, like going to a group picnic and eating a little and not even thinking about skipping it because of the food because I knew it was more about the social side. That would have been unthinkable just a little while ago. I think my scales' battery running out has made a world of difference. I still desperately want to get new ones but at the same time, I don't want to invest time and money in something that makes me so so unhappy. I just want to figure myself out and learn and have fun and feel like a 'normal' 21 year old.
Eating is still hard though, I'm not sure how to plan my meals when I can never figure out what to eat and I need things that taste good cold and I know I'm not eating enough to make up for all the things I'm doing and I don't really know how to eat anymore than I am because I'm not hungry. Any ideas?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by diamonddust
Proud of you Toto!
Eating is still hard though, I'm not sure how to plan my meals when I can never figure out what to eat and I need things that taste good cold and I know I'm not eating enough to make up for all the things I'm doing and I don't really know how to eat anymore than I am because I'm not hungry. Any ideas?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Eating is still hard though, I'm not sure how to plan my meals when I can never figure out what to eat and I need things that taste good cold and I know I'm not eating enough to make up for all the things I'm doing and I don't really know how to eat anymore than I am because I'm not hungry. Any ideas?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Thanks for all the support my bestest buds, you guys rock the socks like an Octorok.
In terms of eating - the problem is for about 75% of your recovery period you've placed a mental block on the sensation of hunger. You feel it, but you don't associate it with being hungry. That's why every anorexic/bulimic says "but I'm never hungry" - you ARE hungry, you're STARVING, but you've associated that sensation with a separate mindset.
What it boils down to is that you must set aside specific times to eat, regardless of whether or not you think you "feel hungry". A regular person would feel the little kick of hunger beating on their tum and grab a sandwich, whilst an ED mindset would plough through it, subconsciously subverting it. "Why am I never hungry?!" - your tummy's got call divert on.
I would sincerely suggest you go with the likes of gazpacho, pasta salads and sandwiches for cold meals. In each you can have a carbohydrate, protein and vitamin-based foodstuff in a fairly condensed manner; try things like avocado, salmon, tuna, chicken, eggs, brown bread, cooked pasta, brown rice, sweetcorn, carrots, spinach; different combos of these little gems are great when hot or cold.
Not posted in this thread before.
Things with ED have got a lot worse since moving to uni :/
Things with ED have got a lot worse since moving to uni :/
Spoiler
Original post by Anonymous
Not posted in this thread before.
Things with ED have got a lot worse since moving to uni :/
Things with ED have got a lot worse since moving to uni :/
Spoiler
Ask yourself what you're doing. "What the hell am I doing to myself?!" -Take a good DAY out to think about it. Not an hour, nor a few - think about it for an entire day. What I want you to do it think about why you are isolating yourself from the world to hurt yourself in a realm of deprivation and pain.
Do you consider yourself inadequate? Not good enough? Why would you think this way? Why would you quantify yourself in this manner? Why do you choose a number of reps? Why do you feel it's important to keep a "secret" world? Why?!
I had to do this at one point, and initially I thought the world was stupid for not thinking as I do. But when i'd spent more time thinking about it... I was just killing myself for no reason, and no friends could understand it. Though I eventually opened up to peers, I asked what they thought of my rationale. Their response was "it seems like you wanted to just exercise in secret so nobody could know". And with this respsonse, I started to understand, that WAS true. What the hell was the point?! Secret, hidden exercise?! I was the same as someone who hid any kind of pasttime. I was nothing more than a recluse with a secret. What glory or fun is there in that?!
If you make yourself do 1000 situps a day or watch 10 Dr Who episodes a day, who is more nerdy?! Well, let's face it - both are dedicated, both are faultless, both have exceptional amounts of excuses for their actions. The problem is that the former will try to make any person on the outside think that they are justified. If you do not have that level of obsession, the neurosis is completely unjustifiable.
Original post by TotoMimo
Hitting nine and a half stones now puts me at a BMI of 21; making me technically weight-restored as of today!
So technically - though the kernel of the disorder resides in my mind, giving me doubts, this has been a two-year PHYSICAL recovery journey now reached it's end! Two years of aching, striving, but I am weight-restored... and happier than I've ever been. Though I cannot unlearn the horrid habits, the constant counting, and though my bones are utterly shot (worse than a 90 year old man), I would like to explain it like this -
All those horrid things I did to myself, the worst parts of the disorder - I've buried them and I have no intention of digging them back up. It's just right now, I return now and again to visit the grave!
In time, I'll learn to live without visiting that headstone to make myself remember those things; they can do nothing positive for me now.
Onwards and upwards for all of you!!
So technically - though the kernel of the disorder resides in my mind, giving me doubts, this has been a two-year PHYSICAL recovery journey now reached it's end! Two years of aching, striving, but I am weight-restored... and happier than I've ever been. Though I cannot unlearn the horrid habits, the constant counting, and though my bones are utterly shot (worse than a 90 year old man), I would like to explain it like this -
All those horrid things I did to myself, the worst parts of the disorder - I've buried them and I have no intention of digging them back up. It's just right now, I return now and again to visit the grave!
In time, I'll learn to live without visiting that headstone to make myself remember those things; they can do nothing positive for me now.
Onwards and upwards for all of you!!
You have helped me more than you'll ever know Tommy. I don't know you in any capacity (aside from TSR of course) but I feel like I'm brimming with pride for how you've progressed and the wisdom you provide to this thread.
Life is for living! I truly feel you've contributed to that statement with the evidence of your own experiences and your insight into the workings of this terrible disease.
Thank you
Original post by Anonymous
Oh Hun I know what it's like to want to snap your fingers and everything be ok.
My main advise is that you need to start to trust. The fact is that everyone who has fully recovered from their ed is so glad that they have, and you will be no different. You are not an exception - everybody needs a healthy body, everyone needs to feed their body and you are no different no matter what the voice says.
Treatment is the only option - deep down you do not want a life like this. You don't want to be one of the 20% and you don't have to. Trust the people around you, because at this bmi your mind is not functioning well enough to rationalise things properly.
You will take the time out to get better and when you return back to school (which is no pressure, you can go back whenever you are ready) people will just be happy to have you back. You will have more energy, colour in your skin, and a smile and that is all that people notice. Trust me.
Xx
My main advise is that you need to start to trust. The fact is that everyone who has fully recovered from their ed is so glad that they have, and you will be no different. You are not an exception - everybody needs a healthy body, everyone needs to feed their body and you are no different no matter what the voice says.
Treatment is the only option - deep down you do not want a life like this. You don't want to be one of the 20% and you don't have to. Trust the people around you, because at this bmi your mind is not functioning well enough to rationalise things properly.
You will take the time out to get better and when you return back to school (which is no pressure, you can go back whenever you are ready) people will just be happy to have you back. You will have more energy, colour in your skin, and a smile and that is all that people notice. Trust me.
Xx
There may be a reason why you choose to be mistrustful. You may have grown up in a family where there were no boundaries. Life feels overwhelming. You need to 'keep it out' somehow. You need more definition, appropriate assertiveness, social boundaries and you will not keep looking for things that give you a false sense of safety. You will not need behavioural extremes.
Anyone got any tips on how to stay on track when they hit that "point" in weight gain when it starts getting uncomfortable? I'm at the weight I tend to get to before I slip again only this time I do NOT want to let it happen! New year at uni, MA to study for, am almost 23 now and I want to finally get through this recovery thing.
I'm finding it quite difficult feeling my clothes get tighter and am avoiding the mirror at the moment.
Just need some tips on boosting confidence to keep me on track for those who have got through this in recovery!
I'm finding it quite difficult feeling my clothes get tighter and am avoiding the mirror at the moment.
Just need some tips on boosting confidence to keep me on track for those who have got through this in recovery!
Original post by TotoMimo
Hitting nine and a half stones now puts me at a BMI of 21; making me technically weight-restored as of today!
So technically - though the kernel of the disorder resides in my mind, giving me doubts, this has been a two-year PHYSICAL recovery journey now reached it's end! Two years of aching, striving, but I am weight-restored... and happier than I've ever been. Though I cannot unlearn the horrid habits, the constant counting, and though my bones are utterly shot (worse than a 90 year old man), I would like to explain it like this -
All those horrid things I did to myself, the worst parts of the disorder - I've buried them and I have no intention of digging them back up. It's just right now, I return now and again to visit the grave!
In time, I'll learn to live without visiting that headstone to make myself remember those things; they can do nothing positive for me now.
Onwards and upwards for all of you!!
So technically - though the kernel of the disorder resides in my mind, giving me doubts, this has been a two-year PHYSICAL recovery journey now reached it's end! Two years of aching, striving, but I am weight-restored... and happier than I've ever been. Though I cannot unlearn the horrid habits, the constant counting, and though my bones are utterly shot (worse than a 90 year old man), I would like to explain it like this -
All those horrid things I did to myself, the worst parts of the disorder - I've buried them and I have no intention of digging them back up. It's just right now, I return now and again to visit the grave!
In time, I'll learn to live without visiting that headstone to make myself remember those things; they can do nothing positive for me now.
Onwards and upwards for all of you!!
Fantastic!! So many people are proud of you!
Okay, with regards to my last post, this has been a great example of making it all worth it through the difficult road that is recovery.
You're a great role model to a lot of people!
Original post by x-Disenchanted-x
Anyone got any tips on how to stay on track when they hit that "point" in weight gain when it starts getting uncomfortable? I'm at the weight I tend to get to before I slip again only this time I do NOT want to let it happen! New year at uni, MA to study for, am almost 23 now and I want to finally get through this recovery thing.
I'm finding it quite difficult feeling my clothes get tighter and am avoiding the mirror at the moment.
Just need some tips on boosting confidence to keep me on track for those who have got through this in recovery!
I'm finding it quite difficult feeling my clothes get tighter and am avoiding the mirror at the moment.
Just need some tips on boosting confidence to keep me on track for those who have got through this in recovery!
To be honest, there is little point in expecting anything to start improving in terms of body image until you are at your true weight. When I was gaining the thing that helped me was to wear comfortable clothes and just trust that I may not like my body, but that is a good compromise for getting my life back.
When you are at a healthy weight, mirror confrontation is good. Looking at yourself in the mirror and listing the things that you like and dislike about your appearance and getting it our of your system and then walking away and listing the things that you like about yourself as a person.
As you know, though, it's not really about weight. You are projecting all of the negative feelings through your dissatisfaction with your body when in fact your body is a neutral thing. It's just a vessel that allows you to do everything you want to do in life. The best bet is to keep putting everything into rational perspective. Xxx
I'm gonna take a very rare moment to feel a bit of pride in myself (an emotion that's very alien to me!) because I've been eating properly for a whole week without restricting! I put on a little bit of weight and didn't have a breakdown!
TW: numbers
Oh and Toto - congrats! That's amazing news! I'm so happy for you
TW: numbers
Spoiler
Oh and Toto - congrats! That's amazing news! I'm so happy for you
numbers involved, sorry if i trigger anybody, just looking for some adviceSpoiler
Original post by Anonymous numbers involved, sorry if i trigger anybody, just looking for some advice
numbers involved, sorry if i trigger anybody, just looking for some adviceSpoiler
Eating disorders are more about mindset then weight it some ways.. And I'm a healthy weight and have been or have been just under the whole time I have had my eating disorder.. for ages I refused to accept I needed help because of this, but then I realised it was so unhealthy, no matter what my weight.
And maybe I can be of help with the medicine thing .. I am going to be starting to study Primary Education next week and I had the whole fitness to practice thing.. there was a time when I thought it would mean I couldnt go, but they contacted my doctor and he said he thinks I am fit to practice, so you should be fine.. hope that helps!
Original post by Anonymous numbers involved, sorry if i trigger anybody, just looking for some advice
numbers involved, sorry if i trigger anybody, just looking for some adviceSpoiler
Hi, sorry to hear about the trouble you're having
With the medicine side of things, I am also a med student and I saw an advisor recently due to problems of my own. What she said was that seeking help and admitting a problem is not a bad thing professionally. In fact, they want you to have insight into your own health and well being, to know when you're struggling and need to accept some help and also from a point of view of not self-diagnosing/ self-treating.
I actually came to post on this thread just to speak out my own story and feelings, but saw an opportunity to answer someone else's question as well.
Spoiler
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, sorry to hear about the trouble you're having
With the medicine side of things, I am also a med student and I saw an advisor recently due to problems of my own. What she said was that seeking help and admitting a problem is not a bad thing professionally. In fact, they want you to have insight into your own health and well being, to know when you're struggling and need to accept some help and also from a point of view of not self-diagnosing/ self-treating.
I actually came to post on this thread just to speak out my own story and feelings, but saw an opportunity to answer someone else's question as well.
With the medicine side of things, I am also a med student and I saw an advisor recently due to problems of my own. What she said was that seeking help and admitting a problem is not a bad thing professionally. In fact, they want you to have insight into your own health and well being, to know when you're struggling and need to accept some help and also from a point of view of not self-diagnosing/ self-treating.
I actually came to post on this thread just to speak out my own story and feelings, but saw an opportunity to answer someone else's question as well.
Spoiler
The bit in bold (in the spoiler) is unfortunately what almost all ED sufferers say.. if you are purposely restricting and thinking with the mindset that you are then you should seek help
Original post by Anonymous
To be honest, there is little point in expecting anything to start improving in terms of body image until you are at your true weight. When I was gaining the thing that helped me was to wear comfortable clothes and just trust that I may not like my body, but that is a good compromise for getting my life back.
When you are at a healthy weight, mirror confrontation is good. Looking at yourself in the mirror and listing the things that you like and dislike about your appearance and getting it our of your system and then walking away and listing the things that you like about yourself as a person.
As you know, though, it's not really about weight. You are projecting all of the negative feelings through your dissatisfaction with your body when in fact your body is a neutral thing. It's just a vessel that allows you to do everything you want to do in life. The best bet is to keep putting everything into rational perspective. Xxx
When you are at a healthy weight, mirror confrontation is good. Looking at yourself in the mirror and listing the things that you like and dislike about your appearance and getting it our of your system and then walking away and listing the things that you like about yourself as a person.
As you know, though, it's not really about weight. You are projecting all of the negative feelings through your dissatisfaction with your body when in fact your body is a neutral thing. It's just a vessel that allows you to do everything you want to do in life. The best bet is to keep putting everything into rational perspective. Xxx
Ah thank you for your advice! Much appreciated
An excuse for a new wardrobe I guess! xx
Just when I thought I was in control...
I got weighed by my therapist and she says if I don't adhere to her new eating plan I will be placed into a residential unit. My BMI is around 16/17, and although the eating plan is daunting and WAY more than I'm used to, I'm dedicated and willing to start it tomorrow. It won't be easy, of course. But, the choice is now or never really. I need to put my faith in my therapist, my faith in my body, start replenishing myself and rebuild. Mentally I am prepared to give it a go. I know it'll be worth it. Hard but worth it.
Thanks to everyone in this group who fills a thousand others with hope, support and love each and every single day.
I got weighed by my therapist and she says if I don't adhere to her new eating plan I will be placed into a residential unit. My BMI is around 16/17, and although the eating plan is daunting and WAY more than I'm used to, I'm dedicated and willing to start it tomorrow. It won't be easy, of course. But, the choice is now or never really. I need to put my faith in my therapist, my faith in my body, start replenishing myself and rebuild. Mentally I am prepared to give it a go. I know it'll be worth it. Hard but worth it.
Thanks to everyone in this group who fills a thousand others with hope, support and love each and every single day.
Original post by x-Disenchanted-x
Ah thank you for your advice! Much appreciated
An excuse for a new wardrobe I guess! xx
An excuse for a new wardrobe I guess! xx
No problem, I recommend Kati Morton's YouTube channel.. She is a therapist and gives great little gems of advice x
Quick Reply
Latest
Last reply 6 minutes ago
Official University College London Applicant Thread for 2024Last reply 9 minutes ago
LSE International Social and Public Policy and Economics (LLK1) 2024 ThreadLast reply 18 minutes ago
JK Rowling in ‘arrest me’ challenge over hate crime lawLast reply 31 minutes ago
Official UCL Offer Holders Thread for 2024 entryLast reply 35 minutes ago
Official Veterinary Medicine Applicants thread 2024 entryLast reply 39 minutes ago
Inlaks, Commonwealth, and Other Scholarships for Indian Students 2024: ThreadLast reply 54 minutes ago
UWE Bristol - Discovering Higher and Degree Apprenticeships 2024Last reply 56 minutes ago
Degree level solicitor apprenticeships
