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Mental Health Support Society Mk X

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Reply 8200
Depression is such a bastard. Just when I think it's ****ed off (or minimised to mild-moderate, I should say) it ****ing hits me in the face again. I'm well back into severe depression now. Am doing things that I thought were bad, to get from one minute to the next.

I don't know if this even counts as a distinct 'episode,' because I never technically came out (been mild-mod for a while, and what I think was a mixed episode a month or so ago, didn't see psychiatrist but I fitted the diagnostic criteria for hypomania at the same time as suicidal thoughts). But I guess even if I never came out of depression, this is a new episode of severe depression, and in my experience that's like.. a totally different beast.

I don't want to do anything anymore. I haven't been dressed in days and I don't even care about the fact that I've been wearing the same pyjamas all ****ing week. Managing to eat twice a day but not because I'm hungry. Smoking. Drinking. Doing stuff we can't talk about. It feels like someone sucked all the blood from my head and replaced it with lead. And I'm really struggling to fight the urge to end this before it starts properly, because god I just can't do it. I can't do more months of this. I don't know how.

I'm not at rock bottom. I'm still rational. I can tell I haven't hit the lowest low yet because I can still feel. I'm scared. I'm ****ing angry. I was looking forward to going back to university and giving half a **** about anything, and now I don't anymore. I just wanted one year of appreciating my subject and I just really don't want it to be written off.

Not a risk to myself. Have been guilt tripped enough to not do that. But ****, not again. Just no. Could have seen this coming but still trying to pretend it's not happening. Going to raise one of my ADs and see if it helps at all.
3rd day of my uni work and iv already given up due to lack of motivation :s-smilie:

beginning to think not having lectures will be a bad thing because i have no set contact time, only emails and phone calls...
starting to think i cant actually do this and theres no point :frown:
I'm struggling so much right now :cry2: I just have no idea what's happening anymore :/.. Feel like I'm just lost in this world with nothing to live for anymore (not that I did in the first place)..

Meh I dunno.. The urge to do something is so strong yet I can't do it.. I know that.. But these voices won't let me do that.. It's like the edge me on and I don't know how to stop them. I feel like I'm going crazy at times and just want to scream and shout at someone but no one will listen. I don't know who to talk to.. I can't contact someone who I'd normally speak to cause he's busy as it is :/

Sorry for the very depressing post :/


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Falling back into a bad habbit :frown:
And this leads to that other worse habbit :s-smilie:


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proper stormy weather here, thunder is very loud, lightning flashes, torrential rain, fun fun fun :tongue:
Original post by SciFiRory
proper stormy weather here, thunder is very loud, lightning flashes, torrential rain, fun fun fun :tongue:


Im not scared at all :ninja:


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Original post by SciFiRory
proper stormy weather here, thunder is very loud, lightning flashes, torrential rain, fun fun fun :tongue:


THUNDERBOLT AND LIGHTNING, VERY VERY FRIGHTENING ME!

GALILEO! galileo!
GALILEO! galileo!
GALILEO FIGARO!
MAGNIFICO-O-O-O...

:colondollar:

Great to see you posting in here :lovehug:
Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd
THUNDERBOLT AND LIGHTNING, VERY VERY FRIGHTENING ME!

GALILEO! galileo!
GALILEO! galileo!
GALILEO FIGARO!
MAGNIFICO-O-O-O...

:colondollar:

Great to see you posting in here :lovehug:


Bohemian Rhapsody :biggrin: love that song!

thanks :smile: I hope you are well?
Reply 8208
All I want to do today is curl up under a blanket and watch movies and/or crap on TV, but I can't because Scott won't let me and I have a friend over and my care coordinator and I have to do housework and shopping.

I want to forget the world even exists today.
Original post by PonchoKid
3rd day of my uni work and iv already given up due to lack of motivation :s-smilie:

beginning to think not having lectures will be a bad thing because i have no set contact time, only emails and phone calls...
starting to think i cant actually do this and theres no point :frown:


You only think that and of course you can do it. Just work! Work one hour for the feeling to have worked one hour and if you not worked than don't work.

Is there any way you could build yourself a more suited environment? Ask your supervisor for some fixed appointments?
Original post by SciFiRory
Bohemian Rhapsody :biggrin: love that song!

thanks :smile: I hope you are well?


I'm very well, thanks. Had a great trip to the USA and just found out I raised lots of money for my chosen charity, through my volunteer work last year :awesome: On the other hand, only slept at 5am and my dad insisted on waking me up at 11am :nothing:

Original post by HmMusic
All I want to do today is curl up under a blanket and watch movies and/or crap on TV, but I can't because Scott won't let me and I have a friend over and my care coordinator and I have to do housework and shopping.

I want to forget the world even exists today.


:jumphug:
Original post by Nathanielle
You only think that and of course you can do it. Just work! Work one hour for the feeling to have worked one hour and if you not worked than don't work.

Is there any way you could build yourself a more suited environment? Ask your supervisor for some fixed appointments?


cant work in timed slots because my concentration level is none existant :s-smilie:

not really, either have a bed or a sofa to work on...
and cant really go in to uni because i live a minimum of like 3 hours away so thats pretty hard
Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd
I'm very well, thanks. Had a great trip to the USA and just found out I raised lots of money for my chosen charity, through my volunteer work last year :awesome: On the other hand, only slept at 5am and my dad insisted on waking me up at 11am :nothing:


glad you are well and had a great holiday! must have been exciting, never been to the USA! and awesome, well done for helping them out! :smile: ah no, that's a pain, sadly parents seem to think that people should be awake in the day :tongue:
Reply 8213
Original post by PonchoKid
cant work in timed slots because my concentration level is none existant :s-smilie:

not really, either have a bed or a sofa to work on...
and cant really go in to uni because i live a minimum of like 3 hours away so thats pretty hard


Working in timed slots might actually help your concentration. If you make time periods small (20 minutes works quite well for me when I'm not doing well concentration-wise).

I'd recommend finding somewhere other than bed/sofa, though. They're not really conducive to good work for most people. Is there not a kitchen table where you are atm? Or a public library actually; they can make good working environments. Even a café or something?
Original post by PonchoKid
Falling back into a bad habbit :frown:
And this leads to that other worse habbit :s-smilie:


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BIG BIG BIG HUGS!! :hugs:
Reply 8215
Having really mixed feelings about sertraline. It's completely destroyed my appetite. In the last 6 weeks I've lost just over a stone, never mibd that my diet has been shockingly unhealthy (hard to actually prepare food at the minute). The trouble is that I've wanted to lose weight for a long time and seeing that I am is making me happy but I know it's not healthy and I'm worried what will happen in the future since to gp is increasing my dose to 150.

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Original post by PonchoKid
cant work in timed slots because my concentration level is none existant :s-smilie:

not really, either have a bed or a sofa to work on...
and cant really go in to uni because i live a minimum of like 3 hours away so thats pretty hard


Yeah, that is difficult, but making the actual time slots very small and allow you to have very big slots where you don't have to work, helps. It is also helps to try and find your inner motivation and create a working environment. A bed or sofa is nothing. Have you a own room? Put a table in with a chair. It can be cosy, no problem, but it must be clear, that it is a working space and not for either relaxation or sleeping.

The problem is, that you have to get the maximum out of it. It is incredibly hard, but without communication with your supervisor and/or another involved person (unless you have the luck to have somebody else) it just gets harder.

You will get better at it. It is just hard, but not more. :smile:
Original post by -FireFlies-
I'm struggling so much right now :cry2: I just have no idea what's happening anymore :/.. Feel like I'm just lost in this world with nothing to live for anymore (not that I did in the first place)..

Meh I dunno.. The urge to do something is so strong yet I can't do it.. I know that.. But these voices won't let me do that.. It's like the edge me on and I don't know how to stop them. I feel like I'm going crazy at times and just want to scream and shout at someone but no one will listen. I don't know who to talk to.. I can't contact someone who I'd normally speak to cause he's busy as it is :/

Sorry for the very depressing post :/
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Hey FireFlies :smile:
There are some helplines that you can talk to 24/7 when you feel you want to talk about how you're feeling. These include Samaritans and (how old are you?) ChildLine.. They're all confidential and you can visit the websites to find out more.

Other than that you could find a counsellor in place of calling helpline, or maybe even use both because counsellors aren't there 24/7.
Original post by asdfgah
Working in timed slots might actually help your concentration. If you make time periods small (20 minutes works quite well for me when I'm not doing well concentration-wise).

I'd recommend finding somewhere other than bed/sofa, though. They're not really conducive to good work for most people. Is there not a kitchen table where you are atm? Or a public library actually; they can make good working environments. Even a café or something?


i just know i usually end up procrastinating :s-smilie: so i find setting a number of words easier than time...

i find it harder to sit at a table because its un comfy for me, so i fidget more, i often sit on the floor purely for comfort rather than a sofa :colondollar: ill get it all sorted.

Original post by Kindred
BIG BIG BIG HUGS!! :hugs:

thanks hun, hope your ok :hugs:

Original post by Nathanielle
Yeah, that is difficult, but making the actual time slots very small and allow you to have very big slots where you don't have to work, helps. It is also helps to try and find your inner motivation and create a working environment. A bed or sofa is nothing. Have you a own room? Put a table in with a chair. It can be cosy, no problem, but it must be clear, that it is a working space and not for either relaxation or sleeping.

The problem is, that you have to get the maximum out of it. It is incredibly hard, but without communication with your supervisor and/or another involved person (unless you have the luck to have somebody else) it just gets harder.

You will get better at it. It is just hard, but not more. :smile:


i share a room with my boyfriend, and theres not much space to set up a work area, were hoping to get our own place soon so i may make sure i set up a work space when we do.

i have communication with my personal tutor and dissy tutor, but really only phone and email contact because of the distance.
Original post by SciFiRory
glad you are well and had a great holiday! must have been exciting, never been to the USA! and awesome, well done for helping them out! :smile: ah no, that's a pain, sadly parents seem to think that people should be awake in the day :tongue:


I snuck back into bed til 2.30pm :king1: :teehee: :angel: Win at life :cool: