How to be attractive (all of TSR should read this)

Now I know attractiveness is subjective. But why do so many people nowadays (most in fact, I would say) try to "fake it" instead of actually trying to be what is generally considered attractive?

There are so many things people can do to become more attractive to others - learn how to exercise and eat healthily and get in proper shape, improve their social skills and life, take good care of their skin and hair and learn how to style themself, become more well-read, develop a decent personality and hobbies etc. Edit: Read my second post below for advice on how to change this. In other words, become a more well rounded human being. Of course this takes work. Instead, people look for the easy solution and end up wasting time on BS.

Why do, for example, so many guys waste time looking up fancy pulling techniques, or girls waste hours on make-up and clothing according to the latest "fashion trend"? People don't usually reject others based on this kind of stuff, I have yet to see a guy turn down a girl because her eyeliner was winged or skirt wasn't trendy or a girl turn down a guy because he thought up a chat-up line himself instead of reading it from "The Game" or wasn't using enough "seduction signals," WTF that means. On the other hand, it is no surprise that the most popular people who take care of their looks and are well-educated and socially skilled don't have to read umpteen relationship or "pulling" books in order to get attention from the opposite sex.

If you are not yet an attractive person, then stop whining about **** like why you don't have a relationship or can't pull people, and stay single and improve your weakness instead of trying to hide it. You can't dodge around being an overweight girl or a puny weakling guy or being a bitch or a sleaze or a creep or having no social skills or being an uninteresting person with no hobbies, work on it instead of trying to run away from your problems. Maybe, then, you'll find that you're secure enough in yourself you don't need to turn obsessing about the opposite sex into a hobby, either.

Being attractive, and relationships and dating, is not hard, and you do not have to take a damn university degree in it or try to "trick" others into finding you attractive. I am sick of seeing all these threads on here along the lines of "I'm overweight and out of shape, I have no social life and no friends, I have no hobbies and stay indoors all day, I have no job and sit in my room at uni, I have no social skills and keep trying weird pick-up lines/"game" but it never works, the opposite sex are so mean for not going out with me wahhhh."

Discuss.

(edited 10 years ago)

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Reply 1

Maid Marian

But you're either pretty or you're not....

Reply 2

AvengeNedStark

This is great, I totally agree!

Reply 3

Architecture-er

Original post by Maid Marian

But you're either pretty or you're not....

I'm pretty :flutter:

Reply 4

So Instinct

In a general sense perhaps but there is more to being attractive then having a nice body and being educated.
Not everyone is born with good social skills- in fact many people who look to get 'Game' from books etc are people have don't have it. They need to learn to be charming, funny, intriguing, etc.

I find they whine either because they're lazy and can't be arsed or they put in hard work with limited results and see others who are doing better because they're pretty and don't have to put any effort it. See exhibit A. ^
But at the same time you don't need all the things you say to be found attractive to someone.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 5

Maid Marian

Original post by Architecture-er

I'm pretty :flutter:

Wish I was... :redface:

Reply 6

Hellz_Bellz!

It shouldn't be people's goal in life to be attractive to the opposite sex. People shouldn't strive to obtain a fit, muscular body shape to attract the opposite sex. People certainly shouldn't do a particular hobby to attract the opposite sex.

Some people love exercise, others hate it. Some people like eating food, some people love it. Some people spend their whole lives reading, others find it a waste of time.

Don't tell people how to live their lives. Not everyone is so shallow that they only find one type of person attractive.

And do you know how boring that would be anyway?

Reply 7

Collette94

I'll even give you a list (applies to both sexes):

-If you are overweight/puny/too skinny/haven't exercised since God knows when and hate the thought of healthy eating, sort yourself out and get in shape. Physical attractiveness counts for both sexes. Take up a sport or two (join your local gym or run and train at home if you can't afford it), and eat healthily. A quick Google search will tell you how to do both. Even the NHS site has all the advice you need, there are no excuses. If you have a problem with binge drinking/smoking try to quit, that stuff will ruin your looks.

-Learn some decent social skills and get yourself a decent bunch of platonic friends. Once you have these, you won't need to learn any stupid Jedi mind tricks to get you THAT PERSON OF YOUR DREAMS 1111. Tip: ditch the "How To Get A Man And Keep Him" or "How To Pull 10000000 Hotty" books, and stop taking advice from magazines like Mens' Health or Cosmo, too (They contain some good advice, but the undiscerning eye probably won't be able to pick them out.) In fact, stop taking ANY advice (even from your friends) as to how to find a partner/pull, and focus solely on improving your general social skills. So how do you develop these?

Simple: go out and socialise. (Yes, this requires work.) You should actually WANT to be friends with people rather than just shag/date them. Don't know where to find friends? You must have hobbies (if not read below). Join local societies/clubs or those at your college/uni or Meetup or Work. Don't like interacting with people and would rather hide away at home fantasizing about the opposite sex? You don't deserve a partner till you man/woman the hell up. Be interested in other people, fun (i.e. up for trying anything new that's reasonable) and polite and well-mannered and you can't go far wrong.

-Become properly educated. Spend the time you would spend "learning" about the opposite sex from books (which is probably all bull**** anyway) learning about the real world. Not an essential in that obviously you don't need an A level in everything, but it's good to be able to talk about stuff. Live life to the full, don't be boring - this goes beyond making sure you know basic history and what's going on in the news. Travel, take up hobbies (because you want to and find them interesting - if you don't don't waste your time on them. If you are so unmotivated you don't find jack **** interesting, choose the least uninteresting one you can). Just generally don't hang around at home and have zero to talk about with other people.

-Learn how to style yourself. Now there is often a world of difference between styling yourself as to be attractive and doing it to follow fashion, ofc there's nothing wrong with the latter but it probably won't be so attractive. You can't go wrong with a decent haircut from a good hairdresser (no need to dye it - natural colour is fine), taking good care of your skin (moisturiser + sunscreen + drinking water and eating healthily), and dressing in a classic/generic way (even just hoodie, T-shirt, jeans and trainers are fine if you aren't scruffy looking and they fit well. Fit is key). Add a nice perfume and bingo.

-Develop a decent personality. Push yourself, figure out where you're going in life (uni, a job, wherever), set yourself goals, don't be a total slob. That's unattractive to most people. Learn morals. I'm not preaching be Mother Teresa here, but you should have a strong sense of self or you'll never be able to get into a decent relationship.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 8

Collette94

Original post by Maid Marian

But you're either pretty or you're not....

It's not as simple as that. I'd agree that some people are born with looks that society generally considers more attractive (unfair as it may seem), but nobody can't work on the way they look and become considered at least moderately pretty/handsome. After all, the majority of guys/girls can have long shiny/well-styled hair or an amazing figure or great style if they put enough effort into it.

Reply 9

Collette94

Original post by AvengeNedStark

This is great, I totally agree!

Cheers, hopefully some people will actually learn from it :tongue:

Reply 10

anchel1231

Supervv..... I totally agree with you dear. Thanks.

Reply 11

Collette94

Original post by Hellz_Bellz!

I didn't say it should be, that's the point.

Of course there's nothing wrong with, say, a girl being interested in make-up or following fashion trends if she wants to. But, for those people who actually do want to be attractive, they are better off, paradoxically, becoming better rounded people as individuals first and living their lives to the full, rather than reading umpteen dating and relationship books or whining about the opposite sex along the lines of "Y DO ALL BOYS/GIRLS ONLY GO FOR BITCHES/*******S 111". I bet a lot of common relationship problems could be solved if people focused on improving their social skills before jumping into relationships, too.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 12

Collette94

Original post by So Instinct

You don't, true, I was just making a list of things for which most people will at least find one or two of those traits attractive. :smile:

People trying to get "game" or "value" from books like "The Game" or "The Rules" are doing it completely wrong. I've taken a look at stuff like that out of curiosity and it would completely ruin your social skills and turn you into a creep or a bitch or just someone who got a reputation for being "weird", they are full of evo psych BS and get-rich-quick type generalisations. They are as useful as taking "fat burning pills" when you are trying to lose weight.

There is no substitute for actually socialising and putting yourself out there. No one is born with great social skills, no one. Although, if people really must, I suppose they could read general books on socialising as well like "How To Win Friends And Influence People." But the ones on relationships and dating are a minefield.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 13

Collette94

Original post by Architecture-er

I'm pretty :flutter:

Dat avatar though :coma:

Reply 14

Collette94

Original post by anchel1231

Supervv..... I totally agree with you dear. Thanks.

Cheers

Reply 15

miser

Original post by Collette94

There are so many things people can do to become more attractive to others - learn how to exercise and eat healthily and get in proper shape, improve their social skills and life, take good care of their skin and hair, become more well-read, develop a decent personality and hobbies etc. Edit: Read below for advice on how to change this. In other words, become a more well rounded human being. Of course this takes work. Instead, people look for the easy solution and end up wasting time on BS.

As someone who's spent years working on this kind of stuff I can tell you that it can be very, very hard. It's easy to say, "spend more time developing social skills," but every iota of it I've gleaned from putting myself out there is a hard-won victory and I still struggle with it. The amount of effort I've put into it probably dwarfs the average person, but still I would say I was below average socially.

It doesn't put me off or anything, I'm just pointing out that the reason people good with girls don't read stuff like The Game is because they never had to.

Reply 16

4RealBlud

What you're saying is true, but there are certain techniques that also compliment an exciting and healthy lifestyle that most people who are good with the opposite sex acquire through experience, either via trial and error or outside information.

Developing a great personality and body is great, but unfortunately only half the battle. However if you use both, you're probably an amazingly smooth with the opposite sex.

Reply 17

So Instinct

Original post by Collette94

You don't, true, I was just making a list of things for which most people will at least find one or two of those traits attractive. :smile:

In a general sense they would increase your chances of being more attractive but it's no guarantee and no be all or end all.
I haven't read any of those books so I can't really comment. But some people are introverted and some extroverted, often introverts want to but can't just go and socialise- they don't know how to.
I've heard good things about "How To Win Friends and.." seems a lot of people recommend it.
I find it hard to conceive how a book will suddenly make you a more social and outgoing person though. How it could make you funny and interesting? because that's what girls often look for.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 18

Collette94

Original post by miser

Without being rude, how much have you actually put yourself out there? I've seen a few friends do it and their social skills always improved at least noticeably. Perhaps you're labelling yourself as "below average socially" and this is hurting your self-confidence? Obviously, if you go into a room feeling unconfident it's probably going to affect the way you interact with other people/body language etc. And when you say you've spent years working on it, maybe you're overanalysing? That would probably make it harder for you to socialise :smile:

Also, are you hanging around with the same or similiar groups of people? I used to have a lot of very "academic/intellectual" friends through doing a particular hobby, who knew me from a time I was slightly more introverted. I didn't entirely "click with" and relate to them at the start and I didn't till I moved away and we no longer hung out, either. Some types of people just don't "gel"; I get on perfectly with other extroverted people who are into partying and sports and all that, and I'm fine with that.

So maybe try interacting with a new group of people? if someone already sees you as "the awkward person" it can be very hard to change that perception. Also, without stereotyping people certain groups (especially the geekier types) can be very hard to break into plus having relatively bad social skills themselves - sometimes it isn't always your fault.

It doesn't put me off or anything, I'm just pointing out that the reason people good with girls don't read stuff like The Game is because they never had to.

Nobody "has" to read stuff like "The Game" or "The Rules." As said above, stuff like that will almost certainly get you more of a reputation for being a bit of a weirdo (no offence) than anything else, what with the outlandish stuff they proclaim. But, as to why some people are good with the opposite sex without ever picking up a book like this, again it comes down to social skills. Knowing how to get on with people. Nobody's just "born" that way.

Reply 19

Collette94

Original post by So Instinct

I'd say, if you want to be more interesting, take up hobbies and be more well-educated, basically try loads of new things and make the most of your life. That will actually give you stuff to talk about with the opposite sex. If you want to be more interesting... be more interesting? It's really not that hard :confused:

As to being funny, again socialising will help, even just hanging around with your friends who have a great sense of humour will teach you so much about when to crack a joke, the sort of thing people often find funny, etc. Plus knowing how to pick up on social cues also helps.

I also happen to think "funny" is overrated even if you're a guy. Sure, it helps, but when girls say they want a guy with a sense of humour they don't mean that you have to be always telling funny stories or even making witty remarks but simply that you know how to laugh at something and don't take yourself too seriously. Again, basic social skills. It's more important that a guy has these and is in good shape etc., and a generally nice personality, than that he's the comedian of his bunch of friends.