Gay guys, what's your best piece of advice about getting into a relationship?

i've recently been in a bit of a slump seeing as all of my best friends and housemates are in relationships. so that means they're hanging out with their gf's more and not hanging out with friends much. i'm not jealous and i'm happy for those guys, but I feel a bit behind

as a gay guy with no gay friends, I figure that I have to work on that most of all, which I am. that's my top priority. especially seeing as most successful relationships comes from friendships

so I figured i'd ask you guys for more advice since you're probably in a better place than I am :P

Reply 1

Treeroy

18

You really need to find gay guys, obviously. Go to a gay club/bar, use an app like Grindr (yes, there are people on there looking for more than sex :smile:

), just get out there and find people! :smile:

Are you at uni? If you are, there'll be hundreds/thousands of gay guys that you haven't discovered :tongue:

Reply 2

TheJay92

OP

7

Original post by Treeroy

You really need to find gay guys, obviously. Go to a gay club/bar, use an app like Grindr (yes, there are people on there looking for more than sex :smile:

), just get out there and find people! :smile:

Are you at uni? If you are, there'll be hundreds/thousands of gay guys that you haven't discovered :tongue:

thanks for the post dude! I was worried that people would start attacking me and hating on me

i'm not a fan of gay bars/clubs though. i've been to them before and I didn't like the atmosphere or music or the vibe. and they're empty a lot of the time.

i'm still at uni, it's my last year and i'm really trying to change it or else i'm wasting my social life if I can't even get into a relationship at all

Reply 3

-Charlie-

I have the same problem, but I will freely admit it is my fault. I don't really like the club scene, so gay bars have never exactly appealed to me. I've tried grindr, but I got a lot of creepy messages, plus it drained my phone battery (which was annoying), and it just generally depressed me that I had had to resort to grindr. I've only ever really dated two guys, the trouble is the guys you can tell are gay I don't want to date. I'm just not a fan of the whole extrovert homosexuality that some guys seem to live by. But I digress, I need to get out more. I've just started uni again so who knows :biggrin:

Reply 4

TheJay92

OP

7

Original post by -Charlie-

I have the same problem, but I will freely admit it is my fault. I don't really like the club scene, so gay bars have never exactly appealed to me. I've tried grindr, but I got a lot of creepy messages, plus it drained my phone battery (which was annoying), and it just generally depressed me that I had had to resort to grindr. I've only ever really dated two guys, the trouble is the guys you can tell are gay I don't want to date. I'm just not a fan of the whole extrovert homosexuality that some guys seem to live by. But I digress, I need to get out more. I've just started uni again so who knows :biggrin:

that's the same as me. I mean people say to try grindr but I mean it's a hooking up app and I don't want to try and get into relationships through that coz I know if it goes wrong then I have myself to blame for using a hook up app to look for romance. and yeah it's a tad depressing :P

and I agree with the other things you said but i'll give anyone a chance really. as long as we get on well and they are cool, chill, down to earth guys and we have great chemistry

hey, look at the bright side. at least you've dated two guys. i've not dated any :|

Reply 5

veggie4life

17

It's tough! I don't like the gay scene that much and that does make it harder. If you're at uni join your LGBT network, not necessarily to meet someone but to increase your circle of gay friends. In terms of dating don't be put off by online dating, when the pool is so reduced as it is for gay guys, online really does increase your chances and it's also a really good way of finding like minded friends too. I was rather lucky in finding my current boyfriend of a year and a half through mutual friends so don't give up :smile:

Reply 6

TheJay92

OP

7

Original post by veggie4life

It's tough! I don't like the gay scene that much and that does make it harder. If you're at uni join your LGBT network, not necessarily to meet someone but to increase your circle of gay friends. In terms of dating don't be put off by online dating, when the pool is so reduced as it is for gay guys, online really does increase your chances and it's also a really good way of finding like minded friends too. I was rather lucky in finding my current boyfriend of a year and a half through mutual friends so don't give up :smile:

is your boyfriend into the gay scene? or does he feel the same way as you do?

I really am trying but I feel like i'm getting nowhere. hopefully one day!

Reply 7

jimmyclyro

4

Can I ask where you go to uni OP (PM if you like), I just read your profile and you sound like my cup of tea. :colone:

Reply 8

DashingHero

3

I've only been on the gay scene twice and for me I mainly got the vibe that the clubs/bars are like any club/bar where most people are looking to hook up for the night and just have a good time :tongue:

I've joined my uni's lgbt+ society and I think that might give me more chance of getting a boyfriend, and there's also the city's lgbt centre. They do events amd have group meetings that I go to. I think the lgbt+ society will help the most because some members know other gays and can invite them to some events so you can meet more people. Have you looked into your uni's lgbt society?

Reply 9

-Charlie-

I signed up to the mailing list of my LGBTsoc at uni this year. I don't think I can make it to their freshers stuff though :/

Reply 10

veggie4life

17

Original post by TheJay92

is your boyfriend into the gay scene? or does he feel the same way as you do?

I really am trying but I feel like i'm getting nowhere. hopefully one day!

Even less so than me actually, you'd be surprised actually quite a lot of guys aren't which means they're even harder to scope out (hence the benefits of online). Try not to stress too much, focusing on it too much can just be counter productive

Reply 11

TheJay92

OP

7

Original post by -Charlie-

I signed up to the mailing list of my LGBTsoc at uni this year. I don't think I can make it to their freshers stuff though :/

why not?

if you think about it, you should try and make as many events as you can before everyone makes friendship groups without you. and i'm sure there's events that are both non-drinking and drinking

if I can do it, you definitely can...

Reply 12

-Charlie-

There is an ice cream trip :biggrin:

I like ice cream. There is also an opera trip :s-smilie:

Reply 13

TheJay92

OP

7

Original post by veggie4life

Even less so than me actually, you'd be surprised actually quite a lot of guys aren't which means they're even harder to scope out (hence the benefits of online). Try not to stress too much, focusing on it too much can just be counter productive

really? damn now i'm jealous coz it seems that you found a good guy :frown:

but I will definitely keep searching. making friends is the first thing I will work on doing. even if it's from TSR or my LGBT society

Original post by -Charlie-

There is an ice cream trip :biggrin:

I like ice cream. There is also an opera trip :s-smilie:

ice...cream...trip? that sounds pretty cool. I mean i'd definitely go to that. i'm sure there are even people who are going who aren't part of the lgbt society and just wants ice cream

Reply 14

officelinebacker

Original post by TheJay92

thanks for the post dude! I was worried that people would start attacking me and hating on me

i'm not a fan of gay bars/clubs though. i've been to them before and I didn't like the atmosphere or music or the vibe. and they're empty a lot of the time.

i'm still at uni, it's my last year and i'm really trying to change it or else i'm wasting my social life if I can't even get into a relationship at all

Does your Uni have an LGBT Society?

Reply 15

TheJay92

OP

7

Original post by officelinebacker

Does your Uni have an LGBT Society?

yeah it does. but as I said before, i'm not massively into the gay culture so i'm not sure if i'd fit in. but I am willing to go to it and make friends

Reply 16

Usar

8

I hope you have better luck than me. 24 years old and still almost no gay friends and definitely no gay relationships. Being gay sucks and if you get the chance to be bi take it. My advice to you is get grindr, it's not all about hooking up, I met a gay guy as a friend there.

Reply 17

TheJay92

OP

7

Original post by Usar

I hope you have better luck than me. 24 years old and still almost no gay friends and definitely no gay relationships. Being gay sucks and if you get the chance to be bi take it. My advice to you is get grindr, it's not all about hooking up, I met a gay guy as a friend there.

did you just say that I should be bi if I have a chance to be? haha...

Reply 18

hobbit_

11

OkCupid is quite good, but rather dependent on where you live. I think I have been extraordinarily lucky with my history on this site. The first time I registered there within days I found someone whom I thought was good. Didn't work out; but was still good enough for us to meet after a month of prior exchange. But then more recently, 24 hours after I registered, a guy contacted me and it's been wonderful since: we've really hit it off (in lots of ways :wink:

), and there seems to be real potential for something long-lasting. So it really depends. Just one word of advice, really: if you do join OkC, then fill out your profile well, put nice pictures on, and answer lots of questions so as to increase good matches! And I hope all goes well for you :smile:

.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 19