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Mental Health Support Society Mk X

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Original post by los lobos marinos

The thing is though, it was defined as a rant in the first instance. By definition, that means the argument may well end up being personalised.

Far better to rant here and to let it all out than to have it all build up inside until it explodes in the real world.

I thought that is what this thread is all about - to let your thoughts and feelings out WITHOUT being judged. :argh:

I'd disagree to an extent - yes people can and should rant about stuff when they've got something they need to get off their chest. However that doesn't mean they shouldn't take other members into consideration - this is a society after all, and if you post something on here then you're accepting that people will read it and not always agree with it, sometimes even taking offence. In the past I've had the occasional disagreement on this thread when I've felt someone was being inconsiderate (and vice versa, people are free to take issue with what I say), and as a general rule the problems have been sorted amicably. You do sometimes get someone having a go at another member, which I'd say is unacceptable (except maybe if it's Saber :poke:

), or saying stuff that's needlessly triggering/not appropriately spoilered. In this case I'm guessing Sultana thought avhhs was being a bit misogynistic, and decided to call him out about it. In an ideal world she might have done it more politely, but I still wouldn't say she was in the wrong.

Reply 9081

los lobos marinos

Original post by rmhumphries

If I was to have a rant (even here) which was sexist, I would expect to be called up on it. While here should be a relatively 'free / safe' space, you still don't have a completely free rein - and imo Sultana's comment did not deserve the backlash it generated. If you want to be able to rant without being called up on anything, you can easily start a free blog on the internet.

That is also ignoring the fact that there is always a chance rants like that could cause triggers for people on here who have PTSD. It is also ignoring the other issue that this is in public domain, and there is always a chance of TSR account being linked to real-life (and have RL consequences).

I disagree with most of your assertions. However, I don't think this is the right place for this debate as it will derail the thread and makes a mountain out of molehill.

Therefore, I agree that both perspectives have equal value and truth.

Reply 9082

Sarah'

Original post by IDukem

Careful you don't head-butt me in the process of that hug mmkay? :wink:

Of course, my wisdom got more wisdomy over the months...i'm getting older :tongue:

That's quite funny cause I actually sent a pm earlier and I posted something similar also...deja vu FTW!! haha. When you didn't have to if you replied here first silly :wink:

Exatcly and I think we elarnt form last time that well real life can catch up with us and we can just take it easy and reply when we can :smile:

Likewise actually!! I wasn't feeling great and then this whole mini-reunion shenanigans has lifted my day up and made me smile a bit :h:

I was thinking that tooa ctually :lol:

I was like "hmmm, how the clucking muck muck has my PM that was like 2 liens long turned into 4 massive paragraphs in a space of 3 or so PMs each!?!?" :lol:

That old assclown saying i've ran out of space will come back to haunt us again haha.

I'll reply to your pm a bit later, i'll do some assignment work first!! :hugs:

I don't think my head would even reach yours! Yay for being small :redface:

. You really do come out with some of the greatest quotes hahaha! :biggrin:

. Oh really :tongue:

? I actually quite enjoy déjà vu to be honest :smile:

. Well I'm sorry, but I always reply to PM's first, silly :wink:

. Yup, but we'll definitely have to stay in touch this time :yep:

promise I won't disappear for that long again! Yeah, ditto... It's been really nice just popping on and replying then having a nap :tongue:

. Really glad it's made you smile a bit :biggrin:

Pffft, you should know what our conversations are like by now! :tongue:

I don't think I know how to do mini-PM's to you, I always get carried away :colondollar:

. Hopefully it's you who gets it first! I love the subject names you come up with :wink:

Okays, that's fine! Hope it goes well for you :biggrin:

. On that note... I shall also do some assignment work :tongue:

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 9083

IDukem

Original post by Sarah'

I don't think my head would even reach yours! Yay for being small :redface:

. You really do come out with some of the greatest quotes hahaha! :biggrin:

. Oh really :tongue:

? I actually quite enjoy déjà vu to be honest :smile:

. Well I'm sorry, but I always reply to PM's first, silly :wink:

. Yup, but we'll definitely have to stay in touch this time :yep:

promise I won't disappear for that long again! Yeah, ditto... It's been really nice just popping on and replying then having a nap :tongue:

. Really glad it's made you smile a bit :biggrin:

Pffft, you should know what our conversations are like by now! :tongue:

I don't think I know how to do mini-PM's to you, I always get carried away :colondollar:

. Hopefully it's you who gets it first! I love the subject names you come up with :wink:

Okays, that's fine! Hope it goes well for you :biggrin:

. On that note... I shall also do some assignment work :tongue:

Posted from TSR Mobile

Well don't headbutt my balls then, my future children has a shot of being clever and beautiful and what genes the girl brings :wink:

At least i'm creative at something I guess :redface:

Yeah...really!! It can be all right, although when you have a dream about something and you feel like you're reliving it, that's some freaky shenanigans going on right there haha. Pfft fine...silly :wink:

For sure! I understand work and personal stuff will get in the way at times so i'm fine if you go a few days without replying n'all :smile:

I've gotten really patient over the last few months in that regard. Yeah that's why PM's are good cause I could be like "Ooo Sarah' PM'd me, i'll read it and reply later on/in the next few days and keep it as unread so I don't forget" :smile:

Well you seem to be pretty good at doing that still :hugs:

Pfft, well you should know what i'm like by now in regards of forgetting :tongue:

Same with you actually hahaaaaa, I'm like "well I'll try and keep it short and sweet" and then BAM! 5 paragraphs with like 10+ lines in each :lol:

I started it so it'll probably be me who has to create another one and haha, well I do try and be creative :wink:

I did a big batch of it actually so i'm chuffed :u:

I hope it goes well for you too!! :grin:

Reply 9084

Meaty_man

So a few nights ago i went out with mates, and by god was it triggering...this is a nice juicy story if you care to read through it all, lol. I just really need to get this off my chest, and you'll see why if you end up reading it all x]

---

First off i assumed it was gonna be me and some old mates getting together in London, but when i arrived i honestly thought i was at the wrong house since practically no one i knew was there, but there were like 20 people i didnt know, apparently friends of my my friend. A lot of them were really nice but needless to say i was pretty anxious until the people i knew (like 6 people) arrived.

Then one of my mates ends up chundering quite early on, turns out he'd been drinking since midday, and at the time it was 8pm, so that's a lot of drinking..

Spoiler

Then when we went to go out later, it appeared i was one of the few who weren't crazy drunk (i have to be very careful because im on sertraline atm). Now i aint a fan of clubs anyway, but when before we even got there it seemed like one of my other really drunk mates had been really hitting on another one of my girl mates (who also ended up being very drunk). Now he seemed to be harassing her, but he is a mate so i didn't expect anything sketchy. Then, out of nowhere she runs up to me and grabs my hand, you know, the kind that seems to hold some emotional value, and held it tight.

This is a girl i quite like but haven't seen for a while...childhood friend if you want this to sound like a friggin drama, lol. Not only that but throughout the night she'd hinted that she thought i was fit when i had chatted to her. Now she runs over, grabs my hand and seems to be hinting at me a lot, or that she kinda wants to keep some distance between my mate...all of this happening just before im going to a club, which im not a fan of doing.

When we were on the underground, they both ran off at some station, so i assumed this was regarding the whole him hitting on her thing. Now after the whole incident i actually got rather worried, but i couldn't phone them since they were in the underground...but wait, there's more!

After they caught up with us, my mate ends up saying that he's got really blue balls and he doesn't want this girl going out "with some pot head northerner with no job" or something to that effect. Tho after that he said i should go talk to her, he was real drunk...I did but i couldn't really talk to her cause the club was very loud. Didn't really get much from her except that that she didn't want to talk about relationship stuff at the time. Then they disappear again later, again making me worried.

The worst part about it all is that she doesn't remember much of the night at all, even when she was flirting with me and ran over to me to hold my hand, or the fact that my friend asked her out. She said she knew stuff happened but didn't want to remember.

---

tl;dr

- went to a party with LOTS of people i didnt know
- kinda forced to go to a club (which i hate)
- hit on by someone who i like but she doesn't even remember it (i aint been in a relationship for 6 years+)
- a friend of mine got rejected by that person, and i know he has some mental problems
- another one of my mates seems to have an alcohol problem

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 9085

VaVe

Original post by los lobos marinos

The thing is though, it was defined as a rant in the first instance. By definition, that means the argument may well end up being personalised.
Far better to rant here and to let it all out than to have it all build up inside until it explodes in the real world.
I thought that is what this thread is all about - to let your thoughts and feelings out WITHOUT being judged. :argh:

Defining something as a rant doesn't mran people aren't allowed to say anything remotely negative about it. I know that I hate hate hate people being referred to as a bitch. Sultana is allowed to have an opinion on what is said, pointing out that insulting names isn't a great thing to do isn't a personal attack. Commenting negatively doesn't mean that you're judging somebody, and sayong that people shouldn't is surely just silencing and not supporting them?

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 9086

Sultana

Original post by avhhs

I think I'll get much further as it is, thank you very much. What bit about it being a rant do you not ****ing get? Yes, she is a bitch, see I said that again. You know why? Because previously she had a go at me when I managed to stop the fridge from leaking while I was waiting for them to come and check it, and having a go at me for causing the long standing problem with the lift sometimes not opening on the ground floor. I am really angry about them not following the procedures correctly resulting in something that should have been avoided. They once again lied to me earlier in order to hide their incompetence. It will be fixed this evening MY ARSE :angry:

I'm sorry my last comment was so tetchy, that's not on. However, I'd say my point still stands - just as the phrase 'no offense but...' means sod all, prefacing a paragraph with the word rant doesn't mean you can then go on to say whatever you like and not be called up on it. In my opinion it is never appropriate to call anyone a bitch, no matter how much you may dislike them and I don't think it's helpful to go about life using these misogynistic gendered slurs wherever, and particuarly not in a place like this which is meant to be a 'safe' environment.

Anyway, I won't clog up the thread anymore and I'll try and think before I let my irratibility out on here again.

Reply 9087

asdfgah

Original post by Sultana

Y'know, you might get further on in life if you don't refer to living human beings as 'bitches.' Just an idea for ya.

PRSOM.

Spoiler

Reply 9088

Meaty_man

Original post by asdfgah

PRSOM.

Spoiler

I must say, im kinda suprised the word isn't censored, i didn't know myself it could trigger people here, so thanks to you and Sultana for letting us know.

This thread is a lovely environment like 99% of the time, but some of us get easily worked up and really need to vent, and at that point our feelings will come out too... I just wanna say that because i could of easily done it myself, and i would never want to hurt anyone on this forum because you guys are awesome :jumphug:

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 9089

sherbet_lemons7

Lovely evening in with someone awesome. :awesome:

Spoiler

Much icecream was had. :yep:

Reply 9090

asdfgah

Original post by Meaty_man

Thanks for the reply - just wanted to explain a few things because sometimes people come at things so consistently from different perspectives and it becomes hard to see where the other person is coming from. For example, a disabled person recently pointed out to me that describing something as "lame" meaning bad could be taken as a slur against people with physical disabilities of some kind. It just hadn't even crossed my mind.. I heard the word 'lame' and used it, without even thinking about the connotations it had. It's so easy to do, so when I point out things that people say which could be upsetting in a "hey, did you know that might upset someone?" way, I'm not actually being passive aggressive (most of the time). It's just sometimes people don't realise the connotations of the words they use.

For an explanation of why I personally find the word 'bitch' really upsetting, see below. Could be triggering to people who have experienced sexual violence or anything else degrading which made them feel dehumanised in some sense.

Spoiler

Reply 9091

los lobos marinos

Original post by asdfgah

PRSOM.

Spoiler

I fully understand what you are saying. I have previously been triggered by stuff on this thread (when it was Depression Society) and would prefer if people sometimes took greater care in their wording, wherever possible. However, I also want to people to express themselves freely, without hindrance. I therefore find myself sitting on the fence.

What is PRSOM????

Reply 9092

asdfgah

Original post by los lobos marinos

It's 'please rate some other members' - the message you get when someone is SO awesome they have been repped by you in the recent past. :tongue:

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for free speech. I'm also for people learning what is upsetting to others and self-checking to ensure that we don't risk alienating a particular set of people. Because of my experiences (possible/suspected autistic spectrum disorder) of not picking up on what offends people easily, I find it easiest for people to be upfront about the things that really upset them, so that I am aware and can self-censor. So pointing offending stuff out to others comes under "treat other people as you would like to be treated," which seems fair enough. :smile:

Reply 9093

rmhumphries

Original post by los lobos marinos

I agree that there are certainly two sides, both with equal amounts of validity. On the flip side though regarding discussion, I think it is important that we as a thread are in general agreement with what is ok, and what should be kept off the thread (or spoilered). Obviously, we have the site rules we need to stick to, but we don't want people being made upset but posts which are within the rules (and if it had of been spoilered or reworded would not have caused issue).

Original post by asdfgah

PRSOM.

Spoiler

See above point - I think this is something that is important to be discussed. I doubt anyone on here wants to be upsetting others.

P.s. I need to rep more people, I have hit PRSOM on like 5 or 6 different posts on the last two pages!

Reply 9094

SciFiRory

why is the benefits system so confusing? :cry2:

so confused, every website seems to say different things and I don't know what I can and can't claim or what I do or don't count as and such at all :frown:

can anyone help???? :s-smilie:

Reply 9095

superwolf

Original post by SciFiRory

why is the benefits system so confusing? :cry2:

so confused, every website seems to say different things and I don't know what I can and can't claim or what I do or don't count as and such at all :frown:

can anyone help???? :s-smilie:

If in doubt, apply for everything! :tongue:

That, or I'm on ESA, DLA, housing benefit and council tax reduction if that helps. Can try and help out with a bit of form-filling-in over skype if you like as well.

Reply 9096

rmhumphries

Original post by SciFiRory

why is the benefits system so confusing? :cry2:

so confused, every website seems to say different things and I don't know what I can and can't claim or what I do or don't count as and such at all :frown:

can anyone help???? :s-smilie:

Pretty much. Earlier today, SW has told that while you can get ESA as a Student, there is no law backing them doing so, so they do it sometimes when the decision maker thinks they should.

So, they said themselves, that they make it up as they go along!

I can offer advice based on what I know if you want, although despite this generally being from the government website, it may not actually be true or true in all cases.

Reply 9097

PonchoKid

if anyone needs me ill be hiding in the corner behind the arm chair crying :hide:

Reply 9098

Meaty_man

Original post by asdfgah

It's 'please rate some other members' - the message you get when someone is SO awesome they have been repped by you in the recent past. :tongue:

If you never express how you feel, people may never know! That's why i like to be open too, it just helps all parties involved :P More harm comes from being quiet, as opposed to speaking out. At least, that's what i would say from my experience :smile:

Reply 9099

los lobos marinos

Original post by asdfgah

It's 'please rate some other members' - the message you get when someone is SO awesome they have been repped by you in the recent past. :tongue:

Original post by rmhumphries

P.s. I need to rep more people, I have hit PRSOM on like 5 or 6 different posts on the last two pages!

lol. Tell me about it. It's so frustrating. Sometimes, I just flip around the site looking for a couple of other good posts to rep so that I can return to the original one, only to find out that I cannot give out any more rep as I have exceeded my limit for the day :cool: