Advice for when the honeymoon period is over

If you've ever been in a relationship that's lasted more than a year, you'll probably know the feeling of emerging from 'the honeymoon period'.

It's the time when you're both starting to become a little less tolerant of each other's petty annoyances, when pointless arguments seem to kick off a bit more easily, and when people quite often decide to call it quits.

But what if you don't want to split up? I thought it might be useful to have a thread of tips from people who have stuck at it, where we can all share things that made our relationships stronger.

Here's one: talking. Actually talking to each other, rather than just trying to impress each other the whole time. I found it made a massive difference to my own relationship when we started to be genuinely open with each other, and it's something that doesn't happen in the honeymoon phase as you're both too eager to show the other person how perfect you are.

How about you?

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Reply 1

RachelB11

Compromise. I've never understood why women moan about having the toilet seat up. Yes it's nicer down (and by that I mean lid as well) but is it really worth making such a fuss about?

Reply 2

Moa

Make effort the have the same amount of sex as during the so called 'honeymoon period'

Reply 3

Viva Emptiness

Don't get too comfortable - try to maintain your 'air of mystery'. By which I mean don't take a dump with the door open, or shave your pits in front of them

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Don't be stubborn. For example, don't give 'the silence treatment' just because your partner hasn't contacted you first - they might be thinking the same thing. Just contact them. And make an effort to show them you care and are thinking about them every day no matter how busy you are even if it's just a good morning text. Also be spontaneous. Surprise them every now and then even if it's just something small.

Reply 5

bigwhalegambler

just get her pregnant to fill the void, and in 18 years time, suffer a mid life crisis, go to Africa and adopt another

#stopKony
#kony2013

Reply 6

daisyfresh

the rules are all you need

Reply 7

ZizziHikaru

Still in that phase years on!

Don't spend all your time together, do your own thing, keep learning, discovering and doing new things you will learn more about yourself and so will your paramour and you'll have new things to talk about.

Change up your bedroom manouveres, make time for dates, visit things such as new town/ exhibition, compliment them when you notice something, praise their achievements, touch sexually not necessarily always leading to sex, keep physically touching each other (arm touch in conversation, stroking hair, holding hands in the street), don't spend all your time in hoodies/ ugly clothes, don't talk about/display bodily functions, watch less porn, buy gifts even small ones, remember funny jokes/anecdotes to tell them, tease them gently, do things that'll make you both laugh (live comedy, funny film), hang out in a group so you can see them interacting with others, take care of yourself physically, feel good about yourself.

Reply 8

Spongebob'sPants

Original post by ZizziHikaru

Very good advice here, me thinks!

Reply 9

IlexBlue

I'm in two minds about the whole "don't mention bodily functions/ shaving/ certain routines" etc. issue.

On the one hand, I sort of understand where people are coming from and why they say it. But on the other, when you've been with a partner for a while, that kind of behaviour just seems like you're still trying to make yourself come across as unrealistically flawless by attempting to maintain that air of effortless beauty in a bid to keep them attracted, and intentionally preventing yourself from being seen as too "human" in case it's off-putting. For when you start going out, fair enough, but after years together?

I mean, okay, pinning them down and farting on their face is one thing, but I'd hate to be in a relationship where we wouldn't feel comfortable enough to talk about/ do what's "natural" around each other after being together for a while. It doesn't seem like a grounded, very "real" relationship to me.

Reply 10

IlexBlue

Original post by ZizziHikaru

There's some good advice here, and then parts of it seem a little shallow or contrived...

Reply 11

xoxAngel_Kxox

My boyfriend and I have been together for four and a half years, and when the 'honeymoon period' was over, it upset me, because I thought we didn't love each other anymore.

Without meaning to sound too graphic, we weren't having sex every day anymore, weren't in each other's arms all the time, and I was getting annoyed at a lot of things he did (even breathe sometimes ha ha but in my defence he breathes really strange, as though something catches in his throat every time he breathes in.. snoring whilst awake basically).

We actually split up for a couple of months after being together just under two years, and the space made me get my head together and realise that I missed him, and that just because we weren't all over each other doesn't mean we didn't love each other. I mistook that lack of intimacy for a lack of love, and that wasn't the case at all.

Now that we're back together (and have been for a few years) things are much better. We talked, about lots of things, including what we want from our lives etc, and what we want from our relationship, and we managed to put things into perspective and understand that yes things WILL change, but if you can just get through that then it gets better.

I now have a much better tolerance towards him, and understand that the only reason I was getting annoyed was because I was trying to spend as much time as possible with him (as you might when you first get together with somebody) and it's so important to do your own thing.

Things will change after a while, but you have to understand that it's the case with everybody. Talking is definitely the best thing to do, make sure that it is just because the "honeymoon period" is over and not because you've actually gone off each other.

EDIT: Now, I get more excited about meeting up with him than I used to, things are better and fresher, and everything's good!

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 12

doctordee

Me and my boyfriend are in a similar situation and have been in a relationship for two years. His family have no idea, it is hard but you Can always make it work if you want..

Reply 13

Plumstone

Do people really spend the first year of the relationship just trying to impress each other and having sex?

I talked to my boyfriend about everything imaginable (politics, interests, goals, values, etc) openly and honestly from the very beginning. What's the point in getting to know someone only to find out that they've been giving a false impression all that time?

I don't feel I've had any honeymoon phase or post-honeymoon phase. I'm no less giddily in love than I was at the beginning (more so, if possible!) and I still make an effort with my appearance and in general, not to impress, but because I love my boyfriend and want him to have me at my best.

Do other people really experience such a sudden shift towards petty arguments or reduced affection?

Reply 14

Musie Suzie

I think it's important to keep putting effort in for your other half - keep trying to look nice for them, and do little nice things for them to show that you care; buy them a bottle of their favourite tipple for after a long day at work, cook a nice dinner, give them a massage if they're stressed out... That kind of stuff :smile:

Reply 15

Rum Ham

The honeymoon period in my relationship ended years ago. At times I miss it because looking back we seemed to be more out going and was a lot easier to have fun but now we are at a stage where we pretty much know everything about each other and are comfortable with each other, I actually prefer it to the honeymoon period.

I see why a lot of couples do break up after the honeymoon period, the phase after it can be hard to adjust to and can make people feel bored or trapped.

We still make an effort, still do things together, still are affectionate etc and I think that is what kept us going.

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Reply 16

Zarek

You have to either split up or get married. More seriously though, in a good relationship I think there are some honeymoon period traits which stand the passage of time - eg shared humour and values and sustained enjoyment of sex life.

Reply 17

Fishoutofwater

Original post by shooks

Here's one: talking.
How about you?

I thought that a second before I read it! Seriously good advice.

Reply 18

Fishoutofwater

Original post by RachelB11

Compromise. I've never understood why women moan about having the toilet seat up. Yes it's nicer down (and by that I mean lid as well) but is it really worth making such a fuss about?

I think the toilet seat thing is a kind of universal symbol for classic pet peeves.

My boyfriend's pet peeves are things like: me leaving drawers open.
My pet peeves are things like: Him twanging blues on his guitar when I'm trying to think.

The little things can add up especially when you live together.