Feel my relationship is threatened by my girlfriend's best guy friend. A bit jealous

If she does this she will know she is setting me up for even worse anxiety issues than I already have (and she knows about)
she will destroy my faith in love for a long time (I come from a divorced family)
and she will betray her own faith, which she strongly upholds

If shebreaks up with me, that would be OK. But if she cheats on me then all the above.

This. This this this this.

OP stop worrying about your girlfriend leaving you! That kind of insecurity is so self-destructive, you need to sort it out for your own sake, stop trying to defend what you do. Stop putting yourself down and bigging other people up and stop just wallowing in insecure and negative thoughts.

Don't make excuses for yourself. You've made how many threads now about problems in your relationship... that only you see? You're creating imaginary issues that might actually come back to haunt you if you continue to be so needy for reassurance.

Chin up. She's with you... you're really insulting her by always doubting her, and her motives, and her trustworthiness. Has she actually ever done anything tangible to make you doubt her or suspect that in those two hours she had that guy's hands "all over her"? If I found out my boyfriend was doubting me for no real reason other than I'm friends with a guy (and this IS the only reason - all the differences you see between you and him you've created in your head, highlighting and cherry picking the parts that allow you to get all worried about how amazing he is and you aren't), I'd be pretty upset with him.

she is not responsible for your issues - they are your issues. Possibly trying to guilt her into staying because of them is very wrong and very selfish.

Secondly where does it say in her faith that she MUST stay with you and not get into a different relationship?

If she goes, then she goes (of course they might just be friends) but i will tell you something - this whiny "hes so much better than me" self deprevating passive aggressive thing youve got going is about as attractive as stepping in dog mess. And that WILL push her away and then its your own fault.

You have strengths and skills - use them, stop focussing on what he has and focus on what you have.

I want to agree with you, so why are all the other guys trying to be funny and say I've got X months then she'll swap to him?

This is related to two other threads I've recently made, on fears she will leave and stigma of men expressing emotion or asking for help.

Basically, my lady has a guy friend. She met him earlier this year, and she sees him a lot since he is doing her subject.

He's called 'Superman'. This nickname gets to me. He doesn't quite look like Clark Kent, but it feels very flirty and he's quite good-looking. Personally I think better-looking than me.

Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy. He seems smart, confident, funny, down to earth, up for a laugh, we're into a lot of the same things (I feel like he knows more). I don't want to hold anything against him, but yesterday when we were in his company, it felt like
a) she talked much more to him (and they're both bubbly so bounce off each other, whereas I'm slow-witted, some might say stupid at times)
b) she seemed to enjoy his company more, again whether this is true or not I again do not know
c) She laughed a lot at his jokes. A lot. I didn't even bother competing, I just joined in.
He is a naturally funny guy. Again I think, he must be more fun to be around then, she'll enjoy his company more etc.
I've never felt very funny even though my dad (LOL) says I am and so does she

One which really riles me (besides her glee when 'Superman! ' texts) is when we were playing Mario Kart in the pub. She had a really great time, so perhaps I shouldn't complain. But they said 'it was gettig hotter and hotter in there', she said 'I never knew I had so much power in me!' (first time playing videogames, got competitive etc.) and she then talked to him about this girl at a party who asked him out and said 'did they know you were taken?'
This was all said as we all walked to the bus stop together. I didn't say much.

He is currently seeing someone else as inferred, but I can tell that my girlfriend likes him. Whether as a friend or more, I don't know. I sensed sexual tension between the two of them and possible flirting, that I don't feel on quite the same level when I'm with her (but then I'm basing this off one incident).
On principle my girlfriend should not get with him regardless of cheating on me, because she is religious and believes in the sanctity of love and marriage. I would hope she sticks to those principles because her integrity is one of the reasons I love her

Despite this, when I left them there for two hours while I had to attend a lecture-I had a gnawing sensation I was going to come back to the pub and find them on top of each other on the pub sofa, hands all over each other. (I didn't, but who knows what went on in those last two hours?) This was before she said these things (it wasn't all flirty, some friendly, but I picked out the three most memorable moments

I told my girlfriend how I felt (about the feeling awkward with Superman, not her cheating on me) and she reassured me that I'm a cool guy too etc,. I've already asked about him before and she said 'she's just a friend' (like they all say)




edit: I should add that I am a certified paranoid. TSR knows me too well now, might as well et it out of the blue, I have an anxiety disorder in case you didn't guess already.
I shouldn't let this consume and define me but unfortunately that's not always easy. Especially when my anxiety interferes with things like socialising (can't drink much for example, and get a bit nervous clubbing in town or walking through the city at night)

Since this incident my girlfriend has talked to me, texted I Love Yous, cuddled me and told me I smell great and I'm not losing her anytime soon, and has excitedly requested we go on many planned dates such as upcoming concert tickets for both of us.


I personally fearthat they
. She likes my company, affection and the presents I give her, but she's waiting to go off with him when he breaks up.
However there's no proof of this and I do have a history of severe anxiety of the tinfoil hat variety :P
For example my 'gut instinct' has told me that

-I will have a heart attack for going to bed at 2AM or eating a pizza
-The police are going to come and arrest me one day, usually around 11 in the morning, as I'm chilling in my jimmies eating Weetabix, oh what a clumsy fool I am for chilling
-There is a massive conspiracy in school where everyone knows I'm now 'crazy' (after my diagnosis of GAD) and is a bit scared but have all been told in an assembly that they should be nice to me and not let me in on it
-Everyone in work is talking about me, laughing behind my back, and my boss is looking for ways to humiliate me and give me the sack
-At my worst I suspected the Illuminati were watching

I'm not sure how to feel, it's her choice who she socialises with, not mine. But in my partanoia-ridden and not necessarily true thoughtsit feels as if they will grow closer day by day, until she finally breaks it off with me. It makes me question who she's thinking of when she cuddles me.

Again this is despite us having proclaimed love, she's told me such things as 'you'd be a great dad ', various dreams about us which I'm not at liberty to say, and having been together for 7 months. Throughout the whole time she has been aware of my anxiety and helped me with it.

Hello Riku,

I have couple of questions for you buddy:

Are you and your girlfriend in a committed relationship? Is it okay for both of you to have close girl and guy friends?
Obviously she is okay with having a boyfriend and a close guy friend, yet you seem to be uncomfortable with that. The question is how you go about to handle this conflict.

Worst possible approach is to show weakness or whine about her close guy friend. Never do that as it makes her get more distanced from you.

I strongly advise that you make up your mind, right here, but not right now, think for a while first and don't rush it. See which path fits you most:

Choice 1: You love her for who she is, shut down negative thoughts and feelings and give her love even if it is not received or appreciated by her. The advantages would be you win her eventually but you may not be comfortable for a long while.

Choice 2: You think and consider every aspect first. If you find this relationship unsuitable for your nature, your best bet is to quit and find someone compatible with you who actually is willingly reserved for you in every way. It is NOT easy to quit considering the history you two had. The disadvantage is suffering for a while, may be even for a year and the advantage is possibility of finding a healthy relationship.

Although you could get a 'close' female friend too but it really isn't resourceful to your relationship.

- - - - - - -

My thoughts:

Personally I don't believe guys and girls can be 'just friends'. But since this is NOT my relationship I leave my thoughts out of this.

If you wish to be with your girlfriend in classic definition of 'long term relationship', go for choice 1. But I warn you it's not easy and the difference of views in you and your girlfriend is a bit obvious.

Since it's your relationship, you will be the one who decides. Just try not to rush. There is always time to decide.

Because they're trolling you? Because they haven't seen other posts of yours and think that you have more substantial things to go off?

This is TSR. Take it with a pinch of salt.

Ouch. Here is how the future of this relationship will pan out:

She will become more and more distant.
You question her and she says they are 'just friends'.
Eventually she tells you she is 'confused' and will refuse to elaborate.
She becomes even more distant and closed off.
She breaks up with you because she 'needs space'.
Two weeks later she announces she is with her superman.

Enjoy those feels when they come, for they are coming. A monkey never lets go of a branch until it is holding on to another. Every man has this sixth sense about relationships. If you feel as though something isn't right in your gut, you're probably correct. You can feel her slipping between your fingers.

In reality, what she is doing is actually quite disrespectful towards you. My honest suggestion would be that you chuck her before she inevitably does the above. It will be less painful for you in the future.

I would say we are in a committed relationship of 7 months. Yes we're allowed to have close guy or girl friends, but not so open that I'd be happy with her ****ing them.
I would also say that she doesn't believe that relationships should be superficial and despised the dating culture in college. She's looking for something pretty serious. In fact she is holding on to her virginity until marriage due to her religious beliefs.
If she cheats on me she's a hypocrite. If she dumps me, fair enough. But since she still says I Love You, I assume she doesn't want to.

I would say we are in a committed relationship of 7 months. Yes we're allowed to have close guy or girl friends, but not so open that I'd be happy with her ****ing them.
I would also say that she doesn't believe that relationships should be superficial and despised the dating culture in college. She's looking for something pretty serious. In fact she is holding on to her virginity until marriage due to her religious beliefs.
If she cheats on me she's a hypocrite. If she dumps me, fair enough. But since she still says I Love You, I assume she doesn't want to.

I actually agree with you, which is why I want to nip it in the bud. And yes, they are my issues. I don't want her to stay with me out of feeling she'd be leaving me with them, I want her to do what makes her happy.
However I don't want her cheating on me, obviously. If she breaks up with me fair enough. But she hasn't given any reason to actually, which is why I'm so confused.

So why are all the guys telling me he is better than me, then? That she's planning to dump me any moment now? Great confidence boost that.

This is related to two other threads I've recently made, on fears she will leave and stigma of men expressing emotion or asking for help.

Basically, my lady has a guy friend. She met him earlier this year, and she sees him a lot since he is doing her subject.

He's called 'Superman'. This nickname gets to me. He doesn't quite look like Clark Kent, but it feels very flirty and he's quite good-looking. Personally I think better-looking than me.

Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy. He seems smart, confident, funny, down to earth, up for a laugh, we're into a lot of the same things (I feel like he knows more). I don't want to hold anything against him, but yesterday when we were in his company, it felt like
a) she talked much more to him (and they're both bubbly so bounce off each other, whereas I'm slow-witted, some might say stupid at times)
b) she seemed to enjoy his company more, again whether this is true or not I again do not know
c) She laughed a lot at his jokes. A lot. I didn't even bother competing, I just joined in.
He is a naturally funny guy. Again I think, he must be more fun to be around then, she'll enjoy his company more etc.
I've never felt very funny even though my dad (LOL) says I am and so does she

One which really riles me (besides her glee when 'Superman! ' texts) is when we were playing Mario Kart in the pub. She had a really great time, so perhaps I shouldn't complain. But they said 'it was gettig hotter and hotter in there', she said 'I never knew I had so much power in me!' (first time playing videogames, got competitive etc.) and she then talked to him about this girl at a party who asked him out and said 'did they know you were taken?'
This was all said as we all walked to the bus stop together. I didn't say much.

He is currently seeing someone else as inferred, but I can tell that my girlfriend likes him. Whether as a friend or more, I don't know. I sensed sexual tension between the two of them and possible flirting, that I don't feel on quite the same level when I'm with her (but then I'm basing this off one incident).
On principle my girlfriend should not get with him regardless of cheating on me, because she is religious and believes in the sanctity of love and marriage. I would hope she sticks to those principles because her integrity is one of the reasons I love her

Despite this, when I left them there for two hours while I had to attend a lecture-I had a gnawing sensation I was going to come back to the pub and find them on top of each other on the pub sofa, hands all over each other. (I didn't, but who knows what went on in those last two hours?) This was before she said these things (it wasn't all flirty, some friendly, but I picked out the three most memorable moments

I told my girlfriend how I felt (about the feeling awkward with Superman, not her cheating on me) and she reassured me that I'm a cool guy too etc,. I've already asked about him before and she said 'she's just a friend' (like they all say)




edit: I should add that I am a certified paranoid. TSR knows me too well now, might as well et it out of the blue, I have an anxiety disorder in case you didn't guess already.
I shouldn't let this consume and define me but unfortunately that's not always easy. Especially when my anxiety interferes with things like socialising (can't drink much for example, and get a bit nervous clubbing in town or walking through the city at night)

Since this incident my girlfriend has talked to me, texted I Love Yous, cuddled me and told me I smell great and I'm not losing her anytime soon, and has excitedly requested we go on many planned dates such as upcoming concert tickets for both of us.


I personally fearthat they
. She likes my company, affection and the presents I give her, but she's waiting to go off with him when he breaks up.
However there's no proof of this and I do have a history of severe anxiety of the tinfoil hat variety :P
For example my 'gut instinct' has told me that

-I will have a heart attack for going to bed at 2AM or eating a pizza
-The police are going to come and arrest me one day, usually around 11 in the morning, as I'm chilling in my jimmies eating Weetabix, oh what a clumsy fool I am for chilling
-There is a massive conspiracy in school where everyone knows I'm now 'crazy' (after my diagnosis of GAD) and is a bit scared but have all been told in an assembly that they should be nice to me and not let me in on it
-Everyone in work is talking about me, laughing behind my back, and my boss is looking for ways to humiliate me and give me the sack
-At my worst I suspected the Illuminati were watching

I'm not sure how to feel, it's her choice who she socialises with, not mine. But in my partanoia-ridden and not necessarily true thoughtsit feels as if they will grow closer day by day, until she finally breaks it off with me. It makes me question who she's thinking of when she cuddles me.

Again this is despite us having proclaimed love, she's told me such things as 'you'd be a great dad ', various dreams about us which I'm not at liberty to say, and having been together for 7 months. Throughout the whole time she has been aware of my anxiety and helped me with it.

It's not all to do with physical things

a) I felt he was funnier
b) He seemed more knowledgeable
c) Yes the looks thing came into play (naturally good-looking, I don't think he worked out or anything, in fact he was admitted to being involved in some dare with his younger sister to give up chocolate for a week, which he was struggling with :P
d) This is going to sound silly, but...I may sleep worse than him, which means less energy, which is due to anxiety putting me in a constant state of fatigue, and I seem to think it's a weakness
e) As I already mentioned, basically I feel weak and inferior for having been diagnosed with a mental illness and a learning disability. Dyspraxia from a young age, anxiety for 3 years.
She knows all of this and is supportive!

She's still texting I Love Yous and Do you want to go do X thing?
I'm very confused.
I am trying to give her space

I'm hoping I don't really neglect myself all the time. I'm also hoping I'm not being self-piteous
I'm wondering whether my logic even makes sense, it's like I'm weighing me and Superman up.
'Good Looking+Funny; with someone else' vs 'Sweet, Smart, Caring and Kinda Cute and Funny Tbh; think I'm In Love'

Here's a question: do people say I Love You (not 'love ya') when they don't really mean and are planning to dump you any day? Or am I applying the lowest common denominator of society as the general rule?
After 7 months together, I think I should start trusting her more.

x