Is it normal to have mixed feelings about your relationship?

My boyfriend and I have been going out for 3 months and everything is going fine but we have been taking things slow. However, sometimes I feel confused about how I feel and I don't even know why. It's like sometimes I feel really happy about everything and feel that everything is going well, but soon after I feel a bit depressed about the relationship and start to have negative thoughts like actually it's never going anywhere and maybe he actually doesn't like me and I start doubting my own feelings for him. Sometimes there is something behind it, for example one day he will come and visit me and we will talk and I feel close to him. Then he won't contact me at all for a couple of days and just sends me a blunt message saying good morning like he is just doing it cause he has to. When this happens I feel like I have done something wrong or he is trying to distance himself from me. I often get annoyed/ frustrated because I feel like he isn't trying hard enough to keep things going. But then I think I'm just being insecure and needy or getting too attached to him but I don't want to get like that. Other times there will be no reason and everything is fine between us, but I still sometimes feel down about things because it just doesn't feel right even though I know I really like him. It affects my studying and then I feel guilty for letting myself get distracted but I can't help feeling like this sometimes. :confused:

Reply 1

silverbolt

That sounds of an insecurity issue.

But yes its normal to have doubts - to me it seems a bit more real if there are logical doubts - but doubts can be overcome

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I don't know if it is normal but I experience the same things. It's complicated because after the summer we had together, it is now an LDR in different time zones.

Reply 3

Studentus-anonymous

Some people (a lot even) just don't enjoy being in each others pockets 24/7.

Just because he is a bit less communicative for a few days between seeing you isn't in and of itself some big warning sign, maybe he just likes his alone time (which has nothing to do with disliking you).

If it is seriously bothering you, just calmly and lightly ask him what's up, if you need to just state you're the kind of person who usually likes to talk a lot or whatever.

A lot of people feel insecure in their relationships, it's a case of keeping it within manageable and reasonable levels, which you don;t seem to have gone beyond.

You're in that phase where you are figuring each other out, what ticks and yes, where the relationship is going. So it is natural to ask yourself these things. Just don't obsess about them too much and you'll be fine, remember to maintain your own life and interests. If you find yourself thinknig too much about him or the relationship and you feel it's making you uncomfortable for no real reason, try and distract yourself with one of your hobbies or friends.

Maintaining that healthy individuality and separation of your own personality from the 'other' of the relationship, both areas of your life will benefit. :smile:

Best of luck OP.

Reply 4

Lotus_Eater

If you don't mind me asking, is this your first relationship? Forgive me if I'm wrong but it sounds like you're coping with the sort of issues that are very common when you're finding your feet in the dating world.

I think that if you basically like the guy, go with the flow for a bit longer and then worry about the communication stuff when things get more serious.

As a general rule (which I broke repeatedly for years), make sure you don't get overly invested in relationships. It's great to through yourself in there but if it's getting to the point where small things can trigger depressive moods then that's something to try and tackle. It's lovely when a relationship works out but make sure you can cope if it doesn't - so don't neglect friends and try and see studying as time for yourself that's entirely separate from your boyfriend.

Reply 5

stargirl63

The lack of communication with my ex is one of the reasons why I couldn't be with him any longer. I need more attention in a relationship and you need to be with someone who is similar and wants to give that attention to you. I spoke to him a lot about how he didnt make an effort and he claimed that he wanted to "miss me" so used to go 4-5-6 days without saying a word to me. A lot of my texts even were just unanswered. His excuse was that when we do speak, we would have something to say, which, as much as it made sense, was not practical because it meant something would happen at work on Monday, be resolved on Tuesday/Wednesday and he would miss the whole thing. And even with not speaking for those days, he still didn't have much to say, "same old, same old" was his favourite phase.

Now I'm with someone who does give me at least a 20 minute conversation on the phone everyday, which I like, to me it shows that he cares. Obviously, this isn't the only way to show this, but it's what I like.

Just think to yourself OP if this is something that you can continue with long term, speak to him and ask him and tell him that you would appreciate if he made a bit more of an effort.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Thank you for all the replies so far - been really helpful. Yeah it is my first relationship. Just to give a better example - right now happens to be one of the times when I am feeling confused about things. We saw each other on Wednesday, everything was going very well and he even gave me a little present as a surprise. On Thursday I sent him a good morning message (every morning we send good morning <3 xxx on facebook) and he replied but no other contact that day, not even how are you. On Friday, he sent me the usual good morning message but no other contact all day so I messaged him at night to say hi and see if everything was ok and we had a very short conversation. Then this morning he sent me just good morning :smile:

without anything else (which is the first time ever he hasn't put a heart). I was confused about this, but eventually I just sent good morning <3. And that's it, no reply like how are you today. And we were possibly going to be seeing each other today but I have a feeling he won't be contacting me. I can't think of anything that could have triggered this - maybe I did something wrong and I don't know it, but we left each other on good terms last time and I thought everything was going well. These sort of things happen fairly often and I think it's down to lack of communication but sometimes he doesn't even realise it. I talked to him recently about how I felt, after a similar thing happened when we were supposed to be meeting up but I said if you don't want to meet up today I won't mind (because it was late) and he just replied "ok" and left it at that. After I talked to him, I realised he wasn't being blunt on purpose, but he is just like that sometimes without meaning it, and it's obvious he was trying to improve after that. Then after a few days of it getting better, even though it seemed forced, it went back to normal. But yeah I am actually quite upset about the situation right now. I either feel like we are really close and things are going well and then suddenly I feel like he is slowly building up to telling me we should split up. Don't know what to do because I really like him and want it to work.

Reply 7

thatrollingstone

God. Why are girls so needy?

The guy is the type that doesn't want to waste time on repetitive phone and text conversations every day. For some people, the only genuine way of interaction with the people they are fond of is in person, including me.

I am not a needy guy, and while I would respond to my girlfriend's texts generally. I don't feel there is a need to keep connected or talk about how my day has gone all the time. These conversations would bore the hell out of me!

Subbed

Original post by thatrollingstone

Maybe you are right, but everyone is different and I don't think I'm being unreasonable. Some girlfriends text their boyfriend every few hours or more, checking on them and asking what they are doing. We don't even talk on the phone and I don't mind that. All I would like is for him to make a little more effort to communicate. That's what being in a relationship is all about. You are supposed to be there for each other and make an effort, instead of one person wondering if the other even cares sometimes. Plus, we hardly ever see each other because of work/ uni so that makes it even more important to communicate when we are not together.

Reply 10

dBousfield

This is the exact reason my relationship ended, although I wasn't as blunt as you say your boyfriend is at times, I was busy with my A-levels and sometimes just didn't have the time to stay connected 24/7. I think it's an insecurity thing, and I don't mean that to offend you in anyway. Both me and my partner were insecure during our relationship, thinking one another was too good for each other, but she was insecure to the point where she'd question whether I'd be better off without her and ultimately things like that tend to break away. Just try to be more positive. It could just be that you two differ, and if that seems a persistent problem then that's for you to decide. But ultimately I'm sure you'll be fine as it just seems like he's busy :smile:

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