Checking your partner's phone, reading their texts...

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I'd never go through my friends texts so why would I do it to a boyfriend?

I've just got out of one of those relationships and they're not worth it. If they don't trust each other enough not to read each other's phones then they probably shouldn't be together...

Reply 22

SAK.A

Relationships are based on trust, if you trust them then there is no need.

Reply 23

Drogue

Original post by Anabolicminds

only on TSR, that it is more acceptable to cheat on ur partner than check their phone...

No-one said that. The OP asked whether it was acceptable to check your partner's phone without them knowing, she didn't ask for views on cheating, which I think we all automatically assume is wrong. Believing it's wrong to check your partner's phone doesn't mean thinking cheating is ok.

Not that the guy in the OP's post cheated anyway, he just remained in contact with a girl his gf asked him not to.

Reply 24

Swarley Stinson

What if you don't find anything though?
Pretty sure I'd immediately dump any girl creepy enough to invade on my privacy like that.

Reply 25

Anonymous #2

I figured out my ex was cheating by looking through their texts If i hadn't i would still be ignorant to their unfaithfulness.

Reply 26

Bungasy111

Hi, I suspected that my partner was reading my messages without me knowing for years, but I could never be sure.
There is an iPhone app in the App store called Message Spy that allows you to discover if this is happening, without the culprit knowing that they have been caught out.
https://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/message-spy/id544212028?mt=8

Reply 27

joker12345

Original post by dkuni

If someone was neurotic and self centered enough to need proof because they've decided im not telling them the truth, I'd drop them in a second. Anyone that insecure has issues they need to work out themselves. The same goes for going through my phone, if you dont believe me you have zero trust in me and the relationship's not worth it. You don't need to touch my ****ing phone to see that.

I wonder how guilty people would actually feel if they checked their bf's texts and found nothing, or whether they'd even acknowledge the fact that they thought **** all about their bf and **** all about his privacy and do the same next time their neurosis started itching away

Even if you do trust someone, if they feel they need to hide things from you it'll make then question that trust. Plus, there's always a difference between thinking you believe someone and actually knowing.

Reply 28

raf123321

if you are suspicious then you may as well, you may never be able to find another way to proove it, so if looking at their texts is the only way, then why not? better than just having to sit there till they leave you

I don't think there's a uniform rule, but I think most people would say it's wrong.

Personally, maybe I'm just weird, I kinda like my boyfriend reading my phone or messages. Whether he asks or not. Once or twice I've actually deliberately left my phone out or my facebook logged in for him to see. I have no idea if he actually looked at anything or not, but I kinda like the idea of him seeing for himself that I have nothing to hide. I don't know, am I the only one that feels this way? :hmmmm2:

I feel like jealousy is pretty natural, and I'd like him feel that I'm pretty transparent in everything I do. I legitimately wouldn't be angry if I came back and saw him reading my messages.

Reply 31

lighterthanAyer

Original post by Swarley Stinson

What if you don't find anything though?
Pretty sure I'd immediately dump any girl creepy enough to invade on my privacy like that.

This

. On a more practical note, just make sure your bf/gf doesn't know your PIN/unlocking code.. it would kinda help :rolleyes:

Reply 32

ilex_noemi

Original post by Anonymous

I figured out my ex was cheating by looking through their texts If i hadn't i would still be ignorant to their unfaithfulness.

Yep same here, I'm glad that I did. I had my suspicions though.

Original post by theorangebox

I feel like jealousy is pretty natural, and I'd like him feel that I'm pretty transparent in everything I do. I legitimately wouldn't be angry if I came back and saw him reading my messages.

I feel the same! I don't get what the problem is if you've got nothing to hide!
I've even swapped facebook passwords with partners in the past.
The one that refused to was actually the one that cheated on me so it is now actually alarm bells to me when someone is too secretive.
I haven't got my current boyfriends password or anything, but if I did I wouldn't use it, it's just a trust thing. For instance he doesn't care when I have his phone. I don't go through it, but I COULD which means that he's very unlikely to be hiding anything if he's comfortable with me having it.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 33

joker12345

Original post by theorangebox

I feel like jealousy is pretty natural, and I'd like him feel that I'm pretty transparent in everything I do. I legitimately wouldn't be angry if I came back and saw him reading my messages.

I'm exactly the same! I wouldn't mind it and if he asks if he can look at something I'll always say yes because I see no reason to hide. By being in a relationship you're opening up your life to someone so I don't see why that excludes your texts.

Reply 34

Yakob

If my girlfriend checked my phone, her entire perception of me would change dramatically.

Reply 35

whatisthis47

After seeing what my sister went through with her husband, I'd say do it if you have reason to be suspicious. He and a female friend of his were exchanging "inappropriate messages" (my sister's words) to each other. I think they were sexting. She was in her early stages of pregnancy at the time but she didn't realise and she was so close to telling him she wanted a divorce (this wasn't the first thing he had done) until she found out about le baby. It's almost been a year and a half since it happened and they're still together but I'm not sure if this issue has been resolved.

Reply 36

doodle_333

never okay...

if you feel the need to check your relationship is in trouble anyway as you can't trust your partner, I once saw a text that my OH really shouldn't have sent (by accident, he had his phone out in front of me scrolled down, I saw the first line which looked BADDD) I didn't even ask to see the rest of the text and I've never asked to see since

Im very insecure as a girlfriend but I think A. if I can't trust my partner then I shouldn't be with him and B. checking is just giving into my insecurities and giving them power and validation rather than ignoring them

Reply 37

Plumstone

In my opinion, if you get to the point where you feel the need to check each other's text messages then the relationship has already failed.

Reply 38

donutaud15

it's not really the best thing to do but can understand why someone would do it.

I have my husband's passwords and vice versa but don't really check it, it's just more convenient sometimes when either of us needs to find something.

Posted from TSR Mobile

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 39

lizlaz350

I knew a couple who had each other's passwords for everything and regularly checked them because they trusted each other that little. It's sad really.

If you have real reason to suspect something then I suppose it's best to check but it's definitely not good if you're doing it as a regular thing and I agree that when you get to the stage that you're having to check then things are probably quite bad.

It's not something I've ever done, I'd probably see something innocent and misinterpret it or if I did see something I didn't want to then I'd just be unhappy and I don't know if it's better just to be ignorant? I don't know. I know my boyfriend wouldn't want to either - I gave him my twitter password once because I wanted my tweets set on private and I was out and he was so uncomfortable with it. He made it clear that he hadn't looked at anything and asked me to change my password straight away because he didn't like knowing it.