First post.
First thread.
I REALLY NEED SOME ADVICE, ANY CRITICISM IS GREATLY APPRECIATED
Bit of background info about me:
I'm 17, male. My mother died 08/06/10 and since then I have gradually become more anxious and depressed. I used to love school, I was actually doing year 9 maths in year 6. I was excelling. But since she died I had a complete relapse in my school work, forever being behind in coursework/homework.
Where I am now:
For my AS I scraped by with 2 D's and a Pass. Now I have just started my second year of A Levels. I am studying Drama, Media (BTEC) and Photography.
I'm drastically behind in my school work. My father/teacher think I have completed 6 photo shoots, I haven't even finished my first one.
I had 2 large media reports due, 4 days ago, which I still haven't finished.
Frankly, Drama is complete ****. (Sorry if profanity is frowned upon) It makes my social anxiety rocket through the roof. I'm forced to present myself in front of people in the class. When it comes to the two large performances at the end of each year, it is the second worst thing I've experienced. (First being my mothers death)
For 4 months leading up to my AS Year performances I was increasingly fantasizing and multiple suicide methods, even how to make it appear as an accident, to prevent guilt in my father. I don't even know what stopped me from doing it.
Today:
It is my 10th day on my first SSRI medication called Zoloft (Sertraline). I've been feeling a little bit happier in general, but my anxiety has gone through the roof. I've been so agitated that I can't stop chucking a tennis ball against the wall in my room. I was prescribed 14 x 2mg Diazepam (Valium) to help with this, however it doesn't really do much.
Anyway, because of this new medication and heightened anxiety I have not been to school for the past two weeks, and at this rate I don't think I will be going in next week.
The grand Decision:
I have a few options of what I could at this moment in time.
First of all let me tell you the two paths I have on option.
1. I will stay in the UK and work several different jobs to satisfy my own personal interest.
2. I will move to the Netherlands and complete a 4 year university bachelors degree.
Sorry if I have rambled but this is the finale of my boring post.
I cant go and study in the Netherlands if I don't complete my second year.
And relieving 60% of my anxiety by leaving school and starting work. I believe the reinforced routine and the same colleagues won't be as bad as being in school.
Please give me some advice, what do you think I should do next?