Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

i'm just so exhausted of fighting against my head that i've basically stopped fighting it, i'm just focussing on making it to the end of the semester, passing my exams with a decent grade, and then i'll spend the christmas break re-evaluating and having a think about things

also horrific timing of a family crisis going on at the moment, so not exactly the best time to suddenly start leaning on my parents for support, so its basically just me and the counsellor working against this with a little bit of help from my personal tutor/a very close friend every now and then.

just so hard to keep moving forwards.

Having been open to the forum about several of my irrational thoughts and demands on myself it's been decided that I'm

-going to have my girlfriend leave me for another guy
'really pathetic'
-'boring'
-'retarded'
-a troll I wish I was trolling

Well that backfired. I think I'm going to have to lie low for a bit.
Good luck guys.

But at least you have looked at this potentially dangerous scenario and thought, "I am vulnerable right now. It is easy to resort to self-harm and starvation once more" - but instead you are taking the more hardworking, healing, dutiful approach that makes sure you focus on your goals.

The instant response to getting low and feeling alone is to let the incredibly broken bit of your head rule you, and hurt you more. Instead you're letting the rational side of your mind do the legwork, and good on you for that.

Riku, regarding your last message, I have no idea what you mean by this. We are constantly telling you that you're the victim of your own constant paranoia and that you have to work on your self confidence issues. I see you across the mental health boards asking the same questions continuously and it seems like whatever answer you get, you still want to ask again! I know sometimes you want to cry for help again and again but occasionally the loudest shout for answers is the one you do internally - and not a demand, but a request, asking YOURSELF why you find yourself so lacking. It seems as though on the outside you're simply calling yourself every derogatory statement under the sun, and to be frank, that's as irrational as you can be. Clearly your fears stem from a singular or more central point, so try to focus on that as opposed to saying you're daft, stupid, unwanted, upside down and inside out. You know you're not, and continuously saying the same thing over and over again will only yield the same answers from your pals here my bud.

Well you're listening to the wrong people. Listen to people like me! We care and we're trying to help. Your girlfriend won't leave you for another guy. If she leaves, it's because of your irrational thoughts. As I keep saying, guys and girls can be friends and nothing will happen between them.

Sorry guys, I meant to say when I asked people outside of here, MH support etc. Toto have a look at the responses to one of my latest threads about 'is it OK to chill or do you feel you're letting people down'

But yes I agree and it's up me to change all of this the questions I'm asking are getting so ridiculous they will seem like trolling.

You are NOT a bad guy. No, beyond that - you're not a bad person in any capacity. In fact I would say that any person with the capability to be SO empathetic, SO sympathetic, and SO overcritical over any aspect of their life - well, those people ironically care too much. It's the overuse and constant criticism which eventually makes them ugly in the end, even if the entire time they'd been beautiful, smart and assured. That self-doubt taints the mind, which in turn taints the body, and soon you end up taking the form you never thought you would just because the constant scrutiny has shredded you.

Your problem is that you, like many of us here - you care way, WAY too much. And yes - that is a bad thing, and yes - it's harder to scale back than it is for a heartless person to learn how to care (if a man is never aware there was a window, then whatever was outside would never bother him, but the man who stares out of the window every second of the day has to learn to forget, or at least lessen the memory of what he's seen).

But it is definitely possible, and we have a lot of great success stories here on our thread here.

Oh just great. Not specifically ED but I need some support.

Oh just great. Not specifically ED but I need some support.

I'm so glad you've stopped blaming yourself and realised you're wonderful as you are!
Keep your head up and carry on until you find someone who deserves you.
I'm sorry to hear about the panic attacks, they're horrible and can be so unpredictable. I find that conscious breathing exercises can really help...just a minute or two in my day when I'm sitting round waiting for something I focus on taking d-e-e-e-e-e-p breaths (breathing in 4 seconds, holding for 4, releasing for 4 and repeating) slows my heart rate and when I feel an attack coming on I know to switch to this exercise quickly and it usually helps (unless it's a particularly nasty attack!). If you can train yourself to do something which you associate with slowing down and being calm, it can really help
Stay positive! x

Well done on your realisation that someone that hurts you like this is nothing to covet. Life is too short to spend it inflicting pain on yourself, or allowing yourself to be weak enough for someone else to do it to you. Only through realising your follies do you slap yourself a few times and say, "wow, what am I doing?!" - your love is just as valuable as any other's love - the problem is, those that accept it may never view it with the same value as you do. This is why love is such a circumstance-based commodity - give it as it's deserved, reserve it when it's not, so when you do give someone your heart, it feels so much more special.

Hello precious peoples!

Hope I'm not crossing mediums here with my question since it involves alcoholism, but I'd like some perspective/advice on my situation as it stands. I will try and be as brief as possible (sidenote: anyone else find it hard to be succinct when describing their current circumstance with their ED? Always feel like I could witter on forever and still not cover all of what's going on and what has already gone on...guess that's what the professionals mean when they describe EDs as complex...anyhoo)

Basically after a period of 'good' recovery (for context I mean months if not years), I slid quite dramatically without any real conscious effort on my part and became not drastically but nonetheless significantly underweight. I was in no position to deal with that until my other co-morbid issues had been dealt with..after that I went on a 'get myself back on track' mission to gain back the lost weight and continue with life. However I found that my weight restoration was not happening as easily as it had done on previous occasions (terrifying though that was). To get to the point, I have now found myself in a position where I know I need to be eating a great deal more and want to do so, however alcohol has become a huge issue in giving me the dutch courage to do so. But I fear it is now somewhat spiraling out of control.

For context, I have had problems with alcohol and substance abuse in the past but these had been nipped in the bud before they became drastic (perhaps because at the time they interfered with my ED, after all alcohol has calories!). But now it's got to a stage where I can't eat until I'm too hammered to care. It's also progressing to life in general, for example a few days ago my mum offered to drive me to and from work because it was very frosty (I'm a pants driver), and my first thought was 'great! I can have a drink in the morning then..I can even take some to work with me to have on break!'. To be frank that's not even the worst of it but I won't waffle any further!

So basically that's my experience with alcohol and ED as it stands. I don't have a particular question, just wondered if any others had any input or wanted to air their own grievances on the topic.

Thanks and love to all x