Housemates boyfriend never leaves

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My landlord specifically put it in our contracts that this is not allowed. Check yours. He was like "you know it's bad when you get letters addressed to the boyfriend/girlfriend."
Though, I'm not saying it's bad because he's just staying around, but because it is obviously causing some sort of nuisance to bills and general space as he's there permanently. At least if they would alternate to each others but it doesn't look like it even after you've spoken to them.

Original post by Anonymous

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 21

FlavaFavourFruit

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

Because it's shared housing. She lives there, and if she wants he r boyfriend over, there's nothing wrong with that. He should contribute, but aside from that there's nothing wrong with it

With that logic, she can let her mum stay in the house too, bring her whole family eh!!

Reply 22

DorianGrayism

Original post by FlavaFavourFruit

With that logic, she can let her mum stay in the house too, bring her whole family eh!!

Haha. That did make me laugh.

Reply 23

username1060288

Send him an invoice for his share of the bills. Be polite, professional and assertive. Don't make it into a drama and let it build up into something huge,simple say, you stayed X number of days therefore this is the heating/elec for your share..the end.

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Reply 24

Ribbits

Original post by OU Student

I don't know about you; but I'd be rather pissed if someone who isn't part of the house, was suddenly staying almost every single day.

(Not just directed at you, but everyone against people staying):
I don't see the big deal - apart from the bills which everyone agrees is completely unfair and they should be made to either pay a fair share or leave.

If you remove the problem of bills though, should people have an issue with others staying over longer term? This is my fifth winter at my shared house and I have seen many people stay here for months at a time without paying rent. Each room is inidivually rented and our rent is all bills inclusive - so it makes no difference to bills whether someone has a 'guest' secretly living with them.
As long as they are respectful of shared areas/appliances I don't mind. The point is my housemate, for whatever reason, wants this person living with them for however long and can't/doesn't want to waste the money on moving somewhere else.
So what's it to me if I let them? It doesn't cause me any harm, but is helpful to them (most people keep to their own rooms most of the time anyway). Even if we're not close, I live with them so I have a kind of regard for them.

Paying for their electricity though, is another matter.

Reply 25

EllieAntWarrior

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

Don't be a dick and **** up someone's relationship just because you're not in one. This kind of stuff happens in shared houses, if you don't like it live on your own. Sorry but that's how it is

Yeah, letting other unwilling people within the house pay your living costs and behaving aggressively is perfectly okay.....
:doh:

Reply 26

Joaqueem

Think you need to take a leaf out of Sheldons book and write up a roommate agreement :awesome:

Reply 27

lizlaz350

Original post by Anonymous

I moved into a new house in september with two of my previous housemates. Basically one of them has a boyfriend who last year started staying over at the house but then during the easter holidays he spent the entire week and then didn't really live. He never contributed to bills so the 4 of us were basically paying for 5 people to live in the house as he showered/cooked/washed his clothes at our house much to our annoyance.

We mentioned this issue before we moved into this new house and were told he wouldn't be staying as much as he did last year and that they would split their time between each others houses. Within the first month of us living here it started happening again, so my housemate apologised and said he had contributed money towards the gas and electric meter (this money none of us ever saw and wasn't ever actually put on the meter)

We are at the point now where his boyfriend is staying in the house monday to friday and goes on the weekends because my housemate goes back to his hometown to work. So he is essentially living here the same amount of time as my housemate who pays bills and rent.

He has started treating this like its his house, which fair enough he want him to feel comfortable at his boyfriends house etc but its getting beyond ridiculous. He has twice now when intoxicated been aggressive towards a female housemate and another female friend, which has caused us to not feel comfortable having him in our home ALL THE TIME.

We are at the point now where we are going through so much gas/electric now having 6 people living in a 5 bedroom house we can't go on much longer. We've tried to mention it to them without much notice being taken. Not really sure what else we can do. Is it worth trying to get our housemate on his own (which is near impossible as they are glued to each other) to tell him how we are sick of his boyfriend essentially living here and not contributing to anything, or should we go straight to our landlord about the fact he is illegally living in our home which is in breech of our tenancy agreement?

You've mentioned it to your housemate enough times and nothing has happened, go to your landlord about it. It's not fair that you're having to pay more money because of them.

It might be harsh but you're the ones paying for him so who cares what they think?

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

Don't be a dick and **** up someone's relationship just because you're not in one. This kind of stuff happens in shared houses, if you don't like it live on your own. Sorry but that's how it is

Don't be ridiculous. The problem isn't the boyfriend coming over, it's the fact that he basically lives there and THEY'RE the ones paying for it.

Doing something about it would not ruin the relationship. They can still see each other without him living in the house and he can still come round without living in the house. If they want to live together so much, he should get rid of the other accommodation he's paying for and actually pay towards the accommodation he's living in instead of making the poor housemates pay for him.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 28

nic-nac

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

Allowing someone to visit is one thing, but when they're clearly making a considerable difference to the bills then they should contribute. Did you miss the part where op said the boyfriend had been agressive towards the female housemates? Both of these are totally unacceptable and they're probably in breach of their contract. If op can't be any more assertive with this person without getting aggressive then the landlord might be the best option. When you're not even in shared housing, why are you even commenting so much, most people are agreeing that your comments/advice are useless.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 29

Viva Emptiness

I had this happen to me a few years back - I invited my uni friend to move into my flat as I had just come out of a long-term, live-in relationship and needed the extra money. We went to a festival together a few months later where she met her boyfriend, AND HE MOVED STRAIGHT INTO MY HOUSE THAT WEEK. I didn't mind at first because we all got on and it was kind of fun, but after a while they would just hole up in her room and be anti-social. The last straw came when he had his own key to my flat and just let himself in after work when she wasn't ever there. He never paid a penny towards my heating/electricity/water bill, and when I mentioned that I thought he had been around too much, they moved out 2 weeks later leaving me in the lurch. Well, we're not friends now, but I sympathise with your situation. It can be really uncomfortable and people tend to get defensive when they know they're in the wrong. Definitely talk to the landlord if nothing's happened - maybe ALL talk to him together. I hope it gets sorted!

Reply 30

Get_Lucky_606

Yeah this would annoy me to no end, nothing wrong with having people to visit but it is inconsiderate to be there all the time. And it's funny to see people saying you should put up with it, clearly they don't know what it's like to live in shared housing.

Reply 31

xoxAngel_Kxox

I would find this incredibly annoying. It's okay to have a partner over every now and again, but if he's practically living there then he should either be on the tenancy agreement or at least pay towards electric etc. Personally, it depends on how close you are to this housemate. If you're not all that close anyway then personally I'd let the landlord know. Yeah she might be annoyed, but you've paid for this house so it's not fair.

Reply 32

Lotus_Eater

I'm surprised there hasn't been more concern expressed for the boyfriend's aggression. Effectively housemates are ultimately responsible for the conduct of anyone they invite back to the house and this is clearly too much and deserves a significant apology. People should not feel threatened in their own home. At the very least, I think it diminishes the need to bend over backwards to these people.

I would recommend to the OP that the whole house sits them down and explain that the bills for the last term need to be split on the basis on a sixth each, rather than a fifth. If they say they won't pay then you say you'll have no choice but to go to the landlady.

In my second year I stayed for a fortnight at my then-girlfriend's house and when I left I put some money into their household account, cooked quite extravagantly for them on four occasions, and left them all some wine once I'd gone - I was also careful to only have a shower when there was no question of anyone else needing it, and generally made an effort to be as low-key a presence as I could. I think this was the least I could do since I didn't have a right to be there. I would have expected any guest in my shared house to do something similar.

Reply 33

donutaud15

he has to pay his share and respect others but other than that I don't see why he couldn't stay. I appreciate that 5 days a week is a lot but they may have a reason why he's staying that much.

I was in similar situation to the boyfriend a few years back but I paid my share of the bills and generally just stayed in my husband's room. Had my own place but I had personal reasons for staying with him a lot.

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Reply 34

username242140

The landlord is your best bet, but you'll cause an almighty **** storm! Be prepared to fall out with them. A similar situation occurred in my shared house (not quite as extreme as your situation) and the relative parties haven't spoken since.

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Reply 35

danny111

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

Don't be a dick and **** up someone's relationship just because you're not in one. This kind of stuff happens in shared houses, if you don't like it live on your own. Sorry but that's how it is

First dumb post I've seen you write.

Why are you so aggressive towards OP? The guys he is talking about are completely out of line, and in fact they're being the dickheads.

If they want to ****ing live together then get their own ****ing house. It's as simple as that.

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

So what? Why does it matter? I hate people who ruin things for others.

The irony is that the two are ruining for 4 other people.

I'm starting to think this is not something you're impartial to, have you been in a similar situation?

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

No, I live with my boyfriend in our flat.

I just don't see why people get so annoyed :dontknow:

I get he should pay bills, but him just being there shouldn't be cause for anyone to be angry

Actually it should, there is a contract that says these 5 live there together. Not these 6. When these 5 decided to live together they didn't want an extra guy there.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 36

M1011

Original post by Anonymous

We are at the point now where we are going through so much gas/electric now having 6 people living in a 5 bedroom house we can't go on much longer.

This made me laugh.

Over sensationalising the situation at all?

Reply 37

danny111

Original post by Ribbits

You should, because the facilities were meant for a certain number of people. Imagine suddenly everyone had one more person, how stupidly crowded would it be?

Not to mention that what you are describing definitely sounds illegal.