A semi-friends ex and me???

So I have recently gone on a date with this guy and I REALLY like him! We get on so well and I really think it could go somewhere (although I am not so niave that I think he will be the love of my life and we will go off into the sunset etc.). We have been on one date but have known each other for about a 3 months. No kissing, but he put his arm round me and we did snuggle for a while (Excuse me while I cringe at what I have just written ).

However my problem is is that he used to go out with a semi-friend of mine. When I say semi-friend I mean someone I wouldn't feel comfortable in a room alone with but we have some of the same friends. He went out with her for 5 and a half months and then they split up (which happened to be the second time I had met either of them). I then got really close with him but I knew the break up had been fairly recent and both were hurting a bit so didn't do anything and planned not to for a while and even then I am not sure I would have done anything due to my severe lack of confidence. However a month and a few days after they break up he essentially asks me out. We had seen each other before in groups and played tennis a few times just together (because we both love it and live near each other so it wasn't uncommon for us to go out together just the two of us) and then he said what was i doing monday, i said nothing, he said fancying going into town, I said sure why not and then he took me to the cinema and then to a restaurant and paid for it all , so basically a date. His ex (who I still know) found out and wasn't best pleased because despite cheating on him numerous times and treating him really badly, she still likes him (which I didnt know). She was ignored me the next day and was obviously upset but to be fair to her she has started talking to me again and things are getting back to normal.

But I guess I need help. I am 18 (so is he) and I REALLY like him so I won't be kicking him out of my life (as suggested by a close friend of mine) even if he just wants to be friends I won't kick him out. BUt I don't want his ex to be upset, I feel so guilty because I convinced myself it wasn't a date (bad I Know!) but should I talk to her, talk to him and suggest just going back to tennis for the time being or carry on dating him?? I feel guilty enough already ....

She's not a proper friend, so don't worry about what she thinks. If you refused to date anyone that any random acquaintance had ever dated then your dating pool would be extremely small. If you like this guy and think it could go somewhere, I'm sure you can endure a bit of huffing on this girls part. Chances are she'll get a new boyfriend and get over it pretty quickly anyway.

Not sure why you're bothered what she thinks. It's not like you two were best mates.

If she's not a friend, what's the problem? You are acquaintances so you have no loyalty to them. If it was a close friend of yours, that's bit different, but I think if he asks you out, just go for it!

Thanks guys this has been really helpful. The reason I have been doubting my choices is that 3 close friends have told me that they think I am doing the wrong thing. I just really hope she does get over it and doesn't turn too many people against me

Anyway thanks guys

Thanks for your help! I agree but 3 close friends of mine told me they thought i was wrong so I was reconsidering. But I just hope she moves on and doesn't turn too many people against me

Thank you

Thanks for your help! I agree but 3 close friends of mine told me they thought i was wrong so I was reconsidering. But I just hope she moves on and doesn't turn too many people against me

Thank you

You said you're 18, are you at college or uni or anything?

When I first meant my boyfriend, loads of people were telling me over and over again that he isn't worth it. But I did give him a chance. I risked my friendships with my friends. My close friends. I could have lost them because I ignored their advice. But giving him a chance is the best thing I've ever done (cheesy I know!) He isn't at all what people made him out to be. But like I said, I could have lost my friendships, but I didn't. So don't worry about it

Imagine for a minute he is the guy you're going to "go off into the sunset etc" with- are you going to give it up because it might slightly upset someone for a little while? I've never understood the whole "don't date your friends' exes" thing personally. I dated a guy for about a year and a half and after we broke up he started going out with one of my best friends. They've now been together for over 4 years. Yes, it stung at first, but if I had kicked up a fuss and stood in their way over something petty like "but he's mine!" then those 4 years of happiness wouldn't have happened for them, so I'm glad now. And if they had gone out for a month and then broke up or something, meh, oh well

Look you're still fairly young so your friends are probably of the same age. They're not mature enough to see the good of this. Sure at first your "friend" is going to be annoyed at you but hey look you've said it yourself...she's starting to be okay with you again.

Only pursue this guy if you really like him and you think he's worth the drama. You never know he might be your future husband. Just take it slowly and see how it goes. If the friendship tension gets to much then have a word with both parties and you will know where to go from there. If you talk to this friend girl-to-girl she will definitely understand.

So chill. You haven't done anything wrong xo

Yeah I am in my last year of school and she goes to the same school as me but he goes to a different one.

Are your friends closer to her than you are? If so, that's probably why. Honestly, it's your life, don't let other people dictate what you do. I wouldn't date my really close friends exes but I certainly wouldn't worry about someone who just had mutual friends in common with me. Any guy you date is going to have an ex and the chances are if you're at uni/sixth form/your hometown you are going to vaguely know her. It's natural for her to feel upset, seeing someone else with her ex, but I wouldn't take it personally. She'll get over it once she moves on.