girlfriend going to uni

Girlfriend going to uni next september...., we both really like each other and she said she will never cheat etc....her uni is like 45 min away or...im still worried..not gonna big myse l f up, but shes the kind of girl that loads of guys would hit on...any advice?

Reply 1

isklikas

Original post by ChelseaFCCC

Trust, or go for an open relationship. On the one hand you will be free to do what you want. However it will strengthen your relationship to see that both of you won't cheat, even if you're open! (I know this works btw :wink:

But obviously this works if you trust her and she trusts you. This is a test of how she regards you). Cause think about it like this. If she cheats and you're in a normal relationship you will become very sad. If you're in an open, you will be sad but you will be quickly ok. As I said though, the best happens if neither of you cheats! Good luck :smile:

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(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 2

Lotus_Eater

Far be it for me to say that isklikas has given you terrible advice but isklikas has given you terrible advice.

Your choices are more sensibly to either trust her or split up. You can rationalise it any way you like but that's the choice. Which ideally you both agree to. If you decide to stay together then the next few years are going to throw a lot of challenges your way. Some people survive those, a lot don't. You can always try it for a term and see how it goes. What's important is that you both understand it will be hard, you both are honest with each other, and you both do the right thing by each other.

Reply 3

DeceitfulDove

She's going local, you can spend as much time as you can with her. She's not going to the other side of the country, my friend in uni (south Wales) and her boyfriend (london) have taken turns visiting for the weekends and they're having a whale of a time. I live with my boyfriend and travel 2 hours to uni and 2 hours back daily. It's doable.

Reply 4

Journeyzap

45 minutes is nothing!

Reply 5

nopenopenope

Original post by ChelseaFCCC

i personally wouldn't stay with someone who's in a diff uni, maybe if they weren't going to halls but still i'd be weary

Original post by isklikas

lol no

mate, no

this is pretty beta :frown:

Reply 6

isklikas

Original post by nopenopenope

lol no

mate, no

this is pretty beta :frown:

Original post by Lotus_Eater

Guys, I never said that my advice was the best. I mean, I know people for whom it worked and for whom it did the relationship stronger. I personally kept it open as I changed country and this actually made the whole thing stronger, as it showed that there is trust. But I might be an exception and this is why I accept that my advice might not be suitable :smile:

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Reply 7

nopenopenope

Original post by isklikas

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i hope you're joking

Reply 8

isklikas

Original post by nopenopenope

i hope you're joking

You know, open doesn't mean that you have to cheat. It is only because we're in different countries and we initially believed that the whole thing was doomed to fail. Basically, you're right I have no advice, as nothing really changed, just the name and just a bit more trust. But why does it look so strange? Have you never heard of long distance relationships?

Reply 9

nopenopenope

Original post by isklikas

doesn't mean you're cheating

but it definitely means your gf is

ldrs aren't strange, being a cuckold is

Reply 10

isklikas

Original post by nopenopenope

doesn't mean you're cheating

but it definitely means your gf is

ldrs aren't strange, being a cuckold is

That was insulting in every sense. First of all, how did you deduce that? I know she isn't

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Reply 11

nopenopenope

Original post by isklikas

That was insulting in every sense. First of all, how did you deduce that? I know she isn't

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Didn't mean to insult you sorry, just trying to prove my point that this is bad advice for OP

you're defensive about her cheating and you're adamant that she's not meaning that you care if she is and you would want to know about it if she did leading me to deduce that you actually care if she cheats and you don't want to be in an open relationship and it's not a good idea unless you have a fetish of being a cuckold or you're actually secure in the fact (which would probably mean you being a cuckold)

Reply 12

isklikas

Original post by nopenopenope

Yeah man, I agree it wasn't ideal :frown:

I obviously preferred it as it was when we were in the same country. Yeah, this probably wasn't a good advice for the OP... But I'm pretty sure that neither of us cheats.... :/

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Reply 13

Ben Kenobi

Original post by ChelseaFCCC

Jealousy much? Just don't leave her. Visit her every week.

Reply 14

nopenopenope

Original post by isklikas

Yeah man, I agree it wasn't ideal :frown:

I obviously preferred it as it was when we were in the same country. Yeah, this probably wasn't a good advice for the OP... But I'm pretty sure that neither of us cheats.... :/

I didn't mean to make you insecure about your relationship status, I apologise. I just wanted to show the OP... I doubt she has cheated mang, she'd surely tell you if she had, especially if you're in an open relationship. You could always ask her if she slept with anyone since the agreement anyway?

Reply 15

ElChapo

Sorry to tell you, but I'm gonna be all in her pants when she gets here.

Reply 16

RwLovett

Learn to trust. Getting worked up about it isnt going to help.

Example: Both me and my then girlfriend met at uni and to begin with I was very insecure. It really didnt help the relationship. Guys are going to hit on girls when they go to clubs, and if you're GF is going clubbing it is going to happen. If you trust your girlfriend isnt going to do anything, even when they are flirting with her, there is nothing to worry about.

They might flirt with her, but be confident in the knowledge that shes with you for a reason. Ofcourse, if she does then cheat or the like, obviously she isnt the type of person you want. But being insecure and then never finding this out would just prolong
it.

Note: I kinda just rambled. Its been a long day *Disclaimer* Above may not make sense.

Reply 17

Sassy_

And this is when, in 10 months? Do you know how many things can happen in 10 months? Are you going to be together? Are you going to be in love? There is obviously no time worrying about this especially so ridiculously far in advance..
Enjoy your relationship as it is in the present, work in making it better and stronger so you won't have to worry so much in September. When September comes then it is naturally to start worrying, but just remember whether guys hit on her or not - if someone wants to cheat, they will cheat. If they a firm about being faithful, they will be.
And what .. 45 mins away ?! You can't keep your girlfriend on a leash or in a cage, it all depends on her whether she cheats or not. There is NO guarantee in relationships about anything, a relationship is a risk you're taking.
Also, don't go on talking about your insecurities and her cheating all the time during these 10 months because it can be off-putting. Show her that you trust her and that you are strong.
Good luck x

Reply 18

xoxAngel_Kxox

How long have you been together? I find that a lot of couples who had been together less than a year tended to drift apart at uni. Not anybody's fault, but it happened.

I had been with my partner for just under 4 months when I started uni. I was local and had to go home every weekend due to work commitments, so we were able to see each other just as much as we did before! More, sometimes, as he occasionally worked near my uni. We're still together 4 and a half years later, so you can't say the same rule for everyone. Don't worry about it. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, it doesn't.