Boyfriend talks a LOT about another girl

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Reply 20

seeking_prudence

Bump

Reply 21

Tiger Rag

I wouldn't be overly happy either. I'm fine with my boyfriend mentioning female friends. But to this extent, I wouldn't be happy.

It sounds like there's more to this, tbh.

Reply 22

seeking_prudence

Original post by OU Student

I wouldn't be overly happy either. I'm fine with my boyfriend mentioning female friends. But to this extent, I wouldn't be happy.

It sounds like there's more to this, tbh.

Yep, same here. My hunch tells me that something's up....

But I simply don't know how to talk to him about it!!

Reply 23

Mac1718

you could maybe ask him somehow if he thinks this girl might like him? or what he thinks about that? and see how he reacts, that is less accusing and doesn't imply that you're worried about him as much. you can say how you feel without sounding whiny and you have a good reason to bring it up, I would be bothered too and probably joke about it/mention it more than you have tbh :P honesty is generally the best way to go about things, and seeing his reaction to you mentioning should hopefully reassure you.

Reply 24

AnharM

The only real question is...is the girl hot? Because if she's not, then you're fine. He probably sees her as a "sis" lol

Reply 25

Black Rose

Original post by seeking_prudence

Another update, it's all been going fine so far, I still hadn't talked to him about it, our relationship doesn't seem any different to what it was before, but this afternoon I received a text from him saying that he is going out for a coffee with her. :s-smilie:

Which I must say confuses me very much, because in my books " a coffee" is usually a date.

At this point I geniunely feel like I need to talk to him about all this. I'm begining to feel seriously uncomfortable and it's killing me.

Seriously, what the hell do I do? What's the most tactic way to approach the matter?
I'm staying over at his house (with his family) this weekend, do you think it would be a good idea to talk then?

I feel like he is just being incredibly oblivious and doesn't seem to understand that it's making me horribly scared and sad... :/

I don't think anything is going on between them, they might just be very good friends and you've been with him for two years and have met his family and stuff. Also he's told you the truth about her, that he's meeting with her, at least he's being honest and not keeping it a secret. The coffee thing might just be them seeing each other after a day of study and just chilling as friends. Hope that helps :smile:

desdemonata

mikeyd85

hattiemcbinky

lizlaz350

You guys gave some good advice :h:

Would rep but I'm all out of it. And OP has updated by the way..

Reply 26

desdemonata

Original post by seeking_prudence

See I agree with this. The only exceptions are seeing people I haven't seen in a long time that I can't spend a whole day/evening with, old friend in town, something like that. Unless it's a date, I see it as something you do to keep in touch with people beyond just social media.

But they might not think the same thing. To your boyfriend this might be an entirely normal thing to do with a mate. But it bothers you, so I would bring it up. It's going to keep bothering you unless you do. He sees her all the time at uni, surely, so why does he need to do that? Just explain that to you going for a coffee in your mind is firmly set within a "this is a date" category and that it's made you uncomfortable, you know it's silly but you can't help it (say this part so he doesn't just think you're accusing him of something/having a go). And see what he says.

In your situation the main thing I'd be looking for is reassurance. His reactions and responses will tell you what you need to know.

Reply 27

desdemonata

Original post by AMYC1999

You guys gave some good advice :h:

Would rep but I'm all out of it. And OP has updated by the way..

Cheers for the bump :smile:

And I do agree that him telling her is a good sign. I don't think anything is happening between them but I can definitely see where the OP's coming from and I would need to discuss it as well. It's just one of those things that sticks in the back of your mind otherwise.

Reply 28

Black Rose

Original post by desdemonata

Cheers for the bump :smile:

true, it will bother her if she doesn't discuss it

Reply 29

seeking_prudence

Original post by Mac1718

Original post by seeking_prudence

Original post by AnharM

lol

Original post by desdemonata

Original post by AMYC1999

You guys are all making valid points. We talked about it tonight, and I brought it up a couple of times a jokey manner, but he re-assured me that there is absolutely nothing going between them and that she's just a mate he knows at uni, and they help each other with homework and stuff...

I think the easiest thing for me to do is just trust him, because if I don't our relationship will fall apart, and I don't want that. I will see how it goes. You see, it not his "unfaithfulness" I'm worried about, because he is not that type of guy. It's the GIRL I don't trust because he is so sweet and likable that certain girls often mistake his behaviour for flirting.... :s-smilie:

Reply 30

MrSquishy

Original post by seeking_prudence

A brief summary.

I have a boyfriend, we've known each other for over two years, were really good friends at first, we are now dating and we have been dating for the past year. I'm 19 (first year) he is 20 (second year). He is extremelly dorky (in a good way), very sensitive, loves me a lot and I know it, does nice things for me, always listens to me, more importantly, we've NEVER EVER EVER had a single fight. I'm not exaggerating.
His family really love me too. We are at different universities (not very far away) so we see each other every second weekend. And everything seems to be working, except for lately I've noticed that he's been talking a lot about another girl. :s-smilie:

Look, before you start going all crazy at me, for being irrational, yes I admit maybe it is a bit irrational, but I am NOT one of those constantly jealous girls who completely isolate their partners from other people. I don't have a problem with him having friends, hanging out with other girls, because I trust him.
But he seems to bring her up in almost every single conversation!!! I mean, C'mon! :angry:

They are doing the same course, and I think they see each other quite a lot. I've never met her, so I don't really know what's she like. But I'm just worried you know...

I don't want to start an argument with him about it, because that woud be idiotic on my behalf, but I'm just really quite worried...
He had the same thing last year with another girl , I remember him talking to me about her all the time, but nowdays he doesn't even mention her. I'm just no longer sure, is he just...being friendly? or does he just suddenly become obsessed?

I kind of want him to know that I'm not a fan of this, but I feel like there is not much I can saying without sounding like a complete bitch.

Please help, no nasty comments-would be appreciated.

Thanks.

Find girl, kill girl, problem solved. You're welcome.

Reply 31

desdemonata

Original post by seeking_prudence

But even if she did, if you trust him, then you trust that nothing will happen :smile:

Maybe you could ask to meet her? It would follow that seeing as they get on so well, you would get along with her, and maybe knowing her will make you feel a bit more comfortable when he's going to see her because you'll know who it is/what she's like? :smile:

Reply 32

seeking_prudence

Original post by MrSquishy

Find girl, kill girl, problem solved. You're welcome.

I'm liking your approach, Mister :biggrin:

Reply 33

Welsh_insomniac

I'm sorry but I don't agree with any of the advice here. You can't let this go on without voicing your concerns. It's time you closed this thread and start talking to your boyfriend about it openly and honestly. Try not to be too confrontational but you must say everything you need to say. Don't stand by and watch your boyfriend fall in love with someone else. I'm not saying that is the case but it does sound strange to me.